Author's Response: thanks! ^^
That was a very sweet poem that, I beleive is the best of yours that i have read. But, in the end, did harry die? the 2 last lines (Stay with me forever, I feel such fright.Were the last words spoken that precious night.) made it a little uncluear if those were his last words then or his final last words
Author's Response: oh sorry for the very late reply XD but yeah thank you! :D I'm really glad you liked it ^///^ and sorry that it was unclear but it was kinda meant to be. to me, he died and that was his final last words but others can choose if they want it to be something else. thanks again for the review! :3
Loved it!! I loved each and every line, its beautiful. You've a great writing style, girl, you rock!!
Author's Response: yay! thanks ;)
OOH!! i love this poem!! it was so sweet!! my 2 most fav lines are, 'Life isnt fair, my sweet, Neither is the fact that I am the one sharing your hearts heat. and.'I love you more than words can tell, Without you I am an empty shell... OOH!! this has to be one of the best poems!! It brought some weird emotion over me!! Like....., when your heart 'swells' and you feel like saying, 'aww'. i dont know what that feelings called, BUT I FELT IT!! I LURV this poem!! My heart to you!! Perfect 10!!!!!
Author's Response: wow! thanks! :D those two lines are my fav too, you know ;)
and you should know, damn, I'm really glad you liked it! ^^, and 'bout that feeling, heh, glad I'm not the only one! ;D
Thank you once again for your lovley review!!
Ooh, this one is soo good! :) Love it! specially "I love you more than words can tell, without you I am an empty shell" Wonderful! ;) All is! :P I love your poems Åsa, hope you know that ;) Love you sweatheart! ;) *hahalitemyckeälskardejåsåmenändåhahadomfattarintedehärsomjaskriverfanvakulmenaaskrivmeeeer ;) *
Author's Response: haha, madde, you are just great ;) who knows, maybe someone understand sewdish? nah... not likely...
*håller med om att det är mycket jag älskar dig i dina reviews madde menmen haha kuuul*
I love this poem, I know it's nothing compared to the other poems here, but please give it a try!
First of all, you shouldnt underrate your work. The poem youve written here is nicely done and carries itself very well when compared against the other poetry here. There is a lot to like about it for anyone who enjoys reading poetry. Lets start with imagery. You have some very nice imagery in this poem. For example, you put in these two very solid visuals Eyes black as the winter night and the raven black hair. Caution could be advised when using raven black because that particular description is a little bit cliché. However, no questions are left about what the author is seeing. So, in this case, it seems to work.
Another thing that works nicely here is the flow your poem has. It moves nicely from beginning to end with few exceptions. Thats pretty important (to Vader anyway) for the overall impact a poem carries. The message you intend resonates much more clearly when its delivery is not interrupted. If one line in the whole poem might be re-worked, perhaps it is the line that goes, Hush, my sweet, come here. There are five very short syllables here that rush right by as when read. While it doesnt disrupt the flow of the poem too significantly, it could possibly be restated so as to fall more in step with the other lines in the same stanza. Call it a suggestion.
You also seem to have some typos/spelling errors in a couple places. It looks like they are of the variety that a spell checker on a typical word processing program (like MS Word) wouldnt catch because the actual word is not really misspelled. For example, in this line, I let him inside to easier his pain. Did you mean ease? Another example, in this line, The raven black hair is damped from the rain. Was this supposed to be dampened? Its probably a good idea (and maybe you did this, maybe not Vader is just guessing) to read through your work or have someone else (like a beta) read over it for you. You might catch some of these. It seems like a small thing, but it is one of those small things that when done can help bring your work to the next level.
Overall, this was a very nice poem. The ending was especially well done. Keep up the good work, and dont sell it short.
Author's Response: thank you Valder, for all of your suggestions ;) I'm not Enlingsh, so that can explain why I've spelled some things wrong, and I really appreciate that you noticed those errors, now I can try to correct them ;) I'm with you on the raven black hair thing, really, but it seemed nice to use in this poem. And that hush, my sweet, come here, I'll check up on that and see what I can do ;P I promise to read through my work, I'm not up for a beta yet.. ^^, And once again thank you for your observations, it means alot :) I'll try to keep up the good work!
I really like this poem. Very good how the dialogue blended easily into the poem without feeling choppy.
Author's Response: thanks! ^.^ sometimes dialouges can sound choppy, and I'm pleased that you think it didn't ;) thank you for your review!