Great characterization, and great timing. The language you used is perfect for this short story (I never realized it was so many chapters; it just went straight to the point) and you end it perfectly, at the right time, which is something I've noticed so many fan fics lack. Great story. Unforgettable.
I am haunted. Simply haunted. I have been reading this story straight for a few days now. Two I think. It was amazing. Amazing. It seemed so real and not only as a fanfic as a fanfiction story of Harry Potter. It was a powerful story.
You are a talented writter - without doubt this is the most amazing fanfic story I ever have read.
It has a strong message, an important message it is.
Thank you for writing this story
Well..what can I say? Currently I am crying...it is your fault..but I don't hate you. This is the most beautiful story I have ever read, absolutely heart-wrenching. It's just so tragically ironic. I never thought Voldemort capable of love..but you made it happen it one second. I honestly thought that she would save him...but at the same time knew it could never happen because too much would change...I mean Harry's parents would never even have died. And the rose...that just killed me...if I hadn't have been crying already..I was then. And you make it so believable it's scary...an absolutely amazing (enter word that doesn't exist) fic. :D
For a second there
you had me thinking
Tom Riddle wasn't a dark arts, immortality, blood purifying, muggle hating, cold creature.
you had me thinking he was a boy whose cold body from lack of love had finally warmed up to hermione.
oh snap that's depressing.
I'm sure I've told you how much I love this story, it is amazing beyond words, and I reread this story all the time.
That aside, have you read the Twilight Saga?
If so have you noticed soem of the ways Tom and Edward are incrediblely alike?
For instance, they both have "cold hands, long fingers" and an "iron like grip."
But I'm not accusing you of getting any ideas from the books, because, in fact, you actually began writing this fic two months before the first book in the twilight series came out.
I just thought it was a cool coincidence.
That was the single most sinisterly beautiful thing I have ever read. I was entranced from start to finish, every second; every feeling was just so plausible. Hermione was perfectly in character, as was Tom and even Dumbledore. (Except for the McGonagall thing, but he can be straight if you like; he could be a monkey if you wanted and I think everyone would believe you)
Either way I love your work. You have a gift and I think I will remember that story for a long time. I only came across it because another reader, Colores, had read it on the Beta forums and had done a story review for it, which had then been used as a good example of a story review in a later thread. I can’t think that it would be possible for anyone to write a lesser review than that which you were given… I’m still in shock at how well that was done. Right up to the end where the rose was still living. And to think, I was meant to be doing the dishes.
Take care xx Chicky.
Words cannot describe what I felt while reading this. It was amazing. My heart was on edge, the entire plot made sense, and best of all, I was so saddened. It was so...tragic.
I loved it all.
that is the best story i have ever read.
and i have read a fair few.
wow. really, wow. like, nothing to say wow. well done:D
Wow that was really good. I read through it in two days, and believe me, that's impressive for me. I have to really love something to do that, and I just adored that. I would go on for hours but my right arm is wrapped up so I'm typing this one-handed. I'll try to leave you the review you deserve when I get to feeling better. Just let me say that the ending was perfect, an awesome time-traveling story with everything appearing rational and everything. The ending was bittersweet, and that's what I love i an ending. Thanks so much for this. It was AWESOME!
I love your story, it so beautiful and makes Voldemort human...
This is so sad it almost makes me want to cry which means that I really did like this story of a dark love
*bawls* That was amazing, most definitely the best thing I have EVER read. *cries* I, wow, I just don't know what to say. I am crying over here. Wow, that was so powerful, and I am going to email this to my friends, and everyone. Wow. Just plain wow. *tear*
Wow, so powerful. You connect with the reader so well, in your words and phrasing. From what you have said, you wrote all of this, and then submitted? So few authors do that, but it seems to attract readers to yourfic. Great planning! On to the next chapter!
You know, I've reviewed this before, but I feel I need to add a few things.
First of all, never have I read a story that characterises Tom so well. It's somewhat creepy how well you get inside his (twisted) psyche.
Also, this feels like canon to me. I don't know if it's because you wrote it so well, or because everyone was so in-character, or what, but it feels like canon. I want it to be canon, in an odd way.
Oh, and the other day I saw a ceramic black rose in a gift shop, immediately thought of this - and burst out sobbing. That's how deeply your story has affected me.
I've always believed that Tom couldn't love - that he was too inhuman. But something about your story makes me want to take my belief and chuck it out the window. It's written that well.
Your descriptions of everything, throughout the story, are flawless. And now that I've reread it, I've seen some of the subtle foreshadowings you slipped in - for example, how Dumbledore thought the sunset would be "the last one that mattered." (*paraphrases*)
I don't know... I've tried to write Tom, but I can't seem to nail down his character as firmly as you have. And I've tried to write Tom romances, but they're just not believable. You're truly talented.
My only small nitpick, is, actually, not the Masquerade Ball. My nitpick is when Tom does his monologue type-things with Hermione. I know he's a genius, and I know that he's supposed to have this talent for speechmaking, but some of what he said sounded almost *too* good to be in actual conversation - for example, when he described the "March mist" thing, in terms of Hermione disappearing in that way. (But that's just me.)
Some lines from this, I think, will haunt me forever. Some examples of these are I'm scared to death that this isn't real, and, of course, Even in his death, the rose had still not wilted.
I'd put something like "fantastic job" here as a closer, but no adjectives that I can think of do this justice.
(By the way, this is my third reread, and - even though I knew how it would end - you still had me sobbing on my chocolate chip cookie and groping for the Kleenex.)
lol, okay, I will start this review with assuring you that I realise how perfectly superfluous it is. Your story is finished, edited and has 900 something reviews, so… Well, if you had had an unfinished, unedited story with less than 900 reviews, I would have reviewed that instead, so let’s agree that this particular review is all your fault. ;)
I will admit at once that I have never read this pairing before, but that doesn’t mean I’m not intrigued by it. While Hermione and Tom Riddle are profoundly different, they’re also both very intelligent and highly skilled, meaning that you do have something to build on and that it’s not a completely unbelievable and whacky pairing.
Now, onto the first chapter, which you’ve so cleverly called ‘The End’ (and created such an excellent circle by calling the last chapter ‘The Beginning’).
She watched its procession across the forest clearing with a horrid fascination frozen in her tracks.
This sentence doesn’t read as well as it could do. The very last part, ‘frozen in her tracks’, is supposed to apply to the pronoun Hermione, but now it looks like it’s describing the noun fascination. You can correct this either by adding a comma after ‘fascination’, or, preferably, by moving it to the beginning of the sentence. It would then read like this: Frozen in her tracks, she watched its procession across the forest clearing with a horrid fascination.
It’s the only way.
“It’s the only way,” Harry had said in a whisper, only a few hours before.
This is EXCELLENT. Hermione’s thought seems independent, but you give it much more power by showing us that it’s an echo of what Harry said earlier. It’s just like Hermione too, isn’t it, to remember exact quotes? Very, very well done!
Hermione gazed up at him, full of fearful uncertainty.
Again, I’d like to suggest a small change. Your sentence stumbles a bit at ‘full of fearful’ – even though it doesn’t look like it in print, it sounds like you’ve got a very close repetition of ‘full’. I would recommend writing ‘full of fear and uncertainty’ instead. =)
“You won’t fail, Harry. You can’t,” Hermione choked out.
“Dumbledore said ...”
Those lines are both Hermione’s, so there shouldn’t be a blank line between them. The blank line usually suggests that another person starts speaking.
She realized, as if doused in freezing ice water, that she was the only one alive in the clearing, save the demon that stood before her.
I really like this too. Did you write this before or after reading HBP? Or, rather, did you know about Voldemort’s Horcruxes when writing this? Because when we learned about them we also learned that he really isn’t alive, and you reflect on this very nicely here. Voldemort isn’t alive, not really, not like the rest of us. And if you want to call him ‘demon’ or ‘monster’ or something else matters less, but what’s important is that you’ve included the part about him not being alive.
The part about Hermione’s time-travel is really well written; I can really imagine, no, really feel what she must be feeling, and what a strange experience it must be. You have very good way of conveying feelings to your readers, Maddy!
And then, ooh, we get to see young!Tom Riddle. You give us so much information about him only in that paragraph and the last line, but yet it doesn’t seem like too much. The nightmare, his fascination with Hermione, his belittling of himself and his opinion on dreams, and, most importantly, his worry about going crazy – it all says so much about the Tom Riddle you’re going to be writing about, and it all fits very nicely with the canon facts J.K. Rowling has given us.
This is a lovely and intriguing beginning of your story, Maddy, and I enjoy your style of writing. I think I’m going to have to save some chapters to my computer and read them for the ten days I’ll be without Internet connection. Thanks for sharing such a nice story! :D
One of the BEST fan-fics I have ever read. And I have read a lot. I LOVED it!!!
that was the most beautifully, evil sort of story i have ever read i loved it (tear)
during the last 2 chapters i could not stop crying, mainly because of the rose never wilting until his love for hermione goes away. and his realisation that he was the evil person that killed her and then for him to just kill himself out of love is just beaful
please carry on with writing you are a wonderful writer.
O, dumbly, it's for our amusement as well.