i luv it so far bt plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz update soon!!!!!!! *falls on to knees desperatly*-just kiddin!bt still do update soooonnnn!
I love it!
Not too shabby, but it definitely has room for improvement. I think that you rushed through a lot of this, just sort of skipping over his whole birthday sequence. Everything happened rather suddenly, not leaving us much time to wonder at what was going to happen next before it was just happening. The dialogue and actions seemed rather forced at times, and occasionally OOC. I don't really like how they just stayed at Privet Drive while having his birthday party because everyone knew that Harry's protection would expire on his 17th birthday: today. It seems more IC to me that they would have taken him directly to the Burrow once they got there, and had his party there. A very interesting beginning, I'm curious to see what you're going to do with it. However, your descriptions are rather bare where you give any at all, and your sentences need a larger variety. I noticed this particularly in the paragraph where you describe Harry's birthday presents: every sentence had the same structure it seemed. I gave you a 7/10, though I will read and review the other chapters. Keep working at it.
im looking forward to the next chapter.. this was very good.
Author's Response: I have a sh*tload of essays right now, so I hope you don't mind waiting awhile for chapter four. I probably will, however, post some rough drafts and plot outlines on the website I made for this (made for editors who didn't have same software), hpatak (dot) cjb (dot) net. Only visit if you want to be spoiled. Thanks for reviewing!
very good i like the new things that youare introducing from all the others that i have read
Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you like it.
I love how u made neville be the secret keeper. The sornflakes stuff was really funny, and i liked the ron/hermione part too. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your kind words. I love feedback.
THis is a great chapter. I like how you made Harry have Neville be Secret-Keeper. I luv show you added extra things to add some laughs. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you. In real life I am a comic first, and writer second, so I try to incorporate humor into my writing. Thank you for reviewing!
I loved the idea of Fawkes coming back his presence is so scarce in the Potterverse. Neville being secretkeeper is awesome concept. But where is Luna? She has been in the Ministry and fought the Death Eaters in Hogwarts therefore she earned every right to be included in your story.
Author's Response: A fan of Luna, eh? She'll come next chapter *cough* the wedding, and remember the Lovegoods live near the Weasleys */cough*. I can't tell you how important a role she'll play, though. I don't want to spoil it!
Awesome chapter! I loved that Harry wanted to include Neville and made him the secret keeper! The line about what makes these corn flakes so great was funny, but didn't Harry make breakfast for the Dursleys? So maybe just have Ron and Neville eating boxes and boxes of corn flakes. 9/10
Author's Response: I always had the impression that Petunia cooked it and Harry just watched over it and made sure not to burn it. Thanks for the feedback. I love it so very, very much.
Very good!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really like it!! THe werewolf patrt was perfect. I at first thought that Mrs. Weasley saw Voldemort! That would have been creepy!!!! Keep going, and quick, pleez!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for feedback. Fortunately for all of us, I just got into a writing zone (For reference, that's 3:50 PST on Wednesday, October 26, 2005), so it should be up soon.
I like the use of the werewolves, so far really interesting and good!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I wanted to do something new; you never see Harry come within mere feet of a werewolf (even when Lupin-wolf runs toward him, Hermione, and Buckbeak in PoA they get out of the way easily). Thank you for reviewing!
great story pleas update soon 10/10
Author's Response: I'm trying, but High School homework has got me hard-pressed to find time to write. Thank you for reviewing.
Simply - wow!! It was even better than the first chapter and that's saying something. The action goes quickly, Greyback's dead rejoice, many things happen at once (I would welcome more details about Weasley's Wizard Wheezes new offer). Umbridge got what she deserved she is no longer Senior Undersecretary to The Ministry :) And you brilliantly wrote about Harry and Ginny, avoiding cheap sentimentalism so common in fanfics here. And it must have been Voldemort who cursed your laptop. Have a nice rewritting!
Author's Response: Yes, I quite like that theory. Voldemort used Legilimency on me and knew--wait, don't want to spoil it. ;) Thank you for complimenting my Harry/Ginny writing, I worked hard on it and am glad it paid off. Thanks for the feedback, you know I love it!
Oh, I didn't expect werewolves! I was thinking maybe Fleur really did see a giant (evil) mouse. But hey, werewolves are furry too! I liked this chapter, but I can't see Harry being so civil to Umbridge. (who should EAT DUNG!) Looking forward to the next chapter, and some more side along apparation!
Author's Response: He didn't do anything worse to Umbridge because, 1) he's in the Ministry, and 2) he has bigger fish to fry, i.e. Snape and Voldemort. But, I do agree. She should eat dung. She'll get what's coming to her later on. NOw it might take a while for chapter three to go up because my laptop broke and I never emailed it to anyone, so I'll have to rewrite it on the family computer. I'll try to make up lost time, though.
Author's Response: Almost forgot. Thanks for the feedback!
Lots of action! I can't wait to see what happens next! Poor Ron, hope he's ok!
Author's Response: Thank you. I wanted it to start out with action, because a lot of seventh year fics' first chapters are a simple transition fom HBP, and I wanted mine to stand out (naturally). I think I have dropped enough clues in there so you can at least figure out what Mrs. Weasley screamed about, so re-read if you wanna find out early! P.S. Love your penname.
Scary - you've begun with an earthquake so keep the tension rising in following chapters. And leave Bellatrix to be killed by Harry and Neville!! Very good IMHO and I give you 10.
Author's Response: Thanks! I've submitted chapter two, and I think you'll enjoy it. Keep reading and reviewing, I always love feedback!
Yay, it's finally up!! It's really good, and I can't wait for the other chapters!
Author's Response: It wouldn't've been as good without your help, thanks a bunch.