I throughly enjoyed the scene with Narcissa & Maeve and the bogart. I was very reminisant of the troll in the bathroom. I'm enjoying the many plot-lines too.
So I go away from the Potterverse for a while to play with characters in an original fic, and what do I find when I get back? You've written a sequel to one of the most amazing stories I've ever read in HP fanfiction! I'll cut to the chase, because there was so much in this first chapter that I liked. To begin, I must say that I liked the way you started straight in with the disaster instead of waiting. We were left with such a feeling of satisfied happiness between Severus and Maeve at the end of Daughter of Light that I think we needed to see a bit of trouble in paradise to get us into the story. I know I was hooked from the first chapter. As always, your attention to detail is astonishing - the imprint in the bed, the scent of him on the sheets, the cold floor - all of it is masterfully rendered. I must say that your portrayal of Remus is one of the most three-dimensional I've seen. Here too is one struggling with conflicting feelings. I particularly liked the part where he selfishly speculates that perhaps Maeve might come to love him now that Severus is in disgrace. That was such a real emotion and it lended him such creedence as a character. Roderick! I love him! I always see Cillian Murphy's face when I read about him, so it was delightful to have him return. His blithe manner added just the right amount of levity to an opening chapter that was quite heavy and forboding. As usual, you make him an enigma (a description which he even coins!) and leave us wondering if he really knows more than he is letting on. Your writing as a whole is simply breathtaking to read. You have a way of using simile and metaphor in the most effective ways. That said, I found the prose to be a little too dense in places - almost like having too much of a really great chocolate cheesecake. If I have any criticism at all, it would be to balance your prose a bit more with lines that are more simple and straightforward, more in the line of Whitman rather than Dickinson. Finally, I must say that I love how you managed to encorporate the events of HBP into your story. As a matter of fact, when I read the book I think one of my first thoughts was, "Oh no! What's Maeve going to do!" I also like how this sets up a great deal of tension between Maeve and Harry. You are skilled at creating suspense and you've done so again with this chapter. I cannot wait until I have another free hour so I can move on to chapter 2.
Enjoyed the chapter, though very little in the way of action. Liked the wedding, and its contrast with Maeve and Snape's. Lots of strands set up I look forward to hearing more about- Snape's actions, Malfoy, Maeve and Narcissa and of course Ginny and Harry.
A lot of transitional things happened in this chapter. Having Tonks be upset at Remus's wedding was very in line with the story. Snape getting rid of the necklace will hopefully help Maeve!! Narcissa joining Maeve makes for a very interesting twist. You have definitely given her a much bigger part to play. I look forward to see where you take that. I'm glad that Harry and Ginny are back together. I look forward to the next chapter!
Very nice. This seemed to be something of a transition chapter as I read it, "a completely different kettle of Grindylows," as it were. Nevertheless, I suspect it holds several well-hidden clues and important information which I have probably overlooked. I liked the detail about Tonks and paused long enough to wonder if she would try to do anything to stop the ceremony. (I've decided against it.) I'm a bit surprised that Harry didn't recognize Snape, but you can hardly expect your former potions professor and wanted murderer to be roaming the streets in broad daylight. Still, I think Harry's gotten a bit thick. Wind's picking up again, meaning I may lose power so I'll have to contend with this review being somewhat shorter than I might like. Still, I want you to know that I liked the chapter a lot and look forward to the next installment of this intricate tale. Be careful this week. ~Katie
I absolutely love your stories, at first ... when I starting reading your first Maeve/Snape story ... I wasn't too sure about the whole Snape as a good guy thing, and lovable to boot. In reading them I found myself transported into the story and really connecting with the characters. You're doing a fantastic job!!! LOVE IT!!!! Surry
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm so glad you are enjoying the stories. I know...Snape as a good guy is difficult to swallow post-HBP. But he was always my good guy...if an irritable/shades of grey type good guy!
I'm glad that another Horcrux is gone. Wow. I missed that the necklace was a Horcrux. I hope that Harry is as able as Maeve to deal with the Horcrux's. I also hope he gives in and lets Ginny get close to him again. It was love that pulled Maeve through. I would think that Harry will need the same thing. I can't imagine what Wormtail was doing at the cemetary, but I'm sure it was something important. I look forward to the next installment!
Author's Response: You are not the only one to miss the necklace. :-) And you know..I don't know what Wormtail was doing at the cemetary yet...but no doubt he will let it slip in time. ;-) And you'll have to wait and see on the H/G front...fingers crossed!
I'm so proud of myself! I knew it was Wormtail! But... I didn't realize that the key was a Horcrux or that it was the same key Albert gave to Harry (Maybe it was all the turkey I ate over Christmas... hmm). I also have only vague inklings as to while Wormtail would choose to visit that particular cemetary and that particular stone. I wish I could have been hiding nearby to insist Ron looked at that stone (because I think Ron deserves some glory). Honestly! Harry needs to stop tripping if he ever wants to defeat Voldemort, and I also think its time for him to track down another invisibility cloak. They are much too tall to be tying to hide under a single cloak. Besides, Ron and Hermione could use the second one *wink* and I'm sure Ginny would be more than happy to share the glory, battles, and first cloak with Harry *wink, wink*. As Maeve is concerned, I was extremely relieved that her good-for-nothing-except-spreading-mistrust-and-healing-his-wife husband FINALLY showed. But his love for her has made me forgive him, helped along by Lugh's chastising. All in all, a wonderful chapter. You should be very proud of it. ~Katie
Author's Response: Hee hee...the Invisibilty Cloak is magical...it has magical stretching properties...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. ;-) Like your description of Snape...that's often how I think of him myself. And watch out for Ginny, she's always been a dark horse.
And tell me about all that turkey and chocolate!! I over-indulged rather a lot over Christmas.
Oh, dear. What an ending. I am very interested to have this story fill in the gaps between Daughter of Light and Potions Master of Azkaban. The latter fic actually drew me into your stories, I was so fascinated with the concept of Snape having a wife. I'm also a sucker for theories that exonerate him, as I don't want to believe he's evil. You've done a wonderful job with Maeve. She's such an interesting character that I'm starting to worry that I'll mix her up with canon eventually. :-
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Occlumens! Well... PMoA, whilst it touches on and uses characters from this fic... it should not be taken as what will happen at the end of this fic at all. Severus may or may not be captured.... he may or may not go to Azkaban. PMoA really was a plot bunny that needed to be written and I borrowed from this.
And yes, I like theories that explain his innocence. We are going to get into his head somewhat in that latter half of this as he battles with himself and the people that would try to be his masters.
Wretched, wretched ending! Wonderfully artistic and enthralling, of course, but wretched to have it end with no new chapter to pacify me. The ravens were a proper touch, and I loved that they 'bled together'. It reminds me a little of your description of of Maeve and Snape (I'm angry with him, can't you tell?) as they danced at their wedding. The black and the white fused as if one as they swirled and spun.... Seperately, my suspicions have been proved true regarding my dear friend Remus and I become increasingly intrigues by Albert. He definately knows far more than any of us, humble readers though we are, have imagined. A wonderful read and another brilliant chapter. By the way, you mentioned once during DoL that you are also writing a book, featuring Maeve in a slightly different incarnation (I think that's the word you used). What ever became of it? I'm eager to read more of your work. ~Katie
Author's Response: The book has been started and I have masses of research to delve into for it. It's set in Ireland at the turn of the last century and Maeve will appear as one of a large family of republicans battling with the time they lived through. I'm happy now that it's underway, but it's a race top get this finished before I become totally absorbed in the novel.
Oooh, evil cliffie. i hope a new update is on its way soon.
Author's Response: Sorry!!
This little review has, believe it or not, nothing to do with either Sainsbury’s leaf tea or my own merciless conscience. No, it’s being written right now, and it will be posted, simply because the story deserves it. You don’t think I’d do anything for some Thornton’s, do you? *giggles* Well then, review it is:
I’ll be focusing on Draco of course, but I’ll begin with the mysterious man in the night:
“What do you think he’s going to do, Draco Malfoy? Do you think he’s going to congratulate you for making such a mess of killing Dumbledore? More like he’ll be ready to take your eejit head from your shoulders.” - these lines really gave me the creeps, I could feel the words affecting Draco, I could hear the tone of voice they were spoken in.
Onto Draco then. There is so much there, and all the things you blend lead up to the right character. Perhaps not the “perfect” character for everyone, as there are plenty of versions (and fans) of Draco out there, but the one and only Draco Malfoy I want to see in Severed Souls. You’ve given him a fire, built on the same flames that were presented to us in HBP. Because, when was Draco ever really excited over something in the books? Quidditch? No, not really. Rivalling with Harry? Well, perhaps a bit. But both of those things are really about proving himself, and his greatest opportunity to do so wasn’t introduced until HBP and the news of him as a newbie Death Eater (pardon the expression, but it felt fairly suitable…). We know that Slytherins can use all means possible to get what they want, but this also requires some hard work and determination, it takes passion - which we’re now shown in Draco. Excellent.
Yes, I’m continuing on Mr Malfoy. I would just like to state that from the way you write him, I do not see him as stupid or foolish. I think there is a clear mark of intelligence in the fact that he’s not just rushing into things, he is actually asking himself the right questions first – then it’s just sadly so that he gives himself the completely wrong answers, but only because they serve his own cause. He’s chosen the wrong path, oh yes, but not out of sheer stupidity. No one is that simple, especially not a Malfoy, and I think you clearly show us that there are more complex reasons behind his acting.
“I think another target could be found for you, if you really wanted to prove yourself. You see, I have long had a Malfoy working for me, and now that the older one is dead I think I can find it in my heart to offer the younger one a second chance.” - oooh, I can totally see this! Although Lucius became a bit difficult at the end of Daughter of Light, and although he’s always been slippery and put his own needs first, I’ve always imagined that he had qualities appreciated by the Dark Lord. Already after the re-birth in GoF, where they met before us for the first time, we got an idea that Lucius was pretty highly thought of by Voldemort – that is, compared to some other Death Eaters. Whether the monster man is actually telling the truth in wanting a Malfoy in his ranks, or if it’s just a way of playing with Draco, I can see him liking the type of the Malfoys. You know, a bit more sophisticated than Crabbe or Goyle, and a bit more sane than Bellatrix and Crouch JR. That also makes sense why Voldemort would be interested in Roderick – I suppose followers like him aren’t that easy to find? And, oh, before I move on – I think it’s über-creepy how you let Lord Voldemort refer to his heart.
“Now, you will kill Neville Longbottom for me.” - something else I find very, very interesting. Frankly, I don’t think that Draco will kill Neville. Hasn’t Neville still got a purpose? Yes. But then, what will happen to Draco, if he cannot (not due to his abilities, but because of the story) perform this task? Will he die? I don’t think so? Will he turn back to the “good guys”? Or, will someone else come in his way, someone who might be even better than Neville, someone that Voldemort would like to see dead? Someone who is not Harry… Interesting, very interesting.
A couple of words about two other characters. Firstly:
“Now why would you be wandering off?” it asked, and he turned to find a scrawny-looking man surveying him with a sliver of saliva escaping from the corner of his mouth.’ - please, give me a moment to go “Ewww!”. Jan, that was utterly, totally and completely disgusting! However, I really admire you for being able to write this at all, you create such an appalling imagine with sow few words. “Sliver of saliva…” *shudders*
‘Severus did not move an inch, keeping his muscles firmly under control.’ - I must say that I find Draco to be very composed for a man at his age, in his position. But this is nothing, nothing, compared to my mental image of Severus in the Dark Lord’s presence. He is just… Well, the control he keeps himself under, is (and so help me God, I never thought I’d write this) dead sexy. And seeing him like this, both connects to and completely contrasts to the next thing I’ll mention:
‘And, unusually, he reached for her first, pulling her into him with a need that was so apparent it made her heart ache for him. And as they fell together, entwined on the bed, she knew she had made absolutely the correct decision joining him.’ - two completely different versions of Severus, yet the same man. He’s got the ability to act so well, but I must say I prefer to read what’s happening to him back stage. What exists between Maeve and him are something to return to, a splash of vivid colour and warmth in the grey, cold world. Having them together is a perfect way for you, whenever you should feel like it or be in need of it, to give some sense of comfort, closeness and hope to your readers.
And, I can’t not mention my new favourite pairing, can I? Not when you give me such teasers, such excellent slices of it. Such as:
‘No one, that is, except the Rampton man. […] There had been genuine care there and something else.’ and:
‘There was no reason for her to see Rampton again, and he must have been twenty years her junior. But as she arrived in the dusty, disused hallway of Malfoy Manor she found she couldn’t quite get the man from her mind.’ - I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say here. Will it be sufficient if I *squee* very loudly and heave deep sighs of happiness? :)
I’ve got a few miscellaneous things I’d like to point out and discuss. First, two tiny things:
‘He extinguished his wand and looked up again, picking out the man’s outline against the branches. “And what do you want.” - shouldn’t there be a question mark at the very end?
“It’s not what he will do about it, it’s what I will do about it,” a new, deeper voice said’ – the full stop is missing at the end.
Then, concerning the term “meeting”. This is very likely just me, but if we look at those two examples:
‘Pettigrew had checked on him and told him the Dark Lord had meetings all morning and would see him just before lunch.’ - yes, I know, Voldemort might very well be seeing people, but when I read this, Pettigrew suddenly morphed into a blond secretary telling associates that her boss – the business man – would be in meetings all morning. *giggle* But, as I said, that’s probably just me interpreting the term in the wrong way.
‘She reached up to kiss him and realised that he looked even paler than usual. “Bad meeting?” - here it is again, that word doesn’t really seem suitable to me. I don’t know why, because I don’t think twice about an “Order meeting” or “D.A. meeting” – I never have. I suppose it is just not, in my eyes, connected to Voldemort. Here, Maeve and Severus are (in my twisted brain) brutally turned into Petunia and Vernon, and I can just see Maeve taking his briefcase… Yes, sillyness perhaps, but there is just something not right about it.
I’ve talked a lot about Draco already, and there is only really one thing I’m thinking about:
“Okay,” Draco said, his palms and forehead drenched in sweat. “I can do it. I will do it.” - the first “Okay” is a little out of place, for some reason. I do agree that Draco would probably use the word, but perhaps not here? As this is sort of his summing up and decision, I think I’d like to see something like “Yes, my Lord.” or whatever would be suitable.
And the last thing I’m thinking about is:
The impatient Pettigrew had hurried Draco along the corridors, wanting him out of the tunnels as quickly as possible so that he could get back to work. - impatient, yes, I can totally see that. But to go back to work? I would have thought it much more likely that Pettigrew wanted things out of the way so that he could be lazy? So, if he’s suddenly turned ambitious and hard-working, I’m wondering why? Is there something he wants? Is he on a mission to get closer to Voldemort, and therefore working harder? Or, has Voldemort suddenly put some more pressure on old Wormtail? Has he perhaps made it clear to him that do be a Death Eater, he has to make a little effort? :) Forgive me if I’m asking silly questions, but I generally see Peter as someone lazy, not like someone who would be impatient to get back to work…
*takes off her recently purchased pirate captain’s hat with a flourish and bows* Jan, it’s always a pleasure, and this chapter is no exception. And, review for the *gasp*-bringing Chapter Sixteen shall be along before you know it. ;)
Excellent chapter. Very nice,"how can I wait for the next update" ending.
Author's Response: Hee hee....and that update was a long time coming!
Evil, evil ending. Please be quick with the update. A chapter really about relationships- pushing the limits of Severus' and Maeve's now that they are together again, and Remus' and Felicia's in its beginnings. No huge plot developments- except Snape's revelation about Regulus, but that wasn't hugely unexpected. look forward to more.
Things are really starting to happen. I hope that Remus and Felicia stay happy. I hope that Remus makes it safely back to Hogwarts! That was a really nasty cliff hanger at the end though! I hope we find out what happens to Maeve real soon!!!!
I've been saying for months that I'd review one or the other of your epics, and seeing as how I stayed up until 3 am a week ago to catch up on this, I think the time has come.
I could go through the chapter and comb for small grammatical errors as I usually do when reviewing, but if I had any grammatical disagreements with you it would probably be about commas, and I doubt you want to hear about commas. My biggest quibble about anything is Draco thinking to himself that Eastwrithe is the perfect name for the village. Somehow it didn't seem to me a very Draco-like thought.But enough of quibbles. I've been following this plot for over fifty chapters by now, and I want to gush about it. The writing is beautiful. There is enough imagery to paint vivid pictures in my mind, but not so much that I get swamped in it. I love stories that manage to walk that fine line, and you've done an admirable job with it. Combine good writing with an excellent plot, and you already have me hooked. But that's not my favorite thing about this story.
What I love most about your stories are your characters. You write one of the most believable Dracos I have read. He is not a good person, but he is thoroughly believable. He looks out for himself above all else-quite the proper Slytherin! He has some attachment to his parents, but not a great deal. He has motives and motivations. He's not always incredibly smart or cunning, which is another pitfall I often see in Draco characterizations. In the context of the story, he is real.I also quite like your Voldemort. The idea that he hides himself away and lets almost no one access is both interesting and in keeping with what we know of him from canon. It's wonderful to see an author take a canon character and expand on what we know of him or her, and you do it beautifully.
Then, of course, there are Severus and Maeve. I'm a Snape fan (*gaspshockdie*), so I don't know whether it's that I read more Snape-centric fics or that the quality of writers who write Snape is better than average, but I've read several Snapes who are really quite excellent. Yours is certainly one of them. You write the best “Snape in love” I have read. I love reading your descriptions of his actions and mannerisms, and I constantly smile or even chuckle at the dialogue you write for him. Maeve is … Maeve. I don't think I can say more than that. I absolutely love how you write the interactions between the two of them. The tenderness is sweet, especially given Severus' acerbic personality. Their mutual frustration and worry makes their relationship real. When they interact, I feel like both of them are in the room with me (or maybe I'm in the room with both of them). They make me smile. They make me bite my lip in apprehension. And most concretely, they make me keep reading.This story (along with HPDL) is one of my favorite fan fictions. Thank you for sharing it with us!
I have always hoped, for some reason, that Draco could remove himself from his father's shadow and that he might even manage to break from the evils Voldemort imparts. I expect him to ultimately die for this, but I certainly wished that he might redeem himself, at least partially, before that messy end. Now, it seems that he will not do so and I admit myself to be disappointed. Not by anything you have done, however; don't misunderstand me. I am confident that Draco's emergence as Lucius' son has important and long-reaching ramifications. I learned in DoL to second-guess every apparent truth, just as I do with the books, but I never question the direction you take these characters. After all, you know how imperitive these personality transformations are and I can only speculate until they are revealed to me and the rest of us through the much anticipated updates. Thank-you very much for such a detailed, enthralling chapter (Severus' priority and Narcissa's revelation in particluar). Wonderful. ~Katie
This was real interesting. We've seen some Draco, but not this much, and I liked the darkness you've given to his character. I guess it makes perfect sense that he would want to come back after failing with Dumbledore. But poor Neville. Wonder how he's going to get to him. And sneaky Maeve and Snape, going to bed in the middle of the day! Great chapter, be good to see what goes on if they go to Grimmauld Place.
Very good chapter. I like the sympathetic Narcissa. I found it insightfule how Rodrick named himself as her Narcissa's friend. Snape showing his humanity only to his wife was wonderful. Actual understandable emotions and all. Keep up the good work.