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Reviews For The Severed Souls

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 05/04/06 7:47 · For: Confrontation
Tee hee. You’re probably wondering what I’m doing now, Jan. Well, I thought since I had completely messed up with my responsibilities for this worthy chapter, I might as well take my original comments and turn them into a review instead. (That, and the fact that I don’t trust my e-mail…)

I really like how focused this chapter is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always amazing to see and learn what is happening in different places of the Severed Souls-world, but since that’s what we’re normally spoiled with this becomes more special. Everything in this chapter concentrates on the same event, and all of the actions become more intense.

Intense, yes, as the potion-brewing and the caring for Harry. Serious as the situation is, this is pure enjoyment for any Severus/Maeve shipper. You have written love-making and tenderness for us before, but I almost dare say this is better. Some of my favourite fictional relationships are favourites just because of that – because the author has written two characters in a situation where they need to work together for something important. Through such work, it seems that a good author has got a perfect opportunity to show care, compatibility, understanding and chemistry between two characters – just like you have done here.

What he really meant, Maeve reflected, was that if she administered the potion, he could not be said to have saved Harry Potter’s life. - I love that Maeve understands this, and I love that you show it to us.

Remus, my Remus. You don’t happen to be planning some Remus/Felicia cubs, do you? Because I think he would make quite a brilliant father. His concern for Harry is so touching, so perfectly written. Also… this might be a bit far-fetched, but for some reason I get the feeling that after getting a dose of Sirius from the portrait, Remus somehow cares even more for his friend’s godson. Oh, and don’t ask me why because I can’t explain it, but when I read this chapter I suddenly had a vision of a Harry/Remus conversation at the very end of Severed Souls, a sort of thoughtful end-of-the-adventure conversation where Harry actually thanks Remus for all that he has done. Yes, Jan, your story does all kinds of strange things to my mind. ;)

Oooh, I’m very excited about Severus’ plan! Excellent turn of the plot, Jan! I don’t know what I expected to follow Harry’s injury, but certainly not this! I had a hunch that it might lead to a Harry/Severus confrontation, but no idea that we would take such a big step on the way towards Voldemort. I simply can’t wait to see how things turn out, and I’m more anxious than ever to read the meeting between Harry and Severus. Especially with this: Wherever it was, a confrontation between Severus and Harry would be inevitable, and she knew that she needed to start preparing for that. - It really makes me wonder what role Maeve will play…

Bit of nitpicking:

“But Severus is.capable. - A mysterious dot has appeared between “is” and “capable”.

The came corner that had seen Severus commit to acts that he probably would have shied away from without her involvement bringing his sense of obligation to the fore. - I’m guessing that should be “The same corner”, not “The came corner”?

Then I really need to ask you about something. When Maeve had seen to Harry, she tried to lift him. I wonder why? Where was he planning on taking him? She obviously didn’t think about using her ability until Severus suggested it, and she can’t Apparate. Those are really the reasons I can think of for her to actually try to lift him with her own strength. Is there a reason she did not Levitate him instead? Yes, I do realise that using magic puts a bit of distance between them, but Maeve is also sensible and should have realised that she couldn’t lift him.

And the end scene… Oh, I’m bubbling with questions, but I suppose that was your intent. What is Percy up to, really? And what is the whole business of Roderick and Nagini being at two places at the same time? It feels like that would normally involve a Time-Turner, but… And why would Nagini attack Neville when taking him out was Draco’s job? I hardly don’t think that Voldemort would put his precious snake-Horcrux at Draco’s disposal? No, there seems to be something rotten inside the gates of Hogwarts, and I’m longing for you to clear things up a bit.

Lol, I don’t suppose that I’m in a position to pester you for the next chapter? No, I’ll just try and look extra sweet and pleading instead. :)

Name: anAnachronism (Signed) · Date: 04/30/06 21:45 · For: The Darkest Night
Please update! I can't wait to read more and I feel as though I've been waiting for ages.

Author's Response: Sorry, and thanks for the review! Next chapter is almost ready to be sent to my beta and then it will be up. End of the week at the latest. :-)

Name: jakgarden (Signed) · Date: 04/27/06 20:18 · For: Confrontation
GREAT!!!!! can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: It's on its way, I promise! Thanks for the review.

Name: BloodRayne (Signed) · Date: 04/24/06 18:53 · For: Confrontation
Awsome story, update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks, BloodRayne. Update on its way.

Name: Elaine Lahey (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 23:48 · For: Confrontation
I'm so glad to see this story update! I've been checking every day for weeks now. I can't believe that Snape is really going to go to the bad now; please tell me that Maeve is mistaken. And is Percy perhaps a double agent - or - is Roderick? Please post again soon.

Author's Response: Thanks, Elaine! I have to admit, this poor story has been taking a back seat recently, but it's coming along. And I couldn;t possibly comment on Severus' intentions. ;-)

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 21:33 · For: Questions, Questions.
FINALLY! Remus gets someone to love forever! That was totally unexpected.

Author's Response: I know. He really does need the love of a good woman!

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 14:02 · For: Harry's Pensieve
Wow. This is what a fan fic is supposed to be. You kept the attitudes of the regular characters just like the books. The original characters are absolutely wonderful. Be sure to R and R my fan fic. Harry Potter and the Final War.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. My original characters are a bit naughty and have a tendency to take over. I'll keep my eye out for your fic.

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 04/13/06 21:36 · For: Confrontation
There is so much going on, and all at once. I really find a lot of interesting things happening in this chapter. Harry is in for a big shock when he comes too. Percy is proving just how bad he has become. There is something there that I just can't seem to put my finger on. I hope that Neville is ok. I hope that someone figures out that Maeve would never let Harry actually die. Anyone that knows her should know that! I really look forward to the next chapte!

Author's Response: I can't believe so much suddenly happened in this chapter. it so wasn;t planned that way, but Severus had the bright idea of taking Harry so it just all went off. Next chapter is under way, and your commment about anyone realy knowing Maeve has been noted. ;-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 22:54 · For: Harry's Encounter
Another great chapter!!! I was really trying hard to figure out who was following Harry and the girls. I wouldn't have guessed that it was Nagini! I hope that Snape is able to help Harry. I have a lot of things running through my mind, especially about what the empty grave could have meant. I look forward to the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Yeah, I would love to know what the empty grave meant too! That was surprise to me and a little plot line to be filled in. Thanks for continuing to review. i really do appreciate it. :-)

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 12:36 · For: Restoration.
A delightful and tense and moving chapter! It tasted like candy floss, very differently and yet so similar, and that taste still lingers in my head.

Lugh's ire was extremely well written. The scene with him and Snape played right in front of my head and the tension was to touch. It was foolish of Snape to dare to confront Lugh when he already was infuriated, but still, it was something I would believe Snape would do in such a situation. He loves Maeve--it's she who gives meaning and colour in his otherwise monochrome world--and when someone tells him he doesn't care well enough for her, he feels offended and reacts in his sneering way. In this chapter It’s interesting to see how this Horcrux thing develops into a little dilemma for Snape in later chapters. That’s why it’s a bit ironic to re-read this chapter—you wouldn’t believe there should be so much trouble to get that ruby in the right place. As for Harry and Ginny, I’m not a huge fan of them—instead, I’m a “Delusional Shipper”. However, if you have them as a couple, I’m beginning to worry if I’ll still be a Hr/H shipper.

I'm beginning to repeat myself in my reviews now, but I try to refrain from doing so. I still love your intricate, tender prose (which was especially lyrical in this instalment), and the characterisation of Maeve is as always highly well-done. It's an OC which, in my eyes, is more well-rounded than more than half of the characters I read in fictions. The moment when Maeve overcame Voldemort's evil by drawing strength on love, showed the dimension of their feelings and of their bonds. I get transported into your imagination and connect with the characters. They struggle and they overcome their obstacles; they grieve and are mended by lovers or friends; and then, after all the hardship, they have their moment of bliss and we, the readers, can’t help but want them to live on like that in eternity. It’s heart-wrenching, really.

Great job, Jan!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, James. You always put so much into your reviews that they are a treat to read.

Name: vampyre_faerie (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 7:55 · For: Malfoy Manor
The way you include the little details in this chapter really gives the story some depth, which is why I always seem to enjoy your chapters. Even though she would not be a nice person to hang around with, I really like how you have written Narcissa and the only little nitpick from my end is that I think she is more likely to say "silence!" or something to a House Elf, instead of "shut up" which sounds more like a childish phrase to me.

Author's Response: Hmm... you may have a point about silence. I'm glad you like the details. Some readers don't, but I can't resist putting them in. Thanks for the review!

Name: wendelin the wierd (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 3:45 · For: Harry's Encounter
An excellent story Jan and it was extremely well written. I must say that i absolutely love your writing style and your grammer is also excellent. You are certainly gifted for not making dialogues and conversations awkward as most authors tend to do. You have a very good characterisation and apparantly can describe their emotions very well too! There was one thing though and that was that your story became a little too long and tedious for me. Perhaps you could make it a little faster? Overall an excellent job i must say. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks thorn! Chapter length is non-negotiable, I'm afraid. They just run their natural course. Either that of have a 100 chaptered fic! LOL

Name: Elaine Lahey (Signed) · Date: 03/16/06 21:26 · For: Portraits.
I finally figured out how to log on and review! I tremble to think that Snape is going to join the bad guys for real - say it ain't so. Also, I love the character of Roderick but he puzzles me. Is by any chance a persona of Lugh Lamfada? He seems like so much more than your average wizard.

Author's Response: Yay! Glad you figured it out!Roderick is a complete enigma. He's a nightmare to write because you are never quite sure what he will do next!

Name: Silvygreen (Anonymous) · Date: 03/11/06 23:24 · For: The Darkest Night
i have been following ur stories for quite a while now. U've allowed me to expand the amount of sympathy i hold for snape. i absolutely adore maeve. Please do not let us hang. And write soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!! I'm doing my best with the chapters... next one is being written as I type. I'm glad you like Maeve, she's really grown as a character.

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/08/06 14:17 · For: Portraits.
Questions, questions; tension, tension. That’s the chapter, in my opinion. Why is Roderick acting like this, what’s his intentions, his motives? Are we finally beginning to know who this “Heir of Gryffindor” is? And Albert’s secrets, will Harry find out? There are enough questions to leave me turning page after page with voracious greed for more. And then it is the tension, that lovely tension. As for scenes, I especially loved the scene you ended the chapter with. I really do believe Snape’s intentions are good at the moment, but with the passing of time and with the persuasion of others, I wouldn’t be very surprised if his plan would backfire. ... And who would believe his cousin was a Death Eater? “Watery dusk had given way to a lacklustre darkness, and Albert Gryps peered out from behind his curtain, sensing the unease. He’d felt the growing malcontent that was spreading throughout the country and watched as it had begun to touch the village. Mrs Dobbs had accused young Mrs Cage’s son Robert of throwing bricks at her cat, and Mrs Cage had replied with a stream of invective that was most unlike the usually mild-mannered mother of two. …” This paragraph must be one of the best opening lines I’ve read in a long time. You introduce us with a character, in a setting, sensing the settled wrong. The way you jump from action, thought, and reaction is unbelievably well done, and it makes the entire paragraph fly on a breeze. I just loved how you start with action, then goes on to tell his thoughts, and then, hitting the arrow in the apple (no idea where that came from), by telling us his reaction with his thoughts. Another thing I noticed with this opening was that it hooked me with the precision in the telling. It’s not a woman accusing a woman, it’s Mrs Doobs accusing Mrs Cage’s son, whose name is Robert and, who, had thrown bricks at Mrs Dobbs cat. It really worked to hook me, draw me, into your world. As usually I love the interactions between Maeve and Snape—there’s such dynamism, such a passion between their dialogues that zings. It’s incredibly how you know each character’s objective so well; I believe that’s one of the reasons you handle dialogue so well. My comment about adverbs still stand, but I think you’ve handled the usage of them much better in this chapter than in many else. When they were put in the context, they seemed to move the lines rather than hinder them. Well done! All in all, this was a lovely chapter, with great tension and lots of questions. It wouldn't surprise me if we're getting to the climax soon ...

Author's Response: I shamelessley use adverbs sparingly. I think an author does themselves a disservice if they eliminate them completely from their writing. But I'm glad you like the rest. :-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/03/06 23:05 · For: Portraits.
An heir of Gryfindor, Albert's secrets, Sirius's portrait...ect. There are so many things that can come of all of that information. I really look forward to finding out what some of it is. The mysterious R. Black...I hope that Harry gets to talk to the portrait. It will be a nice thing for both Harry and the Sirius in the portrait! Poor Maeve. I hope that she finds something helpful to do soon. I can't see her just sitting in the house for a long time.

Author's Response: No, Maeve is not the type to sit around without getting into mishchief. ;-) And an heir of Gryffindor, yes. Shall we take bets on who it is? *giggles*

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 02/23/06 1:10 · For: A Small Case of Bad Timing

Yes, it’s The Swede making some sort of attempt to catch up with reviews. =)

“Yes. I killed Sirius’ brother. But it was pure coincidence that Sirius hated me.” - Hmm… This makes me think that Severus believed that Sirius did actually still like his brother, despite not being a part of the Black family anymore. Why would he think so? Simply because they where siblings? He must have known about the disagreement between the two Black brothers, with one being a Death Eater and the other the Godfather of Harry Potter… Anyway, just a random thought.

Let me go back just one step, to the amazing tenderness of the hair brushing. How much he had changed, that he would share a moment like this. That he would be so tactile. It would have been unthinkable just a year ago. *nods* Yes, you are so right. When looking at it as a whole, it’s quite a remarkable change he has gone through since the beginning of DoL. And yet, I can sit here and enjoy the closeness between a wife and a husband, because of the thorough and methodical work you have done on Severus’ character (and Maeve’s, but not to such a great extent). It makes me wonder what you thought at the very beginning, how much you planned to change him… And most of all, what changes he has still go to go through.

Well… I wasn’t going to mention Remus at all, you know, but I can’t seem to help myself. I sit here grinning like my mother would over the sappy ending of a romantic comedy, delighted to read about Remus’ good fortune. And as for Felicia, I know I have read the following three chapters so that might be why, but I still find that I like her more than ever. It’s a bit like… Now, don’t get me wrong, but something about Felicia reminds me of OotP-Tonks. Yes, it’s something small, probably just the jolly attitude and new light introduced to a gloomy atmosphere, but it’s there. I’m not a huge fan of Remus/Tonks in canon (as I think you know), but when reading about Remus and Felicia I can sort of see what JKR tried to do; to find a “perky” lady for the worn Remus. Well, she made a fair attempt. You succeeded. *huggles Remus & Felicia*

He sipped from his glass, irritated by the moustache that caught the froth of the beer. - the POOR man! You gave him a moustache! I mean, I know he has done all of these horrible things, killing people and such, but a moustache?!? I say you’re being hard on him, Jan. *gives up her moustache-burning on Remus and goes to rescue Severus instead*

As always, you give yourself time to set the mood of “new” places, and Maeve’s return to Grimmauld Place is no exception. Descriptions, perhaps seeming unnecessary to some readers, but crucial to me for a good read and as the mark of your work. Like There were signs of Harry and Ron’s recent occupation: a sweet wrapper crumpled on the table, a dirty glass left on the mantlepiece, where it had left a ring as a calling card. and What use is a book if it isn’t being read? These were redundant, and she could feel their wretchedness. *content sigh* But, wait… As I copy/pasted that, my spell check told me it’s supposed to be ”mantelpiece” – could it be so?

And then… *GASP* Ebil, ebil author! Yes, yes, I know what happens later on, but you can’t just kill Maeve like that! Or, clearly you can, and all right, I will give you the credit for doing so with uttermost style. The clocks… *feels little shiver run down spine* Of course, by now I know what’s actually happening in the final scene, but when I first read it I was too worried to realise that the happenings were similar to something I had seen before. I’m glad that Maeve remained unknowing of the cause during her short, horrible experience, because that made the cliff-hanger even better.

<.< Hopefully, it won’t be this long before I review next chapter. I’m being such a bad First Fangirl! But still a fangirl, and one who will still re-read chapters during the wee hours of the morning, and try to squee quietly so not to wake up the whole house. *huggle*

Author's Response: Where are you, Anna?? *sobs* I hate your laptop. *stabs*

Name: Silvygreen (Anonymous) · Date: 02/21/06 22:29 · For: Heirs and Graces
After such stunning and in-depth reviews, I feel a bit on-the-spot. Lol.However, very well written and attention-capturing story. Although Severus has never been my most favourite character, I ahve always thought of him with a good heart deep down. Your story is amazing and brings out the best in him. Maeve is an inspiring character, and well though out. Nice Work!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 9:54 · For: The Fox and the Raven.
I think that this chapter should be required reading for everyone on MNFF as a stellar example of the effective use of setting. Each location is so carefully and painstakingly described. The reader feels completely transported along with the characters. Every sight, smell, sound, sensation is recorded and utilized to not only move the story forward but squeeze every realistic drop out of every word.

More and more, the tension between Maeve's relationship with Lupin and her relationship with Severus just crackles. It is my favourite part of the story. I ached with Remus when he wanted to reach out and fold Maeve up in his arms. I felt Maeve's anguish as she realized she'd been a fool to believe Narcissa Malfoy's adulterous claims about Severus. There is a raw emotion to your storytelling that I wish more popular writers had.

Looking forward to the next chapter, I'm interesting in finding out how Regulus and his actions will fit into the growing tangle of complex plans to topple Voldemort. I'm also interested to see how Maeve and Severus plan to battle all of the suspicion raised against them. Great work!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 9:11 · For: Malfoy Manor
It's the small details that make your chapters so enthralling to read! The portraits in Malfoy Manor, Narcissa's room, Draco's room - with the Dark Mark poster, Colly...all of it generates a richness that makes the story so much more substantial. I also enjoy your word choices, particularly in Maeve's dialogue.

As I said in my previous review, I think your characterizations are spot on! Narcissa's coming unglued in this chapter made complete sense. Likewise, the farmer's story about the bull who went a little "square in the head" was hillarious. But, again, I have to say that my favourite character thus far is Remus. His explosion over being accused as "a Ministry man" felt so honest and true. He's so wonderful that I just wanna smack Maeve sometimes for being so ignorant of his feelings! Now I must scurry off and read the next chapter before I go to pieces!

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