I looooooove this story! I love seeing it from two very different points of views, and how Ninnette and Tonks envy each other for different reasons. It also helps that I dance. Again, great story!
Author's Response: Thanks! I almost wrote this from only one point of view, but decided I needed some variety; I've really enjoyed switching back and forth - it helps keep me interested. As for the envy, a lot depends on how Tonks and Ninette see each other - after all, this is a story about mirrors!
Twenty minutes later, she had decided that she really was not a letter writing sort of person.- I found that rather amusing. Again with the 'real character' thing, I feel like I know just how Tonks feels. Third Grade, no parters, bad times. *shudders*. You make the characters so believable (even in just the first three chapters :)).
Author's Response: I definitely was thinking of myself as I wrote Tonks' partner trouble; I have had countless classes in which I always hung around with two friends, who happened to be best friends with each other. I think it's an experience a lot of people can relate to, unfortunately. Thanks for taking the time to write reviews; I love it when people take the time to stop by and let me know how they feel.
Oh good. Finally a sorting hat song that makes sense. It just seems that in most fics the sorting song is really wierd (not that I blame these people-those things must be really hard to write). So when I read this I almost laughed because it was so good. :)
Author's Response: Writing songs seems to be a weakness of mine - I agonized over the Sorting Hat song for a very long time, so I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. I'm still hoping to go back and edit it, though, and fix some of the meter! ;)
Whoah, everyone's giving you these big long reviews and mine isn't going to be like that...Wow, though. This is quite possibly the best fan fic I've ever read. IN one of the other reviews sombody said it was like the characters were real and I really thought that too! It was so great! I'm so adding this to my favorites after I finish to other chapters!
Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review, even if you're not going to write a big long one...I love the long ones, of course, but I also really appreciate it when someone takes the time to submit a review telling me what they honestly thought. I'm glad you liked my characters...as I'm sure I've mentioned in other responses, I'm very attached to them myself! Thanks again!
Yay!Tonks with the boys!Just what I wanted!Anyway,I so loved this chapter! Pity I read it too fast and now I have to go back to waiting for the next one.I have been checking this story several times every day since I read the first four chapters in one go and was delighted to see a new chapter posted! Sorry for not reviewing sooner. Laziness got the better of me.
Author's Response: Thanks for coming back and reviewing; whether or not you do it immediately after you read, I still love reviews! I'm glad you liked it; I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I feel very special to have you checking back so often! I'm hoping *crosses fingers* to submit chapter six tomorrow...thanks for reading!
I can finally submit comments! Yeah! Anyway you are one of the most professional writers I know, you just sound so elegant when you are writing...like I imagine you are a princess or something. It's very good. Anyway, I want to say I'm glad Tonks got some sense and started hanging out with cooler people. I'd take guys over gossipy girls anyday. This chapter was one of the fastest reads so far, it was intriguing, and creates a brilliant mystery. This story is so different from all the other ones out there, very original and refreshing. Your writing gets better and better, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: It's very nice to have someone being exited about being able to review - I wish more people felt like that! :) Thank you . . . I have to admit that I'm very far from being a princess, though you're free to imagine me as one! *Pictures self in long dress and crown . . .* *laughs hysterically* No, seriously, thanks - I'm delighted that my story comes across as unique, because I've really enjoyed writing it!
ohhh intrigue can't wait for more!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks. Chapter six is at beta.
Wow. I had no idea whether I would like this fic or not, as ballet is something I have a very limited experience of. But I do like it, a lot, for the simple reason that, although ballet is important here, it’s the personalities that count and their actions. And boy do you have some personalities here. Aunt Edris is a demon with just a smidgeon of vulnerability. I think she is one of the best OC’s I have come across in a good while. You write her so well and I think you almost have a touch of compassion for her because she and her sister ultimately failed. She has her own values and places them on Ninette with no thought for what her niece actually wants or needs. There is no account taken of the fact that Ninette has effectively lost her mother, and been blamed by her mother for her mother’s loss of success. This is all such great characterisation for the young girl… we have empathy with her right from the off and yet we really see little of her outward character in this chapter, everything is very subtle. I’ll go through the chapter in a minute but the one line from the whole thing that really caught me was…
“Six-year-old Ninette, twice abandoned, promised.”
I thought that was the subtlest of lines, so very understated and yet so completely summing up how this girl is feeling. She’s been abandoned, she’ll do anything to please…. She’ll promise her life away in order to not be abandoned again. As a writer I think this is a wonderful thing to be able to do…pare it down to the minimum it needs to be, recognising when to use words and when not to.
So, the little bits of concrit I picked up. “being other than herself,” I thought that was clunky and could be changed to ‘…this being that was her and yet wasn’t her, and which…’ to achieve a better flow. “And then came a time that was hard for Ninette to remember.” I found that ambiguous. It could mean she couldn’t remember it very well or that she didn’t want to remember it because it was painful. I would clarify a little. “As she read – the letter and the enclosed packet which gave her background on the Wizarding world – she felt a sort of soaring sensation deep inside her.” I’d punctuate that differently to get the flow moving better. “As she read the letter, and the enclosed packet, which gave her background to the wizarding world, she felt a sort of soaring sensation deep inside her.’ This also contains another of my pet peeves… the use of sort of…either she does have the sensation or she doesn’t…LOL! “Seeming supremely unaware of…” As a beta I see supremely used a lot in situations like this and I generally advise authors to replace it. Maybe it’s personal preference or maybe it is because I do see it a lot, but I think it’s commonplace. Even completely would be better here than supremely. “agreed the store owner” I think that’s a bit clumsy sounding, although I know why you’ve used it. I’d just use Madam Malkin again. Normally I’m a repetition nazi… but I think names are an exception when not over-used. Platform nine and three-quarters is always words not numerals and you have a typo with talked/talking. British spelling should be Neighbour, theatre, favourite, spiralled, and colour (although if you aren’t concerned about American spelling then ignore that bit! J) Also write me should be write to me and Christmas break would be the Christmas break.
So, end of nit-picking! I though you had some really wonderful lines in there. Great imagery and great characterisation. These characters are living and breathing and walk off the page. You connect things through the chapter…like the bobbling…which makes it feel very well rounded. There are some nice touches of humour there too… “The man behind the counter flashed them a grin, revealing widely spaced brown teeth. Ninette thought it rather a nice smile despite the dental peculiarities, but she felt, rather than saw, her aunt recoil.” That made me chuckle to myself… especially the ‘dental peculiarities’.
I don’t think I can say anything else without sounding live I’m raving, but I did really like this. Loved your style and your characters, not at all concerned about the lack of a traditional Harry Potter opening…I think in this way you have created a platform for your OC which is completely necessary when bringing OCs into the HP world. Great chapter, great start…looking forward to the rest.
Let me copy you: wow! That was an absolutely wonderful review, the type that sent me around the rest of the day smiling. Thank you so much for taking the time to say all this . . . I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I was afraid that Ninette was pitiable to the point of becoming a Mary Sue, and that Aunt Edris was too much of a monster . . . so I'm very glad of your reassurance!
Edits/nits - fixed. Thanks for going through so specifically. I'm always disappointed when I see that people have found errors in my story, because it means I'm not perfect (surprise, surprise!) and yet I'm very grateful when they are pointed out, so I can run over and fix them and go back to pretending to be perfect. :)
There is absolutely nothing like the sensation of getting a good review from a writer you yourself really admire . . . I'm still bouncing up and down. I put off answering your review, actually, because I wanted to savour it a little longer first! You've praised my story for the subject which matters the most to me - characterization. I love my characters; I love writing them, I think about them at work and in the car and when I go to bed . . . so I am delighted that you are enjoying them as well. Thanks once more for the beautiful response!
I love this story! It is probably one of the best fan fiction stories I have ever read. Did Ninnette's aunt ever ask her if she wanted to dance in the first place? Hmm what is the mysterious package? I cannot wait for the next chapter to be posted, so please post it soon!
Author's Response: Thanks! High praise indeed. As for the mysterious package, you'll have to wait and see.
I've alreayd said this but...excellent writing! It's extra brilliant because EVERYONE can identify with both Tonks and Ninette in your story. Very insightful, this is a great piece...above all of the other fanfic I've read!
Author's Response: Thanks again!
I love this story! It is extremely well writen, I must say. The characters are splendidly done, the setting, the text, excellent, the best thing I've read since the original Harry Potter!
Author's Response: Thanks! I wouldn't rank myself along with JKR . . . but I enjoy the praise anyway.
Awe! Poor Ninette! Her aunt is so mean. I love how you mixed ballet with this story; I tae ballet and enjoy it a lot. Awesome work!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like my interpretation of ballet; I know that for most people, ballet is not really like this, so I'm glad that a different view of things doesn't bother you! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Excellent story.I read all the available chapters in one go.It's actually really nice to read about HP characters other than Harry,Ron and Hermione.I've always been the type to like better the not-protagonist characters and I'm glad I see one of my faves Tonks in action here.I really like the way you portray her.Though I imagine her as a bit more tomboyish,so I would really like her to interact more with Charlie at least.I can imagine her surrounded by a lot of boys and having fun,because in a way boys don't expect so much from you as girls do.Anyway,that's only my thing and I merely wanted to share it with you.I love the way you write and wouldn't want to interfere.Ninette is an interesting character as well.You've got the loneliness figured superbly there.And I can't help,but feel sorry for her being pushed so hard.Keep writing and I'll keep reading!Cheers!
Author's Response: I prefer writing about the side characters, because I have a lot more room to develop them on my own than I would with the main characters. I'm glad you like them! You'll definitely see more interaction with Charlie in future chapters, starting in chapter five, which should be up any day now. Thanks for taking time to stop by and review!
beautiful writing, I am very impressed. Ninette is a lovely character. Your writing makes her come alive. Keep up the excellent work, and update soon!
Author's Response: I've really enjoyed writing Ninette - I'm glad you like her. Chapter Five is in queue, and Chapter Six at beta - so they should be along soon. Thanks for the review!
Poor Ninette! You are writing her beautifully. I love seeing Bill and Charlie at Hogwarts. Charlie is just like I imagined he would be - friendly and unflappable. I like the backstory on Tonks too. If only she and Nanette could see in each others' minds. They would see what good friends they could be. I'm sure they'll figure it out eventually. Thanks!
Author's Response: I wasn't going to put Charlie into the story at all, but I checked the Lexicon about Tonks, and found out that she was probably the same age as Charlie, and it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I've really enjoyed writing him, and Bill as well - they are very fun characters. You're right - Tonks and Ninette have trouble seeing eye to eye . . . but as for their future, you'll have to wait and see! Thanks for the review!
First, I'd like to apologize if I accidentally gave you a bad review! I'm new to this site, and the rating scale doesn't say which is good or bad so.... here's hoping that 9 is high. I am incredibly new to this site, in fact - fifteen minutes and counting - but that was enough time for me to read your story and like it enough that I registered and everything just so I could write you about it. Great writing - you have a gift for diaglogue, and for characterization. I really like your characters so far and they're not, in my opinion, overdone. I can also tell you know quite a bit of French, which was a nice touch. And here it comes, the obligatory negative comment/suggestion: why not take advantage of your setting - the wonderful and exotic Hogwarts school and the very strange wizarding world? Aside from a few details, the basic story so far could have happened just as well in any boarding school setting, and magic, as well as the familiar Hogwarts characters and events and locations, seem almost to be an afterthought. I suppose the problem is they ARE so familiar.... and with any description you run the risk of seeming to copycat Rowling (I had to read carefully to find out if the Sorting Hat's song was new or not). But why not bring out some underexplored aspects of magic (like Tonks' metamorph powers), something that interests you in particular? Looking forward to reading the next chapters.
Author's Response: You guessed right - ten is highest, one lowest; thanks for the high rating! I'm honored to have written a story which caused you to join in order to review - that's an amazing feeling! I also want to thank you for taking the time to review - so many people don't, and a well thought out review really brightens my day! You're right about my failure to use my setting; I tend to get so involved in characterization that I forget about everything else. I think the Hogwarts setting will start coming into play more during chapter five, which is currently in queue. You are right, though, I haven't been including it enough, and I hadn't noticed. Thanks for pointing it out, and for reviewing!
This is very good. I like the way you've done the Young Tonks. She makes sense. Waiting for more!
Author's Response: I've always loved Tonks, and I've enjoyed writing her as a child; glad you like her too. Chapter Five is in the queue, so more is coming soon. Thanks for reviewing!
this is a great story. the first chapter is just so very sad. And what makes it even more sad is that these things are real - there are parents out there that drive their kids to perfection in performance - school, dance or sport. I really liked the mirror scenes. We'll see what's coming!
Just when I thought I'd caught up with my responses, I found a new review! I'm not complaining - I'm currently rather ecstatic about the amount of reviews I've received lately!
In preparation for this story, I read a lot of biographies, particularly of dancers, and I was amazed and horrified by the amount of instances I saw cases like Ninette's. You're right, they are real - I've seen some in real life as well, and it is heart-breaking to watch. I'm glad you think I captured it well! Thanks for reviewing!
Really good! So far, it seems very unrelated to HP, but I'll with-hold judgement until further chapters!
Author's Response: I've always preferred stories that don't revolve around the trio - I'll leave that to JKR. My own stories tend to be about minor characters and OCs; some people like that and others don't. The way I look at it, it may be unrelated to Harry Potter, but it is related to the world Rowling created. I'm glad you liked it, though, even if it wasn't what you expected. Thanks for reviewing!
Wow, this is amazing... Both characters are perfectly painted - Tonks' clumsiness and Ninette's shyness are so realistic. I feel so sorry for Ninette - she's so isolated, but then, in her own way, so is Tonks. I can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you! I keep saying (erm, writing) this, but I keep meaning it. It is so easy to read a story and walk away without doing anything (I'm guilty of this far too often) - and leaving a review can do so much to brighten an author's day. Thank you for bothering to write something - and for your kind remarks.