wow that is a FAB story!
Author's Response: Thanks! :D
This is even better than the first version. I liked the new ending much more. I wonder what will happen at St Mungo's (if anything). I'm looking ofrward to next chapter.
Author's Response: Heh heh, yes, I know it ended very sadly before -- but it was only half the chapter. I'm glad you like it! The next chapter is coming along a lot faster than the last ones, too!
Your story is awesomely gangstalicious!!!!!!!! I LOVE it!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! Chapter Five is coming soon!
A pinch of glittering green dust took her straight into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. If this was used in Canon, it must have been obscure because I've never seen it! I love it!
His eyes danced, lighting up his tired face. This is such a sweet little detail. I love how Tonks can just make him happy like that.
I also liked it when Tonks asks Remus about stitches. It shows how much she trusts him to understand her confusion even when she doesn't want to show it in front of everyone else.
And the chess game was an excellent parallel. Most of every strategy each used was a wonderful metaphor to their lives, which they made more clear when Tonks noticed Remus touching a scar.
The body feels natural, but Wolfsbane or no, there’s always a sort of itch at the back of the mind, that something’s just the least bit off. This is an excellent detail, and it makes good sense, too. There should be a wrong-feeling about the werewolf state...
The fire popped, but no one noticed. Wasn't it just Tonks and Remus that wouldn't notice? Maybe you could change it to 'The fire popped, but neither Tonks nor Remus noticed.' Or something like that, just to make it more clear that the rest of the room wasn't contemplative, too.
How precious! Your writing is lovely, and I definitely didn't see anything blatantly un-British. I wasn't particularly watching for it, though.. *is sorry* Anyway, the relationship you've developed between them is marvelous! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Why thank you! I do so love long, thoughtful reviews. I'll check, probably change, that bit about the fire. Thanks lots, and I think I can actually say that the next chapter is coming soon! *crosses fingers*
Well, the power's out, but I opened this before the Internet was gone, so I can at least write my review. Here goes!
Tonks nodded, the shock on her face already fading into determination. The two left, leaving the teenagers silent. This sentence is another one of those ways you help the reader get to know your characters! Changes in expression can show so much. Great technique!
I love how you introduce the events from OotP from a completely different standpoint. And I love how you made the fall Remus's doing! The plate hit the tiled floor, shattered into the proverbial thousand pieces. Suggestion: Take out the comma in the middle and insert an 'and'.
Tonks's banter with Moody is refreshing--someone isn't afraid of him! I love characters who roll their eyes. It makes them seem so much more real.
I really, really love how you've integrated your story into the Canon events in this chapter. It's impressive how you make it work. I begin to forget that these lines have even been written already! I want to do something like that with my next story, so I can use this as a model. *places Katie's lovely story behind a glass case*
Harry did rose quickly (Sirius had really chosen well with that Firebolt), following Tonks. May I suggest removing 'did'?
The others could see the house, but to Harry it had simply appeared. Ooh, I don't remember it saying anything about that in Canon! Or if it did, I wasn't paying attention to the details that are really difficult to pick up when Harry's narrating. That's a brilliant way to work it out.
Ha. And I found out my Internet was *ahem* disconnected on purpose. Anyway...
Author's Response: Awww, I get a glass case? I'm so honored! * Agh, I hate stupid mistakes like that! Will remove excess word NOW. * I had a lot of trouble deciding what to do about the house. To me, it didn't make sense that it wasn't there at all until Harry saw it, so I invented a version. I think I may have gotten it a bit off in regards to leaving the house, but I think this works. * Thank you so much for your time and remarks! They are incredibly inspirational. And thank you for the compliment of the glass case!
Well...This was pretty good too. I'm so sorry for acting like I have no enthusiasm, but I...Well, your story doesn't really Connect that good, and the emotional parts...I mean, they make sense and everything, but they're not written the bestly. I don't know, sorry.
Author's Response: I know the timeline's jumpy; I'm working on smoothing that out. I am pretty much relying on the individual to get so absorbed that they forget I skipped two months between chapters :)
Well, this chapter was interesting...and more personal, kind of. I still don't get the answer to Tonks' question though; What does it matter to Remus if other werewolves see him if he just stays in bed and doesn't go out?
Author's Response: It's not "see him" as in physically looking at him -- it's how they perceive him. Some other werewolves, mostly Greyback, would perceive Remus as being weak for needing Wolfsbane. Greyback probably relishes the pain of the transformations.
Yeah, it kind of is just a retell of the chapter in the book, but okay...
Author's Response: I know -- this is not one of my most creative chapters, but I felt it a necessary one. Besides, I rather like the idea of telling the story as the Advance Guard sees it.
Yeah...it was pretty good, will read more now.
Author's Response: Thank you!
I love the very start--the flashback of a day at Grimmauld Place. Your consice descriptions make it very clear what's happening without actually saying it. We talked about this in English awhile ago--showing, not telling. It's a wonderful technique when utilised correctly.
The switch between Remus's and Tonks's PoVs when they first meet and their first reactions to each other make the meeting all the more precious. It's a wonderful way for them to be introduced! I didn't even realise it wasn't specified in Canon.
“Either you dyed your hair, or your mum was right about you being a Metamorphmagus.” Hadn't she known since she was really, really tiny? That must be something Sirius would know.... I think....
and abruptly decided that a woman brave enough to have green hair while chatting with her convicted-murder of a cousin... I believe that should be convicted murderer. But I really love Remus's conclusion here--it's simplifying. He realises that he doesn't have to worry about her being worried. It would be hard to grow accustomed to the new experience, but it would be nice for Remus. I think my unsureness about this ship is waning, definitely!
Poor Sirius and his frustrations with Snape. Remus always was the helpful sort! Tonks listened to Remus’ commentary with interest. Remus's is the correct-est way to put that, as the apostrophe after a name is only for ancient and Biblical characters, like "Odysseus' son Telemachus".
Remus stood next to her, his face a little too straight. What a brilliant way to illustrate his expression! It tells everything all at once and reallly gives the reader a clear view of what's happening. That's my favourite part about the story!
Remus was heard to ask more questions in an hour than he usually did in a month.> This, and the imagery following, are just wonderful diction. It was a great conclusion to an enticing first meeting!
Author's Response: Thank you for the "showing, not telling" comment. It's something I've really been working on. You're probably right about Sirius; I suppose Tonks has probably been doing this since very early childhood, but you could say that she didn't start to show it until later, right before Sirius was arrested. "Convicted-murder?" How DO these things get through?? Thank you so much for letting me know -- this kind of mistake bugs the heck out of me. Likewise, thanks for letting me know about "Remus's" vs. "Remus'." I'll work on that. You're not a fan of this ship? You should be! Let's see if I can convert you! *evil grin*
Wow. I haven't read very many Remus fics, and as such, hadn't really given much thought to what it must be like to be a werewolf. You've delved really deep into that, though. I have a huge new respect for Remus. He deals with everything remarkably well.
Tonks' use of the Disillusionment charm on the door to see through it was brilliant! I've never seen that before. But what a harrowing experience for her! You wrote that scene very well; I got an excellent (and terrifying) mental image.
Remus realized suddenly that the pain in her eyes was a great deal like the pain he himself felt when he transformed. How heartbreaking! This seems indicative of what their entire relationship is going to be. A lot of pain, since his 'condition' is always going to be hanging over their heads, especially now. I really, really hope this isn't going to change too many things between them, though!
I really love how you're portraying their interaction, and I can't wait to see what you have coming! Keep up the excellent work.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am!
Tonks decided that had she known why she found him interesting, she wouldn't have been staring. I love this sentence, although I'm not entirely certain why. It was the first thing that really drew me in. It's very profound, I think. It could be applied to anything, not just Remus!
You've got everyone really in character here! I can't believe Sirius called her Nymmie! No wonder she prefers Tonks! And her conversation with Mad Eye was fantastic. I'd never noticed this before, but she really is the only one who calls him Mad Eye to his face with any regularity! Way to pick up on that!
Remus and Tonks' first conversation was spot on as well. How awkward to have to talk about one's being a werewolf! And yet, at the same time, we've all had those first conversations that we wished we could take back. It's great to see such unusual people having such a normal problem.
This was a fantastic beginning, and I can't wait to keep reading!
Author's Response: I can't belive I never answered this review! Argh! Anyway, thank you so much. I did think it a rather daring, reckless, Tonks-like thing to call Moody by his nickname. I mean, between his paranoia and his scars, who really wants to try? :D
I really liked this. I particularly liked the spying Lupin part - it makes up for the lack of Snape (well, I must admit to my own biases, here). It's also extremely well paced, I thought. Very nice :)
Author's Response: Snape? Wrong ship for him, I'm afraid :) Glad you like it!
Oh my God!that was soo scary...but i like your story...update soon
Author's Response: Wow, I scared someone! Thank you!
Awwww. How sweet. A nice exciting beginning. Them both feeling bad for the other was good.
Author's Response: Thank you!
I really like this story. In fact, it's in my Favorites :). I like how you delve more into the feelings of the characters and the things they go through internally, more than the outside things. This is one of those stories that makes you feel something, you know? Lol, I'm getting all sappy. Anyway, Remus and Tonks are the best couple ever, I think, and I love how you were saying that they balanced eachother and stuff, because that's so true! This story is really an inspiration, both for relationships, and understanding everyone and everything. So great job, and I'll be waiting for the update :).
Author's Response: Thanks so much! One thing about writing this was that I actually had to figure out why they attract each other, which was not easy, ha. Thanks, and I'm working on the next chapter!
Like the emotion in the chapter and it is brillaint but please can you update sooner?
Author's Response: Ah, yes, updating frequently...I'm so sorry about that. I'm really working on it -- I'm learning to plan better, which means I know what's going to happen better, which means I can write faster. In theory. I'm working on it!
That was really great. I liked how emotive the story got. It's really perfect. Just one thing - shouldn't Sirius be not allowed to leave the Grimmauld place? Otherwise, I liked th new chapter very much. Please update sooner this time.;)
Author's Response: You're right about Sirius, I fixed that. Thanks lots, and I'll try, I promise!
I really liked the emotion put into it. Really well written. Update again soon please :)
Author's Response: Thank you, I'll try!
Wow, Christmas already? That was a bit of a shocker. Hehe.
I really love reading about Tonks and Remus. It’s just so playful, and it really does make me grin. I’m loving how Tonks is thinking about all that Remus has gone through; it’s so realistic.
I was really glad to see some plot development in this chapter—something that wasn’t in Order of the Phoenix, but your own person idea. The last chapter, however well written and fun to read, was mostly from the book, and not much of your own. This chapter is a lot like your first.
And a lot of them agree with Greyback – he calls it ‘a crutch for those not strong enough to admit what they are.’ Another subtle bit of information—nice!
I honestly haven’t got anything else to comment on this chapter, except to compliment you on how incredibly well done Remus was written. This is exactly how I expect him to act! Exactly! *has huge grin* Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you! Thank you! Glad you liked it, next part coming soon, I hope!