Love this! Had NO idea who the child was until the fast-forward. One thing I found odd: to be true to Hermione's character, she would have remembered Shacklebolt's name if not the amazing timbre of his unique, deep voice. Regardless, the story is quite refreshing. Good job!
Nice!! Sad to think that this couldn't happen any more in today's PC world . . .
Oh. That's a truly beautiful story! It was very moving and I swear I got tears into my eyes. You portrayed your message very well. Awesome work!
i love how the little girl kingsley saved was Hermione
First of all, what a lovely, lovely fic? Though I will be the first to admit that MNFF has vast amounts of talent (and most loads better then actual published work), I can also be guilty of not getting that warm feeling out of most because the majority of what I read is D/A. In short, it takes a lot to make me go “Aww, what a cute, nice fic”.
Well, I think youy did a good job portraying a young kingsley. His attitude to Muggles and children in general was very realistic as well as frustration with the attire and the fact that he was not really doing anything of importance “on the field”. His uncertainty about children in general is also very believable for a man of his age and background d that you provided.
However, I d have a certain amount of doubt about the little girl. While I do think that you did a good job with the girl’s characterization, the child seemed (to me) entirely too perceptive for someone her age (even if it is Hermione). Don’t get me wrong, I will be the first to agree that children are a lot more perceptive then given credit for but the way the little girl was written, it was like the you wanted to drive that point in., I think a little subtleness would have worked best here.
Warning: I am always very partial to being subtle. As in, I believe that what we say is far less impacting then what we don’t. And the following is heavily influenced by my personal belief.
No doubt, this is a very sweet and touching story. It also carries a deep meaning about wanting to do good in the world and how small acts of kindness can shape the world. It sets forth a moral that is though very common, something that should still be ingrained in everyone.
However, as I mentioned earlier, the same message could have been delivered to the reader in a more subtle way. For instance, Kingsley, while explaining the fundamentals of doing good to the child gives off the impression if talking more to himself then the child. He could have been less clear and fired the child’s curiosity even more. And especially towards the ending, I don’t believe that Hermione needed to have repeated every single thing that Kingsley had told her as a child, word by word. No, I do not doubt her intelligence even at that age but more the fact that she wouldn’t be so open about such a private experience. It was a little like the you were trying very hard to say that Kingsley was the man Hermione had met all those years ago.
Other then that slight nitpick (which may just be my and my picky nature) I think this fic was really very well done. It is definitely a sweet read and I would recommend it to people just for the warm and fuzzy feeling that the reader gets after finishing it. Because it shows that no matter how hard things get, even the smallest deed counts and can grow like a seed from the ground.=Sammy
Awww! This is such a sweet one-shot. I had no idea that the girl was Hermione until the last bit said so, and it was a really pleasant surprise.
That the whole incident happened in an outdoor market made me think of the bustling market that I'd visited in my brief visit to London. It's great that you set the fic in such a place, because almost everyone who's been to London has gone to at least one market (they're rather popular with tourists, aren't they) and so most of us can probably picture the first part of the fic. I also loved the use of the slang "bobby", it made it seem more English and somehow more authentic.
I can just see Hermione as a little kid wanting to become a policewoman. And I loved the mention of cavities, it brings in the fact that Hermione's parents are dentists. Pity I didn't see that and figured it out earlier. That was a really lovely story, and I enjoyed it immensely.
Aww, This made me cry.. Its a lovely one shot.. I might sound soppy but its beautifully written. The moral comes across really well
That was a lovely twist in the ending! WOnderful message in the story btw. Great fic!
What a nice philosophy. Although these days Kinsley would probably be arrested for helping, theres no trust left in the world. Sad but true. I knew it was Hermione as soon as she mentioned cavities. Shame Kingsley didn't tell her it was him, it's nice to have connections to people.
I love this fic! I love how you characterised Hermione and Kingsley. I thought the situation was so cute, and I love how Kingsley actually did make a difference—a big difference—in someone's life. I think that stating the theme so clearly was necessary and made the entire story just that much more poignant. Thanks for an amazing read!
I like it how you portray Shakelbot. It's a different way from when we see him in the books, but we don't actually get much of him to suggest that he wouldn't be like that. Although, I can't imagine him eating so many pastries :) .But we all get that mood so, it's not that significant anyway. It's actually quite inetersting how the young Kingsley is shown and inexperianced with kids. Very amusing too, to see him struggle with what to do.
It was also surprising that Hermione was the little girl. Personally I didn't suspect it. But maybe because I had the idea that Kingsley was younger than in the story. Hermione is quite nicely written, character and all. Wanting to inspect the most small of details etc. makes her in character a lot.
However, about the Order having said that Harry would be dead without Hermione, I don't agree. I personally think that the Order wouldn't say that. They all know how much Harry went through, and how much he did without help. I just cannot imagine them saying that, even though he did have help.
Harry and Ron though are portrayed quite well, the lack of enthusiasm from their part is so them. But I would have thought that Harry would be more enthusiastic about finding more about Dumbledore. But I might have said that because of what I read from DH anyway.
I think that the theme of the story had an impact. It is clear what the message is. Though, it could be added at bit at the end of Hermione having found something crucial. Something that proves her words right to Harry and Ron--the ones who have to understand, who are like, in the place of the reader. They have to be convinced of what Hermione said.
It was a great one-shot. Very fun to read.
Overall, I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but other then that is was beautifully done, and I think I loved it so much because it is so moral, and so innocent. Also, when the young girl turns out to be Hermione, it proves another point: you never know what will happen
this story really gives you something to think about, it was wonderful! and now I understand why the little girl sounded older than 6!
Aw. It's great how this fic really shows how right Hermione is to believe that! I love the idea of something so small being responsible for part of Hermione's determination! Plus, I really enjoyed your portrayal of Kingsley! :D Sweet tooth and all, he was very realistic and this fic was very sweet!
This was such a sweet one shot! I love you allowed the man that saved Hermione to be Shacklebolt. That gave me chills when that was announced.
I usually don't comment on characterisation, because it doesn't really stick out to me, but the characterisation in this story was absolutely amazing. You must have gone through the Lexicon or done quite a bit of research to get your characters so in tune. I adore how you've written them.
I, and mainly the rest of the population of HP readers, don't know a lot about Kingsley Shacklebolt, since he hasn't played a huge roll in the books, but if this had been a main character, then I'm sure you would have had him portrayed perfectly. He seemed like just the right type of man to pick up the girl and help her find her father, and the way he talked to Hermione about the seed in the ground and finding yourself was really sweet.
"Oh!" she said excitedly, flapping her hands. "That's what I want to be when I grow up? What's it like?"
Oh, my goodness, and Hermione! Even as a small child, you have portrayed so perfectly that I wouldn't surprised if JK herself had written it. She sounds like such a sweet little girl to know, and even when she asks all the questions and keeps on with them, it sounds just like the member of a Trio. The way she kept on and on and on with her questions heartedly was just what a child would do, especially this character.
I like how you didn't allow tricks to get in the way of Kingsley finding out that Hermione was the little child he helped so long ago. When authors try and make mystery apparent when readers read it, sometimes it just doesn't make sense, and the point doesn't come across--- but when you had Hermione repeat exactly what Kingsley had said when he was younger, it gave me chills and made me laugh. I was starting to wonder how this story was going to connect, and then you had said that.
With a grunt, she managed to get the board loosened enough to let light in.
"Keep what in mind, exactly?"
She turned her head upwards, towards the sky, and said,
"You know. That the smallest thing we do, the smallest things we say, can change the destiny of a world."
I can picture Hermione in my mind's eye while reading this at the end doing all of this perfectly. I have a clear view of Hermione pushing open the loose board, then taking a glance back at Kingsley, still having no earthly idea that he is the man who saved her, then looking up at the crack of light towards the sky, and then speaking again. For you reader to be able to see that is a great trait to have while being an author, and you do just that. Great one shot, and wonderful description and characters.
This was really great. I loved this story so much. The ending was great. I love when you have one scene frmo the past, then another scene later on and they both connect. 10/10!
Seren you are traveling to be one of my favorite authors, not that being the favorite author of me is of any importance (:
But still, you are an amazing writer.
& this is getting added to favorite story.
aww, that's really sweet!
Wow, that was awsome. You planned it out so nicely. It just fits. I loved it.
This is really gorgeous...you did such a great job on this fic, you really developed Kingsly noicely and this fic really explained Hermione and her innate wisdom...EXCELLENT...wish I had better words to say so...
~The Tainted One