annie, dear, you're amazing. Seriously. You are an amazing writer. *gushes*
Once again, I saw the beautiful, intricate storyline from you; it's not just one story, it's all of them. Your description, stories . . . everything are just great. I'm fairly sure I'll have all 27 of your stories read by the end of the week if they continue to stay as good as the ones I've already read.
The characterisation, again, I must comment. BRILLIANT. Snape's character was spot on, as was Draco's and Voldemort's.
Voldemort--- he was very unmerciful, and I really liked the twist you had when he told Draco that he was given false information. It's so in character for him; great work.
Draco--- he seems very weak and annoying, almost, in this story; something that I really think he would be while he was begging for his life; especially after what Snape had done to him. it's very sad to see what he's become. Perhaps we could have a one shot, prequel, as to how Draco ended up this way?
Snape--- I really liked the way you've written him. I could just see the hatred etched into his face, the hooked nose sliding out from under the cloak . . . But one thing I didn't understand--- why did he fundle in his seat when Draco was being tortured if he was just going to kill him himself? That's the only problem I have with him, but other than that, I loved him as well.
His red cloak slid off the throne behind him like a thick river of blood.
Ooh! I really loved this description here! It's definitely apparent throughout the entire story, but I really liked this sentence. I can just see Voldemort coming off his high throne and the cloak billowing out behind him and sliding off the chair silkily. 'Blood' was a great word to use.
Oh, gosh . . . I honestly couldn't find anything wrong with this story. It was so well written; you should be a real author; like, not just for fan fiction, but have books and things. I'm sure you'd sell out with the right publisher.
Oh, I did find this mistake:
. . . It was a test, Draco, a test to see where your loyalties lay and whether you were willing to endure pain and death for your master."
Instead of 'lay', it should be 'lie', I'm fairly sure. But this does not change how wonderful your story is. :)
I will admit, I had expected nothing less from you -- which is why I gave you false information."
Poor Draco got fooled. But, this sounds just like something Voldemort would do. And, Malfoy would be just the person that was weak enough to betray it. Not good on his part, but on your part as the writer, amazing.
Draco was dead long before the two jets of green light ever hit him.
Aw, great ending, but very sad. I really, really liked how you've worded this though. We know that the Avadas didn't kill him . . . but it's like he died from Severus' betrayal to him. It seems as if Draco really, truly considered him as a father, and he really looked up to him. To have someone not save you when you're about to die is really heart breaking; it's very sad, even if it is Draco Malfoy.
The way you write Malfoy makes me want to pity him, even after all the bad things he's done to Harry. In your Hermione/Draco fics, I really want him to get together with Hermione; he's just so sweet and sensitive and giving with her. In this story, you've got him portrayed the same way, and it makes me feel a tad sad for seeing him be like this, then get killed. But, if it's convincing, then that's a good sign.
This was a great story all together. I really liked your creativity and writing style in this, as in all your other stories. It too will go on my favourites. Great work---- again!
ooooooo. Good story/chapter. The ending was really good. It left you on sort of cliff hanger. You portrayed the characters extremely well in this story, and their emotions were well thought out. Very interesting story. Good job.
whoa, two-by-four coming in, that just blew me away... ~s
draco is one of my favorite chracters (after ron sirius and james). I felt really bad for draco. I was crying :(. Poor draco.
Love It....but then again, don't I always?
This was a really great story, and I just found it today. I didn't really expect it to be Draco at first (blame that on my not reading the summary), so his identity being revealed was a slight surprise.
However, I will comment on your wonderful talent and skill with keeping Draco in character. Your story almost makes one feel a bit sorry for the younger Malfoy (because it is like he is just in way over his head), but at the same time, he is MALFOY after all. :) , so the pity doesn't extend too far.
Also, great job on portraying Snape --- both his hesitancy in the beginning and his resolution, so to speak, in the end. He is such a conflicting character in the books, and no one really knows the truth about him, and you also extend that aspect into your story (It's not until at the very end when the reader sees that he's not going to save Draco). Great job on keeping Severus in character!
My only criticisms for this story, other than a few typos, was during a select few moments with Voldemort. I wouldn't put it passed Draco to beg Snape, but I don't think Voldemort would appreciate some of Draco's actions too much (such as when Draco kisses Snape's robes, which is an action usually employed only with Voldemort.)
(Hope you don't mind slightly lengthy reviews), and again, great job on the characters and the plot.
This one-shot was gripping, emotional, and quite remarkable; I was immersed from the second sentence. Annie, you are a tremendously talented writer and deserve so much positive recognition! As always, I am giving your work a '10'.
wow. that was amazingly well written, and the story flowed so well, with no awkward sentences or phrases to interfere. So sad, i like draco, but even so i absolutely love this story.
I really enjoyed this story. It was well-written and Draco was very in character. However, I had to take off a point because I don't think Voldemort would have appreciated Draco showing signs of such great humility to Snape, since such actions (kissing the hem of his robes) are usually reserved only for him. But other than that, it was really good! Of course, I can't say that I was all that sad...for some reason, the phrase "what goes around comes around" kept going through my mind. But good luck!
i cant finish reading it just yet cuz im long overdue for my run...but so far its really good! its giving me the chills lol. good job!!!! :-)
very well-written story. o jsut found it and really enjoyed reading it. it seems tight on draco's character.
Oh good, Gryffindor have an entry, that means points for us! This is really well thought out, I like the use of the theme of betrayal and it focusing on Draco, we get to see all the bad guys at once! Hurrah! I really like it, I hope you do well.
Hey, great one-shot. I've always seen Draco as a coward. It was very well written.
Yeesh, all the younger ppl seem 2 be dying here! What is going on? Is this the theme of the stories here, the good die young? Love it, really good.
Fascinating! And another tear-jerker. These challenge submissions are going to be the end of me. I've always felt so sorry for Draco. And Snape is so...conflicted. Is this the beginning to a longer work, or do you plan to end it here?
Author's Response: Nope, it's a one-shot :) And thank you.