I like how this chapter carries on; the introduction of ‘Aphrodite’ was clever – obviously the goddess of Love would know how to solve a problem of Love.
Standing behind the counter was a woman around his age, with long strawberry blond hair, and ocean green eyes. A very nice description. My first impression was that of a sharp reminder of Lily. Perhaps she is here, sort of in the form of the goddess, giving her son some advice to stop his love life breaking down?
“Well then, I don’t see what the problem is. I mean, you’d think you’d be happy, you have a wife, and you’re going to have a baby!” She clicked her tongue impatiently. *giggle* I love her tone, especially the ‘impatiently’ right at the end. She’s not our typical lovey dovey Aphrodite, is she? She seems a lot more ‘common’ which is good, and she acts like she knows exactly what’s what and I think it’s this sort of attitude that Harry needs to see in order to pull himself together. So well done!
“Good,” she smiled. “I guess that means you don’t have a problem anymore.” Again, I love it! She makes it sounds so easy, in a sort of “sorted!” tone. Great.
Some nitpicks – again, I noticed that you left quite a few American spellings in the chapter. These shouldn’t really be used, as obviously Harry and Ginny are in England. A good way to change things is just to set your Msword to British English which then highlights the American bits. :)
Anyway, this was a lovely warm fic to read! :) There were funny bits and sad bits; there was a very warm glowy sort of ending that made me feel…*lovely* Great job, well done!
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
This chapter was quite funny in a way!
"Harry...Harry, are you okay?" she asked, looking worriedly at the young man, who was staring at her as if she was a strange martian from some planet he had never heard of.
Loved this. I think you’ve captured (though I wouldn’t know) the essence of a lot of men’s reactions to such news. Harry’s shock is so funny to see – it’s great. I like the way that you jump straight into the story from the first line, introducing Ginny’s excitement at her pregnancy straight away.
But it was too late... with one swift movement; Ginny had already opened the door and shoved him out into the cold night. I like what this shows about Ginny’s personality. She’s very forceful and fiery, and she knows what’s best for her. My first thought here was that most people would have stormed out after an argument – Ginny on the other hand, is cleverer than most and chooses to kick her husband OUT. *giggle*
Leaves were falling all around him, painting the dull streets with splashes of color. The few leaves that were still clinging to the trees were crimson and gold. The air was filled with the essence of change, and the dark night time sky was clouded.
I loved this paragraph. The imagery is fantastic and pays a wonderful contrast to the argument part of the chapter. You’ve really painted a vivid image of autumn; I specially like the idea of leaves ‘painting’ the streets with colour. It’s so true, and this is (in a way) exactly what they do – the colour always falls in small patches of leaves etc. I like the tiny hint about change there that you give too. *wonders* hmm.
I just have a few nitpicks and such: I noticed that you left a few American spellings in. his neighborhood wasn't a good place to be at night. Here, ‘neighborhood’ should be ‘neighbourhood’. And in the lovely paragraph above, ‘color’ should be ‘colour’. :)
This was a good first chapter – really interesting to read, and so funny in parts! Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for the positive reveiw and the advice on American spellings...Id never really thought about it but I appreciate it! :)
“Oh, what’s the use?!” He moaned quietly, burying his face in his hands. I think that if he’s “moaning quietly” then the exclamation point isn’t really needed, as it signifies anger and outburst >.>. But that’s just my interpretation.
This is one problem that won’t go away with a hug and a kiss. Insert a sad face here. I hope they make up! I’m being awfully childish and sticking out my lip. There is NO WAY Ginny can stay mad at Harry for long… can she?
“Wha…oh, right, umm, I’ll have a butterbeer.” He supplied her, Butterbeer should be capitalised and there should be a period before the closing speech marks. He should be in lowercase form :). Just me being nitpicky, dear!
“I should introduce myself. I’m Aphrodite.” Oh goody! I was wondering how mythology was going to come into play here, and you’ve certainly made me happy! I LOVE Aphrodite!
Aphrodite gasped and nodded solemnly “And you’re angry because she’s been having an affair, and now she’s having a baby.” *giggles* SCANDEL! Hee, I think I heart your Aphrodite. It’s like she’s seen it all before, and she’s just seeing whether Harry ticks all the boxes. She’s also got some nice looks, and they’re not too exotic, so she blends in!
“Well...yeah…,” Harry interjected doubtfully. You don’t need the comma here hun ;).
I think maybe the thoughts sequencing was a little off, that maybe you could italicize them or something. They threw me off guard a little :). But all in all, a cute little fiction!
Author's Response: Lol, Thanks very much for all of the "nitpicking" it will honestly only make me a better editor and writer =) I realize a lot of things are off in this story (I actually wrote it around when i was 11 1/2....im 14 now and dont really write much) so that would explain partially the grammar and stuff....Thanks again!
A...baby? When had this happened? I mean, we never talked about...A baby? I mean, we've hardly been married two years, I don't think I'm ready for this. My life had just started to become normal for a change, and now I'm going to have a baby? I love this! It’s so cute, the way he repeats the ‘baby’. I can just imagine him going… nah… no way… OMG I’M HAVING A BABY! *spasm* Hee. You captured the reaction well!
who was staring at her as if she was a strange martian from some planet he had never heard of. I’m giggling. I love it! It’s just like watching a movie where the male is all like, “…” and then the mother gets all excited and they just go crazy! I love it! But, Oh noes. He went crazy in a bad way. O.o I think that perhaps his reaction was a little too severe, but then again Harry is a lot older. It flows well, it just seems a little WOW-full-on when I look back on it. He’s a little bit angsty in the books and he’s grown out of that. I think he’s under a lot of stress in this, poor dear.
Aww! Well, I think that in real life, there are those who flip out in a good way, and those who flip in a bad way. I’m off to read part two, so hopefully everything turns out all right!
Author's Response: Hee hee, thanks so much for the reveiw! Yeah..I was in a rather playful mood when I wrote this, I remember. Trying to make each character very extreme... ;)
That was so good! You captured Harry really well, and I loved how you had Ginny fighting with him, it was so in charater. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you...I'll try.
Oh, what a sweet, sweet, chapter, Aphrodie really helped him, I just wished I had a boyfriend like him, instead of, well this other boy, anyhoo, please hurry and UPDATE, 10/10, au revoir.~
Author's Response: Thanks! I'll do my best!
Oh, I really like this chapter, I think it was very necessary for you to post on your biography, to help and donate to Hurricane Katrina, I donated some money to my British Red Cross, about a month and a half ago, and will continue if they need it, anyhoo, 10/10, au revoir.~
Author's Response: Very sweet of you! :)
very will written chapter; I am definitely intrigued! Update soon! Oh, and since I reviewed your story, maybe you can return the favor? I have a humor fic up and it's 11 chapters long so far, you don't have to read the whole thing maybe just the first chappie and see what you think? Once again, update soon!
Author's Response: Thank You! :) Of course, I'd love to read and reveiw your chapter. Hopefully I'll have time later today! :) Chapter 2 is now officially in queue.
Author's Response: Edit #2: I will read it ASAP...life has been so busy, but I PROMISE I will.
Hey KK, its me. Soz i havnt read it but u said it wasnt anything special. Just thought Id post here!
Author's Response: Hi Noodles, thanks for posting.
Very nice! I can't wait for the next chapter. Please post it soon. I especially like Harry's reaction to this change in his life and Ginny's reaction to Harry's.
Author's Response: Thanks...I tried to make it as realisitic as possible
hey, nice chapter, plz update soon, as we all know you will, right? lolz! well, update and ummm... update and, oh, btw, nice chapter again(lolz!)> WELL, UPDATE SOON! LOLZ! 10/10(of course)
Author's Response: Thank you...i plan on submitting my other chapter as soon as another story of mine gets out of queue. :)
hey THIRD REVIEW (second if you don't count yous lol hahaha) i loved your story it was a good start it was realy good i would ask you to check out me story but i don't have one :( i think it got rejected cause i just dissepeard from my persenal information so do you know if that means it was rejected i didn't get an e-mail or anything so if you don't that's ok to
Author's Response: I'm glad you like my story. :) Please watch out for the next chapter coming in the near future. Now, about your story: If it was deleted, then it was not accepted. There should be a rejection letter, sometimes they come late, and sometimes they end up getting lost, just make sure you have two spaces between each paragraph, that you don't have a Mary-Sue, and that there's a developing plot, and you can re submit it.
A rather intriguing start. I like how you depicted Ginny's character. The ending leaves you wondering what'll happen next.
Author's Response: Thank you, it was rather hard to do her character, because we don't know a whole lot about her,but I'm glad that you like it, chapter two is done, I just want several more reveiws before I post it. :)
Please Reveiw! :) Thank you.