Reviewer: canufeelthemagictonight
Date: 04/20/12 23:02
Chapter: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

I like it. Especially how much it sounds like one of those Middle Ages poems--it adds to the charm--and how Neville proved himself a hero.

Reviewer: wendelin the wierd
Date: 07/13/06 5:59
Chapter: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

Ok, I msde a spelling mistake in my previous review so I am posting it all again. *hangs head in shame.*

A lovely piece of writing. Poetry especially is so hard to write, mostly in this style where the third and the first and the fourthand the second line rhyme.

I absolutely loved the description in this poem especially-

There she stood with a light such as stars in her eyes
All of sleep was totally forgotten

I loved the decription of stars in her eyes. Very graphic.

But I am afraid I will ahve to start being a little ntipicky now-

‘But it doesn’t exist’ t’was Hermione to speak
‘It’s a fantasty made by your dad
I am sorry to say’ said she humble and meak
‘You would better go back to your bed’

Well, over here I thought that you intended it to be meek and not meak.
Also, in the last line, I feel that had would be a better substitute for 'would'.

Also, I would strongly advice putting a period at the end of every paragraph especially after a dialogue is spoken. And don't worry, this will definitely not disrupt the flow of the poem in any way.

‘To be famous means trouble’ he said to his friends
‘A trouble I eagerly shun
I prefere to be known for what I intend
Rather than what I have done’

Now this paragraph was certainly lovely. I love the ideas you put into it however, I think that it should be prefer and not prefere. But on the other hand, this was definitely one of my favourite paragraphs.


An adventure it is more than any we’ve seen
For I tell you, that beast is a foul one
It is hungry and rude, it is cruel, it is mean
It is rightfully ‘voided and shun’

Maybe the flow would be better if you changed the last line to it is rightfully avoided and shunned.

There she stood queer and eager as few of her size
For the journey they soon would be gotten

I would advice placing a period after gotten. Also, maybe you should use a better rhyming substitute for gotten. I don't think it goes with UK english. (Or does it?)

Hermione sat uffish, alone in the hut
Refused to take part of the hunt
Alone? Not at all, next to her Neville sat
And commented her mood with a grunt


Very,very funny paragraph. However, what is uffish? Did you by any chance mean huffish? (Or am I just very ignorant?)


Home they went on their carpet, home to the feast
Where Neville was very relived


Ok, the only mistake I noticed was that relieved has accidentally been spelt relived here.


Ok, I will stop being overly critical now. Overall, I must say this was an excellent piece of poetry. I would so love to see more of your writing! Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: wendelin the wierd
Date: 07/13/06 5:53
Chapter: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

A lovely piece of writing. Poetry especially is so hard to write, mostly in this style where the third and the first and the fourthand the second line rhyme.

I absolutely loved the description in this poem especially-

There she stood with a light such as stars in her eyes
All of sleep was totally forgotten


I loved the decription of stars in her eyes. Very graphic.

But I am afraid I will ahve to start being a little ntipicky now-

‘But it doesn’t exist’ t’was Hermione to speak
‘It’s a fantasty made by your dad
I am sorry to say’ said she humble and meak
‘You would better go back to your bed’


Well, over here I thought that you intended it to be meek and not meak.
Also, in the last line, I feel that had would be a better substitute for 'would'.

Also, I would strongly advice putting a period at the end of every paragraph especially after a dialogue is spoken. And don't worry, this will definitely not disrupt the flow of the poem in any way.

‘To be famous means trouble’ he said to his friends
‘A trouble I eagerly shun
I prefere to be known for what I intend
Rather than what I have done’


Now this paragraph was certainly lovely. I love the ideas you put into it however, I think that it should be prefer and not prefere. But on the other hand, this was definitely one of my favourite paragraphs.


An adventure it is more than any we’ve seen
For I tell you, that beast is a foul one
It is hungry and rude, it is cruel, it is mean
It is rightfully ‘voided and shun’


Maybe the flow would be better if you changed the last line to it is rightfully avoided and shunned.

There she stood queer and eager as few of her size
For the journey they soon would be gotten


I would advice placing a period after gotten. Also, maybe you should use a better rhyming substitute for gotten. I don't think it goes with UK english. (Or does it?)

Hermione sat uffish, alone in the hut
Refused to take part of the hunt
Alone? Not at all, next to her Neville sat
And commented her mood with a grunt


Very,very funny paragraph. However, what is uffish? Did you by any chance mean huffish? (Or am I just very ignorant?)


Home they went on their carpet, home to the feast
Where Neville was very relived


Ok, the only mistake I noticed was that relieved has accidentally been spelt relived here.


Ok, I will stop being overly critical now. Overall, I must say this was an excellent piece of poetry. I would so love to see moreof your writing! Keep up the good work!








Reviewer: mock_turtle
Date: 04/27/06 19:21
Chapter: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

this is wonderfully funny! it put a smile on my face.

Reviewer: mcclure_512
Date: 10/05/05 21:13
Chapter: The Hunting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

wow, that was a novel! Very well written, I'm not to sure why but I'm particularly fond of the stanza, ‘To be famous means trouble’ he said to his friends ‘A trouble I eagerly shun I prefere to be known for what I intend Rather than what I have done’

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
Molly Weasley's Apple Dumplings by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Molly has studied history and knows the old stories, but she also knows what...
Early, Early Spring: Professor Sinistra Reflects by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
I didn't know much about Professor Sinistra, the Astronomy Professor, until...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES