Snape a monkey! That was great! I love monkeys and I love Snape, although I never expected them to be the same. Good Job!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :). -S
Hello! I enjoyed the plot and description in this story quite alot. Your use of language was quite impressive and I enjoyed this story because of your utilisation. One thing I might recommend is that you start the action sooner in the story. For a one-shot most of your language focused on describing the animals--which you did extraordinarily well--but I felt you could have made better use of your word count by describing the animals acting. Perhaps Snape the monkey making a general nuisance of himself to the other animals? You hinted at it, but I felt it could have been plumbed further. I also felt that you described Snape a touch too childishly. He is childish, but in a messed up, sort of...crazy way. Not in an impertinent way, at least in my opinion. Overall, however, the descriptions ran the story, and they ran the story well. I quite enjoyed this.
Author's Response: Mmm... I'm not sure I agree with you on the specific way in which Snape is childish... In canon, he is so afraid of ridicule that he invites it, and you can easily poke fun at him in a silly way (that *happens* too). I tried to catch that spirit here, but I'm the first to admit that JKR's sense of humour is far more brilliant than my own :D.
I think I'm a very descriptive sort of writer and action isn't my strongest point - but I'm working on remedying it :). In this story, in particular, I was worried about how obvious it would be what went on with the monkey... Perhaps I took it too slowly because of that. Thanks for your review! -S.
Wow, that was really, really good. It's very creative. You have such an easy writing style. I can see how Snape's personality reflects a monkey's. You're such a great writer, I'll check out your other stories when I have more time.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I didn't want a cat or a raven, for once :D. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! -S
Lovely, simply lovely. I must say that very few stories are able to completely surprise me with a twist, but this suceeded nicely.The sentences flowed well into one another, and I felt slowly lulled into the story with ease. I could see the calm life of this woman and her pets. The regularity and pattered existance that they live, it was represented in the structure. It was of course interrupted when you mentioned the monkey.
That obvious break in the visual presentation shook me out of the lull of the story just as the monkey shook up the home. I think you found the best animal form for Snape. The relationship between Brynhild and the monkey is the same as a child and a new authority figure. The fight of wills and seeing who will win stayed perfectly in tune with Snape's character. On that same note I believe that you showed a new way of expressing Snape's obsession with the Mauranders.A decievingly simple story with alot of good character exploration.
Author's Response: Thank you! It's funny, but I can't actually remember when I first thought of the monkey - it seems natural now :-). I am glad it worked, and that you didn't see the twist coming - it is difficult to assess something like that in your own story. Thanks very much for your review! It's made my day :-). -S.
Beautifully written and brilliantly original. MM and Poultry have said it all, so I'm going to be lazy and just say thank you for a wonderful read, oh and particularly for this line--“And stay human,” Brynhild adds. “At least then your capacity for intelligent conversation in part redeems your unpleasant personality. As a man you are bad, but as a pet you were worse.” --which provided me with a delightful snigger. Thanks.
Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know! It's much appreciated :-). -S.
Well, it goes without saying that your writing has a flawlessly smooth and engaging style that is thoroughly entertaining. This story was no exception.
From the opening lines you have your trademark little snippets of human observation... such as the reflection on owners from their choice of pets. I loved the characters you served up for us. Tortoises, snakes, cats and finally the monkey all leapt out of the screen. My own particular favourite was Allan the ice king....that was a very perceptive analysis of a persian. I lived with one for many years and she was the snootiest cat imaginable! I loved this line... '...savours the sensation of his smooth scales sliding against her skin.' Holy alliteration batman! Enjoyed the fact that she feeds the snake fresh food and feeds herself frozen meals... so typical of many animal owners that they will treat their pets better than themselves. Brynhild is a great creation with lots of little thoughts that really build her as a character. I thought her comment about bragging about pleasure given being vulgar and indelicate was lovely.
Monkeys don't make good pets.
Indeed, especially when beneath their simian skin they have hidden depths! I just thought this whole concept was brilliant. Trying not to say too much because I don't want to give away spoilers, but you pulled it off beautifully. I never guessed....even knowing that your stories are all centered around a certain person!
Brilliant one-shot, brilliantly written. thank you!
Author's Response: :-D Something told me you were going to pick out that alliterative line - which, to be quite honest, at one point was my single motivation for continuing with the story and finishing it (I didn't like the original ending and somehow it took two months to find a better one) - I thought I couldn't let that line go to waste :-)... The first idea of what eventually became "Monkey Business" was a tale entirely from the snake's perspective, but in the end I worried that nobody would find it interesting as there was hardly in Snape or even Potterverse in it, only an OFC and a snake.
Glad the monkey worked! In most stories, black cats are the usual suspects, so I thought I'd lay out a red herring :-P.
Brynhild has a loooong history and will come out to play in my long WIP too.
Thanks so much for the review!
What an utterly delightful bit of writing!
I'd have been satisfied with the description of pets. You so thoroughly described every person who has ever reveared the animals they live with. First the Burmese Python (hmmm, where have we seen one of those before?) and then the beautiful white Persian, and finally the obligatory black cat. Just delightful. "and when Brynhild is not looking, he sharpens his claws on the furniture." made me laugh out loud!
And then there's the monkey! I was willing to accept the premise of an unwanted pet, unwillingly adopted. But when you revealed the monkey's identity --- I'm still chuckling. “If you don’t like it here, you can leave,” she has hissed at the end of the first noisy day. “No-one is stopping you.” And on re-reading now that I know the punchline, this bit is especially funny!
I've been enjoying your character analyses on the forums, and I'm delighted to have finally gotten around to reading one of your stories!
Author's Response: Once for fun I pulled Brynhild through a Mary Sue Litmus test, and all her pets made the alarm go off big time :-D. Still, without them there would have been no story...
I'm very happy to hear that the monkey part of the story worked. All the time I kept wondering whether or not it was obvious - so thanks for reassuring me! -S.