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Reviews For The Severed Souls

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 05/05/06 21:19 · For: Unearthing the Truth
That was another great chapter. Poor Albert. I hope that he gets to meet his grandson and his wife before he gets too sick. That was a very interesting twist. I love that Maeve had an answer to that question for Severus. Poor Harry having everyone think he is dead. That must really be hard on him. I hope that he can come to believe in Severus enough to follow the plan, at least mostly. I can understand why he wants Ginny told. I still hold to the fact that people that know Maeve would know she would never let Harry die. (I'm leaning most toward Remus, Ron and Hermione though) Poor Draco. Nothing ever goes his way. I can't figure Rampton out. There seems to be two of him or something. I can understand when he helped Jenny, but him collecting Draco seems weird to me. Oh well. I don't have him totally figured out yet anyhow.

Name: Breeze (Signed) · Date: 05/05/06 12:47 · For: Unearthing the Truth
this is an excellent story and a little bit of a cliff hanger at the end of the chapter. The plot is moving along well too.

Name: BloodRayne (Signed) · Date: 05/05/06 11:05 · For: Unearthing the Truth
Oh god...to leave it at that is torture! One little thing...I sort of feel that Roderick isn't himself...not as cheerful and ...carefree as he used to be. But maybe I'm just imagining things. Anyway, great chapter and update soon!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 05/05/06 10:45 · For: Unearthing the Truth
I am hooked on Maeve! I love these stories.

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 05/04/06 7:47 · For: Confrontation
Tee hee. Youíre probably wondering what Iím doing now, Jan. Well, I thought since I had completely messed up with my responsibilities for this worthy chapter, I might as well take my original comments and turn them into a review instead. (That, and the fact that I donít trust my e-mailÖ)

I really like how focused this chapter is. Donít get me wrong, itís always amazing to see and learn what is happening in different places of the Severed Souls-world, but since thatís what weíre normally spoiled with this becomes more special. Everything in this chapter concentrates on the same event, and all of the actions become more intense.

Intense, yes, as the potion-brewing and the caring for Harry. Serious as the situation is, this is pure enjoyment for any Severus/Maeve shipper. You have written love-making and tenderness for us before, but I almost dare say this is better. Some of my favourite fictional relationships are favourites just because of that Ė because the author has written two characters in a situation where they need to work together for something important. Through such work, it seems that a good author has got a perfect opportunity to show care, compatibility, understanding and chemistry between two characters Ė just like you have done here.

What he really meant, Maeve reflected, was that if she administered the potion, he could not be said to have saved Harry Potterís life. - I love that Maeve understands this, and I love that you show it to us.

Remus, my Remus. You donít happen to be planning some Remus/Felicia cubs, do you? Because I think he would make quite a brilliant father. His concern for Harry is so touching, so perfectly written. AlsoÖ this might be a bit far-fetched, but for some reason I get the feeling that after getting a dose of Sirius from the portrait, Remus somehow cares even more for his friendís godson. Oh, and donít ask me why because I canít explain it, but when I read this chapter I suddenly had a vision of a Harry/Remus conversation at the very end of Severed Souls, a sort of thoughtful end-of-the-adventure conversation where Harry actually thanks Remus for all that he has done. Yes, Jan, your story does all kinds of strange things to my mind. ;)

Oooh, Iím very excited about Severusí plan! Excellent turn of the plot, Jan! I donít know what I expected to follow Harryís injury, but certainly not this! I had a hunch that it might lead to a Harry/Severus confrontation, but no idea that we would take such a big step on the way towards Voldemort. I simply canít wait to see how things turn out, and Iím more anxious than ever to read the meeting between Harry and Severus. Especially with this: Wherever it was, a confrontation between Severus and Harry would be inevitable, and she knew that she needed to start preparing for that. - It really makes me wonder what role Maeve will playÖ

Bit of nitpicking:

ďBut Severus is.capable. - A mysterious dot has appeared between ďisĒ and ďcapableĒ.

The came corner that had seen Severus commit to acts that he probably would have shied away from without her involvement bringing his sense of obligation to the fore. - Iím guessing that should be ďThe same cornerĒ, not ďThe came cornerĒ?

Then I really need to ask you about something. When Maeve had seen to Harry, she tried to lift him. I wonder why? Where was he planning on taking him? She obviously didnít think about using her ability until Severus suggested it, and she canít Apparate. Those are really the reasons I can think of for her to actually try to lift him with her own strength. Is there a reason she did not Levitate him instead? Yes, I do realise that using magic puts a bit of distance between them, but Maeve is also sensible and should have realised that she couldnít lift him.

And the end sceneÖ Oh, Iím bubbling with questions, but I suppose that was your intent. What is Percy up to, really? And what is the whole business of Roderick and Nagini being at two places at the same time? It feels like that would normally involve a Time-Turner, butÖ And why would Nagini attack Neville when taking him out was Dracoís job? I hardly donít think that Voldemort would put his precious snake-Horcrux at Dracoís disposal? No, there seems to be something rotten inside the gates of Hogwarts, and Iím longing for you to clear things up a bit.

Lol, I donít suppose that Iím in a position to pester you for the next chapter? No, Iíll just try and look extra sweet and pleading instead. :)

Name: anAnachronism (Signed) · Date: 04/30/06 21:45 · For: The Darkest Night
Please update! I can't wait to read more and I feel as though I've been waiting for ages.

Author's Response: Sorry, and thanks for the review! Next chapter is almost ready to be sent to my beta and then it will be up. End of the week at the latest. :-)

Name: jakgarden (Signed) · Date: 04/27/06 20:18 · For: Confrontation
GREAT!!!!! can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: It's on its way, I promise! Thanks for the review.

Name: BloodRayne (Signed) · Date: 04/24/06 18:53 · For: Confrontation
Awsome story, update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks, BloodRayne. Update on its way.

Name: Elaine Lahey (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 23:48 · For: Confrontation
I'm so glad to see this story update! I've been checking every day for weeks now. I can't believe that Snape is really going to go to the bad now; please tell me that Maeve is mistaken. And is Percy perhaps a double agent - or - is Roderick? Please post again soon.

Author's Response: Thanks, Elaine! I have to admit, this poor story has been taking a back seat recently, but it's coming along. And I couldn;t possibly comment on Severus' intentions. ;-)

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 21:33 · For: Questions, Questions.
FINALLY! Remus gets someone to love forever! That was totally unexpected.

Author's Response: I know. He really does need the love of a good woman!

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 14:02 · For: Harry's Pensieve
Wow. This is what a fan fic is supposed to be. You kept the attitudes of the regular characters just like the books. The original characters are absolutely wonderful. Be sure to R and R my fan fic. Harry Potter and the Final War.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. My original characters are a bit naughty and have a tendency to take over. I'll keep my eye out for your fic.

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 04/13/06 21:36 · For: Confrontation
There is so much going on, and all at once. I really find a lot of interesting things happening in this chapter. Harry is in for a big shock when he comes too. Percy is proving just how bad he has become. There is something there that I just can't seem to put my finger on. I hope that Neville is ok. I hope that someone figures out that Maeve would never let Harry actually die. Anyone that knows her should know that! I really look forward to the next chapte!

Author's Response: I can't believe so much suddenly happened in this chapter. it so wasn;t planned that way, but Severus had the bright idea of taking Harry so it just all went off. Next chapter is under way, and your commment about anyone realy knowing Maeve has been noted. ;-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 22:54 · For: Harry's Encounter
Another great chapter!!! I was really trying hard to figure out who was following Harry and the girls. I wouldn't have guessed that it was Nagini! I hope that Snape is able to help Harry. I have a lot of things running through my mind, especially about what the empty grave could have meant. I look forward to the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Yeah, I would love to know what the empty grave meant too! That was surprise to me and a little plot line to be filled in. Thanks for continuing to review. i really do appreciate it. :-)

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 12:36 · For: Restoration.
A delightful and tense and moving chapter! It tasted like candy floss, very differently and yet so similar, and that taste still lingers in my head.

Lugh's ire was extremely well written. The scene with him and Snape played right in front of my head and the tension was to touch. It was foolish of Snape to dare to confront Lugh when he already was infuriated, but still, it was something I would believe Snape would do in such a situation. He loves Maeve--it's she who gives meaning and colour in his otherwise monochrome world--and when someone tells him he doesn't care well enough for her, he feels offended and reacts in his sneering way. In this chapter Itís interesting to see how this Horcrux thing develops into a little dilemma for Snape in later chapters. Thatís why itís a bit ironic to re-read this chapteróyou wouldnít believe there should be so much trouble to get that ruby in the right place. As for Harry and Ginny, Iím not a huge fan of themóinstead, Iím a ďDelusional ShipperĒ. However, if you have them as a couple, Iím beginning to worry if Iíll still be a Hr/H shipper.

I'm beginning to repeat myself in my reviews now, but I try to refrain from doing so. I still love your intricate, tender prose (which was especially lyrical in this instalment), and the characterisation of Maeve is as always highly well-done. It's an OC which, in my eyes, is more well-rounded than more than half of the characters I read in fictions. The moment when Maeve overcame Voldemort's evil by drawing strength on love, showed the dimension of their feelings and of their bonds. I get transported into your imagination and connect with the characters. They struggle and they overcome their obstacles; they grieve and are mended by lovers or friends; and then, after all the hardship, they have their moment of bliss and we, the readers, canít help but want them to live on like that in eternity. Itís heart-wrenching, really.

Great job, Jan!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, James. You always put so much into your reviews that they are a treat to read.

Name: vampyre_faerie (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 7:55 · For: Malfoy Manor
The way you include the little details in this chapter really gives the story some depth, which is why I always seem to enjoy your chapters. Even though she would not be a nice person to hang around with, I really like how you have written Narcissa and the only little nitpick from my end is that I think she is more likely to say "silence!" or something to a House Elf, instead of "shut up" which sounds more like a childish phrase to me.

Author's Response: Hmm... you may have a point about silence. I'm glad you like the details. Some readers don't, but I can't resist putting them in. Thanks for the review!

Name: wendelin the wierd (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 3:45 · For: Harry's Encounter
An excellent story Jan and it was extremely well written. I must say that i absolutely love your writing style and your grammer is also excellent. You are certainly gifted for not making dialogues and conversations awkward as most authors tend to do. You have a very good characterisation and apparantly can describe their emotions very well too! There was one thing though and that was that your story became a little too long and tedious for me. Perhaps you could make it a little faster? Overall an excellent job i must say. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks thorn! Chapter length is non-negotiable, I'm afraid. They just run their natural course. Either that of have a 100 chaptered fic! LOL

Name: Elaine Lahey (Signed) · Date: 03/16/06 21:26 · For: Portraits.
I finally figured out how to log on and review! I tremble to think that Snape is going to join the bad guys for real - say it ain't so. Also, I love the character of Roderick but he puzzles me. Is by any chance a persona of Lugh Lamfada? He seems like so much more than your average wizard.

Author's Response: Yay! Glad you figured it out!Roderick is a complete enigma. He's a nightmare to write because you are never quite sure what he will do next!

Name: Silvygreen (Anonymous) · Date: 03/11/06 23:24 · For: The Darkest Night
i have been following ur stories for quite a while now. U've allowed me to expand the amount of sympathy i hold for snape. i absolutely adore maeve. Please do not let us hang. And write soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!! I'm doing my best with the chapters... next one is being written as I type. I'm glad you like Maeve, she's really grown as a character.

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/08/06 14:17 · For: Portraits.
Questions, questions; tension, tension. Thatís the chapter, in my opinion. Why is Roderick acting like this, whatís his intentions, his motives? Are we finally beginning to know who this ďHeir of GryffindorĒ is? And Albertís secrets, will Harry find out? There are enough questions to leave me turning page after page with voracious greed for more. And then it is the tension, that lovely tension. As for scenes, I especially loved the scene you ended the chapter with. I really do believe Snapeís intentions are good at the moment, but with the passing of time and with the persuasion of others, I wouldnít be very surprised if his plan would backfire. ... And who would believe his cousin was a Death Eater? ďWatery dusk had given way to a lacklustre darkness, and Albert Gryps peered out from behind his curtain, sensing the unease. Heíd felt the growing malcontent that was spreading throughout the country and watched as it had begun to touch the village. Mrs Dobbs had accused young Mrs Cageís son Robert of throwing bricks at her cat, and Mrs Cage had replied with a stream of invective that was most unlike the usually mild-mannered mother of two. ÖĒ This paragraph must be one of the best opening lines Iíve read in a long time. You introduce us with a character, in a setting, sensing the settled wrong. The way you jump from action, thought, and reaction is unbelievably well done, and it makes the entire paragraph fly on a breeze. I just loved how you start with action, then goes on to tell his thoughts, and then, hitting the arrow in the apple (no idea where that came from), by telling us his reaction with his thoughts. Another thing I noticed with this opening was that it hooked me with the precision in the telling. Itís not a woman accusing a woman, itís Mrs Doobs accusing Mrs Cageís son, whose name is Robert and, who, had thrown bricks at Mrs Dobbs cat. It really worked to hook me, draw me, into your world. As usually I love the interactions between Maeve and Snapeóthereís such dynamism, such a passion between their dialogues that zings. Itís incredibly how you know each characterís objective so well; I believe thatís one of the reasons you handle dialogue so well. My comment about adverbs still stand, but I think youíve handled the usage of them much better in this chapter than in many else. When they were put in the context, they seemed to move the lines rather than hinder them. Well done! All in all, this was a lovely chapter, with great tension and lots of questions. It wouldn't surprise me if we're getting to the climax soon ...

Author's Response: I shamelessley use adverbs sparingly. I think an author does themselves a disservice if they eliminate them completely from their writing. But I'm glad you like the rest. :-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/03/06 23:05 · For: Portraits.
An heir of Gryfindor, Albert's secrets, Sirius's portrait...ect. There are so many things that can come of all of that information. I really look forward to finding out what some of it is. The mysterious R. Black...I hope that Harry gets to talk to the portrait. It will be a nice thing for both Harry and the Sirius in the portrait! Poor Maeve. I hope that she finds something helpful to do soon. I can't see her just sitting in the house for a long time.

Author's Response: No, Maeve is not the type to sit around without getting into mishchief. ;-) And an heir of Gryffindor, yes. Shall we take bets on who it is? *giggles*

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