I love Anna for being so infatuaded with Tiramisu. If not I probably wouldn't have stumbled across this lovely story.
I'm so in love with your Lucius. He's everything a young girl could want in an older, experienced lover. I would be lying if I said I wasn't drawn to him. And I love Siobhan. I see in her a kindred spirit. A lost soul trying to find herself, not letting anything get in her way. Of course I'd think twice about sleeping with a married man.
This last chapter reminds me very much of the beginning of my relationship with my husband. I was very infatuaded with him and finally caught him alone. We had several encounters but I never intended it to be more than that. But he didn't seem to want to end our relationship and the rest is history.
The only critique I can think of is for the chapter 'Black Marble'. As Siobhan and Lucius are frolicing on the table it says: 'the tore her lips from his'. That should probably have been 'she tore her lips from his'.
Thank you for this wonderful story and I will most definately start reading Blood Debt now.
totally loved it. love the concept, love the death eater part. and even though i like Draco, love how u've portrayed him here. i guess he's no match for the man lucius is. one thing is it seemed that suddenly draco stopped trying to bed her... but heck, i'm not gonna nit pick coz there's so much of it to love.
*decides to leave BD reviewing for another day and turns to Sins instead*
The first scene is very interesting – Siobhan is rather skilled at convincing herself of things she wants to believe to be true, isn’t she? I see why she is doing this, naturally, it would not suit her at all to be seen as some Pansy Parkinson, but –
and she certainly wasn’t going to let Lucius believe she was going to spend her days away from him nursing some wound caused by lost love; the thought made her shudder.
- she would be nursing some wound, I’m sure. Perhaps not consciously, but still. It makes me wonder on which level her awareness is, concerning her real feelings for Lucius. How much does she feel at this point? How much does she confess to herself? And the feelings she doesn’t admit to, does she really believe that they don’t exist, or is she only pretending?
My love. My Tiramisu soul rejoices every time I read that well-chosen pet name, and it seems that you’ve got the ability to put it into the most suitable contexts.
And as for rejoicing in the Tiramisu soul, you have written such a beautiful waking up scene in this chapter. There was such closeness and tenderness, and yet the Lucius/Siobhan dynamics that I never tire of reading. I love how you included his hand running along her side; such an intimate gesture, even more adorable because it was just the touch, not something that had to lead up to sex. And, am I presuming to much if I think that old Lucius spending the whole night with his Siobhan means that he is getting more comfortable in her company?
The Sins Narcissa continues to amuse me. It’s a good thing that we’re seeing her from Siobhan’s perspective, or else I might ask you for a little more sensibility from Narcissa’s part… now and then. ;) I agree that she committed a horrible crime by marrying Lucius, but you’re going to work your way around that in Sins, aren’t you?
Oh, the business-like Lucius makes me want to ask you to write all of Sins from his point of view. Surely, he wouldn’t have had such an air about him if he wasn’t hiding something? He must have thought it was necessary to act “professional”, so not to reveal his true feelings for her. Right? (*wonders if Jenna has noticed yet that she’s putting a lot of questions into the review, so that she will have something to respond to*) The conversation on the subject of “using” was completely hot, by the way.
“Hogsmeade will be safe. I will do everything in my power to assure you of that.” - Siobhan must be in love, or at least falling. Otherwise, I would have expected her to be too clever to not be suspicious of such a statement.
The good-bye scene is quite spectacular, dear. Very interesting use of the word falling there, and please tell Siobhan that if she doesn’t realise what that sensation is about, I’ll come over and spell it out to her. And I realise when reading this part that your Lucius has pretty much become a canon image of him for me. This is quite natural, of course, as nothing you write of him seems grasped out of thin air, but always carefully built upon the limited canon knowledge we have of the man. All of his appearances in Sins are expertly written; there is always a certain essence of Lucius Malfoy-ness to them.
You and Jan have both done a wonderful job here, because there was no nitpickiness for me to do. So now I’m only really eager to see Chapter Fourteen, even if I’m not expecting to be spoiled with a S/L meeting just yet I’m still looking forward to reading Siobhan, Draco and Harry back at school. =)
Author's Response: *SQUEE*. And, btw, you've made Siobhan's day by choosing Sins ;)
"How much does she feel at this point? How much does she confess to herself?" -- This is actually another instance of Siobhan and Lucius taking me somewhere I hadn't planned. Siobhan wasn't really supposed to feel anything more than lust for Lucius until he -- er, gave her reason to, *coughspoilercough* -- but it's feeling more natural to plant those seeds of connection there. What she feels is still just physical and the emotions connected with sensuality, but she's getting more attached to him then she expected, or would have liked. And she won't admit it of course, because in Siobhan's mind, love is a weakness that just causes more pain than happiness.
"And, am I presuming to much if I think that old Lucius spending the whole night with his Siobhan means that he is getting more comfortable in her company?" -- *cough* If my comfortable you mean warm, content and complete, then perhaps, yes. I don't know, maybe it's comparable to staying up all night just to chat with someone who is further away than you'd like them to be. Grasping for any closenss you can manage. :)
As to Narcissa, she will become more well-rounded later. In Siobhan's PoV though, she's still that rotten wench that Lucius is married to. Like Draco, with time and circumstance, we do see more of who she is without complete bias.
*snickers about Lucius' professionalism*. Yes, yes, yes, you couldn't be more spot on. It's an arrangement, nothing more. It's the best way to get what he wants without revealing why he wants it, or how badly.
As to everything else, *giant hugs*. And maybe some subtle questions that I shall subtly evade. Danke, meine Liebe.
slightly short and i was expecting more...
although i loved the chapter anyway. plz plz plz plz plz update asap because i love this story!!!!!
Great update as always! You are developing great characters, and I can greatly sympathize with what Siobhan's going through (even though I have never been in such a situation ;).
I just wanted to say that your story is absolutely fabolous. The characters are very well defined along with a great plotline, and its great that you throw some character development in there as well.
I have to say that i think you are a much better writer than many published authors that i have read, and if you havent thought of it, i suggest that you maybe think about writing other strories and try to get them published, because great talent like yours should not be wasted.
I have to tell you - your story is great. Is Lucius really in love? Post again sson. I can't wait!
I hate to leave you a comment that really means nothing in the scheme of things, but I wanted you to know that your story is a breathtaking, and though I don't review as often as I should, I love every chapter more than the last. This is an addiction, and I love it!! You are fabulous Jenna.
I love this series and Siobhan. She's one of the best OC's I've ever seen. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Hey Jenna! First off, welcome back to SPEW. Glad to put your reviews under the "SPEW" section of my reviews again. ;) Second, I have been loyally waiting for this chapter, sitting on the deck of Tiramisu, occasionally petting the galley-dog Aska, and sometimes going over my "Reasons Why I Ship Lucius/Siobhan" list, before Captain Anna comes out and tells me that I missed a spot when I was swabbing the deck. Then, I get hard to work, and I start to wonder why I'm even bothering with this job as First Mate anyway. After all, I don't have to do it, so why should I?
Well, what comes to mind is how deeply involved I get with your characters. Siobhan, Lucius, Draco, Narcissa, even the house elves -- all of them get me involved with the story more than anything. The Draco/Siobhan dynamic put into this chapter was quite interesting. Is Siobhan finally able to tolerate Draco long enough to take a trip with him to Diagon Alley? Apparently so. Siobhan is still doing the teenage-crush thing? You betcha. But now, it is seemingly to grab more depth, with the Death Eater attack at Diagon Alley. Ahem, I wonder who that mysterious individual in the Death Eater get-up was, I have no clue, absolutely stumped... ;)
I must agree with the dearest Captain Anna, who recently reviewed chapter twelve as well, about the Draco becoming much more civil. I wonder if he might have taken Siobhan trying to avoid him as a cue that he needed to shape up and see that she was much more proud than he was, in places of their world. Very interesting, I am very glad that you worked that in. I'm also enjoying the fact that Siobhan is feeling guilt about her relationship with Lucius. She was enjoying the gifts from him, not Draco. Is she starting to like Draco...? Dare I say it? I think I just did. Very well done, dear. I'm more curious than ever.
Harry was very well characterized. As was Siobhan's responses. I nearly die laughing at this: "“Well, all the better reason to stay then!” Siobhan snapped sardonically." My only concern with this scene is that Katie is strangely calm. Either that's normal for her and she doesn't snap at pressure like this, or she is attacked by Death Eaters like this nearly every day. I can picture her normal day at home now... "Mum, isn't it a wonderful day? Maybe Harry can come over so we can...? Oh, never mind, the Death Eaters are sneaking through the forest on the side of the house. Time to execute normal procedure, let's get going..." But I digress.
My only other complaint in the chapter: “Good evening,” he said softly Needs a period. Besides that, everything is top-notch. Good job. :)
Wonderful was always, dear. My fanboy flag still is raised on the HMS Tiramisu's mast, and it was a thrilling installment. Draco seemed apparent to change for Siobhan, Siobhan is still involved with her affair with Lucius, and she was attacked by a "mysterious" Death Eater. “Draco told me you were attacked.” *scoffs*
Author's Response: *grins at First Mate of Tiramisu* What should I say? Should I acknowledge that it's pertinent that Siobhan and Draco be able to get along? As for Katie's calmness, I don't think you've read my HarryCentric stories, in which Katie plays a bigger role, but that's how I've developed her. Unlike Siobhan, who clearly falls to pieces when confronted with danger, Katie is very-level-headed. She's strong and cool and calm in a dangerous situation; it's what makes her a Gryffindor. :)
Thanks for the review, Patrick. *hugs!!*
Another neglected chapter I should be tending to. :) Actually, when focusing on Blood Debt and Sins so closely after one another, I find myself chuckling and being very impressed with how you keep the two universes apart. Take Katie for example, after reading BD just now I wouldn’t have reacted if she and Siobhan had acted as if they knew each other – silly of me, isn’t it?
I very much enjoyed Siobhan’s and Draco’s conversation in Diagon Alley. You know… he might be a slime ball and all, but at least I prefer him here to Canon, as a person. I haven’t fully figured out yet how you intend to do with future “official” relationships and marriages to make things work, but during this little walk I suddenly imagined Siobhan and Draco at the Manor a few years from now, and for a second I felt that it could actually work in a civilised way. And you gave me a good reason to smile with this:
“Bloody hell. I thought my parents were bad,” Draco shuddered.
- *giggles* I didn’t think of it at first, but “Bloody hell” is just such a typical Ron phrase. No, don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t look out of place here, but it made me smile. Same thing with the following sentence, I thought it was interesting that you chose to let Draco use the word “Muggleborn” instead of “Mudblood”. He sounds much more civil this way, and respectful towards Siobhan. (Hey, wait… Why am I feeling this way about Sins-Draco? Why are you doing this? What’s the purpose of him appearing semi-good at the moment? *raises eyebrows*)
Siobhan’s eyes darted between the two of them. She didn’t want either of them to get hurt, but she hardly understood the point of standing around and fighting Death Eaters.
- At first sight this seems very Slytherinish of Siobhan, which it perhaps also is. But then I realise that she’s just displaying a very logical reaction, that Harry is really the one with the odd behaviour. It also marks the distance between Siobhan and Harry in Sins; they know each other and are getting friendlier, but it’s still very different from Blood Debt.
And Oh My God… The scene with the Death Eater… it’s just overwhelming. We’re getting closer to Siobhan in this story, but the fear and panic she experiences here is a completely new side of her. And, all right, I know it’s Lucius, and I can’t help but wonder about his thoughts, his face expression under that mask. Also, lol, you must forgive me, but I had such a V/Evey moment there when I re-read…
*sigh* Is it odd to feel sorry for Lucius? I wonder what he would do at this point, if he wasn’t a Death Eater… It’s all there: the care, the comfort, the devotion. He’s so tender, damnit! How long is it going to be until those two understand the weight of this, until they get it into their pretty heads that this is more than delicious sex? Gah, they’ll probably figure it out just about when she finds out about the whole Death Eater business. Jenna, do you understand what an amazing job you’re doing with this story, making me react like this? I’m so incredibly frustrated with the whole situation, yet I love every minute of it.
*does First Fangirl salute and whispers of a desire to see chapter thirteen soon*
Author's Response: *is not sure what to say and just sits, smiling stupidly*. I loved the V for Vendetta comment, *hugs*
For some reason, it's so much easier to write chapters after Anna has given me a reviews. *sighs*
The playful affection at the beginning is hinting at their growing attatchment to each other. It was precious when she leaned her head against his chest, and even more so when he kissed her cheek! They're beginning to be cute together! They just need to realise it.
*OmggaspshockDIES* It's LIAM! And he's so SWEET! Oh, he's grown up so much! I love him, I just do.
I adore the special gift. Antigone is a lovely play, and his little dialogue that goes with it fits well with the situation.
He stole kisses across skin and along her neck as they walked, his free hand wrapped along her waist. It's another little sign of affection! These are wonderful. It really gives the reader a picture of their relationship.
He could never be close enough. So. Precious. Perfect. Intrigue. Gah.
the tore her lips from his and bit into his shoulder, clinging to his back. I think that 't' is supposed to be an 's', but surely just a little typo.
Wow, my dad just walked up, and I was like minimize, minimize! And he said "What was that? Sins of the River?!" And I just kind of smiled benignly..
And, finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Even though it was more like it was mine, reading this. *loves*
Author's Response: Liam has grown up so much, eh? *giggles and pats Delaney* Thank you for the review :)
Birthday review loves for Jenna! This chapter looks less loved than the others, and it was one of my favorites, so here I am!
So, first general comments on my love of Siobhan. She's marvelously sarcastic and clever, which I like a lot. I wonder if it's more a defensive thing, or if it's natural. Either way, she's honed it to perfection. Or you have.
Now, love quotes from the chapter:
It seemed he was the default excuse for every problem that arose in Draco’s life. I've always had this opinion of canon Draco (though I try to ignore it in fanon), but I don't think I've ever put it in such an entertaining way. The sentence capture's her personality in analysing him that way, and his for being that way.
You must have got quite a bit done in the three hours you’ve been shut away in here, So. This happens to me when I am reading or thinking all the time. I love that it happens to her, too. Makes her that much more human to me. Also, I positively squeed here, because this means he must have been looking for her! Oh, the anticipation... The rest of the exchange confirmed my suspicions, of course!
Even as the memory became less tangible it was still so much more vivid then the fantasies she had conjured with her imagination. Ths sentence is the perfect way to describe what happens when something we've been wanting for awhile actually happens...your word choice is great, though.
Tell me, Miss Murphy, do I take your breath away? *swoons* Why isn't he saying that to me? *rereads* *swoons again* Siobhan is a lucky girl.
And the few nitpicks:
Siobhan awoke up It should be either just 'awoke' or 'woke up.'
Siobhan sputtered as she choked on her second teacake coughing crumbs up onto the table in the process. You need a comma between 'teacake' and 'coughing.'
the reality of standing face-to-face with the man who knew exactly how much she wanted him; looking into the grey eyes that saw her so completely. I think the semicolon should be either a comma or a colon. That aside, I really love this sentence as well. He sees right through her, despite how well she's been playing everything. It's a good sign, surely.
No general suggestions for the chapter, except that I'm not sure Draco would let her escape as easily as he does in the end. Perhaps seeing a little more of how Lucius treats him would be beneficial here?
Tell me, Miss Murphy, do I take your breath away? I'm still stuck on that sentence. I would so make it into an icon if I did that sort of thing. Excellent chapter!
Author's Response: Firstly, Siobhan says thank you :)
"Also, I positively squeed here, because this means he must have been looking for her! " - that gave my heart a little leap. *sighs* I'm an author who really gets caught up in her pairings, especially Lucius/Siobhan. But, it's true, he was aware of her absence ;)
Thanks for the nitpicks, too, and by the way -- that particular sentence? My favourite from the story :D
I like the way you describe their recent relationship at the beginning of the chapter, clarifying their continuing pattern. And your diction in that paragraph was excellent, too. all foreplay to the complete ecstasy they indulged in when time and privacy could allow. This is a good way to conclude it! It might read a little more clearly if you moved the 'in' so that part read 'all foreplay to the complete ecstacy in which they indulged when time and privacy could allow.'
“Dogs are a different species, Lucius,” she said slowly. Oh, dear, Lucius. I can just imagine Siobhan's look and tone when she explains this to him.
“I don’t think we have any right to exterminate Muggles, Lucius,” Siobhan replied firmly. “They are people." Their first argument really gives their relationship character. Siobhan's opinion is clear and sensible, and for her to express it is admirable.
Goodness, what a switch in power! I liked their conversation that showed what a *quick learner* Siobhan was.
Siobhan let out a sigh of annoyance, causing some candles on the table to flicker slightly. Intriguing imagery! It really makes the reader see the situation.
It's thrilling, and it's perfect! I love them anyway, despite the complications.
I love the passion of this chapter! And the title, too. It's literal appropriate-ness makes it very catchy.
Anyway, the beginning, when the silence took over the atmosphere of the room, it (just this morning, actually, and I read last night) reminded me of when Siobhan thought that Draco's lack of appreciation of silences was annoying. Siobhan just needed to realise that it was a good kind of silence, right?
And then later on, against the wall, she really seems to relax. I loved her resignation to him, and the anticipation he made her have, too. The situations in which the two of them seem to find themselves are absolutely classic.
“Good morning, Miss Murphy,” he said.
“Good morning, Mr Malfoy,” she responded, her face perfectly neutral.
Teee.. Oh, and I also thought, earlier this afternoon, that it was a good idea for him to have her go wash so they wouldn't both arrive at the same time, both late.. Yes. Intrigue.
Siobhan just needed to realise that it was a good kind of silence, right?A great point, because one of Siobhan's major flaws is that she believes her own judgements are correct and others' prejudices are immoral -- despite the fact that sometimes her own opinions can be hypocritical and her moral lines blurred. She believes her sins are not sins, while Lucius acknowledges that he is wrong, but does horrible things anyway. Which is worse? /digression. :)
Okay, it's fine. I liked the part at the beginning when you made Siobhan wait just as you were making the reader wait, inserting the conversation with the ministry wizard and all the rest.
Oh, and the Irish accent was a wonderful touch. I suppose you and Siobhan talk rather similarly?
The man, still moronically ignorant to Siobhan’s rudeness, grinned excitedly and opened his mouth to enquire after her further I was rather confused by the end of this line. Perhaps a dash would make the interruption more clear? *is being petty again*
“And, if I may say so, you’ve made an excellent choice.” Great characterisation of Lucius, there. *claps* It's sensible that he would say something like that, and the context removed any hint of awkwardness.
And I also really admire the ability to take things readers would remember from before, like the tiramisu and the breathlessness, and make it a part of the continuing story. It makes all of the events seem more real.
Author's Response: "I suppose you and Siobhan talk rather similarly?" - Hee, Siobhan would be a mix of Irish and British [the super-dialect, specifically ;)]. Whereas, I have a horrible confused mix of Dublin, 5 dialects of American, with an odd touch of Brit and British slang now and then, and sometimes the entire accent veers to Dublin, and at other times it veers to completely American, minus the ability to pronounce 'th'. *giggle* *is accent-confused*
I'm glad you got the breathlessness thing, I don't think everyone did. :)
Aaaah! *gives fangirly squees* The tiramisu love!
Well, Siobhan's reasonable doubt at the beginning is a good touch, and the comparison to both that and Draco's sloppy kiss are wonderful when you wrote this: She breathed him in as he held her there, before he mercifully relented and kissed her in a way that his son never could have.
It's intriguing, as usual! I wonder what chapter eight will hold?
Siobhan sputtered as she choked on her second teacake coughing crumbs up onto the table in the process. She stared at Draco. Squee! It's the cough! She's got it!
“No, I don’t need anything,” Siobhan said as smoothly as she could despite the burning fluid she could feel rising in her throat. This is a good way to describe her reaction! Your portrayal of boring!Draco is agreeable bileworthy.
It appeared to be a study There was a shelf with a few dozen books against one wall, and a drinks cabinet and wooden bar against another. Well, this is completely petty, but there's a missing period there, and I would remove the comma so the second sentence reads: There was a shelf with a few dozen books against one wall, and a drinks cabinet with a wooden bar ran along another.
Well, yet another beautiful chapter come and gone, and I cannot help but support Siobhan and Lucius more each second. You've positively enticed the reader into your grasp! Intriguing.
Siobhan had recently discovered that Draco was one of those bothersome people who felt a necessity for conversation, due to some delusion that the only kind of silence that could exist between two people was an ‘uncomfortable’ one. I really love this bit of Siobhan's philosophy, and it makes sense that Draco would be one of the people who doesn't understand the value of peaceful, tranquil silence.
“You did not say we had a guest,” Lucius said to Narcissa, not removing his attentions from Siobhan, who was suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. And yet, after all, Siobhan is another girl in love.. I love how you make this real-life reference. It really helps the reader relate to Siobhan.
Oh, dear, I want to read more. *scolds self* Sorry I didn't have much of anything to say this chapter, I'm just useless for anything but situational compliments at this hour of the night.
Author's Response: " And yet, after all, Siobhan is another girl in love." In love? >.> Oh no, she's not. She's just infatuated.
For now. *cough*
The little flashback at the beginning is well-written. There's not too much clutter, but there's enough emotion to show the reader what has happened.
People who loved seemed to end up in more pain for it, and she felt it was best to steer clear of such an emotion whenever possible. And I think it's best to insert little philosophies into writing whenever possible, so this made me quite glad. And I agree with her, too.
“I’ve simply resigned myself to my calling. It would be too much work to deny family duty… why would I go through all the hassle of running away and making a life of my own when I have plenty of money waiting with my name on it, and all I have to do is marry some fool.” This is so sad! Poor Siobhan and her fate. I think the ... would flow better as a period, and didn't you mean a question mark at the end? There was a 'why' somewhere in there.
Siobhan gave a snort of laughter, which Draco naturally assumed to be directed at Potter rather than himself. Oh, the beautiful, beautiful irony.
“I thought I did, yeah…” Potter responded, beginning to sound accusatory. Ohmygoodness, *gushes*, this is absolutely amazing characterisation of him! Brilliant job! Sorry I'm gushing so much...
Anyway, I, once again, adore the relationship you've made between Harry and Siobhan. They make good friends to each other, and it's sweet that Siobhan wants him to understand. Can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: The most interesting part about Siobhan's philosophy is that I don't share it. In fact, I completely and utterly disagree with her. ;)
And comments that my canons are IC always thrill me. Thanks!