Hi, Annie!

I’ve been meaning to read your fiction for a while, so this is exciting.

I like you how set up the scene describing Susan writing, because it makes the reader undeniably curious about what she’s writing, and why she’s writing it. You prolonged it just long enough before actually showing what’s she’s writing.

The writing itself is very realistic. It never seems like a regular girl wouldn’t write it, because it never becomes pretentious, but it’s still very profound. I loved how she recounted all the small but happy moments that they had experienced together, because that truly is what makes life worth living. The scene that you have her write is real, tragic, and human. Wonderful job.

I loved the imagery of her writing, “The End” and burying her face in her face in her hands, but I feel like the conclusion could have been better if you had elaborated more on “Writing down her story had taken a toll on her both physically and mentally.” If you had shown readers this rather than just telling it would have a much better effect. That goes for the whole story, actually.

But you still did very well. It was romantic, it was profound, and it explored a minor character well.

GreyLady
Knight of the Turnip Table

wow. i don't know for how many stories of yours i told that already!!! 10/10

That was amazing! Wonderful story.