I loved this chapter. PLEASE put in more Quidditch!!!
Author's Response: haha glad you think so lovely! there's Quidditch in chapter 12. Or there will be, if I ever get around to writing it. <3 you! welcome to the site!
We loved how you added the sorting hat song!
Author's Response: erm. thank you! Oh I just realized you said I wrote really well at the beginning, which is actually really badly written, so that's high praise indeed! Thanks very much! The writing gets better as the story goes on, I think, so see what you think!
Lol! Love it! Creative, most people can't write this well.
Author's Response: thanks soo much! I didn't know I could write this well either. my English teacher certainly thinks I can't, at any rate. Wahooo... thanks for the review GryffindorGals!
whoo that was amazing!!! loved that chappie. i had to re-read the whole story to understand this.
Author's Response: yay thanks Heather! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Anything else you'd like to share? like how amazing/awful my characterization of Harry was? or how much you enjoyed Drew's random sudoku habit? anything at all? I love hearing how much you liked it, obviously, but any constructive critisicm would be greatly appreciated and would make the next few chapters a lot better, i think. so leave me another review when you get a chance, all right? Thanks, heather! and Sarah, that goes for you as well. l'chaim.
such a nice intro to a rather curious story. I'm intrigued
Author's Response: Well, I'd rather be intriguing than horrid any day. thanks again!
such a nice intro to a rather curious story. I'm intrigued
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, since the writing was rather horrible at the beginning. Hopefully you'll stick with it!
please please please write some more soon!!!
Author's Response: I'll try! chapter eleven is already in the works, and i'm PLANNING to have it up by April at the latest. which coming from me doesn't really mean anything. But I'm trying, guys, really! glad you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the review! <3
Merry Christmas, Juli, and a great, great New Year! :-)
(Excellent-ly written chappie, hehe)
Love love love,
Author's Response: YAY thanks Sarah! you win the first review prize, myess? so glad you enjoyed it! Had a bunch of issues writing it, you know. there's a reason Harry always gets killed off, because I can't deal with him normally, but I think I pulled off his character ok! Thanks again and have a great holiday! <3
Thanks for meaning it Juli!!! haha. Anyway it's ok, I'll just wait till summer. :)
Author's Response: *hides head in shame* erm, more like next week, Heather. I hope. Oh, unless you meant your summer, which starts next week. that makes more sense than mine, which doesn't start till June... *Juli reeeeeeeeeeally needs to travel some more... and also update faster.*
Juli, where are you??
Author's Response: I'm HERE! yeah so here's the story: DH made me so sad that I lay off writing for a while, and now I've gotten to the most important part that needs to be PERFECT and if I get it wrong I'll hate myself. Then school started again so I only have time to write on Saturdays and I'm trying SOOO hard to finish the chapter, Heather, really! so, I'm gonna give myself a deadline, which you guys can hound me on as much as you want. I PROMISE THAT CHAPTER 10 WILL BE UP BY HALLOWEEN! unless of course the mods don't like it, in which case it will have been at least submitted by then. PROMISE! and I mean it this time! <3
yay i review again. one month later!! hii!
Author's Response: did I honestly never respond to this? sorry, Heather!
oh juli PLEASSSSSSE update!! [= oh and how are you?? are you ok, fine, well, happy, cheerful, ok im getting carried away.....
Author's Response: chapter ten in the works, Heather, no worries! I promise to update this summer! and yes, I know that's what I said last summer. but I mean it this time. and I'm fabulous, dahling. you?
Hey, I just read your whole nine chapters in one go! You give such a cool new angle to the whole wizarding world! It was really interesting I'm totally looking forward to more!!!! :)
Author's Response: wow, nine chapters in one go? I applaud that! I tink my personal best in that department is, like, five or something... I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'll be getting back to writing as soon as finals are over in a week or so! And I actually mean it this summer, too! Thanks Sana!
alright, here's the review and i apologize again:
it was really good. (well what were you expecting?)..I like the quibbler part with drew and the crossword puzzle...innoccent singing sensation..ill never forget that :-D
Oh and happy b-day! (again)! in case you look at this first, thers a cake waiting for u in the 'adversity' review page. :-P
Author's Response: yay! cake and reviews? it's like Christmas in July! If, of course, it were July. and if I celebrated Christmas... no worries, Sarah, no worries! Thanks for the review anyway! *even if I did have to beg...*
I know I’m on hiatus but I’m on a teeny-weeny day break from exams, so tonight is all about fooling around before the hard ones ;) Which, of course, means catching up on my favourite outstanding fanfiction. I’ve been reading this especially for so long, and I think the way you’ve so easily adapted the style of JKR is actually working to your advantage. You might find this a little more critical than normal, but I get to know you, I’ve realised that with any time you’ve got, you’re working towards things and I really think you’d benefit hugely from a little bit of a nudge and a reflection.
Autumn term passed much faster than the other term had aided in part by the heaps of homework that pressed in on them from all sides.
This first sentence is a little awkward and run on it parts. Firstly, I’d probably put a comma after had, because it seems like “had aided” at first and I went back and said, “Wait, what?” Also, with the tone of the opening sentence, “heaps” is a little bit of a… juvenile term? It’s a little bit passive compared to the rest of it, and maybe, “huge” would even be a small improvement.
I think by chapter 9 there should be some solid basics of the writing established, especially the three – I think Drew is really coming along nicely. Cora and Liv seem a bit similar, and I know they are, but I’d love to see some sort of personality clash somewhere along the line for a little bit of a change or something. Just to grow them up a little bit? I know I had some nasty little childish fights when I was younger. They tend to wound you more than when you’re older, I think. I think the paragraph on what they’re doing for the holidays actually defines them a little bit, where they come from, their origins. So I’d really like to see you adding a bit more detail to your writing, trying to shape the characteristics of everything to your advantage, wrtite things as you see them through Juli-vision. Another thing to remember is that these aren’t the characters in the book as they are in Harry’s time. They’re a little more grown up now :).
Nymphadora Tonks’ hair was shorter than Olivia remembered,
I like your Tonks, the way you describe her eyes. Oh wait. I think I just remembered something special about Tonks in your story :). (Can you tell this is going to be long?) But, with the grammar, I think that you should follow the rule of “whatever it sounds like”. I think Tonks’s should have an s, mainly because of the way it’s pronounced. It’s like an extra half a syllable. Compare it to Sirius’, and Tonks-es. The “es” sound is usually indicative of that extra s sometimes. But you should always be consistent ;) And if I’m contradicting the beta for this chapter *feels little heart break* then maybe one of us should go look it up or something :D. I’ve been told lots of things, but this one is one that’s very consistent. (what a long paragraph on grammar >..> I don’t stare at my ceiling. Much. A big well of love with a bucket for you!
Do you know what I noticed myself doing? Looking at the side of the chapter bar to see how much longer there was, and then smiling when I realised I was only half way down. That made me happy, that this chapter was a little long!
Aww! This is when Steph breaks down from the SPEWer into the EEIF fan and goes, “Awwww!” just like she used to. I loved Tonks’s retelling! I really, really liked it. I like dialogue, actually. I’d like to see a little more description form you, but I like your dialogue a lot.
So, these reviews probably aren’t all they’re coughed up to be, are they? I’ll let you decide, and then whether or not you want me to, write a big, fat, juicy one for the next chapter! I promise next time I’ll be available for you, and won’t let stuff like… oh, exams? Get in the way :D.
PS. There were a lot of Questions and Answers asked and explained, so huzzuh for that!
Author's Response: Ok, so just when I get all excited about the prospect of a new review and am doubly excited because it's from STEPH and then the darn system goes and logs me out. Somewhere, someone is laughing hysterically.... but I don't want to talk about them! and my computer doesn't let me use the enter key for some reason so I'm going to have to express different thoughts with ellipsises, like this... The first sentence you quoted is, oh, how do I put this, not my writing. I honestly don't know where that came from. It definitely used to make more sense.I'll have to change that... I'll definitely work on definining Cora and Liv a bit more. I'm so used to them being together that I hardly think of them as separate entities anymore, and that's probably where I fall short. Hmmm. Them getting in a fight would probably make excellent filler, and this sentence is extremely gramatically incorrect...eugh. Grammar is the hardest bit. I used to think Americanisms were bad, but those are easy. Hee hee, remember the inverted comma debacle?...so apparently I have fangirls now? cool beans...anyway, you asked a lot of questions-more or less, anyway- and I hope I answered them well. Pun intended. Yay for Steph! I missed you, girl! and this is probably the longest review I've ever gotten. I found it very exciting when I had to scroll down to read the whole thing. ^.^ <33333
greatness! She lives! *trumpets blaring and confetti* The plot thickens! And lots of Drewness! Yay! *more trumpets and confetti* But so short! Update soon, please! (And yes, today I decided to leave a spammy review with lots of exclamation marks. I'm tired.) Thanks for the update!
Author's Response: don't mind the exclamation points!!! they're a fact of life! thanks for sticking with it, Tink, it means a lot. as for Drew... he's got his own plotline, finally! YAY! next update much faster, I'm sure! maybe I'll even get around to writing after American Idol. *calls Melinda's number about a gazillion times* thanks for reviewing again! and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
That was really sweet. Kinda sad about Remus though. Weird. I'm reading about Christmas in April.
Author's Response: yeah, Christmas in April. apologies. It was supposed to be up in Februrary, when it would have made a bit more sense... ah well. next chapter is also Christmas, so there you have Christmas in... June, probably. maybe earlier, but you guys know me, so probably later.:( ... thanks for the review, though!
Ahem..........Brilliant...........of course!!! I love how mysterious Ms. Olivia turns out to be the one with Tonks (when I first was reading this I thought you had mixed up your characters! Surely you meants Harry's kid, but alas....you did well and have added all the more intrigue to this story!!!) Oh and Josh Dartman? Who's Josh Dartman? Sorry but I'm rooting for a Malfoy / Potter catastrophe here! I don't know why!!! Maybe you described their dislike so well that .... oh the possibilities!!!! As always well done (oh and Drew is hilarious) and much love from the OwL!
Author's Response: yaaaaay thanks Rania! intrigue is good, right? Josh Dartman is one of the other Gryffindor boys... Cora has a pre- chapter 7 Drew/Olivia-esque realtionship with him. gee, Juli, how descriptive... all thanks to you, of course, for getting this chapter up! much love to you too, and thanks for the review! tee hee I rhymed...
aww i love it... I'm glad she decided to call her mum again.
Author's Response: yay first review! I'm glad you like it! let's see... I think this is exactly six months from the last chapter... I apologise to you all again! but never fear! I'm on holiday again this week, so more time to write is fast approaching! thank you for reviewing!
hiii juli!!! whats up??
Author's Response: hii heather! not much, you? just got into the next play at school and my beta is being very stubborn and not sending back chapter nine. how's life for you! *Juli is determinidely not ranting this time! yay!*