This was very well written, particularly this second chapter. You can almost see Pettigrew as the one who grew up first, realising that they weren't kids anymore and that dreadful things had to be done to survive, almost. I still hate the guy though, for I'm sure that every one of the people in that room knew the dangers and the suffering of the war, they just tried their best to make it as bearable as possible. You really made me think and thats something i love to get out of reading.
P.S. I was just thinking today how things are so much different from schooldays and then i come across this fic, weird huh.
Please forgive me for this ridiculously short review. I had meant to write something more, until I came across your final sentence:
My name is Sirius Black (Padfoot, blood traitor, prankster, wrongfully imprisoned, loving friend and fierce enemy, Purveyor of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers), and I am innocent.
and stopped short. Surely, if there is one sentence that can summarise Sirius' wrongful imprisonment in Azkaban for twelve years, it must be this very sentence. Twenty years of laughter and tears, friendships and enemity, pranks and punishments--they all surface in this sentence.
An excellent job!
I have to say, I'm really in awe of your writing style. You could make anything sound eloquent, I'm quite convinced.
That being said, this story was by no means mere eloquence! I nearly cried when Sirius was at Godric's Hollow, looking for James' glasses. I've never read a fanfic that made death seem so real and powerful. It's easy to become accustomed to the fact that Lily and James died tragic deaths, but when you illustrate how profoundly it affected Sirius, it just became so real to me, and painfully so. But I enjoyed it immensely, and I think I can fairly say that you're one of my favorite authors. Great job!! :D
Wow! I really like your writing style- I guess it reminds me vaguely of my own :).
Peter hated it, hated the fact that they persistently refused to be serious, persistently behaved as though nothing mattered more to them than Puddlemere United (Padfoot), or some girl Padfoot fancied (Prongs), or the interesting way in which grown men were still capable of reverting to a mental age of six with scarce a moment's notice (Moony, exasperated). This bit didn’t make a terrible lot of sense to me. Particularly “some girl Padfoot fancied”? Do you mean “Some girl Prongs fancied? Or did you mean Padfoot? And the bit about Moony didn’t strike me as realistic. Is Moony reverting to a younger age himself or exasperated with the other three (or the other two?) (Moony, exasperated) reminded me of Nabokov. (picnic, lightning) (Oh, how he was afraid, afraid because there was no good in having friends who would die to save you if they died and you still needed saving.) Indeed. Once again: Bravo!
Author's Response: Considering that Prongs is very much married in this chapter, I did indeed mean Padfoot. :) A bit of gentle ribbing for dinner-time for him.
Moony's exasperated with the other two; I could've sworn that was clearer before. I'll see about a minor clarity rewrite on that section.
Thank you for this review, and for all the others! Much appreciated.
I am impressed by your writing. You have natural talent. May I recommend After the Rain of Schnoogle "Running Close to the Ground." A Peter Pettigrew fic. (Since I rec it to everyone in fandom, and you said specifically you liked Peter.)
- Yes, of course. :) I’ve read one of your works before, Cruciatus, but I never got around to reviewing it. So, when I stumbled across this and found that it was equally wonderful, I really didn’t have a choice. But before I even begin to comment, I’m afraid I must say that I haven’t got much to add or any improvements to suggest. I couldn’t find anything in the way of grammar or spelling errors, so what you’ll find below are mostly my words about the parts I liked the best from the first two chapters.
I really enjoy reading your style of writing. Normally, I would have been sitting here having thoughts about too many adjectives or adverbs in sentences or paragraphs, but you use them so cleverly and create a flowing rhythm instead. Well done.
The first chapter, focused on Sirius, is very touching. I really feel for him, and I’m not sure if I want the chapter to end, for the pain to stop, or for it to go on forever in a novel-length fanfic all about Sirius’ suffering in Azkaban. You really make me want to be that saviour, the powerful figure to burst in at the door and cry out his innocence, tell the world that someone else was the traitor. At the same time, since this is seemingly canon, I know that there won’t be anyone to speak for him, as I know how his days will end, and that makes everything so dark and hopeless.
Life in that place is much easier when he is a dog; in human dreams, the roiling abysses of his memory drag him inexorably back to Hallowe'en, to watch and re-watch everything he loves slipping away from him again; when he is a dog, Padfoot dreams of rabbits.
- Here, I particularly like the ending of the paragraph. The contrast between your flowing words and descriptions and a short, simple set of words like Padfoot dreams of rabbits. is very powerful, almost like a short-numbered answer to a complicated mathematical problem.
You’ve got so many spot-on pieces included here I can’t possibly mention them all, but some I really like are the bizarre “beauty” of the Dementors, James missing his glasses, the moon reminding him of his friends, the hate towards Peter and above all – the fact that Sirius is young. You’re completely right, he isn’t much more than a teenager.
In chapter two, well, I already knew that I appreciate your view of Peter. Yes, he’s still a coward, but you do give him some credit and write a much more complex Wormtail than we usually come across in fanfiction. He’s afraid, he’s confused, he finds his friends stupid and annoying, yet he still depends on them. I agree with MithrilQuill that the hints of the future are well selected and embedded in the present of the story.
lol, you know what? I did find something to point out when I re-read a part: …he wanted nothing more, now, than to be free of his powerful, brilliant, flamboyant friends and free of the fear of death that came with them . - there is a blank space before the full stop, that shouldn’t be there. ;)
Noldo, I really enjoyed reading this, and when time allows me to, I will make sure to come back to your author page for more!
WOW, i agree completely with MithrilQuill this story is amazing.
WOW, that's about all I can say right now. I loved the part in the end where he sees the little glimpses of the future.....I also love the part about Voldemort not stopping because he knows filch is coming....=) Update soon!!!
Very good, I liked the last paragraph the most. it was a v ery good way to end the chapter....so is there more??
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm fond of that paragraph myself.
There is certainly more. It'll be here as soon as it is validated.
So good. This is one of da best Dark/Angsty stories on MNFF. Keep writing, and poor Sirius! 10/10.
Author's Response: Definitely poor Sirius.
It was very good! I can't wait to see where you're going with the story
Author's Response: At the moment, I'm going with Peter for a bit (read, next chapter); after that probably a little about the final year at school, then perhaps an aside with Regulus and whatnot.
Glad you liked it!
Seconded! That was really, really good. Poor, poor Sirius! He really is one of the most tragic characters in the series. Excellent, eerie imagery, and such an in-depth look at his emotions... and Azkaban - you depicted it perfectly.
Author's Response: Thank you! And I totally agree. Sirius is definitely tragic. I'm glad you liked my treatment of Azkaban, since that was what I was stressing out over the most.
Wow.... That's all I can say! That was so good!!! I loved it!!! Infinity/10
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you'll stick around for the rest.