First of all I want to say that this was a really interesting idea. The idea of an epic poem telling the history of the world from the centaurs’ perspective is fascinating. I also really liked how you incorporated celestial bodies into their story, especially Moon. It reminded me very vividly of the time Hagrid told Harry that the centaurs weren’t interested in anything closer than the moon. So good job weaving the premise in with canon!
It seems to me though that some of the back story conflicts with canon. It was made pretty clear in OotP and then again in HBP that Firenze was exiled from the centaurs. We also know that centaur foals are very rare and greatly treasured by the herd. I doubt that the centaurs would have allowed any of the foals anywhere near Firenze after he went to work for Dumbledore. Firenze told Harry that he had been cast out of the herd and could never return to the forest, much less his fellow centaurs. That brings me to the other (smaller) problem with the premise. Dumbledore transfigured a classroom to be like the forest for him to teach his students in. I don’t think he would teach out by the lake; it’s far too near the forest. I don’t know if you intend to ever do anything with this piece again, but if you go back to it ever I think you should consider revising the opening. He could share the beautiful poem with them from the enchanted classroom…I only noticed one error in the poem itself. You have The star lent their timeless wisdom to gentle-hearted Chiron. Given the next line, I’m pretty certain that you need to make star into stars plural. Probably just an ‘s’ that didn’t get typed and that didn’t get caught by the computer because it was still a proper word.
The thing I liked best about the poem was the imagery. You have some beautiful phrases that give off vivid images. I particularly liked “Sun drenched skies” and “bones blanketed Earth” (excellent alliteration there!). Actually I noticed beautiful alliteration in a lot of places, but this review would just be a whole bunch of quotes if I tried to list all or even many of them.I feel I need to say again how lovely the idea for this poem is. The story is beautiful and dark, and it has a truly mythic feel. A fantastic idea! I’m so glad I took the time to read it!
Ksenia, this is very impressive. Vader sank right into this poem almost as if he was one the students sitting near the lake listening to Firenze recite it. The story that it tells is very powerful, and moving. Vader absolutely loved the part about the origins of wizards and magios. The names of the different ages, or spaces in time, were very interesting as well. Vader wonders if you made those up or found them some where. If you created those…WOW! It added to the believability of the work.
As some have noted in your other reviews, Vader did feel like punctuation would help. Sometimes, it helps the reader know when a thought is finished or where he or she should drop in a pause. However, since most of your stanzas were not all that long, it compensated for the lack on punctuation. The breaks in the stanzas provided a natural break in thoughts in lieu of punctuation.
Absolutely great, Ksenia. Vader would really like to see more of your work. This one is just very well done. Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. To address a few things, the names for the ages i didn't not come up with myself, i looked for different Greek words meaning time, and looked for each that ended with os. Some i tweeked a bit, but they are all Greek words. I did think because Centaurs are naturally from Greece, in a mythological sense, and from Ron we learn the first wizards are from Egypt so I wanted to put a geographical divide between the two. About the punctuation, I heartily appologise, I had hoped the breaks of the stanzas would have been enough, but I understand what your saying.
Right - I'm here to judge! I found this to be a rather unusual poem, though I enjoyed it immensly. I like the narrative types, and the story you depicted was stunning. I couldnt help but notice it's shape was rather like the UK's population pyramid, but forgive a geographer for noticing that sort of thing... it doesnt take away from my opinion or this poem.
I think that its well written and is epic in its own right, though, I noticed a lack of punctuation, and often a few spelling errors. You have each stanza fine tuned to reflect the type of emotion you would have us belive is taking place - an aspect I rather liked, as well as your style, writing this in a mysterious and possesive centaur fashion. Lovely work!
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, and enjoyed its style. Thank you for the lovely review!
Here I am, this is the centaur poem right? ;p The summary, I think it should be centaurian instead of centurian.
Right, since I'm doing this as one of Vader's judges I'm going to concentrate on the poem :). So here goes.
1)Firstly, it's obvious that this isn't going to appeal to a wide range of people, but that doesn't necessarily detract from it.
2)It doesn't really feel very poemy, to be honest, much more prose-like, but epicpoems often are.
3)I think it needed some more punctuation, You've got alot of lines and stanzas, but not a single full stop, and even poems require these.
Overall. my response would be "intriguing", it's not your normal poem, hmmm , *sigh* I'm going to have to think long and hard about my rating for this one.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. Yes I am aware that it isn't out for mass appeal, but I didn't think a centaurian epic poem would be. I can't really imagin witches and wizards at their local coffee shop listening to it. Punctuation is my failing, so I wont argue with you there. I hope "intriguing" isn't a bad thing, this was definately more difficult for me to write then other poems I've written.