Excellent... I'm supposed to be reviewing for Jenna and Lex as well, but they will have to wait, I'm afraid, I'm too caught up in HPSS! I like the way you've blended canon with what you've written. It is almost seamless. I've only really discovered one contradiction that can't be immediately explained away. In DoL, Lugh explains that Voldemort made a pact with the gods for his immortality. But, here you have Voldemort relying on his Horcruxes. I think that could use a little more backstory, for why have the gods if the Horcruxes do the trick? And without the gods, you lose Maeve... So, that's a loose thread I'd like to see pulled in line. I have nothing else but praise for this chapter. Like Remus, I'm awfully jealous of Maeve's new mode of transportation. And I'm excited, I can't wait to see why Narcissa has flung herself into Meave's arms! *hies off to read the next chapter*
Author's Response: Don't worry about the god's pact...it's all under control. :-) *starts rifling through her notes frantically* That was always going to be the tricky part of blending HBP with this story...but it will be blended. it already has been to a degree...you just can't see it yet. ;-) And remember, Lugh can be as tricky as Dumbledore and Snape in telling people half-stories.
Okay, with this chapter we're settling in quite nicely. It feels less abrupt, though I'm not sure how to explain that. I like the dance between Maeve and Narcissa, it will be interesting to see their future interactions. I also liked the interchanges with Remus. I thought he might be all placating and understanding, but he wasn't. Their relationship has been a bit damaged by actions on both sides so that's a thread that has me hooked as well. I like the hints and such that are dropped about a former relationship between Narcissa and Snape, it adds a level of tension and allows us to believe some of Maeve's distrust in her husband. I do hope, however, that you don't carry it too far. Snape and Maeve have already overcome massive hurdles to be together, I wouldn't want her faith in him to be misplaced.
A couple of nitpicks: Maeve held her arms tight to her body as she moved down the fusty passage. I think you meant "dusty". Also, you have Harry referring to Mrs Weasley as Molly. I don't know if you had her give him permission to do so in DoL, if you did, I apologise. But, I think he wouldn't call her Molly on his own. She's his best friend's mum and almost a mother to him as well, he'd treat her with more respect.
“No.” It was a small word for such a monumental decision. This was such an incredible line that I had to point it out. Maeve always seems to be faced with these monumental choices between doing what she must or running away and often chooses the more difficult path with little fanfare. This line just so perfectly summed up all that is Maeve and her courage to do what needs to be done.This was a great chapter and it has really pulled me into the story. Of course, perhaps it was merely the enjoyment of seeinf Roderick have to face up to someone (something) that he wasn't a match for ;)
Author's Response: I think it says more about Maeve that she's not shaken by Severus' actions but what might be going on with him and Narcissa. Here are all these huge things happening and yet Maeve is more concerned with good old-fashioned jealousy. She's become more hardened to things since DoL. She's started to just get on with things and not worry about how things will look. We'll see more of that as this story progresses. At one time she would have hated to inconvenience paoppl...now, I don't think she's too concerned with that. Fusty is a word that means stale and damp, a bit like foisty. And you know, I'm not sure if I did have Molly ask Harry to call her that...Arthur does later in this fic...but I'm not sure about Molly. *Ponders*
Okay, I'm back, I told you I would be ;). Upon re-reading the first chapter (yes, I'd already read it once) I remember why I've been hesitant to continue until you had more chapters up. At the end of DoL you had tied up Maeve and Severus very neatly. As much as I loved the couple, it was very difficult to watch them unravel again. You've done a wonderful job of setting up the crisis but it's come so quickly. I think I may have appreciated a brief scene before the nightmare that set up for us just how connected Maeve and Severus are. I know that this is a sequel, but it is also a story in its own right and my preference would have been to ease into it a little more gently. So, I waited for more chapters because this one left me feeling so uncomfortable and uncertain, that I didn't want to have to wait for more answers. This is not a criticism of your writing, but more a compliment. Your words make me feel for these characters. The power of your description makes me feel what they're going through and my discomfort is really a reflection of Maeve's discomfort.
A coupld of minor typo's: Remus looked uncomfortable. He knew that if he left her alone his companions would accuse him of giving her the opportunity to do something underhand, not that he believed for a moment that she would. I believe you meant "underhanded". I also swear I saw a "has" where you meant "had" but I couldn't find it again to pinpoint it.So, now that I have more to read... I'm off to read it ;)
Author's Response: *Dies* MJ finally reads SS!
There was supposed to be a break between DoL and SS, but then HBP happened and I couldn't write it. It's the first time ever I have been unable to write something. There was no way i could do the slightly whimsical honeymoon that I had planned. So I took the other option and threw the readers straight into Maeve's nightmare. She, like us, woke up with a new realisation that Snape was still very much involved with the dark side. I think underhand may be a difference in use between British English and American English. I even went and checked the OED and they have underhanded listed as an alternate for underhand. :-) I'll have a look for the stray has, pesky thing...it'll be somewhere! *huggles MJ for reading*
Draco is sooo bad, running of like that! is lucius really dead??? Narcissa will be well lost without him. sorting hat was good. I wonder if it knows more than it told her. Excellent chapter again.
Author's Response: Draco is VERY bad. Snape is going to be extremely mad with him!
I love your godrics hollow. Its just how I saw it. Albert seems mysterious and i'd like to see more of him soon. harry needs a friend and he's away from everyone else except ron. The scene at the grave was nice, not to slushy.
Ah! Very interesting. Extremely interesting. Lucius dead on television... might that be fake? Perhaps, but it successfully thrust Cissy out the door quite nicely and, as plainly as I know how terribly complicated that will make things, a part of me can't help but to hope for it. Draco is a prat, as always, and Severus seemed a bit too trusting of him. But that can certainly be forgiven, he had more than enough on his mind (I am forgiving Snape for being remiss! How did I get this way?!... Oh yeah, DoL). I wish I could write more about this, but I am at a loss for words, at least. I think I am.... I did smile rather broadly at the subtilities you expertly slipped into seemingly harmless passages, those about realtionships in particular. They were easy enough to glance over but in the perfect position to draw attention from an entralled reader (meaning everyone should have picked up on them). Your chapters somehow manage to make me want to write. They put me in that cynical, philosophical, imaginative mood from which my best works seem to sprout. I also think its high time I start posting. My 4 month writer's block seems to have been cleared. Thank you for a wonderful chapter, I need to find my notebook before these ideas fly out the window. (Oh, and I case I didn't mention it before, I LOVE Severus' patronus being a fox. Sly but sweet.) ~Katie
Author's Response: Hee hee...I love how DoL made so many people actually like Snape! LOL Glad to hear your writer's block may be at an end. I don't get it much but when it does strike it's very frustrating. I did struggle for a little bit with Snape's Patronus, but a fox seemed so appropriate. Sly, intelligent and cunning...I think that's perfect Snape.
Hello Jan, this is Caren under her new name. (Which finally happened.) I can't believe it's taken me this long to review your first chapter! I meant to do it two weeks ago, but I kept on getting lost in homework. :( Anyway, your review for your lovely fic:My first reaction: whoa. I knew that after you finished HPDL you had this plot written out and developed, but the amount of HBP-related material is astounding. I loved how you worked in Dumbledore's death, Severus' flight, Harry's account of the story and the overall adaptability. It's too bad this has to be called AU, because you've done so much to incorporate HBP it deserves a "Well done."
One reason why I like your writing so much is because of the imagery, the senses coming alive. The first three--three!--paragraphs are just . . . alive. Loss pervaded the room as she opened her eyes to a pitch-black night, percolated only by the occasional owl-hoot and the sound of the hard wind in the trees outside the window. You also have a vast vocabulary, or at least you employ it well; percolated is not a common word. :) I'm not going to do a workshop over that one sentence, but it has a lot of things that you show through your writing. And I honestly thought that the first part was real. I had to blink and read over the sentence that stated that it was a dream. It really did draw me in.The Remus and Maeve scene was written well. I like how you keep on commenting about they were once brother and sister, but now they are so distant. Here was the woman he regarded as his sister and she was afraid to sit by him. How true. As for the rest of the scene, Remus' hesitation was paced nicely, and Maeve's adamant denials were worded nicely too. But I've forgotten; does Maeve know of Harry's (and Voldemort's) prophecy? If she does, then she would just be using any sort of logic, valid or invalid, to escape from her situation. Perhaps you could include that something told her her reasoning wasn't sound. It would add to how much she'd stand up for her husband.
Oh, and one small thing about Remus: has Felicia disappeared? I'm not talking about this chapter, but is she going to be around? I hope so. She seemed like the right person for Remus, if I can say that. Better than him with Tonks, anyway. LOL.I don't what it is about Roderick that always make me smile... hmm, would it be his constant smile, boyish charm or playful words? (Or all of the above? *grin*) "I know, I'm an enigma... I think it suits me, don't you?" What a line, lol. Nice transition into being serious and relaying the rest of the news to Maeve, though. Roderick managed to keep up his cheerfulness up until the transcript, but not too overbearingly. Roderick's a piece of work. Nice job.
Yes, I forgot to include something: Snape and Narcissa. I like how you put that in too. (I personally loved the second chapter of HBP. It was my favorite scene out of the entire book. Don't ask me why, though.) I saw Narcissa mentioned in another summary as I clicked to read. I'm really interested to see how that works out. I do think that Narcissa and Snape were as close as you said. I mean, she ran to Snape when her husband was in jail. (But did her husband ever allow her to be on more intimate terms than followers of Lord Voldemort? Intriguing.) I have a feeling there's enough of Narcissa to come, so I don't have to ask for some. ;)Great start to your sequel! Yes, I will go and dutifully read more, though 10,000 words + 10 chapters = Caren sitting at a computer for a long time. Hehe. But at least I'd enjoy every moment of it. Can't wait to read the next chapter, Jan! I don't have to tell you to keep it up, because you will anyway. :D
Author's Response: Hi, Caren! Good to have you back. :-) I did have some of this plotted but HBP gave me so many juicy new ideas that it was fun to combine the two. I always like to see people enjoying imagery, because it gives me so much pleasure to write. I had to create an awkwardness between Maeve and Remus that would set the tone for the whole fic. It's going to be very awkward for everyone throughout, given that Maeve is now completely torn between everyone. And Roderick seems to make everyone smile! LOL I don't know where he came from really, but it looks like he's around to stay. I can't believe now that I had planned to kill him off in DoL. :-) And Snape and Narcissa seem to be a popular new ship...We'll have to see what happens with them in this story. :-)
This is such a cool story, and I'm just astounded at how inexhaustible your creativity is. Keep up the amazing work, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad you're enjoying it. :-)
Oooh, this chapter is a good one! Well, they all are, but this one is particularly welcoming for long reviews. And I had better write it for you now, since I’m once again two chapters behind on reviews. Shame on me!
I’ll be beginning with Remus and a quote: ‘Remus shook his head. “My time at Hogwarts is over, Harry, as is yours. We need to find our place in the world again.”’ - Harry is of course clueless, but I the double meaning shines so clearly to us readers. I can almost read the words as “My time dreaming of Maeve is over.” And while this is so sad it makes me want to keep hugging Remus until he feels better again, I love how you write him so composed. He knew this would happen eventually, and even if he’s disappointed he doesn’t seem dejected. I like to see how he gives advice to Harry, and I can fully understand his need to go away and deal with his feelings (at least temporary), even though he made the promise to Severus… In fact, the air around Remus here is spot on what I experienced at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban. But that wasn’t the last we saw of Remus in the books, and I don’t think he will be gone for very long in Severed Souls either. At least I don’t hope so, since you’ve given me this unexplainable Remus fixation! *blames Jan*
I’ll squeeze in a bit of Roderick here, because I’ve come to enjoy his presence so much. He’s displaying such genuine concern for Maeve, my favourite examples being: ‘“Damn it all, Maeve, why did you have to be so stupid?”’ and ‘With a gentleness that would have surprised Maeve had she been conscious, he placed her carefully into her bed and left her to rest after her ordeal.’ Keep him going like this and I’ll soon have a major crush on him. ;)
Arthur! Isn’t he just adorable? I think this chapter held all necessary parts of him, from the fatherly man who is an important member of the Order, to the humorous man with his child-like fascination of everything Muggle. I like how he’s supporting Harry here, knowing fully well that neither him nor his own son really need an adult to back them up anymore, but he’s still offering to be a parent if any of them might need it. Arthur in the pub was a bit of comic relief, and very well-written. The whole pub scene made me miss England horribly, I think I shall have to go back soon.
I’ll mention Ron in the same paragraph, I think. I know you had a bit of trouble writing him into submission, but I think he’s behaving perfectly to suit the story here. He’s well in character, which is proved by me wanting to tape his mouth shut on several occasions.
‘A slight breeze gave him a gentle shove in the right direction and he stepped into the late summer sunshine, its light warming away the sudden chill.’ - I love this. It’s beautiful, and I can feel the gentle shove of the breeze and the warmth of the sun. Very Jan:ish in style!
Harry’s visit to his parents’ grave… As the scene moved on from the car stopped, Harry’s actions and emotions built up to something quite teary. But you hold back, you don’t give Harry the closure he might have hoped for, nor do you make him weep. No, all it leads to is more determination, just what we need. I think this shows a great deal bout your writing skill, as I believe many authors would have fallen for the opportunity to make this something over-emotional, but instead you make sure that the moment adds something to the plot. What did almost all SPEWers say makes a good fanfic? Balance between character and plot development. Well, here’s a fine example!
Albert is very interesting, and once again you have me missing my part of England. In the village where I lived, there was an old man who greatly resembled your description of Albert. Maybe this was why this character came to live so quickly in my mind, maybe it was that he fitted so well in with the picture you paint of Godric’s Hollow. In any case, via him you present a fairly unique view of the Potters’ life in this village. Most fanfics give us unlimited sunshine and happiness (apart from the threat of Voldemort, of course), but I find you idea of the lonely Lily much more appealing and believable.
I was a little surprised over the description of the Potter’s house. In my mind (possibly fanfic-influenced) I have always pictured it being located just outside a Muggle village, distant from their non-magical neighbours. Your version is more interesting and makes me wonder why they chose to live so close to Muggles? I’m under the impression that James and Lily had quite a bit of money in their vault, not Malfoy-like but still to have a fair number of options of where to settle down. I’m also curious about what could have kept James away from home so much. Did he have a “regular” wizard’s job, or was he working for the Order? I’m guessing he would have been around most of the time after they went into hiding, but naturally Albert Gryps wouldn’t have noticed that…
The key! Oooh, what is this going to add to the story? I somehow feel that it will be something more personal for Harry, and that it’s not connected to the Horcrux bit of the story. Having said that, it could still be something personal for him that is important for the final victory. In any case, I will be keeping my eyes open for suspicious locks…
That car is troublesome, but I enjoy the mystery it adds to the chapter. I must of course wonder if the person/persons in the car had Voldemort connections, or if it was someone else?
And then we’re off to Malfoy manor! As I have already mentioned to you (eh, I have really mentioned all of above as well, but never mind…) that I had to stop and think for a moment to figure out the subtle difference between this Draco and the canon one. Because there is a difference, as my re-reading of Harry’s Pensieve memory showed me. Firstly, when it comes to Draco’s reasons for joining the ranks of Voldemort: In Half-Blood Prince, I got the impression that Draco had become a Death Eater for three reasons; the fact that he probably had no choice, out of curiosity, and to live up to the name of Malfoy. But when reading that particular part of Chapter Three again, it seems to me that Draco joined the ranks of Death Eaters for his own purposes as well, more than to prove himself to his name. The next difference is how he feels about going back to Voldemort. Here he wants to do so, which I first thought seemed a little off, but that was because I was thinking of canon and not the Draco you have given us here. This young Malfoy does actually think he’s going to be given a second chance, that he’ll be able to do something to be forgiven. I’m very curious about how the Dark Lord is going to welcome him...
I thought the imagery of Draco destroying the family tapestry was very fitting, it somehow showed me the anger towards his family, and his father in particular. He was written well overall, whining and refusing to follow rules.
A very eventful chapter that left lots to think about… And I’m not going to apologise for the length of this review, you brought it upon yourself Jan! ;) Much looking forward to Chapter Eleven, and I hope I’ll be able to post my review for Ten over the weekend.
Excellent and exciting chapter. V gd shifting between characters, lots of suspense. I liked the involvement of the Sorting Hat, interesting idea.
Wow. I think we are on the trail of the missing Horcrux that Snape can't find! I like that the Sorting Hat is playing a role also. Lucius appearing dead, and Narcissa and Draco missing form where they were being protected, very interesting!!! I can't wait to see where you take that part of the story line!
Nice chapter character-wise. we haven't really seen all that much of Harry recently, or in dotl either, so is nice to catch up with him, see how he's maturing. Arthur was gd, though Ron i was less sure about, i like to think that he is a little more mature, keeping up with harry, not in a serious, saving the world way, but is a calming influence. thats how i've always seen him, apart from his moodiness in gof. cliffhanger ending, look forward to next chapter. and congrats on getting the mod job!
Guess what I should be doing right now? That’s right, Grammar. But let us pretend that’s not the case and get on with this long over-due review instead.
A long, completely action-packed chapter. I’ll dive right into the Maeve/Severus relationship, because recently it has just become… well, if someone said to me when I started reading Daughter of Light that my OTP would be Snape/Snape, I would have laughed at the idea. But it’s true. I’ve always found the pairing interesting, but it’s now when they are becoming closer despite the distance, that I’ve started to fully appreciate it. These are two complex characters, and to read about their feelings for each other and their interaction is a treat for anyone, but especially for us fans. I really like how Maeve loves and misses Severus for the person he actually is, as you show us with: ‘She smiled to herself as she remembered his simmering presence, recalled the countless times he must have stung his students into trying harder or battered them into submission.’
Even if you have shown us more and more of it, I believe this is the first chapter where we get an idea of the depth of Severus’ devotion. You show us this through his actions, through Remus’ thoughts and words, and it’s so beautiful in its reality. I just want to make everything else go away, worries and troublesome people, to leave Maeve and Severus in peace to love each other. But even if I could, I would never really do so, because what exists between them becomes even more important when surrounded by darkness and despair.
I mentioned Remus. I always expected the final realisation that he would never get Maeve to be a relief, but it was not. Instead I feel sad, because Remus seems so lonely now, his last bit of hope having been thoroughly smashed. I’m desperately trying to figure out what it is with “your” Remus that makes me feel so much for him, since I don’t normally care much at all about him. You make me annoyed over his behaviour sometimes, you make me love his loyalty, courage and occasional wisdom, and you succeed in making me really sad when things don’t work out for him. But how? Well, I shall continue to wonder about that.
I’ll just briefly mention Ron and Hermione, because even though they’ve got smaller parts I think you do such a good job of keeping them in character. It must be tempting to completely forget about them when you have characters like Maeve, Severus, Roderick, Narcissa, Harry and Remus to deal with, but I appreciate that you take the time to include them somehow. Ron’s ignorance over Lavender’s behaviour, whether faked or not, is just too typical. But so is his worry for her to fall of the broomstick. Hermione is her perfect sharp self, and reluctant to be left behind. Nice work!
Should I perhaps say something about the actual Horcrux matter? ;) My mind finds your theories and ideas very satisfying and the descriptions of the temple were very Jan-ish in style, as was the drama that took place inside. I like the extension of Harry’s connection to Voldemort, that he could see the temple, just like I always enjoy when you tie back to JKR’s works.
I find myself wondering if Maeve’s experience in the temple was specific for her, or if it would have happened to any non-Slytherin-relative? I also wonder, if Maeve had to destroy this very Horcrux because of the fact that she started the reaction in the temple, or because she’s a part of the Prophecy, or for some other reason? And what of Harry’s handling of the Horcruxed (is that even a word?) cup? Will he be as unaffected by all of them? Are all people unharmed by just picking up the item, meaning that it’s just the protections and actual destruction of each Horcrux that is dangerous? Mind, that were not actual questions for you, just random pondering… I also like how you include Harry blaming himself, like so often: ‘It was so easy — the cup was just there and Maeve wouldn’t be suffering had he been brave enough to come unaccompanied.’
And then, the masterpiece… The whole conversation/interaction between Severus and Remus is just marvellous! It’s definitely one of the best Severus scenes you have give us thus far, he’s completely true to canon with lines like ‘“Oh, Lupin, Lupin. Always on the periphery of things, never quite making it into the inner circle of knowledge.”’ and ‘“You were never man enough for her in the first place.”’. Yet there is a whole new dimension to him, entwined with this canon, showing up in him saying things like ‘“You wouldn’t understand the sacrifices one has to make in order to do what is best.”’ and ‘“ While I am in this state of flight you can watch over her.”’.
This is probably the most emotional Severus Snape I have ever read, but it’s also the most believable. The man is crying, but only a heartless demon would not do so in his situation, so it’s quite right. Let me be so boring and repeat myself – I’ve been searching my emotions and logical thoughts for something to object on with this touching portrayal of him – but there is nothing. All his feelings are justified, and I can only admire you for all the hard work that has led us up to this. Bravo, Jan!
I’ll end the review by quoting the last sentence: ‘And Maeve slept, slept safe under her husband’s watchful sorrow.’ - because it’s beautiful, and despite the state of Maeve I cherish the closeness.
Now… it’s sadly time for me to obey the ever-present call of Grammar work. :)
What a chapter. The black figure that grabbed Maeve from Harry and laid her on the forest floor, Severus???? Can a patronus appear to two people at the same time. The raven appeared to Lupin. Did it appear to Severus at the same time or did Severus just feel Maeve's agony because he loves her so much? This chapter is so real that it felt 3 dimensional. The only thing missing to me was Neville. If he is the guardian, he should have been there with Harry, Hermione and Ron.
Great! Arthur still acts like a little boy when it comes to Muggle items. Although he seems to overlook Ron when it comes to Harry. Love the old gentleman. He is an excellent link to Lily & James. I am on pins and needles wondering what the key means. Wondering also about the black car. The chapter also gives another insight into James Potter. I am wondering what the subsequent chapters will bring. Very nice connecter chapter. it does what a chapter is supposed to do....make you hungry for the next episode, and hungry I am.
Wonderful. I was absolutely gripped by this chapter and especially from the point where they search for the temple. The scene between Lupin and Snape, with Maeve unconscious was electrifying. I am so glad that Lupin finally accepts Snape's love for Maeve. I have been pondering long and hard on what it would take to destroy the soul parts within the Horcuxes. Your description was wonderful and totally believable. Well done, as ever!
Interesting chapter. I thought that it might be pretty uneventful but I think you crammed a lot in. I loved the guy in the pub and I don't think we've seen the last of him. In fact I think there's more to Godrics Hollow than meets the eye. I hope Im right. And I sure hope Draco gets into trouble for being such an idiot.
Lots of things are happening. I like how Roderick is still playing the protector. I wish that Harry would have found some closure in visiting Godric's Hollow. I do like that old man though. It was nice for Harry to have found someone that knew his mom. I think Draco is going to get himself into some trouble. SIGH. OH well. That is his problem! hehe I look forward to more!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Cheslin. Keep an eye on that old man! he may be back. :-)
I liked this chapter--Harry's visit to Godric's Hollow . . . I liked the way you did it. I also like how Draco is being so, I think you used the word "petulant," and now he's going to run away . . . probably not the smartest thing he could do, but I suppose I'll wait and see . . . just like everyone else! I never found out what was wrong with Ron, though. Was he put out because Harry didn't want to hear about Hermione over and over? Or maybe I'm just not a careful enough reader. Anyway, great job again. Seeing that this story is updated brightens my entire day.
Author's Response: Ron was being a jealous boy over his father's attention being on Harry. Ron is getting older and perhaps starting to resent the treatment he gets from his parents while Harry is allowed to get away with murder. (not literally!) And I'm glad it brightens your day... I'm about to update again. :-)
Oh dear, looks like Draco is about to do someting naughty. Great chapter Maeve. I was a little sad Harry didn't find any closure at Godric's Hollow though.
Author's Response: Draco is a bad, bad boy! I'm not sure Harry's ever going to find closure were his parents are concerned.