The thing that makes this interesting to read is that it is dark without having the character talk in a depressed and poetic tone. Ginny sounds like she’s simply talking to a random person or writing in a journal. I actually found her really in character; she didn’t sit there obsessing about things (like Harry for example) for a long time. Everything was still themed around the reason for war, yet she still manages to mention her friends and family. About how he is out to get Harry. About how he wants to kill Harry. About power. Why though? I’m glad you brought Harry up like this without making the entire story about him. Adding “about power” really helped the readers to realize that he was only mentioned in passing.
The whole question of ‘what are we fighting for?’ is interesting to think about because it is something people think about in real life everyday. Seeing it written into a story makes you think about it yourself, and when you do, you pretty much come up with the same thoughts Ginny did. Her thoughts change quickly, and your writing style shows as much.
I liked Ginny thinking about her brother’s (Fred and George in particular) fighting, and how that effects her opinion. Also, reading about her relationship—how she wanted to fight but ultimately shared her mother’s fears—with Mrs. Weasley was interesting. That section made me think about Molly for several moments and how she felt about Ginny wanting to fight along side with her brothers.
Sometimes I found it a bit confusing to read because of interjections like “I mean,” or “it’s just,” or “I guess.” Other times I thought it made the narration seem more natural. I think it just depends on how much it is used. The best way I thought you added something like that was when the train of thought would simply trail off. I mean, I did, but I didn’t…I don’t know.
A couple of nit-picks: Others might think differently, now that I think about it…Some, like Dumbledore and the Sorting Hat (yes, the Sorting Hat), would say it’s about love and hate. Something about this just made me pause for a moment. The “I” in italics sort of threw me off because it seems like it doesn’t go with the rest of the sentence somehow. Maybe it would flow better if you made “Others might think differently, now that I think about it,” into two separate sentences, but that’s just me. The other thing was really minor: I can defend myself just as good as any of my brothers. I know it’s Ginny talking, but I still think she would say “well” instead of “good.” ;)
Then ending sentence made me snort. It’s just like Ginny to get done thinking about so much and then questioning how “mushy” she really is. It made me feel like she was in character. Really great job on this! I enjoyed it a lot.
Author's Response: Oooo....thanks for the review! And for the compliments! Fred and George's part was my favortie. :D Glad you liked it!
For the interjections...I tried to balance it out...but maybe a little too much? Well, I'm glad it worked in some places, in any case.
*headdesk* Good and well...I can't believe I mixed that up. I'm always correcting people for that... :P I'll go ahead and fix it. Thanks for the review! :)
I admit, I don't usually read dark fics, much less leave reviews for them, but this echoed the thoughts of a confused girl during war so well, I couldn't pass up the oportunity. As a self-proclaimed Ginny-hater, I clicked on this fic thinking that it would be pretty much like all of the other Ginny fics; missing Harry and feeling mildly sorry for herself. Needless to say, I was happily surprised when I read this. You protrayed Ginny as someone experiencing the war differently than I have ever seen her protrayed; kudos to that. The line But what took away our happiness? You-Know-who? The Death Eaters? Murder? Ourselves? was one that really made me stop and think [something that doesn't happen in many fics.] However, I did have to read this twice, just to make sure that I completely understood what was being said. But I had to agree with her in the end, or give in, whatever you want to all it. What if none of them came back? What if they…died? But they would go down fighting, I guess. Something about it just didn't sit right with me. I was also a bit iffy about the many elipses used in the fic, but after my second reading, I realized that without them, it wouldn't be the same. They seemed to make Ginny seem more like a person we could all relate to, in that her train of thought was getting a bit jumbled, just like ours can from time to time. All around, I really enjoyed this, even if Ginny was the main character [and that's saying something.] Good job!
The war with Voldemort is being fought, and is being discussed. The people hate it, and want it to end. Why you enjoyed this story: Seriously, I don't enjoy reading fanfics much. Unless they are somewhat interesting.This one is rather short, and just has one topic. But, it does talk about some main points. Like why is this war being fought. But, I like it nonetheless.
I liked it, I love all of your work, I like how you brought emotion into it, I like how you have her not fighting in the war, how she is trying not to be "mushy" I like it all, It's nothing I wouldnt expect from you.
You imitated a person's thought patterns quite beautifully and accurately. Good job. However...you had Ginny talk about God a lot. Unfortunately, wizards do not have religion and therefore do not say that. When you're using it as an intensifier, use Merlin instead. Additionally, you used two words that I'm sure are completely American: ya and gung-ho. But other than that, it was pretty good. Your best yet. Giving this a 7.
Author's Response: Um...I have never heard that wizards do not have a religion. It it just not mentioned in the books. I think it is perfectly fine to have God in the story.
I hate to see a story without a review. . . What is with your obsession with plot-bunnies? I cannot stand rabbits (yes, rabbits - because 'bunny' is a terrible term for a terrible animal). . . . Well done, delving into the mind of a confused girl. The circular thinking seems rather accurate of a girl's train of thought. War does pose some basic yet crucial questions. I'm sure, especially in recent world events, we've all thought at one point or another - why war? What is the purpose of sending troops into Iraq? What is the reason behind killing innocent women and children? What surprises me most is that the simplest answer is usually the right answer . . . and sometimes, it's more about ego and less about power. . . . Thanks for being my favorite moderator.