I loved this story. Definately one of my favorite fan-fics
That was really well written and interesting idea about the renewal. Good job
Hello! Beautiful one-shot here!
Oh man, I don’t know how much I can say about this story without giving anything away! Let’s see. Well, at first I was FURIOUS with you for doing that to you know who, but I eventually forgave you. ;) Clever idea! I really liked the whole premise – you know, the whole healing itself thing, being put back together after a while. It’s a shame that Ginny had to be alone for so long, and I cannot believe that Ron and Hermione didn’t tell her! She should be furious with them! And it was cruel of you know who to hide his face that way, though it would have been quite a shock if he hadn’t.
My only complaint with the story is that I found the ending a little too unbelievable. Ginny wouldn’t say yes like that, not after how long they’ve been apart – but that’s just my opinion. It was a sweet ending, but it felt way too rushed. He has seen her, but she hasn’t seen him for ten years! They aren’t the same people that they used to be. You might want to consider stretching that moment out, or just hinting that they will eventually take that step.
There was one line that did not make sense to me. I thought that you might be missing a word? Maybe?
He smiled broadened. “I knew that, and think about, you know who I am too.” The line of dialogue seems off some how, and it should begin, “His smile broadened.”
And in this fragment – “I felt you pulse AND your breath,” – it should be, “I felt your pulse AND your breath.” The same thing here – “She told me you old address,” – you’re missing an “r” there. Actually, that happens in another place, too, where you use all capitals, but it’d spoil everything if I quoted it here! It’s just a little typo, it’s not a big deal; I just thought I’d mention it. Also, you should capitalise words like “Muggle” and “Horcrux.”
*looks over review* I don’t think I gave anything away, but if I did, I’m sorry to all readers who haven’t read the story yet! And to the author – Helen, this is just beautiful! I hope you post more stories like this! Keep writing!
Knight of the Turnip Table
This one-shot was just lovely! The chemistry between Harry and Ginny really shows, and I thought the way you wrote them together was very sweet. The way Harry came back was interesting, and the plot work was explained well for the most part. I also liked the way it started with Ginny looking at the picture of her and Harry and realising how much she misses him. You also mentioned how the picture moved, which was a great way of showing the magical world that Ginny lives in. I liked how your writing seemed very connected with canon.
You present an interesting theory with Harry being a Horcrux and having to destroy himself to win the war. I’ve heard of this theory, but I’ve never read a fanfic about it before. I thought the idea was well written and thought provoking. I don’t think Harry will end up being a Horcrux in the end, but I like to see it written in fanfiction. I thought the way you wrote the theory was not only a good attempt at a popular theory, but also original since you added your own ideas to it. The way he lives as sort of a ghost was also different and a unique detail in the story. I liked how he kept looking in at the lives of Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, making sure they were okay. It would be just like Harry to care about his friends like that. Nice work!
The casual conversation between Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione was a nice thing to read. A lot of scenes between them are overly dark or angsty, so just seeing them relax and act like normal human beings was refreshing. I really liked the last part with all of them being reunited together, just four old friends hanging out with each other. It made me smile!
I thought Hermione’s nervousness when being with Harry worked well and was very in-character for her. That would be very strange to see Harry dead, and then alive once again. Writing this in made it all the more believable and realistic. I though adding this part in was a great idea!
I found some typos and small errors in the story, so I thought I would point them out to you…
Voldemort was ranting, Harry was just staring at — no, not at — though him, as though he was thinking.
This sentence confused me a little. Do you mean ‘through him’ instead of ‘though him’?
One thing she did know however was that whoever it was was definitely a witch or a wizard; Ginny herself had put the muggle repelling charms on her house.
I would delete ‘however’, as it isn’t necessary and seemed to stand out sort of awkwardly to me. ‘Muggle’ needs to be capitalised. Also, why did Ginny put Muggle repelling charms on her house? She doesn’t have anything against Muggles, so what’s the purpose of the charm? Explaining why she has the charms on her house would help us understand this part better.
“Well, if you fell like that about it, I will sleep on the couch.”
I believe you meant ‘feel’ instead of ‘fell’. Small typo there.
I WAS AT YOU FUNERAL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I’m guessing you meant ‘your’ instead of ‘you’.
But it doesn’t make any sense, I mean, you were DEAD, I felt you pulse AND your breath, and there were none.
Once again, you wrote ‘you’ instead of ‘your’.
I started at your parent’s house, your mum went mental.
‘Parent’s’ should be ‘parents’’. Ginny has both a mother and a father, so the plural version is needed.
Ginny dear, I was at there wedding.
‘There’ should be ‘their’.
Ginny turned to Harry, “They’ll be here right away.”
The comma should be a period. This mistake is found in several places, so reading through to correct them would make it look more professional and put together.
I’m not sure if Ginny would let the stranger in just like that. She most likely knows how dangerous that could be. It’s a nice idea, but just a little unrealistic. Maybe you could give us a reason for why she trusts the stranger. Is there something about him that seems familiar? The idea seems plausible, but giving a reason for why she trusts the stranger would just make it more realistic and believable.
I would also like to point out a possible error in your title. The title reads as ‘Strangers May Be Out Closest Friends’. But do you mean ‘Strangers May Be Our Closest Friends’? That title would make much more sense to me. I would also suggest getting a beta reader to help correct some of the mistakes in the story. They can help clean up your story and make it look even better! You can find one on the forums, so check it out!
This is a very nice first story. You have good ideas and you write well. I think with a little improvement, you could be a great author. I definitely encourage you to keep working at it, and I hope to see another story on your author page soon. Good luck and happy writing!
Katty – Knight of the Turnip Table
OMG that was.............bloody brillant in the ords of Ronald Weasley I LUVED IT!!!!
Author's Response: lol - thanks!
o this one was sour
its lik a sour patch kid!
Author's Response: interesting.... but thanks!
o this one was sour
its lik a sour patch kid!
Good times..good times...And this was a great story, very unlike some other stories that I've read that were a waste of time.
Author's Response: Thanks - Glad I didn't waste your time! :)
ohh keep wrting!
Author's Response: thanks! I am - I just submitted a new story - I've got my fingers crossed!
This story was so awsome. It was really unpredictable and stuff. I just wanted to let you know!
Author's Response: Thanks! btw - I"m working on something else at the moment, so if anyone like this one, keep your eyes out for more of my work! [/shamelesspromo] o.O
this is so good!! i loved it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm glad you liked it!