Oh yeah - definitely out of canon but this was written between HBP and DH too. Completely AU now. : ) Thanks for your review!
aww that's so lovely and sweet :)))) Although outta canon, but still lovely :D
I loved this, just the perfect combination of fun, love, loss and nostalgia. Very well written and I'd love to see more of Lauren, she's a great OC.
Author's Response: Yeah - she was the genesis of this story. I just had to figure out what to do with her after she appeared in my head. And I love Charlie so I thought it was a good opportunity to give him some page time. Glad you liked it. Thanks for another lovely review!!
It's good to have a story about Charlie although at first I was worried that Rita would be the love interest! Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Ewwww...Rita....ewwwww. hehehe I'd never do that. : ) I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!
Tis a good story! But are you allowed to have images on your summary? I just wouldn't want this story deleted...~H_o_I_
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the story. I thought I put the banner in my author page only. oops - I will go fix it. Thanks for letting me know. Thanks for leaving a review!
its stories like this that i wish could go on forever : )
Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's reviews like this that make me want to write more. I appreciate your review!
Wow! Charlie's getting married! I like the bit about the dragon skin, and the curious effects it had on Lauren. I also loved seeing Charlie work with the dragons. I thought it was ironic how he couldn't react in time to save his brother, and yet he kept his head when treating the dragon. How tragic. *sigh*
I have a few issues, though. I feel like this romance progressed a bit too quickly because it seems like we go from Lauren's dragon-riding story, to the twin's party, to a marriage proposal very suddenly! :)
Also, the proposal itself is a bit blasé. They don't consider Lauren's aging problem and how it would affect the marriage, and I would think a couple would have a serious talk about all of their issues (including this) before the proposal, not after. ;)
Nice story! I enjoyed the dragon-work. The romance could be slowed down a bit, in my opnion, but very nice story overall!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I'm hoping to expand this story someday. I'll definately consider your ideas when I do.
Woah! That was absalutly amazing! For starters, I like how Charlie had to get over Bill's death, and he did that by falling in love. There is no greater medicine in the world that love!
Also, I found Lauren's secret very interesting. I would love to hear more about it!
All in all, Great Job!
Author's Response: I will hopefuly expand the story someday. Thanks so much for your review - I appreciate it!
Awwww....new ship invented: C-L...haha...nice story. I really enjoyed the completely new environment of the Dragon sanctuary. It's a place I've often thought about but we've never visited (maybe in book 7, eh?). Good one!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
WHAT!!! I read this last year and didn't review???? BAD CraftySlytherin BAD *hits self over head with a lamp* I may have to iron my hands :) Well anyways, I loved this when I read it last year and it's still great Jenn!!
Author's Response: Awwww -thanks!!! I appreciate it. Email me soon - I want to hear how you're doing.
Thanks for responding to my review so promptly. I put you on my 'favorite authors' page-- I hope you don't mind.
Author's Response: I am honored. Thank you so much!!!
There is so much onomonopia that I want to use that I can't use all of it. I'll just use one: AAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!!! This was a really sweet story. I was very sad that Bill died. But Charlie found love, and I think that's good for him. I like that you chose him to be the central character in the story. And I like Lauren. She seems perfect for Charlie. Clever title, by the way. If Lauren never seems to get older, won't that be a problem when Charlie ages? Maybe not, but I just thought I'd point it out. Oh, and thanks for responding to all of my reviews for you other fic, Distraction. I love it when the authors respond to reviews!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. I didn't like killing off Bill but I don't think the Weasley clan will be able to come through the final battle without losing someone. I figured that's who would affect Charlie the most. Yeah - it should be interesting when Charlie's an old man. Lauren does age, just slowly. She won't have to worry about him leaving her for a younger woman : ). Thank YOU for reviewing - responding is the least I can do.
This story is totally and completely brilliant! I loved it. It was very long, but it held my attention (a hard task most times). It gave attention to a character generally (and rather unfairly) glazed over by other writers.
Author's Response: Thank you! It was originally a four-chapter story so it is quite long. Thanks for sticking with me all the way through. And thank you for reviewing!!!!
This is a lovely, well-written story, indeed! I think you nailed what the effects of losing Bill would be on the Weasley clan and I think that this was a great place to start, because it gives Charlie a bit of a hole in his heart for someone special. I adore Lauren and her "special gift." Your description of how it all happened was riveting. I love the idea that Charlie walked in on her in the bathroom! So much like a brother from a large family, isn't it? Your description of dragon keepers as "danger-seeking, adrenaline junkies with egos the size of a Ukrainian Ironbelly" is quite fitting, just as I imagine most of them are. You laid out the story perfectly and I love the way you executed the ending. I think all of us would like to join the Weasley family at some level. Me, well, mostly for Molly's cooking.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for such a nice review! I liked fleshing Charlie out a bit. I hope we get to learn more about him in Book 7 (or the extra book rumored to be coming out after Book 7 with JK's character profiles and deleted parts). Thanks again for reviewing!!!
That was very sweet - it was nice to read about Charlie for a change. I really felt for him and his sadness and was glad when he found Lauren. I found the aging thing a little disconcerting, although it was a truly original idea. I kept wondering what will happen as they get older. Presumably, Lauren will stay very young as Charlie ages. Maybe you should write a follow up, and then I can find out! Well done.
Author's Response: Hmmm - maybe I will write a follow up. I can just see Charlie as an old man with Lauren. She is aging but slowly. She'll probably look about 40 when Charlie is old. But she's 30 years older than Charlie. hehehe Anyway, thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked it.
It was... it has to be my favorite one-shot because it was so long. I hate when things are over but the story ended so well. I loved that it was in Charlie's view and every scene or event seemed to flow seamlessly to the next and if it didn't there was a reason. 10/10 and if I could go higher I would. -Mandee-
Author's Response: You are so kind! Thank you for the wonderful review.
OMG! That had to be one of the longest one-shot I've ever read! *not complaining though, seeing as it's one of the best too* I loved the way you switched emotions without being actually seen, beginning from Angst, to Romance to Humour, there was so much variety in it. It was so realistic, Jenn, great job! 10/10 *straight into my faves*
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was a lovely start to my Monday morning to come in and read your review. I really appreciate it!
First off, I’d like to thank you for writing a story from the pov of Charlie Weasley. He’s the one Weasley brother we know the least about, and the one that entices me the most. We have some information on him, but his character still leaves a lot of exploration to be done. Before I get onto the actual review I also have to mention the title, even if someone might accuse it for being unoriginal, it is catchy! :) But, here goes the review:
I agree with your idea that the death of Bill is probably what would hurt Charlie the most. I take it that this one-shot is pre-HBP? Otherwise, I think I would have liked to see a mention of Fleur somewhere. Something else that came to my mind around the “last battle” scene, was: ‘His victory and battle injuries were pushed out of his mind as he saw the scene in front of him. Those ginger heads sobbing together over Bill’s body would be burned in his memory forever.’ - here it seems like you’re jumping to Harry’s pov. It happened briefly with Molly too, but that didn’t bother me because it still flowed nicely with the text. Later you switch to Lauren as well, but that was well done and felt natural as she became the other main character.
I like your understanding for Charlie’s character, and I like to bring up a few examples where this shows best:
‘Charlie expected to finally have some relief once he was back in the Carpathian Mountains where the dragon sanctuary kept its inhabitants safe and hidden. Unfortunately, the weight on his heart remained. He was blessedly distracted during his shift. But once work was done, Charlie was lost.’ - pardon me for such a long quote, but I thought it was both beautifully written and that it gave us a good idea of Charlie dealing with his loss.
‘A lot of Emil’s employees were danger-seeking, adrenaline junkies with egos the size of a Ukrainian Ironbelly. Charlie’s talent far exceeded that of his co-workers, but his down-to-earth nature made him likable and easy to work with.’ - another extended quote, but this is a fairly long one-shot so you’ll have to bear with me. I think this agrees with all of what we have seen of Charlie in canon, and it’s a great comparison between him and the people he moves around.
‘“Oh! Charlie, sorry,” he answered. “Forgot my manners there for a minute. Do you have any more luggage?”’ - I think this is an excellent bit of Charlie dialogue, I could just see the picture of him in my mind speaking the line. Well crafted!
‘He wished he could talk to Bill about Lauren. Bill was much better at dealing with women than Charlie could ever dream of being.’ - oh, I love these two sentences, you can really tell how much he still misses having his older brother to talk to. Since I’m on the sentence, I wonder if it should rather be ‘Bill had been’ instead of ‘Bill was’?
There are only a couple of things I’d like to point out that didn’t entirely match with my image of him. You write that: ‘Dragon tamers spent a lot of time in the infirmary –’ - but I’m not sure I have ever heard him spoken of as a dragon ‘tamer’? You don’t do it throughout of the story, so I think it would be very easy to correct if you so wished. Charlie is always mentioned to be ‘studying’ dragons, or ‘caring for’ them, but never taming them. And if I’m not very much mistaken, JKR has stated that it’s impossible to tame them anyway.
It came to my mind, that Charlie used to be a very successful Quidditch seeker. I think it was said that he could have played for England, if he had not gone to Romania to work with his dragons. So, since this is one of very few stories focused mainly on him, maybe it would be a good idea to mention it? I imagine he misses it sometimes, being busy with his dragons. Anyway, just a suggestion.
Now to your most prominent OC, Lauren Petri. When you first introduce her by the letter, we already know two things. One, she was supposed to be dead. Two, she’s around fifty years old. The demanding tone of the note fits fairly well together with the strength of an older woman, so when Charlie went to meet her I expected to see a middle-aged woman. It was an interesting surprise when she looked so young, and I loved the detail you made up of her feeling warm in the cold weather – it really caught my interest on her. She seemed very down-to-earth as well, and when she touched Charlie’s hand on the steering wheel you showed us that she is a physical person, but also confident enough to reach out to someone.
I’m not quite comfortable with Lauren’s relationship with her father. They seemed to have been very close when she grew up, having the interest in dragons in common. But after the accident, she just disappeared? You sort of give us a reason, ‘“The longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back. I knew it would be hard for people to adjust to the fact that I seemingly didn’t age.”’, yes, that might be true, but I think that weirder things happen regularly within the wizard community, and if she was so close to her father should it really have mattered that much?
When Lauren comes back, I’m okay with how she quickly makes up with Emil. How someone would deal with that is very individual, and since these are both your OC:s you are free to decide that to suit the story best. What I would like to point out is this: ‘“He’s going to be okay!” she squealed in Charlie’s ear.’ - even if Lauren doesn’t look it, she’s still around fifty ears old, so would she really be squealing? Throughout the story you keep her fairly steady and calm, so I thought this didn’t quite fit in. Her father is going to be all right, sure, but she has not been in contact with him for so long, and I can’t make up my mind if that should be a reason to squeal or not.
But, moving on, I’m very taken with her as a character, and I love the relationship with Charlie that grows. I’m going for a long quote again, but this is one of my very favourite parts of this one-shot:
‘Charlie was reminded of the times when his Mother would open jars that his Dad couldn’t budge. She would always say that Arthur had loosened it for her. This seemed to appease his Dad, but the Weasley kids always knew the truth. Charlie has the distinct impression that Lauren had just done the same for him. He laughed to himself at his revelation.’ - I just thought the comparison was so sweet and true.
I thought the incident with the dragon was interesting and original, and I found the lingering results of it very believable. We already know the uses for dragon heart string, dragon blood and hide, and I enjoy how you use the idea that their considerable life-span could be partly transferred to a human.
I like how you use expressions like ‘The rest of winter sped by for Charlie and Lauren.’ and ‘Those nights became some of Charlie and Lauren’s favorite memories from their first year together.’, without actually saying so you let us know that this relationship is going to last. Therefore it comes as no surprise, more a pleasant confirmation, when Charlie proposes to her. His actual wording also ties back to the title in a very nice way, making sure you did not just pick it by accident.
But even if there is a “happy ending” here, you have not let us forget about Bill. Charlie’s pain is still very much there, and it is something that will stay with him forever, even if the wounds are healing. So, a lovely romantic ending, but still with a serious undertone.
I’ve got three tiny things that wants correcting:
‘Well, I guess whoever told me that was wrong,Charlie thought.’ – there needs to be a blank space between ‘wrong,’ and ‘Charlie’.
‘“I need to examine him,” insisted Healer McDavid. “Please give me a few minutes”’ – the point is missing at the very end.
‘“Err…you sat on it my accident?” Charlie suggested.’ – a sneaky typo, it should be ‘by’, not ‘my’.
Well, how to wrap this up… I think you’ve got a nice one-shot here, Jenn Weasley, with your understanding for Charlie as the most important ingredient. I actually put up a question on the Forums when they re-opened, if anyone could recommend a good Charlie-fic. I didn’t get a reply for a story on MNFF then but if anyone asked me today, I’d be able to recommend yours.
Author's Response: I was just floored to log in and see your wonderful review. You have made my day! Thank you for pointing out my typos. They are corrected. I also took your suggestions on taking out the term tamer and changed Lauren's reaction to her father waking up. Both were good observations - thank you. I'm thinking of turning this back into a four chapter story. I couldn't get the 1st chapter approved for a long time and thought that if they saw the whole thing, the mods wouldn't be so confused by the first chapter. So anyway, if I do that, I think I will incorporate your other plot suggestions. I really appreciate you spending the time to leave such a long review. You put so much thought into it. I just can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading it. Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!
How can it be that I'm first to review this?!? This is incredible Jenn! Way to go. I just know there's someone out there for Charlie, and I think you found the perfect girl! It is a travesty that this has been up so long and no one has reviewed yet! I'm outraged for you! Really this is excellent and I'm going to reccomend it to all!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It took me forever to get it approved. I was beginning to think it was a terrible story. I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for your faithful reviewing!!!!