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Reviews For The Severed Souls

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 21:33 · For: Questions, Questions.
FINALLY! Remus gets someone to love forever! That was totally unexpected.

Author's Response: I know. He really does need the love of a good woman!

Name: crazyhpgirl (Signed) · Date: 04/16/06 14:02 · For: Harry's Pensieve
Wow. This is what a fan fic is supposed to be. You kept the attitudes of the regular characters just like the books. The original characters are absolutely wonderful. Be sure to R and R my fan fic. Harry Potter and the Final War.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. My original characters are a bit naughty and have a tendency to take over. I'll keep my eye out for your fic.

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 04/13/06 21:36 · For: Confrontation
There is so much going on, and all at once. I really find a lot of interesting things happening in this chapter. Harry is in for a big shock when he comes too. Percy is proving just how bad he has become. There is something there that I just can't seem to put my finger on. I hope that Neville is ok. I hope that someone figures out that Maeve would never let Harry actually die. Anyone that knows her should know that! I really look forward to the next chapte!

Author's Response: I can't believe so much suddenly happened in this chapter. it so wasn;t planned that way, but Severus had the bright idea of taking Harry so it just all went off. Next chapter is under way, and your commment about anyone realy knowing Maeve has been noted. ;-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 22:54 · For: Harry's Encounter
Another great chapter!!! I was really trying hard to figure out who was following Harry and the girls. I wouldn't have guessed that it was Nagini! I hope that Snape is able to help Harry. I have a lot of things running through my mind, especially about what the empty grave could have meant. I look forward to the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Yeah, I would love to know what the empty grave meant too! That was surprise to me and a little plot line to be filled in. Thanks for continuing to review. i really do appreciate it. :-)

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 12:36 · For: Restoration.
A delightful and tense and moving chapter! It tasted like candy floss, very differently and yet so similar, and that taste still lingers in my head.

Lugh's ire was extremely well written. The scene with him and Snape played right in front of my head and the tension was to touch. It was foolish of Snape to dare to confront Lugh when he already was infuriated, but still, it was something I would believe Snape would do in such a situation. He loves Maeve--it's she who gives meaning and colour in his otherwise monochrome world--and when someone tells him he doesn't care well enough for her, he feels offended and reacts in his sneering way. In this chapter It’s interesting to see how this Horcrux thing develops into a little dilemma for Snape in later chapters. That’s why it’s a bit ironic to re-read this chapter—you wouldn’t believe there should be so much trouble to get that ruby in the right place. As for Harry and Ginny, I’m not a huge fan of them—instead, I’m a “Delusional Shipper”. However, if you have them as a couple, I’m beginning to worry if I’ll still be a Hr/H shipper.

I'm beginning to repeat myself in my reviews now, but I try to refrain from doing so. I still love your intricate, tender prose (which was especially lyrical in this instalment), and the characterisation of Maeve is as always highly well-done. It's an OC which, in my eyes, is more well-rounded than more than half of the characters I read in fictions. The moment when Maeve overcame Voldemort's evil by drawing strength on love, showed the dimension of their feelings and of their bonds. I get transported into your imagination and connect with the characters. They struggle and they overcome their obstacles; they grieve and are mended by lovers or friends; and then, after all the hardship, they have their moment of bliss and we, the readers, can’t help but want them to live on like that in eternity. It’s heart-wrenching, really.

Great job, Jan!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, James. You always put so much into your reviews that they are a treat to read.

Name: vampyre_faerie (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 7:55 · For: Malfoy Manor
The way you include the little details in this chapter really gives the story some depth, which is why I always seem to enjoy your chapters. Even though she would not be a nice person to hang around with, I really like how you have written Narcissa and the only little nitpick from my end is that I think she is more likely to say "silence!" or something to a House Elf, instead of "shut up" which sounds more like a childish phrase to me.

Author's Response: Hmm... you may have a point about silence. I'm glad you like the details. Some readers don't, but I can't resist putting them in. Thanks for the review!

Name: wendelin the wierd (Signed) · Date: 03/17/06 3:45 · For: Harry's Encounter
An excellent story Jan and it was extremely well written. I must say that i absolutely love your writing style and your grammer is also excellent. You are certainly gifted for not making dialogues and conversations awkward as most authors tend to do. You have a very good characterisation and apparantly can describe their emotions very well too! There was one thing though and that was that your story became a little too long and tedious for me. Perhaps you could make it a little faster? Overall an excellent job i must say. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks thorn! Chapter length is non-negotiable, I'm afraid. They just run their natural course. Either that of have a 100 chaptered fic! LOL

Name: Elaine Lahey (Signed) · Date: 03/16/06 21:26 · For: Portraits.
I finally figured out how to log on and review! I tremble to think that Snape is going to join the bad guys for real - say it ain't so. Also, I love the character of Roderick but he puzzles me. Is by any chance a persona of Lugh Lamfada? He seems like so much more than your average wizard.

Author's Response: Yay! Glad you figured it out!Roderick is a complete enigma. He's a nightmare to write because you are never quite sure what he will do next!

Name: Silvygreen (Anonymous) · Date: 03/11/06 23:24 · For: The Darkest Night
i have been following ur stories for quite a while now. U've allowed me to expand the amount of sympathy i hold for snape. i absolutely adore maeve. Please do not let us hang. And write soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!! I'm doing my best with the chapters... next one is being written as I type. I'm glad you like Maeve, she's really grown as a character.

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 03/08/06 14:17 · For: Portraits.
Questions, questions; tension, tension. That’s the chapter, in my opinion. Why is Roderick acting like this, what’s his intentions, his motives? Are we finally beginning to know who this “Heir of Gryffindor” is? And Albert’s secrets, will Harry find out? There are enough questions to leave me turning page after page with voracious greed for more. And then it is the tension, that lovely tension. As for scenes, I especially loved the scene you ended the chapter with. I really do believe Snape’s intentions are good at the moment, but with the passing of time and with the persuasion of others, I wouldn’t be very surprised if his plan would backfire. ... And who would believe his cousin was a Death Eater? “Watery dusk had given way to a lacklustre darkness, and Albert Gryps peered out from behind his curtain, sensing the unease. He’d felt the growing malcontent that was spreading throughout the country and watched as it had begun to touch the village. Mrs Dobbs had accused young Mrs Cage’s son Robert of throwing bricks at her cat, and Mrs Cage had replied with a stream of invective that was most unlike the usually mild-mannered mother of two. …” This paragraph must be one of the best opening lines I’ve read in a long time. You introduce us with a character, in a setting, sensing the settled wrong. The way you jump from action, thought, and reaction is unbelievably well done, and it makes the entire paragraph fly on a breeze. I just loved how you start with action, then goes on to tell his thoughts, and then, hitting the arrow in the apple (no idea where that came from), by telling us his reaction with his thoughts. Another thing I noticed with this opening was that it hooked me with the precision in the telling. It’s not a woman accusing a woman, it’s Mrs Doobs accusing Mrs Cage’s son, whose name is Robert and, who, had thrown bricks at Mrs Dobbs cat. It really worked to hook me, draw me, into your world. As usually I love the interactions between Maeve and Snape—there’s such dynamism, such a passion between their dialogues that zings. It’s incredibly how you know each character’s objective so well; I believe that’s one of the reasons you handle dialogue so well. My comment about adverbs still stand, but I think you’ve handled the usage of them much better in this chapter than in many else. When they were put in the context, they seemed to move the lines rather than hinder them. Well done! All in all, this was a lovely chapter, with great tension and lots of questions. It wouldn't surprise me if we're getting to the climax soon ...

Author's Response: I shamelessley use adverbs sparingly. I think an author does themselves a disservice if they eliminate them completely from their writing. But I'm glad you like the rest. :-)

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 03/03/06 23:05 · For: Portraits.
An heir of Gryfindor, Albert's secrets, Sirius's portrait...ect. There are so many things that can come of all of that information. I really look forward to finding out what some of it is. The mysterious R. Black...I hope that Harry gets to talk to the portrait. It will be a nice thing for both Harry and the Sirius in the portrait! Poor Maeve. I hope that she finds something helpful to do soon. I can't see her just sitting in the house for a long time.

Author's Response: No, Maeve is not the type to sit around without getting into mishchief. ;-) And an heir of Gryffindor, yes. Shall we take bets on who it is? *giggles*

Name: Fantasium (Signed) · Date: 02/23/06 1:10 · For: A Small Case of Bad Timing

Yes, it’s The Swede making some sort of attempt to catch up with reviews. =)

“Yes. I killed Sirius’ brother. But it was pure coincidence that Sirius hated me.” - Hmm… This makes me think that Severus believed that Sirius did actually still like his brother, despite not being a part of the Black family anymore. Why would he think so? Simply because they where siblings? He must have known about the disagreement between the two Black brothers, with one being a Death Eater and the other the Godfather of Harry Potter… Anyway, just a random thought.

Let me go back just one step, to the amazing tenderness of the hair brushing. How much he had changed, that he would share a moment like this. That he would be so tactile. It would have been unthinkable just a year ago. *nods* Yes, you are so right. When looking at it as a whole, it’s quite a remarkable change he has gone through since the beginning of DoL. And yet, I can sit here and enjoy the closeness between a wife and a husband, because of the thorough and methodical work you have done on Severus’ character (and Maeve’s, but not to such a great extent). It makes me wonder what you thought at the very beginning, how much you planned to change him… And most of all, what changes he has still go to go through.

Well… I wasn’t going to mention Remus at all, you know, but I can’t seem to help myself. I sit here grinning like my mother would over the sappy ending of a romantic comedy, delighted to read about Remus’ good fortune. And as for Felicia, I know I have read the following three chapters so that might be why, but I still find that I like her more than ever. It’s a bit like… Now, don’t get me wrong, but something about Felicia reminds me of OotP-Tonks. Yes, it’s something small, probably just the jolly attitude and new light introduced to a gloomy atmosphere, but it’s there. I’m not a huge fan of Remus/Tonks in canon (as I think you know), but when reading about Remus and Felicia I can sort of see what JKR tried to do; to find a “perky” lady for the worn Remus. Well, she made a fair attempt. You succeeded. *huggles Remus & Felicia*

He sipped from his glass, irritated by the moustache that caught the froth of the beer. - the POOR man! You gave him a moustache! I mean, I know he has done all of these horrible things, killing people and such, but a moustache?!? I say you’re being hard on him, Jan. *gives up her moustache-burning on Remus and goes to rescue Severus instead*

As always, you give yourself time to set the mood of “new” places, and Maeve’s return to Grimmauld Place is no exception. Descriptions, perhaps seeming unnecessary to some readers, but crucial to me for a good read and as the mark of your work. Like There were signs of Harry and Ron’s recent occupation: a sweet wrapper crumpled on the table, a dirty glass left on the mantlepiece, where it had left a ring as a calling card. and What use is a book if it isn’t being read? These were redundant, and she could feel their wretchedness. *content sigh* But, wait… As I copy/pasted that, my spell check told me it’s supposed to be ”mantelpiece” – could it be so?

And then… *GASP* Ebil, ebil author! Yes, yes, I know what happens later on, but you can’t just kill Maeve like that! Or, clearly you can, and all right, I will give you the credit for doing so with uttermost style. The clocks… *feels little shiver run down spine* Of course, by now I know what’s actually happening in the final scene, but when I first read it I was too worried to realise that the happenings were similar to something I had seen before. I’m glad that Maeve remained unknowing of the cause during her short, horrible experience, because that made the cliff-hanger even better.

<.< Hopefully, it won’t be this long before I review next chapter. I’m being such a bad First Fangirl! But still a fangirl, and one who will still re-read chapters during the wee hours of the morning, and try to squee quietly so not to wake up the whole house. *huggle*

Author's Response: Where are you, Anna?? *sobs* I hate your laptop. *stabs*

Name: Silvygreen (Anonymous) · Date: 02/21/06 22:29 · For: Heirs and Graces
After such stunning and in-depth reviews, I feel a bit on-the-spot. Lol.However, very well written and attention-capturing story. Although Severus has never been my most favourite character, I ahve always thought of him with a good heart deep down. Your story is amazing and brings out the best in him. Maeve is an inspiring character, and well though out. Nice Work!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 9:54 · For: The Fox and the Raven.
I think that this chapter should be required reading for everyone on MNFF as a stellar example of the effective use of setting. Each location is so carefully and painstakingly described. The reader feels completely transported along with the characters. Every sight, smell, sound, sensation is recorded and utilized to not only move the story forward but squeeze every realistic drop out of every word.

More and more, the tension between Maeve's relationship with Lupin and her relationship with Severus just crackles. It is my favourite part of the story. I ached with Remus when he wanted to reach out and fold Maeve up in his arms. I felt Maeve's anguish as she realized she'd been a fool to believe Narcissa Malfoy's adulterous claims about Severus. There is a raw emotion to your storytelling that I wish more popular writers had.

Looking forward to the next chapter, I'm interesting in finding out how Regulus and his actions will fit into the growing tangle of complex plans to topple Voldemort. I'm also interested to see how Maeve and Severus plan to battle all of the suspicion raised against them. Great work!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 9:11 · For: Malfoy Manor
It's the small details that make your chapters so enthralling to read! The portraits in Malfoy Manor, Narcissa's room, Draco's room - with the Dark Mark poster, Colly...all of it generates a richness that makes the story so much more substantial. I also enjoy your word choices, particularly in Maeve's dialogue.

As I said in my previous review, I think your characterizations are spot on! Narcissa's coming unglued in this chapter made complete sense. Likewise, the farmer's story about the bull who went a little "square in the head" was hillarious. But, again, I have to say that my favourite character thus far is Remus. His explosion over being accused as "a Ministry man" felt so honest and true. He's so wonderful that I just wanna smack Maeve sometimes for being so ignorant of his feelings! Now I must scurry off and read the next chapter before I go to pieces!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 8:11 · For: Harry's Pensieve
When I read your explanation at the start of the chapter, I thought I knew what I could expect. However, I like how you've managed to combine your story with Canon and make it flow together. Removing the murder from Hogwarts to Godric's Hollow seems like an interesting choice, and I'm curious to know why you did that. Is the impregnability of Hogwarts security critical to another part of your story, perhaps?

I don't normally read AU fics, but this one stays so close to the original tale that it's not quite so jarring to read. I loved your descriptions of Harry 's feelings and the comparison with Maeve's. Her heartbreak was palpable. I'm looking forward to digging in to the rest of the chapters, especially now that I'm wondering what's going on with Narcissa!

Name: Lovely Fatima (Signed) · Date: 02/20/06 7:37 · For: An Uncomfortable Alliance.
If there is one thing that you excel at, it is characterization. Narcissa, in particular, was so perfectly crafted in this chapter that I really forgot that I was reading about fictional people. Her words, her responses, her struggle between hating Maeve and needing information about her son were all spot-on accurate. I could feel every ounce of anguish, tension, jealousy. It was amazing.

I also like how you've introduced a subtle mystery. We thought Maeve and Severus were open with one another at the end of HPDoL, but now we find that he's hidden yet more secrets AND that Narcissa is involved with him beyond the Unbreakable Vow. Introducing that kind of suspense is difficult, and I applaud you for doing it so well.

The only thing that bothered me in this chapter was the re-appearance of Lugh and the way he seemed to ease Maeve through the difficult situation at the Ministry. While I understand that his presence was necessary to re-introduce the necklace and her bond to it, I really would have rather seen how Maeve managed to get herself back into the Ministry to explain things. Lugh's appearance was quite literally a bit deus ex machina for my tastes. Then again, I like to see my favourite characters suffer!

To leave you on a positive note, I want to mention the joy that I get from reading scenes with Maeve and Remus. I know that Maeve's heart belongs to Severus, but a girl can still dream that she might one day get together with Remus. He loves her so painfully, and I think that the reader feels that whenever she rebuffs him or pushes him away. Great job!

Name: the nutty imp (Signed) · Date: 02/12/06 2:26 · For: A Small Case of Bad Timing
“I killed Regulus Black.” That simple admission was jaw-dropping - it's so simple but it carries so much weight. and the way Snape sneered at the memory ... well all I can say that it's very in-character for him to do this despite his remorse :)

I like the symbolic use of the ravens as well as all the imagery that went with it when she held the key.

Name: The Half Blood Prince (Signed) · Date: 02/04/06 10:16 · For: Heirs and Graces
Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you find a book (in this case at the screen) and then it’s done! It doesn’t help to leave the screen—I’ve tried before, because of the sheer immensity of your chapters--, because the story, it clings to your mind and then bring you back again. Jan, your plot, your characters, your prose, it leaves me stunned each and every time and I can’t express myself eloquently enough on this matter.

There is sophistication, like a nightmare twisted into a fairy tail of dreams, in the telling of Maeve and Snape’s relationship. And it absorbs me. Somehow I love how the cantankerous Snape is touched by love and that a slow healing in his life has become a reality when Maeve steps into his life again. It is as with your poem—she melts his heart of ice with fire. What I think makes this relationship so touching can be summed up in three things: believability, caring for the characters, approached tenderly.

The interesting here is how those three thinks links together. It is made believable by how you approach it, and your care for the characters intensifies your desire to get them together. I also love how you use the characters’ past secrets as obstacles to get them together. They get together and separated and then together again, like a roller-coaster. And I can’t stop reading, just as I can’t jump out of a rollercoaster. It’s deeply written, deeply told, and the deepness of their relationship keeps getting deeper. You’ve managed to make me care for their relationship just as much as I care for their well-being. I would cry if something happened to disturb their love. Oh, and it seems as if you’ve managed to hit the nail with how love changes a person, that it’s not love received but love given that changes a person. Many tend to forget that and the difference in how you write a character- arc may then also change.

As for Maeve, who can’t love her? Her personality is so captivating and even though she has a few traits some would call ‘Mary Sue traits’, I only think they intensify her as the unique character she is. I feel sorry for Maeve for going through everything she does. Sorry for her and Snape, for their relationship. I am afraid these troublesome times may separate them, and I don’t want that—not at all! She was awfully in character in this chapter, but I am still wondering what her overall goal is. She’s got so many wants that I can’t figure which is her main driving force. I guess I just have to inspect this deep character some more, won’t I?

I also think you’ve captured Narcissa’s nature well. The interaction between the two women in your fiction is full of life, full of conflict, but it was touching to see a change when they embraced like old friends. It made me realise it is more to Narcissa than what we’ve seen thus far and that she’s able to love and respect other people even though she want to hide it. The embrace also seemed a very feminine and realistic thing to do between women after such a happening; they put their qualms besides, if only for a moment, to be comforted by the other. The Boggart also made me figure out how Narcissa’s real interpretation of Lucius was. Instead of loving him, she feared him, and I think Maeve got further empathy/sympathy for Narcissa’s life when she realised this. At least, it seemed so in the scene. Continue the nice work on those characters Jan—they’re creating drama and conflict, which in turn creates plot.

The plot points are many and well thought-out—they may be the favourite thing with the stories. Just when you believe the story will evolve this way, an unsuspected twist comes. It’s highly entertaining when the change happens so fast you don’t even have time to give doubts to it. Instead, you accept it as you’re continuing to read on, either happily or anxiously. The fact that only the heir could replace the stone on the sword is an example of this—you create further obstacles and make us get new sub-plots. If the stone had been placed on the sword, we would loose many plot-points—that there even is a Gryffindor heir and who he is. We also get questions out of it, which is a good tool to keep the reader’s interest.

Your prose is vivid, as usual. Beautiful sentence, complex sentences, moving sentences, you have it all. If I could learn to write this way I would die a happy man. I happen to love the way your nouns and verbs drives the sentences rather than adjectives. You also use linking words to make the structure of the sentences seem alive and different, which is always good. I especially like this for how beautifully you managed to string all those words into one sentence:

“Narcissa feigned a wounded attitude and placed her dainty tea cup on a saucer before sitting down at the table and delicately buttering some hot toast.” In this sentence I didn’t care if you used an adverb to show how Narcissa moved her hands—it added fluency to the sentence and this was one of those well-chosen adverbs. I also think that ‘feigned a wounded attitude’ seems a very realistic movement Narcissa would do, coming from the upper-class and all.

“The babble in the room rose and fell depending on the point that was being debated. Black-robed figures crowded round a table as they tried to give one voice to what it was they were trying to say.” The thing that struck me with this sentence was the contrast. ‘Rose and fell’ contrasted so well with each other that I could feel the ever-changing noise in the room. Although, shouldn’t it be ‘around the table’? I assume the table is round, though (somehow that’s how I envisage a table in a meeting—perhaps the Arthurian legend is influencing me). If that is the case, I believe they would gather ‘around’ the table, since they would be standing, or sitting, so they could face each other.

“As she tidied her bedroom, which really didn’t need tidying, she began to wonder about the rest of the house.” This sentence made me realise just how clearly you see a room or object. I loved the sentence for the mere fact that it told us she was bored and needed to waste her time with something, anything. This sentence also make us understand more clearly why she wants to inspect the house. And with understanding comes accepting. And accepting a scene or a decision a character makes will, at least for me, make me more attached to the character in question.

As for a general area where I think you could improve is your usage of adverbs. The frequent usage of adverbs in movements and dialogue are clear signs of telling something that should be conveyed. It is much better to imply the adverb without writing it. For instance, if someone has to spell out that something is being said 'angrily', that person probably didn’t try conveying that character's anger in the first place. (I.e., he should rewrite it.) When a writer uses a weak verb with an adverb to do the work of a strong verb, the writing becomes weaker. Instead, find a new verb, a strong verb. Instead of saying 'walked slowly'—the author could say 'ambled'. Use of precise words creates interest, while weak verbs and adverb create lesser interest. It seems as if things are told or re-stated as if the author isn’t sure he or she managed to convey the character’s feeling in the first place.

Many authors use adverbs to state the emotion in which way a character speak or acts, but it should be avoided. It is redundancy because it should be stated in the way a character behave and talk. A random example: Quote: ‘Don't call her a Mudblood!' said Hagrid, very angrily.

Here we don't need to be 'told' that Hagrid is angry. We know it out of the context. Of course he’s angry—he can even feel touched himself by that statement. As a general rule what's obvious doesn't need to be stated. The exclamation point itself is quite enough to point out that it's emphatic. Many authors insert adverbs after the action because they're afraid that the feeling of the character won't be conveyed in the context. But I believe you are more than able to convey it through dialogue and action, knowing your characters as well as you do and with your writing-abilities. Subtext is a key word. You will be surprised how much better the scene will be without the adverbs in most cases. It is as if the scene looses some of its redundancy.

Of course, there are times to break the rules--sometimes adverbs just fit; we cannot say absolutely that there is a 'right' or 'wrong' way to use adverbs--they definitely have their place, but as writers we need to understand the benefits and pitfalls of them. They should be used in moderation, or when they enhance the sentences and make the sentences flow or the rhythm fit with the beat of the action. But in most cases, they should be omitted, as Mark Twain states bluntly:

'If you see an adverb, shoot it!'

Yes, we all know that rules are to be broken. Rules indeed are made to be broken, but I believe that they are made to be known first.

In this chapter, here are two different examples that you may want to be aware of (the first good and the last supreme):

“Oh, you know,” Maeve said idly, “a little shopping, maybe lunch at a nice restaurant, meet up with a few friends for afternoon drinks… perhaps see the latest show at the Wizarding Playhouse…”

Here I just happen to know it out of context. We know it is sarcasm in her voice here because she can’t appear out into the street, in broad daylight, when her husband is a murderer. It’s obvious enough that we don’t need it—it is both telling and redundant.

However, here is a sequence where you’ve conveyed the person’s feeling so well, using strong verbs instead of weak verbs and adjectives. And the scene became so much better with it—powerful, moving, and entertaining, and it created an atmosphere. Out of their sharp remarks, I would’ve got the feeling something had gone miserably wrong even though I hadn’t been told:

You will have to try again today,” Severus hissed from between the forest of his beard and moustache. It had been most unfortunate that the man whose hair was providing his disguise had had a beard. Severus couldn’t understand how men coped with such unnecessary face furniture. “I need to return as quickly as possible.”

“Missing your bit of fluff, are you?” Filch leered at him. “Bit of all right between the sheets I should imagine.”

This conversation must be some of the best thing I’ve read in a long time. You’ve certainly managed conveying the character’s feelings. I also happened to like this conversation better than Maeve’s and Narcissa’s first. WELL DONE!

You leave me with questions through each chapter, Jan; instead of leaving the reader with an ending like ‘And then he drove home with the doleful expression of those who have long since lost faith with the world they live in’, your endings make me read on. I believe it’s partially because I’ve grown so enamoured in your story, how it develops and gyrates, but also because you either leave me with a feeling of ‘Oh no’, with new information that will become relevant in the next chapter, or because of questions. Sometimes a secret becomes revealed or we see when a character makes a major decision (Remus, for example, deciding to marry Felicia). In this chapter you left me with questions, questions, and more questions. How will Maeve react if she finds out? Who is the heir? When will he be introduced? Can the sword feel who is putting the stone back? Will Dumbledore leave us with more information? What is Rampton up to? Who is this Jenny? Why does she want Darcacre? As you see, you’ve given me enough questions to keep me in your story until it ends. Play your plot-cards right, and I’ll stick with the story until it end.

A delectable chapter!

Name: miss padfoot (Signed) · Date: 01/31/06 8:42 · For: Heirs and Graces
Finally made it! I have to say that I’m enjoying this better than the Daughter of Light, and that’s surely saying something. I loved how you cleverly introduced Dumbledore’s death into the story. Your style of writing is something I enjoy and envy (in a good way), it flows so easily.

I love how you write Narcissa especially, you capture all her emotions very beautifully, and of all the others, I love Narcissa the best.

And poor Maeve, she seems to become a sort of magnet for Horcruxes, doesn’t she? Wonder why that is... guess I’ll have to read on to find out.

And I like the way you did Remus’ marriage as well, the poor guy needs to settle down, after all. And Harry’s characterisation is also great. I can just see him screaming that he doesn’t get to do anything, and his realisation that he needs Romance as well is good.

Back to Snape. He seems to be in a worse mood these days. What with the threatening from Lugh Lamfada and Voldemort setting him a task to kill Harry, and protecting Maeve in the middle of all these, the guy’s got more on his plate than he can chew. Hope he manages it. Anyway, after all that rambling, there’s one more thing I want to add: I loved the descriptions of the Black House you put in. Interesting. One last thing: Update soon! I’ll go read the Potions Master of Azkaban now! (Ignoring the angry looks from my mother)

Oh, I almost forgot: 10/10!

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