I loved the ending. Everything just fit and I just plain loved it. I loved the moral of the story and all and I just loved how you incorporated it into your story. Awesome job!
As someone else has said, I also read this fic to join the SBBC (though I just sent in the application!) So here you are, this is what I wrote in the application:
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, for both its moral and its bluntness about a topic as complex as this (though it is portrayed in a most uncomplicated way). Young Hermione’s wise view of the world at such a young age and not being afraid to speak her mind about a topic such as this is, and her speaking with the utmost frankness and compassion about a subject that seems truly important to her is unforgettable. On Kingsley’s part, his reluctance about helping a child—something he knows nothing about—is almost amusing, and gives a bit of a lighter undertone to the otherwise serious story. On a more important note though, Kingsley’s simple way to explain how he believes kindness and helpfulness truly affects the world influences Hermione, and will continue to influence her and her thoughts, her decisions, her actions, and overall, the world, gives Kingsley more depth to his character, despite his uncertainty about the subject.
I really enjoyed how “out in the open” the author was with the theme of this story (how a tiny act of kindness can effect the outcome of events for years to come, and in time, even affect the universe, something I believe we should all live by), for two main reasons. The first being that it saves us for having to sift through the story searching for hidden a meaning, which comes in handy in discussions such as these! Seriously though, I think its straight-forwardness really creates much more of an impact on the readers. Really getting the subject out in the open affects a person much more than--as I said earlier--having to dig for hidden meanings. The reader really understands the point the author is trying to prove. If it had been “covered up more” than it would be much less likely to really grab the reader’s attention, and therefore, not fully getting the theme across to the reader.
PS: I love Hermione's toothbrush comment! I had to re-read the story to get it at first (some Ravenclaw I am *rolls eyes at self). Her parents are dentists, you know! ;-)
This story is really good! I like how you add in some of Kinsley's thought's about helping that little girl. Also, it's like you made the girl sound like Hermione. hermione is Mature for her age and smart. Well, when that girl is talking with Kingsley, you made her sound Mature and smart, even if she was crying in the beginning. You add really good details and you explain each characters personality.
"Yes!" she declared, nodding her head furiously as she primly sat in an adjacent chair, hands folded neatly. "I want to help people, you see, and catching bad people is helpful, right?" -from the story.
It sounds like she has a strong mind, and a nice personality. As I said, i really like this story. Keep up the good work with your others!
PS: I know this is a long review!
OH. MY. GOSH. I love this story so unbelievably much. My favourite part was: "or wild chipmunks could eat your ankles." I don't know where a plot bunny like this one could have sprung out of your mental bushes (Kingsley Shacklebolt, of all people?), but your writing style, characterization, and incorporation of emotion into your story are excellent.
I really enjoyed thi very much. I found the end a bit confusing, so I re-read it. On my second read through, I began to understand how you arrived at the ending. I enjoyed the way you wrote little!Hermione, and Kingsley. I think he is someone who no one wants / can write because so little is known about him. I think that you did a very good job on this one-shot, and I throughly enjoyed reading it. Thanks very much! One question I do have, How did this idea come about?
Author's Response: No idea. Plot bunnies lie hiding in the the dusty recesses of my mind and occasionally spring out to gnaw at my brain.
Wow. Jeez. That was powerful. I should have known that was Hermione, though - she was perfect. "Wild chipmunks could eat your ankles" and "Do you have a toothbrush?" should have been dead giveaways... I just wasn't expecting it. A little slow today. Well done. :)
Nice little 'parallels' story -- makes a pleasant change to see Kingsley in a story (even if he was at a loss how to deal with kids :D), and little!Hermione was very plausible. The remembered quote was most effective.
I read this fic so I could join the Susan Bones' Book Club, and all I can say is WOW. What a great story and what a great message. I did not expect that Hermione would be the little girl he helped, but if you think about the clues you made (like the thing with the toothbrush) it all makes sense.
I don't think that I've read a fan fic like this. Kingsley Shacklebolt is usually a character thats all stiff. I liked to read another side of him. I like the way that you portrayed Kingsley in this story. It added some depth to him that I've never seen before. Thank you for letting us read it :)
that was really good!
What wonderful story. Hermione as a young girl is something I have not seen before. I enjoyed seeing Kingsley portrayed as someone other than a stiff Auror. Your descriptions are setailed and wonderful. Thank you for sharing this!
This is sweet. I like it. I love that you included Kingsley in here; he isn't in many fanfics. Great job and keep up the good work!
Wow, that was really powerful. I really like how tiny things can make huge differences. On a related note, I don't think the moral, if you will, would have come across quite so clearly if you hadn't put in that tiny little line about how Harry would have been dead if not for Hermione. I smiled when I read that line, and then went back and reread it when I had finished the story, just to revel in its greatness.
I've never thought too much about Kingsley in a human sense; you captured the essence of what we know about him very well and built up on what we know of him. Well done.
That's so beautiful. It has a lot of meaning in it. I loved it and agree completely. I think it's inspired me to try a little harder!
This was an unusual fanfiction, a nice one, but unusual. You don't usually see fics with a direct lesson, sometimes you don't see them at all. I like how you even proved the point in this story. That one little incedent and that one little thing that Kingsley told her, supposedly meaningless, probably helped save the wizarding world in some way.
I love the way you right, its so inspirational, I also liked the little twist at the end
Ah, that was very nice. It goes to show how one small act of kindness goes a long way. You were very descriptave during this, which made the story very easy to follow. This story was golden.
I find this story really cute and I think you did a great job on it!
Awww really really cute, and I really liked the idea of a story from Shacklebolt's point of view, and the way he had no idea how to deal with children. And the idea that it had been Hermione, now that just makes the entire little lesson that he taught her all the more meaningful. Nicely done!
This story put a huge smile on my face, even though today has been really stressful and hectic. Just by reading this little fic I feel so much more relaxed than I did before.
I love your writing style. Your sentences flow effortlessly and I didn't find so much as one word that didn't seem to fit. You mention a huge amount of details and I'd normally say that it would be too much for a one-shot, but your story doesn't get cluttered anywhere. I could see the scene in my mind, that's how real it felt.
I love the message this story conveys. I've seen it used in a number of TV shows I used to watch when I was younger and it always moved something inside of me. This time was no different. I really want to go out of my way to help people now, but sadly this will only last for a week tops. Anyway, the way you tried to convey your message was very well done.
Your characterisation of Kingsley was brilliant. His insecurity where small children are concerned is endearing, especially when the little girl has to run to keep up with him. This just shows his lack of experience with children and is a good example of how much attention you pay to details that most readers probably won't think about twice. I love all these little things that author's work into their fics, the ones that might be overlooked if I'm not careful while reading.
The observations Kingsley makes about Harry, Ron and Hermione and the dynamics of their group towards the end capture the essence of their characters perfectly. I've never thought about them a whole lot, but your statements ring true and made me think about them a bit more.
I really enjoyed reading this. You're an awesome writer, Seren, keep up the good work.