i like this story i!
add more soon!
i like this story i!
add more soon!
i loved the begining it got you imemdiatly raped up in the story it was so sad though and intreasting it makes me want to know Rhian's secrets i cant wait til you update i swear the curiousity is killing me.
I love it
Wow. This is wonderful. I love Rhian. She's characterized so well, which can be very hard, but you've definitely pulled it off. I liked that her story and why she was at Hogwarts was explained through Lucius's letter to Draco. It really was a better way to do it than just saying, "Hey, here's what's going on." Your write really well; everything flows nicely and your sentences are structured well. So, congrats on a nice piece of work! I encourage you to continue!
wow! keep on writing! I love it! :D
bravo, bravo, good start! carry on
Wow, a fic focusing on an original character! And you characterized her marvellously too! She seems very real, and the little excerpt at the beginning was wonderful for showing her past.
Now for nit-picking! *is killed* I promise it wonít take long!!!The snow was no longer floating in the air like soft feathers, but rain was pelting the window panes with resounding thuds and pounds. is a bit too flowery and poetic. The rest of the first section is fine with the vivid descriptions, but this first part just seems a bit too much, especially since the style of the part before the comma and the style of the part after the comma are completely different. One final minor comment: I believe Hogwarts is actually located in Scotland, not England. ^_^
OKAY! Now that thatís over, letís get to the complimenting! YAY! First I would like to say that I simply adore what youíve done with Rhian. She is real, not overly perfect or overly flawed. She has an unusual background, yes, but I donít feel that this overpowers her character or makes her scream MARY-SUE. Although the sentence ďthough many of the guys kept looking over to her and trying to put the charm on her from afar, but she would turn away from them, and they were smart enough to take that as a sign to quit.Ēseemed to bother me for some reason. Perhaps it is because ďguysĒ sounds very American, perhaps because I just donít see anyone paying Rhian any attention. It just doesnít sound like something that would happen to the character you have developed, especially as she is in Slytherin and Slytherins tend to find out who a person is related to before flirting with them.
Your characterization of Draco seemed to waver from complete angry Slytherin prince to nervous schoolboy. Personally, I thought he was most in-character when you described his thoughts at the very end of the chapter, but he was never horribly out of character!
Your writing style is very descriptive, which I love. However, at times some sentences donít seem to mesh together as well as they could. This isnít to say that your writing is horrible, quite the contrary. I loved reading this chapter, and the descriptions were carried well. The sentences seemed to jar a little sometimes, but really, itís not that big of a deal!
Hmmm, I like it. Rhianna is the name of my roleplay character who's with Draco. =) I Love that name, was going to use it in my own fanfiction, but changed it. The story sounds interesting, but...Draco seems just a bit out of character with his insults.. maybe your just not as good as insulting people (which isnt a bad thing) but I'm not feeling the whole "Slytherin-bad-boy" vibe just yet... Good work though!
I love it. Its really interesting. The begining, at first sounded reallly wierd but then it fit in the end. I like how she has a twist in her.I'll PM you my summary. :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the summary, it's loads better than mine. Haha. Thanks, my style of writing is "different" as my teachers always said to me, but they usually alwyas work out in the end.
Brilliant, I think it's time I told you that;) So happy it got accepted! Well done.
Author's Response: Thanks for being my beta. You're so awesome.