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Reviews For Sins of the Father

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 06/08/06 0:27 · For: Chapter 3: Of a Stranger
Well, I'm trying to review again.. let's see how successful I am this time! Before, all I was saying was that it was late but completely worth it to review. So let's see what I remember.

He did not seem heavy-hearted or empty, as most people were after a loss. Instead, he appeared burdened. I definitely commented on Siobhan's perception and intuitiveness. This proves her intelligence and wit, of course!

“The first time the six of us were all together since the murders was on the train… that’s why…” The second set of ... works, but the first one would be better used as a period or "train, and thats" or something along those lines.

I know I had a lot more to say when I was originally reading it, but oh, well. I love that Siobhan and Harry have Draco in common! It's a wonderful way to form their bond.

You wanted me to call it intrigue, right? This is intrigue.

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 06/06/06 0:48 · For: Chapter 2: Something of Interest
She watched as the dark-winged figure of a thestral rose above the canopy and circled, as though in search of prey. How mysterious! Keeps us wondering who she saw die... Oh, right, and Thestral is capitalised. But that's really no matter.

Finally, the welcome sound of a bell rang throughout the castle. Are there bells at Hogwarts? I personally think it's a nice touch.

Unlike the rest of the rooms in the castle, which were heated and stuffy, this one - lying beneath the black depths of the lake - was unpleasantly cold. Can you tell these are going to be quote!reviews? I really love your words, though. This description is wonderful.

I am in love with the comparisons at the end. It's the ideal way to show how Siobhan compares the two Malfoys. And the clear ideal state of the elder.

Well, what did you want me to call it, intrigue? This is intrigue. I love the way you present Siobhan's disgust of Draco. And everything else, really.

Author's Response: Is thestral capitalised? Hm. I thought it wasn't. Comparing Malfoys is fun. We're going to keep that thread up ;)

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 06/05/06 0:33 · For: Chapter 1: Dangerous Attraction
She longed to put her hands in his sleek blonde hair as it fell around his face and into her own, wanting to listen as he icily whispered her name into her ear. Gah! *is unworthy* I adore the way you introduced her passion right from the beginning. This line is a perfect immediate characterisation of them both!

He gave her a silencing look, immediately quieting her, though she cast him a sour look. I love this, too. And since I have a feeling I'm going to have nearly nothing useful to suggest, I'm going to recommend switching one of the 'look's to 'gaze' or 'glare' or something like that. Yes.

Siobhan is just fantastically amazing. The way you characterised her is distinct from the beginning. She's just... brilliant. But don't let her read that! *pokes Siobhan* I meant the way Jenna wrote you, dear.

In the reflection of the glass, she saw Draco looked very pleased with himself as he looked her up and down, before turning and leaving with his arrogant swagger. Oh, dear, the wonderful situations! Siobhan is cunningly precious. Her scorn of Draco sets her apart, and it helps to add to the [again lovely] development of her character.

I'm completely in love with your writing, Jenna! Now, I'm not only fighting with Anna for Liam, I'm fighting for Biggest Fangirl of Sins. Sigh. I suppose we may be able to share.

Anyway, the point is, it was wonderful on so many levels, particularly the expertise you exhibited in making the readers acquainted with Siobhan. Love it. Love it all.

Author's Response: Ack! repetition. *hates repetition* I must change one of those 'looks'. I think it's interesting that everyone thinks Siobhan's scorn of Draco sets her apart, since Harry Potter fans are used to seeing Draco in a negative light. I think it just goes to show you that as a fandom, a lot of writers are brainwashed. I don't think Draco is anything to fangirl about ;)

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 06/04/06 18:37 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Okay, Siobhan is not as smart as I always gave her credit for. She doesn't see it? How can she not see it? *sigh*

Name: Tabloid Mag (Signed) · Date: 06/03/06 21:45 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
I love this story! It's always nice to read a piece that is beautifully written and challenges the genre. I look forward to reading many more chapters!

Name: Hamstergeist (Signed) · Date: 05/30/06 20:38 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Squeak Squeak Squeak! Welcome back to SPEW!

Name: Sway Wellington (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 22:59 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
You have a great story going on here. I never even thought of something like this occuring, though it should have hit me. You have a great story telling technique. I love how you have so much detail in everything. Don't hesitate to put up the next chapter. Could you do me a favor though and tell me when you do put it up? Thankyou, and continue to write on!

Name: Lovethelife (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 15:49 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
It definately was Lucius who attacked her. I had to wait so long for an update, but I kept reading yuur story over and over. update soon! :]

Name: TaylorBlack (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 11:30 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
I love it!!! Please update because I love this story!!!!

Name: SareBabe (Signed) · Date: 05/26/06 18:39 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Eek! Good update! I wonder what she'll do when she finds out he's a death eater...

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And I really shouldn't respond to your other comment with anything other than 'you'll see' ;)

Name: OliverWoodFan (Signed) · Date: 05/26/06 12:19 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Ok, this is my first review. I usually only read a couple of chapters of these stories before losing interest, but I just can't get enough of this one!! Your characters are phenomenal (I especially love how you've described Draco, and of course Lucius). I am not super attached to HP movies,but I can't seem to get Jason Isaac's face out of my head as I read this (and it's not a bad face to have stuck in there). I also commend you for inventing the relationship between Harry and Katie Bell. I've always thought they'd be a good fit.

Name: anAnachronism (Signed) · Date: 05/26/06 7:13 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Another excellent installment! I believe I am correct in guessing that Lucius was the Death Eater that saved Siobhan? And will the fic get to the end of Christmas break and the return to Hogwarts, if there is any?

Author's Response: Why would you think that was Lucius? *cough* Absurd, really... *wink* Actually, the fic does go to the end of Christmas break and the return to Hogwarts... and about three years after that, too. *snicker* Thanks for the review!

Name: OliverWoodFan (Signed) · Date: 05/26/06 6:09 · For: Chapter 1: Dangerous Attraction
Ok, this is my first review. I usually only read a couple of chapters of these stories before losing interest, but I just can't get enough of this one!! Your characters are phenomenal (I especially love how you've described Draco, and of course Lucius). I am not super attached to HP movies,but I can't seem to get Jason Isaac's face out of my head as I read this (and it's not a bad face to have stuck in there). I also commend you for inventing the relationship between Harry and Katie Bell. I've always thought they'd be a good fit.

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you're enjoying it. *feels special* And, *glows*, the word 'phenomenal' to describe my characters, pretty much makes my day year. And, *cough* I don't know where you'd get Jason Isaacs from... he certainly has nothing to do with my inspiration whatsoever. *wink*. Glad you like Harry/Katie, they're my OTP. *grin* Hope you continue to read! Thanks a million for the review.

Name: lily11 (Signed) · Date: 05/25/06 9:52 · For: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
Fantastic! You are a terrific writer! Can't wait to read more :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it.

Name: anAnachronism (Signed) · Date: 04/30/06 21:44 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble
This an amazing, luscious, delectable, rich, i-can't-seem-to-find-enough-adjectives-to-describe fic. You have an incredible gift for writing and I enjoy watching Siobhan and Lucius's relationship unfold. The indifference from Draco is rather interesting. I wonder what he would do if he became suspicious of Siobhan and Lucius's relationship? Maybe if he discovered Lucius in her bedroom...or leaving it. And what about the house-elves? Surely they are witnesses to this affair. The suspense of this relationship is intoxicating! Please finish chapter 12 quickly! I'm eager to read more.

Name: teddy240b (Signed) · Date: 04/28/06 2:48 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble

Name: topsilen (Signed) · Date: 04/25/06 12:41 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble
I like very much the story, every part of it. I am facinated. I think that you respected the characters and how they behave in the real book and I am grateful for that. Your character is also very realistic and very interesting, almost intriguing. I can't wait to see what happens next so PLEASE update soon!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you dear! I've started Chapter 12 already, hopefully it won't be long.

Name: QueenHal (Signed) · Date: 04/24/06 4:50 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble
*grins and waves sheepishly* Hello dearest Jenna. I am a horrible fangirl. I bask in the glow of preview chapters, and then put off reviewing the real thing until... well deadline time. *looks around* However, I hope you understand that this is probably my favourite guilty pleasure on MNFF. No, it IS my favourite guilty pleasure. So please do not take it personally... I just love to bask.

So, on to the show, as they say:

Your beginning with the Mummy anecdote is just a lovely opening. We hear so little about Siobhan's family and Siobhan's past that it really seems like a treat whenever we do. And then there's the perfect little seguey into Siobhan opening the “exquisite” gifts from Lucius. Insert much shivering and private squeeing here. It's always been a thing for me... I just LOVE reading about people opening presents. And when it's written well, a la JKR or you, I get this little thrill, almost as if I'm opening them myself. Yum.

His figure appeared behind her in the reflection.

This is very Phantom of the Opera to me. And while I know you haven't seen it, I believe it stems from the same basic idea of... infatuation. Siobhan isn't just Lucius's plaything anymore—she has become something more to him. It is evident in his words, in his gifts, in his manner around her. He's becoming obsessed with the mere thought of her. I love it.

Her attention wandered slightly, to the thought of Potter and his friends, and the Christmas they might be enjoying. With the Malfoys, the entire occasion felt cold and formal — whereas Potter was probably tearing paper off presents while holding Katie Bell close to him near a warm fire. Siobhan imagined warmth and laughter and sincerity, and for a moment, felt a twinge of loneliness, wishing that she could be with her brother Liam or someone else who loved her.

The perfect little paragraph to get my Cultish wheels spinning. But at the same time, it's a very important paragraph in general. There is a price to pay for what she is doing... she's cut herself off from almost everything that makes her happy to substitute them with Lucius—who undoubtedly makes her happy, but at the same time cannot provide her with quite all she needs. And *snorts* I certainly don't think Draco could either.

“How old is this?” “A few hundred years,” Lucius replied. “You seem to have respect for the greatness that comes with age. I thought perhaps you might appreciate it for what it’s worth.”

SQUEEE! How I love old books! I think we have collectively established our love for these wonderful things. But... just the receiving of one sends that familiar chill down my spine. Yay! Go Lucius!

And then comes... the inevitable Marble Table scene. It's incredibly sexy. But more than that, it carries with it a new urgency that hasn't been present until now. And of course, the (also) inevitable finding-of-the-darkmark. I have to say I'm surprised that Siobhan has not seen it before. But now as I reread it, I see that she didn't get a good enough look at it to realize what it is. However, she must start to have suspicions... right? I'm quite curious to see more here....

Thanks, as always, for providing me with

Author's Response: *wants to see PotO even more badly than before* But that mirror appearance was actually a throwback to chapter one, when, in her fantasy, Siobhan sees him appear in the mirror and walk up to her ;)

''but at the same time cannot provide her with quite all she needs.'' *dies from ESP-foreshadowing love*. You don't know how close that comes, dear.

*is happy to include presents, old books and Cultish things in chapters* Harry reappears soon, so that should be happy for you, eh? *hee* As for the Dark Mark, I'm operating on my lack of canon details. I don't think that the wizarding community realise what the Dark Mark is, other than when it is used in the sky. What I mean to say is, I don't know if they realise that the Death Eaters have marks on their arms, and so, for this, I'm assuming that they really don't know. I'm trying to find a spot to really explain all of the Dark Mark stuff, but I can only think of one good place to put it, and that's when Siobhan actually finds out about Lucius.

Name: Ennalee (Signed) · Date: 04/23/06 18:23 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble

This is a long overdue review, but I finally had a chance to read your last chapter, and I’m afraid I’m feeling rather rambly, so prepare yourself. First, though, I have to make an admission. I’m not really a romance sort of person. I mean, I’m a romantic at heart and I love romance from a distance – people who love each other, separated lovers, unrequited love, all that. I love to read about love, but when it comes down to reading about actual physical contact, I get a bit iffy. I know this is a dreadful thing to admit, especially when reviewing this story, but when things start getting physical I tend to start skimming. That being said, (and I’m feeling very stupid after saying it) I want to tell you why I’m so intrigued by this story despite the amount of skimming I do.

It’s the characters, of course. Siobhan, Lucius, Draco, Narcissa – four different characters, each with very different interests; all Slytherins, all manipulative, all willing to use other people to get their own way. Their interaction is fascinating. You limit us, by only giving us Siobhan’s point of view and keeping us guessing as to what everyone else is thinking. I can’t come up with any helpful criticism whatsoever, so I’m just going to go through the characters and tell you what I think, and hope that it will be at least somewhat helpful in showing you which of your hints are coming across well and being picked up on (by me, at least). So I’m sorry if I project my own thoughts onto your characters and make up things that really aren’t there; in that case, just know that I love this story.

Siobhan is in control, that she has everyone pegged into their proper places; she knows what she wants, and she’s going to go for it, despite the consequences. Or so she thinks. I love the way you show us that she’s not quite the same person as she imagines herself to be. She would not do herself the dishonour of believing she could not lure him back into her bed once more.She sees herself as a seductress and a manipulator, a true Slytherin. However, though she is constantly reminding us (and herself) that she has exactly what she wants and that she is doing what she set out to do, she shows us that though she does not realize it, she wants something more. Siobhan imagined warmth and laughter and sincerity, and for a moment, felt a twinge of loneliness, wishing that she could be with her brother Liam or someone else who loved her. . I loved this sentence, because just for a moment she reveals that despite the fact that she has succeeded in her plan and is getting exactly what she thinks she wants, she’s still not content. Her desire and lust are great enough that at this point she has not yet realized that the dream which she is following will not satisfy her in the end (at least in its current form). I can’t wait to see what happens when she does realize this, and how her world will change when she realizes that she’s chasing after the wrong thing.

Everything we know about Lucius is colored by Siobhan’s interpretation. As she (in my opinion) tends to be overconfident, I’m very, very curious about what is really going on in his mind. I find myself undulating wildly concerning his character (which, I suspect, is your intention). The fact that he showers her with expensive gifts seems very suspect to me; men tend to give lavish gifts to their mistresses shortly before ruining them, and no, of course I have not been reading too many eighteenth century novels. The parting kiss on the cheek that excited Siobhan didn’t do much for me in terms of changing my opinion on his character. I still think he’s merely using her and allowing her to think she’s manipulating him. What did make me wonder if he’s beginning to change was his reaction when she saw the Dark Mark. If he really cares nothing for her, he can have no reason to be worried over her reaction; the fact that he seems upset that she’s seen it provokes interesting new questions. Siobhan, of course, completely misinterprets his reaction, furthering my impression that she really is less in control than she thinks. But the implications of her coming into contact with Lucius’s beliefs is fascinating. What will happen when she learns that he is a Death Eater? Will she have to make a choice between her desires and her beliefs? Will she be able to push morality as neatly to the side when she learns that it’s more than a matter of seducing someone else’s husband? Incidentally, I loved Lucius’s response when Siobhan asks him about the mark. “It's… you might call it a birthmark.” Is he implying that he is merely following in the steps of his father?

And now I’m back to wondering about the title. I know I’ve speculated on this before, but it really raises a realm of possibilities by itself. Is it the sins of Lucius’s family, being visited on him in the form of his beliefs and allegiances? Will he come to love Siobhan, only to be separated from her because of his beliefs? Or is it the sins of Lucius, to be visited on Draco? Or is Siobhan going to have a child? (That idea just popped into my head now and totally surprised me.) Or is it something from Siobhan’s family? Or something completely different?

I don’t really have anything to say about Draco, only that you’ve promised that there will be developments with his character in the future, so I’m sure I won’t be disappointed. I feel a bit sorry for him, as he gives up hope on Siobhan. (Though I have to admit, my first wild thought as he offered her chocolates while disinterestedly doing something else, was that he was giving her a love potion.) Narcissa, on the other hand – I think Siobhan underestimates her. Absolute wench, that woman, Siobhan cursed, before amusing herself with the thought of how Mrs Malfoy would react were she to learn what Lucius had been up to with their young guest. She always (even from the first chapter) refers condescendingly to Narcissa in her thoughts, and yet I wonder if Narcissa knows what is going on. “Do what you like, girl,” Narcissa muttered dully, standing up and waving her wand over her presents, which promptly vanished. I may be making things up, but I could see that as a sort of admission that she knows what is going on and isn’t going to contest it, either because she has given up or she doesn’t care or for some other reason. Her vanishing of the presents might go along with that as well, even if she’s only sending them off to some other place – it seems to hint at the idea that she doesn’t really care about them.

I’m sorry, this review is much too long, and is more of a rambling than a true review – I did warn you. I’m currently taking a break from writing two papers, and I’m very much in “literature analysis mode,” so I’ll use that as an excuse. Anyway, I can’t wait for more, so I can find out if I’m reading the clues right or if I’m totally off base with my speculations, or (more likely) a bit of both.

Author's Response: *does not mind that Nan skims* The 'physical stuff' is the least important, writing-wise, anyway. [I'm sure some of the readers would disagree...]. Though, sometimes a lot of the development shows up in the physicality, I'm sure it's skimmable ;) Especially since you obviously got a lot out of the story as it is!

You have Siobhan pinned so perfectly, that I can't really comment on anything, except to say you're wonderful, and I particularly liked your observation that she's 'chasing after the wrong thing'.

Your observations of Lucius intrigue me, because -- I can hardly be sure anymore -- I'm pretty sure you're seeing him exactly as I want you to see him. And exactly how Siobhan sees him. I mean, she may not be concerned, because in full honesty, she doesn't care for his emotions. Even if he were using her, what's it to her? Because she's using him. [Gah, I actually touch on this in Chapter 12, hee!] I won't directly respond to what you think of Lucius though, as to say how close or how off you are, because the mystery of what's going on with him is half the point ;)

I will touch on the 'birthmark' thing though, as it goes into your next comment on the title, and sins being relayed from father to son. I am utterly unconcerned with Abraxas in this story, so the 'birthmark' has nothing to do with him. I see the Dark Mark that way, as Death Eaters are born with them. When Lucius got his mark, he was born as a servant of Voldemort. And, as to the Title and paying for your father's sins... I haven't touched a lot on Siobhan's father in this, but... I will. Everyone in this story commits their own sins, but it is Draco and Siobhan that pay the most, because they are affected by what their fathers have done, in one way or another, and they are the ones that pay. And though I will completely ignore some of your other questions/musings to avoid spoilers, I will say this: Siobhan does have a child. And, while the situation is not what you might think, there are obviously complications and Siobhan will have to save her own daughter from paying for the sins of her parents.

As to Draco and Narcissa... *smirk* Well, I'll just say neither of them realise what's happening, as it's only been over a week that Siobhan has been there, and it wouldn't be a common guess that she came looking to get into bed with a 43 year old man. [For those who don't know Siobhan or the author of this story, I mean *wink*] Narcissa might have noticed Lucius playing with Siobhan, but just for his own amusement. It is rather boring at the Manor, after all, for those who don't see what goes on behind each closed door. I will just say that Narcissa doesn't require fidelity of Lucius, but she also doesn't like Siobhan at all, and she would be very mad to find out she was being played behind her back in her own home...

You'll have to excuse the long response, but -- 'twas a long review ;) And, anything I didn't respond to, I probably didn't mention for a reason... *cough*

Name: Lovethelife (Signed) · Date: 04/19/06 19:05 · For: Chapter 11: Black Marble
Just finished reading the whole story. Very good I have to admit. I've been searching for this type of story for quite awhile. I am usually on the archive on Pureblood/Occlumency. But Lucius is my favorite so sexy and mysterious you'll never know when he'll attack. I have to say the dessert sounds delicious. I wonder if its real? LOL. Well good job with this story this far! Keep up the good job! :~)

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