Reviewer: The Patornus
Date: 08/01/08 19:28
Chapter: The Secret of the Compass

Great Story! I really liked it how the classes are different, how Wentwater is like American's own Hogwarts and that it has new spells. The characters are different and everything else! When is year two going to be poseted?

Reviewer: Patrick Johnson
Date: 04/12/08 9:56
Chapter: The Secret of the Compass

Dear Author of this Story,
Hi! My name is Patrick Johnson. I really liked this story, and I read it alot of times. I have a question. When is year two, going to be posted? I am really looking forward to the Ivory Tower.
from,
Patrick Johnson

P.S. Have you ever wanted to ask scholastic books, to see if this story can be publish?

Reviewer: Patrick Johnson
Date: 01/20/08 18:27
Chapter: The Message Mishap

Hey! I Just Joined,
and I really like this story! My favorite part was seeing the Magic lessons, how a American School of Magic is different (Than Hogwarts) and seeing the New School textbooks! I have a question. Can you, ask warner brothers and scholastic books to see if they can make this into a movie and book, and also a video game? I was just wondering, thought it would be cool!

Reviewer: star_sailor
Date: 11/23/07 22:52
Chapter: Agnomon Square

That's hilarious! In my story, I had made the uniforms navy blue too. Maybe it's an American thing? And I almost called the government The Republic too. Word for word.

But I digress; this is quite good. I'm enjoying the progression. I'll be sure to read more soon!

Reviewer: Merlynne
Date: 06/21/07 20:47
Chapter: The Placement Ceremony

Wow. More great minds thinking alike. I also used to have my students sorted by a crystal globe that turned multiple colours (this has changed now, so no need to be worried). I still think great minds think alike ;)

When you say "red light shined from the orb," I think you might mean "shone." However, I'm never sure which one goes where, but I'm pretty sure this one should be "shone"

But none of that's very important because this was a great chapter! I liked how you had six halls (and halls rather than houses was a nice touch too without seeming like you were trying to think of something different that in the original books). Patrick is a great character, and I look forward to reading about him in the next chapter!

-Merlynne

Author's Response: Really? Well, great minds DO think alike. Actually, "shined" is the preferred usage in all cases now. "Shone" is considered a bit more archaic. Glad you're enjoying it!

Reviewer: Merlynne
Date: 06/21/07 20:27
Chapter: Onward to Wentwater

Brilliant chapter! I can't wait until the next one, though I have to point something out...isn't the New Moon when there's no moon? The opposite of a full moon? (hence no light from it?)
I won't leave a lengthy review because I'm anxious to read the next chapter!
Cheers,
-Merlynne

Author's Response: Yeah, I suppose that is an error there...I guess I meant full moon...

Reviewer: Merlynne
Date: 06/21/07 17:48
Chapter: Agnomon Square

Ahh, the wand shop made me smile. I wrote a story where at the wand shop the son was filling in for his father, and was quite proud. Great minds think alike, i guess. ^_^

I must admit, describing the audience as "wizard-laden" struck me as a bit odd. Wouldn't they be all either witches or wizards? Laden makes it sound heavy or just partially made up of. I REALLY liked the coincidence of having Patrick up on the stage with William Quinn. It was great, and I really look forward to the possibility of them meeting again

Great chapter!
-Merlynne

Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it. As far as "wizard-laden" I wanted to convey that there were a lot of wizards packed together in front of the stage. So if it made it sound heavy then I suppose it was the right choice...

Reviewer: Merlynne
Date: 06/17/07 20:10
Chapter: The Message Mishap

Great start! I really ejoyed reading this, and you have a great, nicely flowing writing style. Writing about North American wizarding schools is always something I've been relutant to do, but you do it very well, retaining the same tone and atmosphere as in Rowling's world. I look forward to continuing reading this!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it thus far and I'm looking forward to your reviews!

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 02/17/07 16:29
Chapter: The Message Mishap

Hello!

It’s so wonderful to find such sophisticated writing, because that’s unfortunately not the norm with fanfic. The paragraphs are tightly knit, using varied vocabulary, and the description is excellent. Some writers (*cough*me*cough*) have trouble making a scene seem realistic and “full,” but you succeed well, and have a clever way of presenting everything. “The yards of the many homes kept far from average plants and far from average people and none of the dwellings looked like the ones on either side of it. Each one did have something in common, however; they were owned by wizards.” It strongly reminds me of Jo’s style.

You also appear to have an aptitude for subtle characterization, as Jo does. Hints are dropped about the characters and we slowly get to know them. "If today's the day, then wake me when it gets here," mumbled the drowsy boy through his pillow.” And then: “It was as if there was no way to fill the void of rejection that was resting inside his body. Patrick now regretted his earlier indifference even more than ever.” We learn that Patrick has a tendency to be lazy and indifferent, but he regrets it later and that he can be a little witty, but fears being rejected. It’s quite remarkable that you manage to put this across in details.

The slow revealing of information is present throughout. The pace of your writing is fantastic, because the reader is introduced in a no-nonsense way to the family, but their traditions and the expectation that they have in this chapter become apparent as the scene progresses. The quirks of the family are delightful, in particular. “Aunt Ordna was carrying his letter now and was holding it up to her wand, Patrick supposed, in order to check its authenticity. Her face was furled up in a sort of mystified expression, as though she was trying to solve an incredibly hard math problem.” *giggles*

However, it does get slowed down a bit by lengthy descriptions. I don’t have any instance in particular, but would just like to say that it’s okay to leave some things to the imagination. Also, it’s a little odd to read a fic that sticks so diligently to the format that canon is written in. You do a wonderful job with it, but I’m not sure it’s really my taste.

I didn't risk my neck–talk to me like that, will you?" I don’t understand what he’s trying to say, even in context, so that might work better reworded.

“Patrick had been waiting for the day that all Wizarding children anticipate. Before they turn the age of eleven, wizards are sent their most cherished letter–the letter admitting them to the best Wizarding School in America.” The wording was awkward, and there were some tense errors. It would be better said like this:

““Patrick had been waiting for this day; all Wizarding children anticipated it. Before they turned age eleven, wizards were sent their most cherished letter–the letter admitting them to the best Wizarding School in America.”

That said, lovely work! You have true potential, though I’d like to see some more original work in the future.

GreyLady
Knight of the Turnip Table

Reviewer: Vorona
Date: 01/04/07 17:33
Chapter: The Secret of the Compass

I enjoyed reading this, though I think you stuck a little too close to the original. I would have liked a little more contrast. Also, I figured out that Sumpton was the bad guy as soon as everyone (and him) kept saying to go to him if Snerkin did anything. I'd either make someone else the bad guy or be less adamant on the "Trust Sumptom!" front.

Reviewer: SiriuslyMental
Date: 09/15/06 23:13
Chapter: The Secret of the Compass

Brilliant bit at the end there. Loved it. Very original idea, as well.

(Isn't this on HPFF.com as well?)

Author's Response: Thank you. Glad you liked it, hope you stick around for the sequal! And yes, this is on HPff!..haha.

Reviewer: mom mckee
Date: 09/08/06 1:09
Chapter: Dominick Sumpton

Professor Angus would say "none 'o ya'll' rather than 'none of you.'
just a little Texan tutorial from the Lone Star State.

Author's Response: I'm well familiar with the nuances of the Texan accent, having lived there off and on and having several relatives from there, as well. I had originally decided to write "y'all" but changed it after realizing the way it was used in the sentence, as the "you" was used almost singularly, when referring to the class, instead of a group when "y'all" is most common substituted for. Thanks for the suggestion, I hope you continue reading and I'd love to hear what you think on the story.

Reviewer: halfbloodprincess22
Date: 09/03/06 18:00
Chapter: Back to the Library

i love your story. also, i saw your banner, and it rocks!!

Reviewer: halfbloodprincess22
Date: 09/03/06 17:31
Chapter: Onward to Wentwater

hmm...H. Thatcher...interesting...i've added this to my favorites, i love it

Reviewer: halfbloodprincess22
Date: 09/03/06 16:50
Chapter: The Message Mishap

hey great start! i can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Glad you like it!

Reviewer: Courtney22
Date: 07/21/06 14:00
Chapter: Abraham Ortelius

I really enjoy youre writing style, youre chracters are all very interesting. i think i need to go back and reread the story though cuz i was a little confused about what is going on, a little refresher will probably clear everything up though, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Haha, you should probably re-read chapter twelve. I think I added the latter portion of the chapter after you read and reviewed it...my bad.

Reviewer: Astrea
Date: 07/02/06 23:53
Chapter: History For the Holidays

I wanted to review because somehow I missed reading this last chapter when you first posted it. Personally, I think it’s a sin that you have so few reviews for such a wonderful story. You have such a good plot going on here. You have a good universe that you have created based off of the original and yet with your own unique twists and turns. You have definitely made this story your own. Your characters are strong and you have plenty of little things going on within your main plot. It is not one dimensional at all.

Your writing style is also very strong. You manage to vary your sentence structure and the grammar that you use is generally error free. Your dialogue is natural, you even manage the different accents for Henri and the Texan professor.

You managed to drag out the anticipation of getting some answers to help your readers feel the anxiety and excitement that Patrick and William feel. You also were able to remind us of the plot in this chapter without sounding condescending. I don’t like it when authors give us a full recap and make it sound like we don’t know what’s going on. Other authors expect their reader to remember all the ins and outs of the story from one chapter to the next, and that doesn’t work either.

Having said that, allow me just a few nitpicks:

“Patrick’s Charms exam passed by easily as Professor Montgomery only asked him to levitate a one of the classroom chairs.” Simple typo.

Patrick, William, and Elizabeth were all the least worried about Professor Sumpton’s Transfiguration mid-term, which was scheduled for that Thursday. I believe you meant to say “weren’t”

Professor Litmus’ exam was not as awful as they thought it would be, owing mainly to the fact that it she made their test a partner exam. Just another silly typo.

He brushed his hands across the top of it wiping away a bit of lent that had been residing on the outside of the box.

Mrs. Thatcher carried her son upstairs to his room and tucked him safely in his bed. No typos here, but all I could think of was “Wow! She is really strong!” Maybe she should levitate him to bed.

William took a space on next on the bed next to Patrick Just another silly typo.

The very though was unsettling. You left off the “t”.

And finally, what is up with that letter?! And where is the next chapter? I hope it is in the works, because I can’t wait to read more! Keep up the good work! I enjoy this so much.


Author's Response: Too few reviews a sin? Time for a Patrick Thatcher revival! Haha. Thank you so much for your comments and I'm so glad you enjoy it. It's the most rewarding part of writing this. It helps that I've plotted a lot farther than perhaps necessary so that allows me to align the story accordingly. Thanks, again, for picking out those typos! It's always great to have someone point those out because they are, at times, really hard to find. Haha, don't worry I haven't forgotten about the letter, all in due time, fellow reader. And chapter thirteen is definitely in the works I spend most of my time writing so you're bound to see chapter thirteen pop up at any time. Thanks again!

Author's Response: Ha, oh and about Mrs. Thatcher picking up her son to carry him to bed. He's only eleven and I don't imagine him to weigh very much. Plus, it's more the motherly thing to do ;)

Reviewer: Courtney22
Date: 06/12/06 19:39
Chapter: History For the Holidays

Another brilliant chapter I really enjoy your version of American Wizards. I like how the school is different but based on Hogwarts. The East Coast definately has lots of British roots. I am dying to know more about the compass though...thought we would get to the history part in this chapter but not quite huh? Thats okay better to leave your readers wanting more right :)

Author's Response: Yes, seeing as New England has many influences from "Old England" it's appropriate for that to show at Wentwater. So, you didn't get everything you wanted in this chapter, but it's not totally wasted there's a lot of valuable information you can learn here. Plus, it's not all the way finished either...=)

Author's Response: I just forgot I haven't even added in the stuff they talk about...this chapter is a lot longer than what you've read so far. You'll get some background in a bit.

Reviewer: Amelia Weasley
Date: 06/08/06 13:52
Chapter: History For the Holidays

I think I love William!

Author's Response: Haha, yeah, he's a great character and I liked him as soon as I started building him...I haven't posted the full twelfh chapter yet, but this is pretty close to it. See you in chapter thirteen!

Reviewer: Blackfoot
Date: 06/03/06 11:48
Chapter: The Placement Ceremony

Eh...what can I say. I have read this far and enjoyed the story. I am functionally illiterate! I didn't notice anything wrong with the chapter.

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