i forgive you making him bi but the ending sentance is another story...
Author's Response: You shouldn't; I don't. This was the first fanfiction I ever wrote and I thought for some reason that I had to keep it canonical. Silly me. It's getting a massive face-lift as we speak and will possibly be re-written. What's wrong with the last sentence?
Author's Response: yep. *grin*
i liked it.
Author's Response: I'm glad.
slash goodness? i must read on!
Author's Response: Glad to see you did!
Wow, that was an awesome story! Keep up the good work, and I really hope you do more same-sex romance-type stuff in the future! It's really fun to read!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it! I happen to have a lot more SSP stories posted, if you're interested. Of my 18 stories on the site, only three of them aren't SSP or don't allude to one in any way. Check em out!
This is brilliant. The marauders are my favorite characters, and youve managed to capture them so well here. especially Sirus' arrogance and rashness. i think that it about time somebody wrote a fuller account of the shrieking shack incident; definitely requires more explnation than just a prank for general resons of hatred towards snivellus, even given that Sirius is an idiot. well done! Also brilliant for properly including peter into the pranks and not just dismissing him as though he was never really a marauder anyway. very well written, in terms of plot development, characterisation and ... i don;t know, dialogue and stuff. will be reading more of yours.
Author's Response: There are actually many, many detailed ff accounts of That Night. I reccomend Vindictus Viridian's 'In the Eyes of Others' a 46 monster epic about Severus Snape, that spans his entire life from the age of 11 until Harry's Sorting. Professor rating though. Prank chapters start at around...15, I think. Or at least the build-up to it does. Thank you!
I JUST FINISHED READING YOUR ENTIRE STORY. IT REMINDED ME OF A LOT YOUNG MEN I KNEW MANY YEARS AGO WHO WERE TRYING TO COME TO TERMS WITH WHO THEY WERE AND HOW THEY FIT IN. THANK YOU FOR AN EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN STORY. I WILL BE LOOKING FOR MORE STORIES FROM YOU.
Author's Response: I am very happy that you enjoyed the entire story. I look forward to more reviews from you, on the rest of my stories. (Although, please, not all in CAPS? It hurts to read... And I don't mean to be ungrateful or anything, but. Please?)
I just finished reading this .... and ohh I love it ..... fab, fab, fab ..... keep up the great work.
Author's Response: Hee. Glad you enjoyed it. It is getting a massive face lift of sorts for the Legion of LSPM's joint fic, 'Much Ado About Puppies' Posting on those re-done chapters should start within the next few weeks.
Good and very intriguing, but over too quickly.
Author's Response: Too short! Isn't it like, twelve chapters long? How is that too short?!? Although, if you want more, you can go ahead and check out my other remus/sirius stories as well as 'Much Ado About Puppies' a story posted by Legion of LSPM for which I'm writing all the Hogwarts years. Ill Met is getting quite the makeover for it...
Wow. You did a spectacular job of writing the fight between James and Sirius... also, I like how this fic has slash, but it's not the entire focus. Too many slash fics are completely centered around the same-sex pairing, but you do a great job of creating an alternate plot. So, good job.
Author's Response: Well, when I write, I try to focus more on the relationship and people interaction in the story than in the action itself, which is why the actual chapter of them in the Shack is so short. I wanted to say what happened before and what happened after. So, in a way, the slash relationship is the focus of the fic, just not in a romantic aspect. Thanks!
I think you're doing a really great job with this fic, everybody seems to be perfectly in character... honestly, you're doing the best job of keeping everybody in character in the MWPP era out of any fic I've read. Now I have to read the next 2 chapters :D
Author's Response: I'm glad to hear you think so! If you are looking for other MWPP fics that are very in character though, I suggest reading Vindictus Viridian's 'In the Eyes of Others' which you can link to through my favorites. Brilliant look at Snape's life from when he goes to Hogwarts until Harry arrives. It will change the way you think about Snape forever...
aww, i'm glad Remus wasn't too upset over it all..... oh my god only 1 other person has reviewed!?!? O.O
Author's Response: Heh. So am I. Glad you enjoyed the ending; I enjoyed it writing it. And yeah...one of the only people to review through the end...
good take on the whole Snape doing Occlumency in 6th year thing, it's kind of assumed in the book that he learned it as a death eater to help voldy with evil doings etc but your way is a lot more fun! i'm almost too scared to read the next chapter... ps i agree, that last 'reviewer' is a complete a--, why even bother to write reviews like that? it's called 'constructive criticism' for a reason, am i right?
Author's Response: I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and that you thought it was fun. But I don't think the last reviewer was an a** at all. I personally find it a pain to read stories with typos and if songbook is going to point my own out, I'm actually very grateful.
Absolutely marvelous finish to your story! Your description of what the Room of Requirement became for Sirius and Remus is fantastic. I love the painting you put in there and the fact that you only hint at what is going on. There was one spot in the second paragrapn of the chapter that I think might be a typo in this sentence: 'He was simple too scared to try, not knowing what the wrong thing may or may not be to say.' I think the word 'simple' should be 'simply' instead. Anyway, that was the only thing that I noticed and it was only a slight distraction as I was beginning this chapter. Your ending is really great and completely different from anything I could have anticipated. Very well written story. I look forward to reading the next thing you write.
Author's Response: Yay! *squee* So glad you liked it. I think that was the most fun for me to right, worries about how realistic it was aside. And I WILL fix the 'simply' as well. I look forward to having you review them. *wink*
When you're asking if anyone liked the last paragraph of the chapter, are you talking about the last line where Sirius cries himself to sleep or are you talking about the paragraph before that? Either way, I think both are well written and have a very nice flow to them, just like the rest of the chapter. You do a really good job of conveying Sirius' despondency over the events that immediately precede it. I couldn't help but feel more sorry for him than anyone else in this chapter. Of course, I don't know how that will change when Lupin reappears. There was one sentence that was a little strange and it was when Dumbledore said, ' “No. It would have been the Sirius’s.” ' I don't think the word 'the' is supposed to be there because it doesn't make sense. Other than that I think you have a very well crafted chapter. I enjoyed reading it.
P.S. In response to your response to my review of the previous chapter, I do know all about stunted sentences. I think I was still in my essay writing mode when I went back and re-read the chapter. So, a lot of the corrections I made were more based on how an essay should be written versus a piece of fiction. I know that you can use stunted sentences in essays as well, they are just not used as frequently and are usually discouraged.
Author's Response: It's possible I meant the whole thing, but I dont' remember. And I really do feel bad for him as well. So tragic. I WILL take out the 'the'-it isn't supposed to be there. No problem about your response to my response to your response. (Did that make sense?) Glad you enjoyed it! I am planning a massive re-write though, to make sure it's in keeping with my forty or so one-shots and other chaptered fics I have about them, so you should watch out for it.
Author's Response: It is fixed!
Great story It fills out the original Harry Potter stories very nicely and you write in a fashion very similar to JK Rowling herself, sometimes it hard to remember its fan fiction, A quick note on an error you made, you mentioned Snape being an accomplished occlumens and therfore a danger because he was penetrating sirius' thoughts, however, Legilimency is the act of penetrating anothers thoughts, occlumency is protecting the mind from others, you made this mistake in chapters 2 and . Just thought I'd let you know. i cant wait for the next chapter
Author's Response: Do you know, of the hundreds of people who've read this, you're the first one who noticed this? I'll go back and fix it as soon as I have a sec. Next chapter should be coming soon; as soon as my chapter in Q for the Winter Snows goes through, anyway.
Hi, I'm posting another review with the grammatical errors I noticed in this chapter since you asked me if I would. I am sorry it has taken me so long to do it. Keep in mind, though, that I am still enjoying your story and think you are doing a good job, even with the grammatical errors. So, here they are:
1. 'The Slytherin was clearly mad with fright and Sirius would have been too, if he hadn’t the experience; a full-grown werewolf was a terrifying thing to be attacked by.' There should be a comma after 'fright' since the phrase before it and the phrase after it are both independent clauses and could sentences by themselves.
2. 'Sirius bounded into the room with wild bark at Remus...' I think you are missing the word 'a' between 'with' and 'wild.'
3. 'Remus drew closer to him, his eyes mad and Sirius knew that if that James didn’t appear soon, they were going to be in BIG trouble.' There should be a comma after 'mad' since the phrase before and phrase after are independent clauses and could be sentences by themselves. Also, you should probably remove the second 'that' in the second half of this sentence. So, the second part of your sentence would begin 'Sirius knew that if James...' instead of ' Sirius knew that if that James....'
4. 'But when something happened to set him off, like it had tonight, he was a savage animal and it needed both him and James to keep him from not only hurting the villagers in Hogsmeade but himself as well.' There should be a comma after 'animal' as the phrase before and after the word 'and' are independent clauses and can be sentences by themselves.
5. 'Remus had his hands around Sirius’s throat and he would’ve have barked a laugh at the irony if he would have had the air with which to breathe.' This sentence is slightly confusing to read because it makes it sound like Remus would have been the one to bark. I would suggest changing 'Sirius's' to 'his' and changing the 'he' after 'and' to 'Sirius' so there is not any confusion as to who would be barking. Also, there should be a comma 'throat' since the phrases before and after 'and' are independent clauses. Finally, in this part of the sentence, 'he would’ve have barked,' you should either have 'would've' and take 'have' out or take the 've' off of 'would've' and leave 'have' in the sentence since you don't need both.
6. 'It was something that was really their alone, allowed them to be physical in a way no one would suspect.' This sentence is slightly confusing in two ways. The first is that you are missing an 's' at the end of 'their' which would make it 'theirs' instead. Also, I think you should take the comma out and add the word 'and' or change the comma to a semi-colon and add the word 'it' in front of 'allowed' so that the second half of the sentence makes more sense.
7. 'He gave Sirius a questioning look and, taking the chance, Sirius switched back to his human form.' You should add another comma after 'look' since the phrases before and after the word 'and' are independent clauses and can be sentences by themselves.
I hope you do not think I am trying to flame you or put down your writing. I think you write fairly well but just have a few small mistakes that can easily be taken care of. Please let me know if you would like me to put the mistakes I notice in your story in my reviews of your chapters or if you want me to leave them out. I will structure my review however you would like me to.
Author's Response: You're a doll, you know that? I can't believe you actually took the time out to do this for me. Thank you. I do not think that you're trying to flame me or what not. I appreciate it, really. Here's my opinion on your notes: On 2, I'll add it. On 3, the second 'that' was probably a typo. On 5, I'll reconstruct the sentence. And the 'have' is also probably a typo. My brain sometimes runs off without me. Or is the other way around...? Lol. On the rest of them (ie: commas and independent clauses and whatnot) they aren't there to maintain a certain feel and flow to the fic. (Even though it's possible that I messed up the flow for otehr reasons, but...) I am a believer in the fact that a sentence can be grammatically correct and read wrong. I also believe that a sentence can be grammatically incorrect and read perfectly. (If you're familiar with Shoebox_Project, you know what I mean.) I would explain the theory of stunted sentences (not fragment sentences, stunted ones) to you, but it would take some time. If you're interested, let me know and I'll feedback-form it to you. I fear I am babbling. Oh well. You can feel free to leave your reveiws however you'd like to. I'd appreciate it either way. Thank you!
o, huh... *hits self on forehead* good, because it wasn't aa great ending... lol Awsome story!!
Author's Response: I think you'll like the ending. I did...he he he. YAY!
OMG, this story was amazing! Never would have thought of those two as a pair.. lol! Brilliant action, and just enough humor and romance to make it perfect! I thought I should submit my review for chapter 10, as it is the end.. I am anxiously waiting the sequel, as this was a cliff hanger ending!! Lol, but seriously... Keep up the AMAZING writing!! ***10000000000000000*** (if I could..)
Author's Response: Wow. *blushes* If you haven't heard of these two as a pair, you should check out the Wolfstar ship on the forums. We are taking over the world, actually. Darling, the fic isn't over yet. We've still got to go through them getting caught, and then the two of them have to sort some stuff out....All very complicated, really. I'll keep up the writing if you keep up the reading!
Very exciting chapter. There was never a break in the action all the way to the end, which was quite good. I have read all of your chapters and decided this would be the best place to put a review since I think it is your best chapter by far. Even though there were a few small grammatical errors in a couple of places throughout the story, the tension of what was happening kept me from really noticing. I am anxious to read what happens next.
Author's Response: Really? Grammatical errors? You know, if you contact me with them, I can fix them. I'm glad you're enjoying it and I can't wait for the final (what is it now?) three (?) chapters to go through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!