This chapter was like candyfloss! It may be all the better for you to know I absolutely love that.
Author's Response: Oh good. I have no idea what candyfloss is, but I'll take that as a good thing. :) Thanks so much for leaving a review.
Wow. This is by far the best Severus Snape portrayal and fic I've ever come across. Normally I'm not a huge Snape fan, but I really liked the way you've written him. It follows with the info J.K Rowling has given us so far and I love the angered interior but the smooth, cold and sneering exterior he has. I have a bit more sympathy for him, though definitely not pity. Your description and dialogue have a natural flow and sophistication about them, not to mention humorous ^_^ I love Snape's sarcasm. I really liked the line 'he would quench his thirst for revenge at a later date'. I don't know, something about that line made me really respect his character and be wary of him at the same time. I hope I never meet a Snape-like character, but he's certainly entertaining to read about!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm really very flattered... Snape is my absolute favorite character in the HP series, but as I write this story, the other Slytherin boys (Rosier in particular) are growing on me. Your compliments on my writing made me grin--really, I'm no writer, it's just something that I dabble with. Snape lures me in, however. And...if I ever met a Snape-like character, I'd hate to see what would happen. I'd probably drop everything and follow him around like a lovesick puppy. (And be cursed for it, no less. ) Thanks for a great review. :)
Yes yes Yes! Beautifully done, I really love the way your writing Regulus and exploring his loyalties to his family and Sirius. This was very well written and I really like the spin you had on the way the Dark Lord would talk to these families. Snape was amusing as always, and I always love to see the interaction between the Slytherins. Well done and Im hope for an update again soon!!
Author's Response: Goodness, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I've been very busy with the holidays... I'm happy that you like Regulus--before HBP came out I'd written quite a few Regulus-centric fics and he quickly became one of my favorite characters to write about. Now that HBP has given us a few interesting tidbits, I look forward to reading more about him. Snape is always so snarky, and the more I write the Slytherins, the more I really love them.
As for an update...well, to be perfectly honest it might be a while. I'm so busy. I will try my best to get one out before Christmas, but I hesitate to promise because...well...I don't want to disappoint you! Thanks so much for the lovely review.
Its been a while and Im just wondering if we can hope for an update soon! Youve truly created an addictive story!
Author's Response: I'm glad you think it's addictive, Kerian. I just posted the update and am working on a new chapter, which includes Lily.
Back again! I do try and review on a regular basis but sometimes I don’t manage it. :-) You’re straight into your excellent characterisation from the outset of this chapter. I really liked the way you have Severus fully aware of his cosmetic faults and dismissing them as merely unfortunate. Much has been made in the HP world of Severus’ rather unappealing appearances, so to have the man himself shrugging it off is very gratifying. And you give us all this introspection and half-gloom and then hit us with the mirror, a wonderfully lightening moment. And again, little details that build the character, like checking the ceiling to see what the weather was doing; such an insignificant detail but one that separates a great fic from a good one.
Now this was an interesting line…
Severus ignored the voice and kept eating, assuming the person was speaking to someone else at the Slytherin table.
I couldn’t decide if that was Severus being clever and trying to keep his head down to avoid conversing with someone, or whether it was a sad reflection on his popularity in that he believed no one would seek him out to speak to. And then onto James entering the hall, which I thought was perfect writing. It’s well paced and we really get to see how Severus’ mind works when Lily asks him for the homework. Most people would come to a decision very quickly, but not him… It comes down to what will benefit him. The whole exchange with Lily is perfectly pitched and I loved his demand that he would require something of equal value back if she damaged the notes. And then this…
At least Evans had sense enough to see Potter for what he really was. Snape decided that alone deserved a look at his notes.
So what happens to Lily to change her mind and I do hope we get to see this from you at some point.
Nice smooth bit of relatively new canon slipped in there with the book and his work on the Sectumsempra spell, and even more interesting to see the way his mind works. It’s all about survival for Snape, survival and things that benefit him. But I think that, so far, we haven’t actually reached the crux of what it is that Snape actually wants from life. The scene with Potter (you’re making me loathe the Marauders btw!) was classic. And then Snape thinks The Gryffindor was anything but subtle. and I think that encapsulates the gulf between them. Severus has a superiority complex when it comes to the things he values and so it is no wonder he looks down on the antics of Potter and Black. And in these little scenes, in which Severus is really the main focus, we see lovely glimpses of the Marauders and the way they treat Peter.
,br>“Fair enough.” He frowned slightly, and it suddenly dawned on him that she was waiting for him to return the courtesy. “You?”
Perfect Snape! He understands social interaction, but it takes him a little time to get there sometimes. The rest of the conversation is by turns excruciating and electric. Lily’s interest in him is entirely justified and their exchanges about Slughorn are excellent, including Severus’ dismissal of the Slug Club.
The tension between Potter, Black and Severus erupts nicely in the little scene where they draw wands, the way you weave other people in is very interesting. I enjoyed seeing Lestrange get involved. And then he say’s this and we start to get a feel for the oppressiveness of the whole blood-traitor, pureblood thing.
Lestrange watched them for a moment, and then looked down at Snape, his mouth twitching at the corners. “Twice in two days, Snape. Twice in two days.” Though Lestrange’s comment seemed innocent enough, it was, Severus presumed, a discreet jibe.
You are giving us two distinct camps, very much along the lines of West Side Story/Romeo and Juliet and I think I feel it more in this fic than in the actual books themselves. There is a very adult quality to this that is sometimes absent in Harry’s escapades, despite the fact they are similar in ages.
‘… himself to a couple sausage links…’
You need an ‘of’ in there.
’… Severus turned his attention back to strange…’
And a ‘the’ in there.
“Oh, sorry Snape,”
You need a comma after sorry.
‘bottle for analyzation’ That should be analysis.
Nitpick on language use… Not even a few minutes later, Severus saw her march out of the aisle of books, smoothing out her robes. I thought the ‘Not even a few minutes’ sounded awkward, and with your work nothing ever sounds awkward! Just moments later might flow a little more smoothly.
What else can I say! You continue to impress me with both the quality of your writing and your characterisation. This is fast becoming the best FanFic I have read! I’m falling in love with all of your delicious characters and find myself rooting for the Severus/Lily pairing, despite having Severus firmly paired off in my own fic! LOL
Author's Response: Honestly, you leave the best reviews, Magical Maeve. (Not to mention the tips on grammar, punctuation, and spelling that sometimes slip through the cracks once I've read over a fic umpteen times.) You know, it's so easy to gloss over Severus's appearance in writing, but I figure, as an adolescent boy, you're very aware of how you look. Severus just strikes me as the type to accept it and move on. As for him keeping his head down and ignoring the person talking to him--you're right on both counts. I do love the marauders, but from Severus's point of view, they're bullies, basically. In the HP series, we always see this tainted version of the Slytherins from Harry's POV, so I really enjoy reversing the situation. And yes, there is the distinct camp between the two houses. Considering this pairing is called the SS Cliched, it's hard not to have the starcrossed lovers theme...Severus is Heathcliff and Lily is Catherine. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Again, you've made my day with a wonderful review. Thank you so much, and I really look forward to hearing your feedback, should you choose to give it! :) Thank you.
Ooo very exciting! And we have quite the setup for the next chapter. I really liked this chapter, and was surprised by most of the twists. Im interested to see what Severus does with his pocket money over the summer and if he learns anything truly interesting in the shop. Good character development for his parents! Im very eager to see what Lily does with the information, though Im sure the little Gryff won't blab it... though she might use it for blackmail sometime. You never know what shes capable of! Great story and Im glad youve progressed with it! Update again soon please!
Author's Response: Yes, we all know who's coming in the next chapter, don't we? As for Severus and Lily, well, I'll just say that you have the right idea there. Keep checking back for updates, and thank you so much for reading!
Great update! I really liked seeing Regulus and how the Black brothers act around eachother. The Snape-Sirius ending was good, and having Snape run into Lily was perrfect! Now we'll get to see what Lily does with the information and how their relationship changes! Great update and please update again soon!
Author's Response: Thank you, Kerian. I'm happy you like Regulus--he's fun to write. As for Snape's predicament at the end of this chapter, let's just say that it leaves him with a lot to mull over this summer. Poor bloke. Thanks again for keeping up with this fic; I appreciate it!
Beautifully written! In general I am not a fan of Marauder-Era fics, but yours is extraordinarily well done. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you, Poultrygeist. I'm glad you gave this fic a try. I really appreciate the time you've taken to read and review.
Oh, what a box of writing delights this is! I almost don’t know where to start. Okay, I do… Let’s start with Severus and the fact that he is by far the most convincing Severus Snape I have ever come across. You have really slipped beneath his skin and made him so completely compelling and believeable. Every facet of his behaviour has a reason, and it all adds up to the Snape that we see in the later books. The details range from big things, like the fact he will find a devilish way to punish transgressors, rather than simply try to out-face them in the Great Hall to the tiniest things, like the fact he doesn’t really appreciate what he is eating. But what I really love, what I really find attractive about your portrayal of Snape is the fact that he doesn’t get all whiney about what happened to him in his worst memory scene. He immediately begins plotting his revenge rather than crumbling into a black ball of angsty apathy. It was that opening paragraph that really hooked me because you summed up ‘my’ Snape in that short piece of writing.
And then there is his first direct meeting with Lily after the incident… and the first meeting we see between them on screen so-to-speak. I loved the tension there. Severus couldn’t see it, he was too caught up with his own indignation and yet I felt there was so much there from Lily that didn’t get spoken and I think that’s perfect canon. We know so little and you’ve taken it and built on it. And if your Snape is believeable then my goodness, so is Lily. I am very much looking forward to seeing you develop her.
The meal was deliciously well handled. The interaction between the Slytherins was spot on. They are a really edgy bunch, aren’t they? And Severus once again knows what’s coming and he’s brave enough to face it. I wonder why? Does he really have the heart of a Gryffindor, or is it just that the verbal and physical taunts don’t bother him that much? Severus’ attitude to the other Slytherins is interesting. He has to put up with their company because he is part of their house, indeed, he seems to find some value in it… But he’s always above the ones he keeps immediate company with. Although he’s clearly not above the Slytherin goddess that is Bellatrix. And how smoothly you’ve portrayed her. All seduction and the hint of the sadist beneath it all.
I loved this quote. It was just Severus through and through…
The rest of dinner had been rather uneventful, though Severus now had a small list of about a dozen students who would be perplexed to find their notes and test parchments missing, blank, or inexplicably ridiculous in their contents later. He was rather looking forward to crossing each and every name off of the list.
… So methodical and vengeful. It had me rubbing my hands together with glee. And there’s the way you have him putting up with Rabastan, who again is characterised so well. All of these characters are walking straight of the screen at me. The upshot of this little altercation – punctured in a great way by Evan – is that grumpy old Severus begins to feel something he can’t identify. I think we might know what it is but he doesn’t and that last line was perfect…
As if she could, anyhow. No one would overcome Severus Snape without a difficult struggle. It just couldn’t be allowed.
…Well that just sets up the story, doesn’t it.
You have a fantastic writing style, easily one of the best I have come across, and I’m looking forward to reading more of this story. I have absolutely no criticism to give you, this is Marauder-era perfection and thank you.
Author's Response: Magical Maeve, you have no idea how absolutely flattered I am by your review--not to mention thrilled. It has to be the very best one I have ever received. Snape has long been one of my favorite characters to write about and to hear (or read, really) you say that you think I've done him justice makes me very relieved. He is fun to write and I only worry that I'll have greasy hair and a permanent sneer on my face by the time I finish this. The other Slytherin boys (who I've grown very fond of as this fic progresses) have developed their own personalities, which I will continue to play with until JK writes book seven and this universe is changed into an alternate one. As for Lily, well, let's just say that Snape has found his match... Again, thank you for the lovely review. I feel like I should print it out and post it on my refrigerator. I only hope that you will be as pleased as you continue reading.
Wow, you amaze me. It's perfect. I love this story. Add more!
Author's Response: I'm so very flattered. Thank you very much.
This is one of the best fics I've read in a long time. The awkward moment between Severus and Lily was brilliant. I love the relationship, Severus's inteligence, and the writing style of the entire thing. The way Snape was angry at Davey really made his character. The young Death Eaters were interesting too. Wating for more chapters!
Author's Response: Thank you, Sara, I'm really flattered. The relationship between Severus and Lily has always interested me, and I've finally started writing a novel-length about it. I'm glad you like it and hope that I can keep you pleased as the chapters are posted. Thanks again!
Woo-Hoo great story! Thought in all honesty I almost didn't even read it because of the misspelt "converstation" in the Ch.2 description. I just wanted to point that out, but I loved the story. I think you've done a great job of showing all the characters, and Im definetly looking forward to an update!
Author's Response: Thank you, Kerian. I hadn't even noticed the misspelling in the summary--it's probably a typo--but I fixed it now. I have a tendency to pay more attention to the content in my stories than the summaries, as those aren't really my thing. I'm definitely glad you gave it a chance, and I'll update again soon.
Ahhh, loving your story! I never considered writing a fic based around this incident. Great idea :) I love Snape, though he does seem mighty intelligent for a 14/15 year old. I guess we can expect that from our favourite Potions Master though, can't we! Looking forward to your updates, great writing!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it. You're right, Snape is a bit mature for a fifteen year old, but I do think he is well rehearsed, as you mentioned. I appreciate your feedback, so again, thank you.
You really need to write some more. This is pretty much my favorite fic on this site. Totally love it. Start writing.
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm flattered that you like it. I'm posting it bit by bit...I have five chapters done at the moment, so keep checking back for more.