EXCELLENT....Very nice story line. You did a great job.......
Author's Response: Thank you! If you enjoyed this, try "Point of No Return" it's a spin-off of this.Thanks for reviewing.
YOU ROCK OUT LOUD LIKE MAD!
Author's Response: Umm...thanks I think, thanks for reviewing!
ahhhh was this based on Phantom of the Opera sort of..?
Author's Response: That's where the idea came from, I'm trying to loosen up the ties a bit though. But yes, you have the right idea.
Snape likes Hermione? Believe it or not, this is my first dose of Hermione/Snape, I've read a few bits of fics about them but not much, I liked it, though Harry/Hermione would always be my first choice.
Once againg a great cahpter, this bit was my favorite...
The two men Snape had poisoned should have been okay, just not well enough to interview; although he hadn’t taken the time to study their conditions. He was a bit surprised one of them had died, but there was nothing he could do about that now.
It was quite funny that Snape actually killed a person and gave no heed, especially in the semi-positive side your showing of him.
Author's Response: Again, thanks so much for the detailed review! Hermione/Snape is really a weird thing to write, you have a whole different state of mind, i really creeped a bunch of people out by putting this as a H/Hr fic and having to throw the Hermione/Snape stuff in here too. I hope you enjoy the rest. Thanks again!
Awww! That was such a nice beginning chapter! I loved it, first of all, Id like to thank-you for helping with my story in the EoM. I thought I'd leave a review so here I am. I completely fell in love with the story from the first chapter! You captured my attention and now I'm aching to read on, it was the perfect beginning to lure me in. Plus, you captured Hermione's character perfectly, they way she would feel lost and hopeless. Great Job, hun!
Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you for the very sweet, detailed and unexpected review, it really made me smile. Helping you was more than worth it for such a nice review! Good luck with your fic!
God!Snape fallin for Hermione.That was great.
Author's Response: Umm...thanks, though that wasn't really what I was going for.
WOW! Great story. I really liked it. Keep writing!
Author's Response: I have plenty of stories you can check out, I'm glad you liked this one.
good story even though I absolutely hate the idea of Snape and Hermione together. Anyway, well written and keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, I'm glad you liked it.
“This was more that Hermione could bear but held back the tears.” Should read “more than Hermione could bear” and I think you should add “but she held back the tears.”
“She morphed in a confused little girl,” Should say ”into a confused little girl”
“she couldn’t think of answers to all the questions.” You mention “all the questions” but then the questions don’t come until later in the paragraph. I suggest you rephrase it to say: “she couldn’t think of any answers to the questions that plagued her.” Or something along those lines that would make the paragraph flow better. Either that or put that sentence after the questions later on in the paragraph.
“She also wanted to drown in her own tears hoping that it would take her away from this uncertainty.” You mentioned in the paragraph before that she was drowning in her tears. I would suggest changing one or the other drown, or say something along the lines of “she wished her tears could wash away all the uncertainties.” Just to change things up and keep things fresh.
“or maybe it was because that simply didn’t care.” That should read “because they simply didn’t care.”
“Yet something buried underneath the facts and evidence waited patiently for an empty promise, a lost dream, or something not to be expected.” I think there are a lot of things you could do to make this sentence have some more weight. I think it is a very good last sentence but it needs a little tweaking to really resound. I was thinking something along the lines of “a lost dream, an unexpected gift.” Just because “something” is so vague it could be anything. Giving “something” a name makes it that much more tangible.
I am a die hard Harry Hermione shipper. I know it may never come to pass, but isn’t that what fan fiction is about? It’s the ability to change and create our own story line that makes it so appealing. I like the feel that you give to their relationship. They don’t have everything all figured out, they are just doing what they know they have to do. The insights into Hermione’s personality and her weaknesses make her all that much more real as a character. Although, I am hoping that in later chapters you will show that same insight into Harry’s character as well.
I enjoyed this chapter and I am off to read the next one. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the gorgeous review, it's so shiny. I'll go fix those things soon.
Lovely story...the plot was very intense and intriguing throughout. It seemed to be very reminiscent of Phantom of the Opera, a great movie to play off from.
Again, fantastic plot. The characterization was right on, too...as well as your description. Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you again for your upmost devotion to my stories, you are a true reviewer, and I appreciate it.
Oh that's so sweet!!! *wipes away tear*
Author's Response: Thank you very much, I was so worried it would be too corny.
Ashley. Last chapter is beautissimo. Hermione’s confusion and yet her determination is so vivid in this installment – she loves, lusts, she doesn’t know, but she feels something for Severus, and she knows that it is because of him she is the woman she is now. But ... she ... ugh. You put it better than I did. I’ll stop trying to summarize what you wrote because ... you already know!
I liked the crying motif – she wanted to cry for being so stupid, she refused to cry, he couldn’t bear to see her cry, seeing her cry illuminates the truth for him. And then Harry’s wiping away Hermione’s tears makes her cry all the more. All of these references seem to give it a special sort of significance – sort of like, um, cleansing, or revealing. Don’t know if that was intentional, but it’s cool anyway.
The last paragraph – darkness and demons – was also very good (though not necessarily a place I’d want to end the whole thing without an epilogue). Although ... I do wonder what happened to Severus. Did he disappear down one of the tunnels of Hogwarts and leave forever? Hmm...
This chapter was a bit more fragmented than usual, heightening a sense of confusion. But overall it was well-written and a good conclusion to the story.
Have a nice day! *D*
Author's Response: I love it when I unintentionally put in unexpected motifs, it's amazing. I'm glad you liked this chapter, I'm rather fond of it myself and it took me forever and a day to get just right.
So far I like your story, and I havent ever given a review so you should feel special:P But the reason for this review is that I like the Phantom of the Opera/Harry Potter thing going on. Its quite interesting. But anyways the storys great though I must say EWWW!!! Hermione and Snape?! :P Well, I'll get used to it. Write some more!
Author's Response: Thanks for your first review. It's surprising how many people loathe Hermione/Snape and read my story. Don't worry, I'm always writing.
Very interesting. You have a unique style, and I like it very much. Snape is being very very naughty, isn't he? Poor Hermione. I love how you describe the setting. I can see the whole story unfolding in my head. Perfect, lovely and terrific. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you very much, I love it when people like my writing style. Thank you for reviewing :)
Ashley! I finally managed to scramble up spare time to come and review you! I've been meaning to for ages, it was just that... well, better late than never, don't you think? This was the fic that converted me to Harry/Hermione. I think it really does deserve high praise, really. Well... I guess that's why I'm here reviewing in the first place. Oi! Enough of my ramblings. I guess what I'm trying to say: You have a wonderful story here, and it feels like I know Phantom of the Opera all the way through.
Now, I picked this particular chapter because I think that transition chapters- which are usually more used to speed up plot than story-telling- are really hard to read and have fun with. You, however, not only had a transition chapter, but a very nice one at that. It wasn't chopped full of action, but it was enjoyable. A few of my favourite lines: "“It was a present from Harry before he left,” she murmured, her heart falling at the memory." This is sweet- very sweet, and shows her dedication to Harry. Her innocent love. ;) "They spoke about wizarding politics, the decreasing number of wizards, the dragon hunting laws, and the new Minister of Magic. They never spoke of the past; there was no reminiscing between the two." This line got me thinking- they are alike in some ways. Not many, no... but they are dedicated to a cause and smart. Harry, for instance, probably wouldn't be speaking with Hermione about things such as those. Snape, on the other hand, would, as he'd be the sort to appreciate and understand those items. I think you're trying to convey to us that Snape is much more suited for Hermione than Harry was- which makes Hermione feel confused. Ooh! I get shivers from even thinking that way. :)
Now, I know that you're fabulous at characterization and making things seem so real- and I'll get a few excerpts in a minute I found particularly enjoyable for that reason- but I do think that this one line seemed to not be in character: " For a while this made her uncomfortable, but she grew to enjoy his attention. She worked harder to impress him, and he doted on her in recognition." Now, I understand that the rest of this chapter would be out of the blue if you didn't say this, but I think there could have been a more subtle approach that would have put the readers in a bit more of a shock mode. Only one more nit pick that I found before I splatter fanboy love on you again: "She had a hard time believing he had just died, it couldn’t be a coincidence, but she couldn’t prove anything." Does this seem rather off to you? It made me stumble as I was reading and I had to reread it over again a few more times before I carried on.
As I said before, you are a master at characterization and nailing how everyone and everything would fit into place if such-and-such happened. Two of these lines we're so like the characters I was knocked into the back of my seat, particularly blown away. " The way he looked at her, it gave her a feeling of being appreciated. Something she had never felt in her life.":~~~:"“Silly girl,” he spat, “he isn’t returning. You know that!”" And to think... he still sees her as a silly girl, even after growing particularly fond of her! It was a perfect moment to put a bit of Snape "in love" into your chapter, and you took full advantage of it. Way to go!
Now, before I wrap my review up, I must give you some of my comments of a few lines that were fantastic. "It wasn’t like working with her former Potions professor; it was as if he were someone completely different." This is really a good line to write, as it explains why Hermione was spending a bit more time with him (and the fact that she's obligated to as well). "They saw each other less and less, only during that one day a week, and during meals, but Severus Snape hardly ate with the staff if he could help it." Snape turning into the Phantom, eh? C'mon, we know it's coming. ;) "The feeling wasn’t the same innocent love she had felt for Harry, though; this seemed darker, more exotic." Good girls go for bad boys... of course. I've seen it only a few times though it's been classified as cliche. You work it as much as you can, because, it is working for ya! "Hermione was drawn to a man she couldn’t care for; Snape was trying to ensnare a young woman who wouldn’t give up her past." My favourite line. Speaks more than you'd think- all the future possibilities! (Of course, when I hadn't read the rest of your fic). ;)
Well, there's no going back now! I'm ready for the rest to fanboy- squee all over. Possibly drool, but I can't guarantee it. :D
Author's Response: *fangirls Pat's review* You totally made my day, I can believe I have a fanboy and converted someone to H/Hr *pretty much dies*
This is a very good story. But I must say, Hermione and Snape? eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww
Author's Response: Thank you for the review....it's an odd pairing I know.
*is still naughty* I remember when you sent me this chapter; and it took a month for me to get to it. It seems better than ever now that I'm reading it on here. I can sense the not-rightness even when Hermione is oblivious, and when she realizes, it's hard! How can she fix this? I guess, like everyone else, I'll just have to wait and see!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Leslie, it makes me all warm and fuzzy to see you here.
*is a bad beta* Sorry I haven't reviewed for so long! I think you did a really good job on this chapter, brought the action along nicely, what with Hermione being frightened and she and Harry finally "getting together." Apparently all your reviewers found out our little secret, but I think that you have done a good job of making it your own.
Author's Response: You are a wonderful beta and it makes me so happy to hear you say I made it my own because that has beeen my biggest fear with this story.
Wow, that's all I can say. Very good chapter, I'm loving this story. Especially the Phantom/HP relationship. Two of my favorite stories in one!
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you like it.
Very nice, very creative and very well written. Your story flows very well but it often becomes repetetive. You have a very poetic style, however taking nothing away from your talent, the thought of Severus Snape touching Hermione Granger makes me want to wretch...BLECH!!! ;>
Author's Response: Thanks for the constructive review, I will definately keep that in mind in the future.