I really liked this story so far..i cant wait to read more.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Applekissis! I will be trying to get Chapter 7 up in the next week or so. Stay tuned!
Cool idea - I like the way you've built up the relationship. I have my suspicions about Draco's sincerity however... Can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: That Draco - everybody doubts him, and for good reason! He doesn't have the best track record, does he? :) Thanks for the comments!
I absolutely love the way you subtly work the magnetic attraction into the end of your story after Hermione has glimpsed traces of the old Malfoy. The connection between them is completely electric and you portray that quite nicely. You make the possibility of a relationship between them plausible with the way you describe their reactions to a simple touch, especially Hermione's reaction. The only thing I noticed that detracted slightly from the ease with which I read your story were a few spelling errors which are probably just simple typos. The places I noticed them were: 1. '...in front on him...' The 'on' should probably be 'of' here since you are talking about the way Draco is holding his hands out. 2. 'She pursed her lips and started at him...' The word 'started' is probably supposed to be 'stared' since I think you were writing about the way Hermione was looking at Draco and not moving toward him. 3. 'He looked at bit taken aback...' The 'at' should probably just be 'a.' Lastly, I think you are missing a comma in this sentence: 'Then it came to Hermione what they should do, but would he agree?' I think it would sound better if there were a comma between 'Hermione' and 'what.' Anyway, your story has definitely caught me and I am anxious to find out what is going to happen next. I wonder if Draco will sneak a look at Hermione's dress while she is in Diagon Alley trying to get everything set up to help him. It will be interesting to see how they act around each other when she shows up at the hotel.
Author's Response: As usual, thanks so much for the detailed comments! I've made some corrections as a result. I find Hermione and Draco to be such an interesting ship, but so difficult to portray believably (due to that pesky little thing called "canon"). Of course, that's half the challange and fun of writing the ship! I'm glad to hear that their attraction is credible here. *slight teaser* Interesting things will happen at the hotel, but first we must follow Hermione as she tries to sort out her thoughts. . . :)
Wow this story is really coming along. keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks very much, nottamuggle! I hope you continue reading and enjoy the next chapter.
I really like this story. It seems like the exact things the charactors would do and say as if J.K. Rowling wrote them. Icant wait from the rest. *****10/10*****
Author's Response: That is an extremely nice compliment! Thanks so much, xcxcharlottexcx!
Once again, you have managed to write a very interesting and captivating chapter. I like the way you give the events on the North Tower from Malfoy's perspective, it does give some interesting insight into his personality as you have written him. However, thre are a couple of spots where Malfoy has a pretty good sized chunk of dialogue which ends with a line of dialogue by Hermione. It might be a little less confusing if you give Hermione's dialogue it's own paragraph, even if that means the paragraph is only one sentence long. For example, you can split this paragraph (which needs quotation marks at the beginning), ‘Then, I was actually there, with Dumbledore, and he was not quite right. He was weak but he was talking, talking too much. He wasn’t afraid of me. He wasn’t afraid in the least. Then he told me that I wasn’t a killer. I was so stupid; I was actually insulted even though I knew it was true. I knew, right at that moment, that I couldn’t do what they expected me to do. I was going to fail. I tried to fight it. I didn’t want to die because I couldn’t do it. Dumbledore offered me help, but how could I take it when I knew I was going to die for not killing the man who was trying to help me?! Then the rest of them showed up, and they taunted me to try to get me to do it. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn’t even aim my wand. Dumbledore actually smiled at me once or twice. Then Snape came in and he did it. Then, Dumbledore just fell over the side of the tower.” He stopped speaking and blinked his eyes several times. The tears had not fallen, though they still glimmered in the corners of his eyes. Hermione felt her own eyes welling up as she looked at him. She breathed heavily and blinked them away. “What happened after you left Hogwarts? Why are you here?”' I would split it right when you start talking about Hermione feeling tears in her eyes. As you're shifting the focus from Draco to Hermione, you can split the paragraph without really doing anything to flow of the overall story. Anyway, that's just a suggestion. Your writing is great and I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted. Happy writing!
Author's Response: gossipweaver said something similar regarding an earlier chapter so I'm going to take a look into breaking up paragraphs for easier reading. I do find this type of comment extremely helpful. I would also like to say that I'm glad to have a regular reviewer. I will be looking forward to your well thought out comments on future chapters! Thanks again!
Wow, I love the suspense in this chapter. You really build the whole situation up so well, right up to the confrontation at the cafe. Beginning the chapter with Hermione freaking out about what to wear to the wedding was hilarious, and very real. I remember having a hard time selecting what to wear to my brother's wedding, and I wasn't even trying to impress anyone, poor Hermione. The only thing I didn't really understand is why Hermione didn't ask her mom to go with her. I know that I had to ask about four people which outfit or dress they liked best before I could make up my mind what to wear to my brother's wedding. I imagine Hermione would've wanted someone to help her as well, but, as this is your portrayal of her, maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, what struck me as the most brilliant thing about this chapter is the way it begins with Hermione being totally focused on Ron and getting a dress to impress him at the wedding and ends with Hermione being totally focused on Malfoy. Based on your summary, this chapter basically shows Hermione's whole dilemma, all in one shot. Absolutely amazing!
Author's Response: I have to say I ended up being rather pleased with the shift in focus from Ron to Draco myself, so it's nice to see your comments as well! I'm also glad to see that you did not think it un-Hermione-like to go into a panic over what to wear! I also see Hermione as the type of girl who would prefer to shop alone so she can think over everything in her own way. Thanks again for the detailed comments!
Very interesting chapter. I think you did a really good job with establishing Hermione through her thoughts and behaviors. However, I was a little confused with where Hermione's parents were while she was practicing the spells and curses and brewing potions. Were they in the house with her? Also, how much time did she spend with studying magic while she could have been spending time with her parents? Hopefully she was spending the majority of time with her parents and only a small amount of time with magic since she had gone home with them to spend quality time with them. Anyway, I love the way the chapter ended with Hermione having a recurring dream about Malfoy. Her confusion about why she's dreaming about him is fantastic. Very well written chapter.
Author's Response: songbook99, I was trying to get across the idea that Hermione was both studying and spending time with her parents. I think both would be very important to her and she would try to balance the two as best she could. Keep the comments coming!
Very smooth story. One thing you might want to consider is to shorten the dialogue by breaking it up into two or three paragraphs. It will be easier visually and these breaks will allow you to describe the talker/listener's expressions as they are speaking/listening.
Author's Response: Thanks for the thoughts, gossipweaver! I received another comment to the same effect so I'm going to see what I can do to break things up a little more for easier reading.
This chapter is a very good introductory chapter. It's great that you introduce all of the main characters, including Draco, even though he's only mentioned in Hermione's thoughts. I really like all of your descriptive language because it lets me feel the tension and awkwardness of the situations, especially between Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny. However, one of the things I noticed is you keep leaving out the last comma when you list your characters. For example, in your sentence 'Harry sat in a compartment with Ginny, Neville and Luna in silence.' there should be a comma between 'Neville' and 'and.' The same thing applies to your sentence 'Mrs. Weasley tried to gather Ron, Ginny, Harry and her all into one hug.' where you need a comma between 'Harry' and 'and.' Without those last commas, reading those sentences can get confusing, especially the first one. I had to re-read it three times to make sure I understood it correctly because I kept thinking that Harry and Ginny were in one compartment and Neville and Luna might be in another. All in all, a very well written and engaging beginning to your story.
Author's Response: Thanks, songbook99, for all of the comments. The "commas in lists" must have gotten by my beta, I will mention it to her and keep an eye out!
Its really good, I can't wait to read the next chapter. Update soon please!
Author's Response: glad to hear you've enjoyed the first few chapters! stick with me while chapter 4 awaits the mods' blessing. . .
Great first chapters! Enjoying it already! Very interesting idea... why does Draco want to see Hermione?? Well.. i guess I'll have to wait and see *sobs* Update sooon!!
Author's Response: much from draco to be revealed in chapter 4 which is in the queue! i promise! *insert evil author laugh here*
aww...this story shows a lot of promise so far, hopefully you'll include Draco in the next chapter. He's one of my favorite characters in the books, and I'd like to see how Ron would react to a potential D/Hr pairing. 10/10!
Author's Response: my first review! thanks so much!! draco will pop up in the next chapter, which is in the queue. keep reading, though, he'll be fully involved by the fourth chapter!