Wow. It's finally done. Great job. I just started to read on of your other stories. keep up the good work.
this begining is so good
so much is happening but it doesnt come across as confusing
its fun trying to work out who all the people are, some of them are given quiet obviously but others are harder to work out
I know I've already submitted my two cents worth, but...
I just wanted to say how happy it made me that the elves were included in the 'New World' that the founders forced on the Magical community.
I really like Dobby, Winky, and the other elves.
excellent story..thanks for clarifying as some one from the Caribbean I had no idea what spotted sick meant when I read it in HPbk couldn't figure out if it were slang or what..so thanks
Well, up to your usual excellent standards. there were a few places where I was scratching my head. Now that the story is complete, those could be modified.
I love a happy ending. This was no disapointment. A better happy ending would be for JKR and you to co-author a version of this for publication. It wouldn't take much plot modification in adding this to the current story line. It could be an epilogue to the original septology. I could see it titled:
Harry Potter and The Story In The Runes, An epilogue to the Harry Potter septology. Or some such.
I still say though, your beta should be spanked. With such a... how should I say this? With such a rip-roaring good story, who cares?
VERY GOOD STORY, I WAS PRETTY UPSET WHEN SNAPE DIED THOUGH. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE EPILOGUE
this Merlin part is really messing with the story. i like the rest a lot, but i cant even read the merlin part its so boring
I don't know if you have ever heard of the "desaparencias" in Argenina in the late 80's, but about 30,000 people where just "dissapered" by the Argentinan government, they were mostly intellecutals and political prisoners, anyone who spoke out against the governemt. This is starting to remind me of that.
ive been reading ur story forever and waiting for the updates.. im soo glad i did bcuz ur story turned out to b one of the best ive ever read congratulations on writing such an interesting and unique story
Having just spent the better part of the last few days reading your intriguing story, I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.
First, I congratulate you on coming up with a unique and engaging plot! I actually didn't read the summary, so I had the chance to have the "collapse of magic" plot sneak up on me. I love all things related to the 'history of magic' so this was loads of fun to take in your version!
Favorite chapters: the very first one and the one where the magic, in fact, collapses. Both were simply written, yet were powerfully engaging, drawing the reader into the moment and evoking strong feelings.
I also liked the 'date from hell' scene with Fred and Patty. Just cute and funny.
Favorite character: Percy. Why? Because you let him draw us into his character without alot of narrative explanation. I could see him clearly as 'Stinky' and was moved by his need to confide in and develop a relationship with Peter. His scenes in 'the other world' with Snape were wonderfully moving. I loved how you have them counting and playing games. It was odd, yet it felt completely appropriate. And I was very, very moved by the simplicity of his death. Well done. Well done.
And now, because you deserve ALL sides of a review, my constructive (I hope) criticism!
1.Always Stick to the Plot: you have a WONDERFUL plot. The problem is, is doesn't start till around chapter 15 - or whichever chapter the auror stuns Percy in the forest. It isn't until then the engine of your plot takes off. Other than the opening few chapters, where Harry is waking up with Ginny's help, I can't recall much of what happens. That is because most of what you have occurring prior to that time doesn't serve the plot. Or it doesn't appear to. I totally missed the part where the Harry killing LV actually triggers the magic collapse - or contributes to it. You may have it in there - or have it explained to us at some point, but it is buried amidst so much else that you''ve written.
Rule of thumb is that all action, directly or suggested, should somehow move the plot forward. Even a teensy bit. Anything else is filler.
2. Characters have to earn what happens to them: by this I mean that if something happens to a character, you need to have built it into the action and what occurs to them previously. You make it work wonderfully with Ginny and Percy. Ginny earns what happens with her success with Rebecca because of how you show us what occured to her in the final battle, her teachings with the Healer and her experiences helping Harry. Percy I've explained already. It doesn't work with Hermione or, I hate to say, with Harry. You give Hermione this side story about her becoming pregnant, having drinking problems and her miscarriage: but it seems to come out of no where. Even her alienation from her parents seems unmotivated. There was nothing before this confrontation that led to this break up. None of these 'events' supports or con tributes to either the plot or her character development. The same is true with Harry. We 'hear' about how he's depressed, but he never acts in any way that seems totally normal. It came as a surprise way late in the story that he had 'repressed' the final battle scene. He neither acts out or seems terribly out of sorts, even when he asks to get his memory back.
3. Less is More and Show don't Tell: OK.. I want you to go through the story and COUNT how many times you tell us characters go to the loo. Then I want you to justify why we need to know this at all. This has nothing to do with being squirmy with bodily functions. Hermione tossing her cookies after drowing her sorrows in drink is appropriate. But, really, why do we care and how does this information contribute to the flow of your story??? The worst chapter is the one where we have to follow Harry on his daily schedule. Nothing he does in that chapter contributes to the development of the plot or his character in any way. I love JKR (obviously!) BUT it is her greatest writing flaw to wait for the FINAL EXPLANATION at THE VERY END to let us in on how it all fits together. It is always much,much stronger to reveal what is going on through plot action, character behavior and interactions rather than explanation. Always. Every time. What works about the Snape/Percy sequence is that you DON'T explain it! It just happens and tells us so much as a result. So, go through your story and count how many 'stories' the characters tell us so that we can move on to the next part. OK -- I'll buy the Merlin stories. But the myriad other Explanatory Sequences could be much stronger if they were revealed in other ways.
An example is the 'children of Merlin' sequence. I love when we see them with Minerva and fake-Albus. It's such a GREAT idea to make them the founders!! Could we not have seen them together earlier and have it revealed -- through them -- who they are?
4.Don't have your final climactic scene offstage! OK... I squirmed a bit at Vampire!Scrimgeour. Although that Luna was right was a bit of a giggle. Anyway, I'll let that go. So you have a GREAT suspenseful cliffie where Ginny escapes the long-toothed one! They can't get to him! How will the stop him>! It is such a let down that he just dissolves into sand. And we find out about it in a phone call!! THEENDITSOVER. Huh? Seems like a...dare I say...cop out? (Oh.. and while we're at it... when does Harry get a cell phone? Where does he charge it?)
I'm sure there is more, but this is probably WAY more than you wanted to hear!
I just want to reiterate that, despite the con crit, you have a really, really strong foundation in this story. Just go and hire Liam -- or a good editor -- to help you sharpen it up!!
Thanks for a fun read!
I'm really intrigued by the idea of "threads" and the evolution of magic. I find myself, however, squirming at the idea that the display of natural traits may consign one to be 'evil' or 'good'. Unless you are throwing out canon in this story, it seems to violate the premise of 'choice' in determining the path one follows. Both Tom Riddle and Harry Potter share similar traits and backgrounds, but it was, as Dumbledore put it, their choices that determines who they are, not their abilities. How do you reconcile that?
Wonderfully evocative vignettes that draw the reader into this particular moment in time. I look forward to taking this journey!
Tremendously good story. Just tremendous. Thanks for creating such an enchanting plot.
Oh! the mystery is just too much! Dumbledore is back? What does he mean by third offense? What's the importance of being like his father? Oh gosh, the questions keep coming!
I really liked how Harry and Ginny handled themselves in this chapter. They are dealing with a lot of emotions and scary situations and unknowns (evidenced by Ginny's rash decision to go find Rebecca). But the two were able to work through it (with little shouting from Harry) without overreacting and adding more drama to the situation. Harry's apology really shows that they are maturing and handing the situation, themselves like adults.
I am very sad to see Percy and Snape go, of course. But I think the letters were a great idea. I liked how your flashed us impressions and reactions from each family member. Especially Molly's. I liked that Harry recieved his letter from Snape. I think the apology and gift will do a lot for Harry to release any remaining hostility he might have held for the former Potions Master.
Excellent chapter, and I move on eagerly!
Author's Response: Thanks, Panda. I think there's just one more to go... can't remember... S.
Wow! This is going to want reading several times to understand everything packed into it. Facinating. Stefan is a jerk. Then again, we always knew that about him.
Author's Response: Thank you. S.
Awesome chapter as always, and the next one is right around the corner. Hooray!!! Keep up the good work!!
Wow you have a great story,I have been following this fic for a long while now. You have kept me on the edge of my computer chair with almost every chapter but never dispointed except with those evil cliffhangers.
I do understand about reading then reviewing more than ever now. So keep the good writting up. :)
You do so love leaving us in the air... don't you?
Well written. Well done.
Oh My gosh I can't wait to read more you have me on the edge of my seat. The story line is so great !!
Oooooooh, I'm on the edge of my seat. I'm really glad Ginny didn't end up getting captured again, but I'm dying to know what just happened with Dumbledore's portrait and Prof. McGonagall. Please update soon!