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Reviews For The Great Fall

Name: lily_evans34 (Signed) · Date: 12/17/06 14:18 · For: The Great Fall
Oh, wow, Ashley. I simply adored this. First of all, the beginning. The tone that you started this piece off with was simply stunning. From the first paragraph I could nearly feel the tension that you built up for the characters—the repetition of the words ‘darkness’ and ‘fear’ adding to this ominous setting.

He didn’t want his friends here; he knew he was sending them to their deaths. I love this line, because it seems so true to Harry’s character to want to save his friends. It’s also sad the way you wrote this—that Harry was certain that he and his friends would die. Reading it, it gives me a sort of helpless feeling to know that there was a good chance that they would die.

I also adore the way you wrote Hermione in the beginning. At first this helpless side of her seems OOC, but I like the way you backed it up by saying that she had always thought she could do anything. Where it doesn’t seem like her to act so vulnerable, it is, however, a lot like her to understand her limits. I think the way you wrote her in this fic is very true to her character.

They sat on James and Lily’s rebuilt lot in Godric’s Hollow, perhaps waiting the meet the same sad fate that they had. I think you want to say ‘waiting to meet’, here.

The way you described Harry’s death was just heartbreaking. At first you keep up the fast pace of the story by mentioning it in passing, but after the Death Eaters are gone you show an insight to how Hermione felt about the whole thing. I simply adored the line, Maybe she would die in the fire, then she wouldn’t have to deal with this, and she might see Harry again. This seems so…real, basically. I think that a lot of times when we’ve lost someone, the thought of death seems inviting compared to the pain. I like how you wrote Hermione in this way—she seemed real, and yet, she seemed like the same hopeful Hermione that we know, with the ‘and she might see Harry again’ part.

The end of this fic is just tragic. It makes me feel for Hermione so much, how she was trying so hard to hold on to Harry. The last line is just…wow. *tries and fails to think of a more descriptive word* Even though forgetting would allow her to feel less pain, it’s still so devastating to think about… how one tragic experience made her forget about all the good times that she’d had with Ron and Harry.

This fic is truly moving, Ashley. I haven’t read many convincing last battle scenes where Harry lost, but this is definitely one of them. I can’t wait to read more of your work.

*huggles SPEW buddy*

Author's Response: It's been so long since I had a good review on this. Thank you so so much for giving this story a chance no one tries it because it's so angsty and dark and I'm so glad you liked it. This review made me smile so much! I am so happy now, thank you tons Rachel *loves* I only hope I can give a review just as good.

Name: gryffindorgurl22 (Signed) · Date: 08/05/06 14:59 · For: The Great Fall
oh my !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was a good fic, but terribly horrible. How could beloved harry die??? life is soo cruel
ps- is this a harry/hermione thing *looks at 2nd to last paragraph*

Author's Response: I might have subconciously slipped Harry and Hermione in, that isn't really the point of the story but you may have seen something yes. Thanks for the review.

Name: BeckyRose (Signed) · Date: 06/19/06 11:35 · For: The Great Fall
Oh, wow...excellent job. Very angsty...very nice writing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for being such a good reviewer

Name: Ksenia (Signed) · Date: 12/05/05 19:35 · For: The Great Fall
Not many would kill Harry, I respect that you took that step and wrote a final battle where Harry lost. One that didn’t involve a miraculous end. I was impressed though there were a few parts that didn’t work well for me. I do enjoy the hinting at who was there, but once I discovered that Hermione was the narrator it lost its appeal, she knows them all and they are all her friends so I found it odd that she wouldn’t be a bit more personal about each. The setting was another odd part, I guess I didn’t really understand how the final battle worked out, was there an arranged time and place for them all to meet, or did Harry and the gang decided that if they stay in the house they would lure the Dark Lord to them? Ginny’s charm also confused me as well as the fact that the Death Eaters and Voldemort didn’t kill off the rest of the group. I just felt that they would have enjoyed destroying the friends of Harry.

I was impressed by the way you wrote the fight scene. It wasn’t overly filled with action and confusion. Rather it came off realistic in an interesting way since the writing was stylized. There was a poetic moment having Wormtail be the finish to Lupin, that he and Harry be the only two deaths. Overall you managed a powerful version of the final battle with out becoming cliched or overly dramatic. Which I was impressed with since I do admit to a little bias against the angst type stories. Wonderfully done.

Author's Response: Another SPEW review, God I feel so blessed, it's like Christmas already!

This was so helpful, and this is a story I really cherish. I will probably go through one day and fix all those things reworking the beginning again because I know what you mean will the distantness between Hermione and her friends.

As for the lack of action *cough* I'm terrible at fighting scenes...so I'm glad you enjoyed the less intense fighting a lot of other readers didn't care for it though.

To be honest I had never really thought about the location of the battle, and though this isn't exactly right I guess it was planned, not written down and everything but everyone knew about it...it's hard for me to explain.

Then Ginny with the charm...that was just a stupid act of desperation. I was lacking in creativity, I know.

As for Voldemort not killing them all, Hermione kind of addressed that. Voldemort I think would take more pleasure out of having them stay alive and in shock and grief for a little while rather than killing them all right off. Because all of them expected Harry to win, and for Voldemort to win would really cripple them. In my opinion keeping them alive was more cruel than just killing them. Of course it's all in the eye of the beholder.

Thank you so much for the review! I intend to go back through this after I'm done with all my other projects and fix some plot points so thank you for the suggestions.

Name: megan_lupin (Signed) · Date: 10/20/05 23:13 · For: The Great Fall
Good job. I thought the idea was really good, however, I did notice a few typos, though it's nothing horribly obvious. I think it would have been nice to have the battle described in a little more detail, but I will say that you did a great job envoking the right degree of emotion in the story, especially at the end.

Author's Response: Thank you, emotion was whatt I was going for mostly. I'm terrible at action scenes so I chickened out on it a bit. Thank you for the kind review and for reading.

Name: SilverrKiss (Anonymous) · Date: 09/07/05 15:24 · For: The Great Fall
Well, I have to say that I did like the variety...most authors don't like to write about such a bleak death for their hero. However, I felt that there was a lot of repetition and too many typos in it. I noticed quite a few comma errors and a few other gramatical mistakes. You probably could have spent less time repeating over and over about how sad and scared they all were and described the actual battle in greater detail. But, anyways, good idea and good luck!

Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like it! I appriciate the criticism though. I know I didn't concentrate on the battle a lot but that really wasn't the point of the one-shot for me anyway, it was the emotion, rather than the battle. If you can think of any specific repetition (and I know I'm awful at repeating myself) or spelling/grammer errors, please E-mail me because that would be truly helpful. Thank you, ~Ashley

Name: potter pearl (Signed) · Date: 09/06/05 19:40 · For: The Great Fall
oh my god!!!! that was soooo good! and it was soo sad too! ive never read anything with harry dying in it before! but this was just sooo amazing! i love it!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the heartfelt review.

Name: potter pearl (Signed) · Date: 09/06/05 19:36 · For: The Great Fall
oh my god!!!! that was soooo good! and it was soo sad too! ive never read anything with harry dying in it before! but this was just sooo amazing! i love it!!

Author's Response: thank you twice :)

Name: SiriusWoman (Signed) · Date: 09/06/05 11:44 · For: The Great Fall
That was wonderful and painful at the same time. You are a very gifted writer.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you, that's exactly what I wanted to convey.

Name: Youth (Anonymous) · Date: 09/03/05 0:04 · For: The Great Fall
Oh, pretty good. Sad, but good.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

Name: Melanie (Signed) · Date: 09/02/05 14:14 · For: The Great Fall
WOW! You are a really GOOD writer! How do you think up these things? I mean yeah my story I've written is in the queue, but yours totally kicks mines butt! I give this piece: 100000000/10 lol

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review, it's nice to hear I actually can write, sometimes I'm not so sure. I'm glad you liked the story.

Name: Cinderella Angelina (Signed) · Date: 09/01/05 21:52 · For: The Great Fall
Well, as you can see from Minerva's review, that's what you get for having a beta. Hey, I just realized--this got accepted the first time! Great work! I don't know that I have a whole lot more to say than . . . er . . . the person before me said (sorry, can't remember who). Good application of the challenge.

Author's Response: *hugs amazing beta* Thanks so much for the review, and for helping me. You make me smile with my heart.

Name: Pottergirl (Signed) · Date: 09/01/05 19:38 · For: The Great Fall
Harry's dead?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *Falls to ground screaming* NOOOOOOO, NOT HARRY, PLEASE NOT HARRY.WHY? WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG? *Screams in pain, and sadness*

Author's Response: I'm sorry it was so heartbreaking, but I'm glad because I wrote it just to do that.

Name: Minerva76 (Signed) · Date: 09/01/05 19:33 · For: The Great Fall
Wow. I'm...devastated. Cried something awful at the end. Very well written, but you may want to edit one part. I saw something about (no space) in there that I think was unintentional. Other than that, absolutely wonderful!

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I edited that out, that's for the point out on that. I appriciate all the comments, and I send lots of love to Cinderella_Angelina who betaed it for me. Thanks for everyone's support, I'm glad I could evoke some emotion.

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