Interesting story, Jenna!
I've seen many references to your OC, Siobhan, all over the main site and the forums. I'm glad that I finally made up my mind to read this.
Siobhan is a well-developed character and definitely not a Sue. Her daring seems just right for a Slytherin and definitely not righteous enough to make her a Gryffindor. Good job on getting her Hogwarts house right! Most writers (including myself) seem to give the physical description of an OC in a single chapter, as it's more convenient. Your way of describing Siobhan was rather unique in this aspect.
It's good to see that she has weaknesses and ironically, she herself is being decieved while being physically attracted to a much older man.
This fic is one of the many stories that have reinforced my assumption that Lucius is not a faithful man. I can't say that the plot is "good" (I think you know what I'm talking about), but then again, I'm not very fond of romance fics. But this fic does have a rather interesting, intriguing and scandalous plot.
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you. As to the "plot". Er -- it actually hasn't gotten started yet. >.> We're still in exposition. *giggles mischeviously*
good..Very good.Amazingly Good. A bit, excuse me, a lot, of sex. lol...next thing ya kknow theres gonna be a porno movie out hehehehe.....im jk. i hope you know that lol. I do really enjoy your story though, and it's character, you give Lucius a surprisingly soft heart which I enjoy. Fantabulous!
Author's Response: Thank you, glad you're enjoying it :) Soft heart? Hm, maybe. Or, perhaps just a cold heart that makes exceptions now and then ;)
Loved the last line. Loved It. L-O-V-E-D alright alright. lets just say i liked it.
Author's Response: :) Thanks, glad you
She had little idea as to what his duty entailed, but she knew his life was caught up in the current of the war. And that was enough to appease her curiosity. This is sad, I think, because poor Siobhan doesn't want to have anything to do with the war when, in fact, she's about to be caught up in the middle of it.
“Well, there issomething,” she said quietly. “I have a dilemma.” I believe there's a space needed there. And I love how you use the little detail of the Marauder's Map to help Siobhan get closer to Lucius.
I told him politely to mind his own business, he used the same weapon as always: his father. This is a wonderful way to get the Lucius conversation started. Rather ingenious, I must say. It kind of made my heart stop beating when Harry said that there was something darker about Lucius. It’s true, and Siobhan can’t see it. It’s very, very sad.
“Maybe you can get an affiliation with ‘spew’…” Ron chimed in with a snigger.
I think EVERYONE needs an affiliation with spew. Especially everyone who has anything to do with Lucius Malfoy.
“You’re not serious? You don’t — you don’t really —?” he stammered, slightly bemused. Poor Siobhan! I felt so bad for her. It would be embarrassing and frustrating to have this happen, and it's really no wonder she disregarded the danger.
She picked up some of the finer chocolates along her way, partly to seem less suspicious but mostly because it was uncharacteristic of her to walk out of a chocolate shop without purchasing anything. I love her for this. It's so Anna. And it's a good insight into Siobhan's character, too. She loves chocolate: now I can relate to her! I just caught some from Anna, by the way. Like I said. Chocolate girls.
“I’m sure Mr Liam is a fine master, too, Miss Murphy,” Oh, he is. He is.
“Why are you suddenly so concerned with my reputation?” This is a most precious line because Lucius was probably flattered that Siobhan was considering his reputation. Also, your characterisation of your Lucius in this passage was brilliant. His surprised blink when Siobhan said people thought he was dangerous was perfect for him.
It was at this point that I was quite sad because the *ahem* smutty part of their reunion was to be so short.
At the moment, all I can think about is holding you down on this bed, while you moan my name and drag your fingernails against my skin.
And then I read this...
And I died.
It was a beautiful, magical, hauntingly perfect death. And I was sure I would be satisfied for the rest of my life.
Hello, I'm going to start by saying that I've been reading quite a few fics here and this is the first one I've actually felt compelled to give a review.
This story is beautifully written. It is just amazing. I hope when I finally get mine done it is half as good as this. I'm sure you have heard before that your character development is perfect. But I'm telling you again. Sometimes you just like to hear it. Or at least I do. So I can give back. I don't think I can possibly say anything else. I'm not even sure I have the words to express how much I loved you fic. Again, Wonderful Job
I like ....I like...More? Please?
Interesting. Very interestimg.................Update, ok?
WOW! I love the way you describe their relationship. it's hot. two thumbs way up! update soon!
Great chapter, but my thirst to read this whole fic has yet to be quenched. What does Draco suppose her ulterior motives are in regards to Christmas vacation? Will he suspect her of stealing anything, or simply trying to get into the Malfoy's social circle? Also, will anyone notice Siobhan and Lucius in their rendez-vous at Hogsmeade? It's far more public than the Manor. What should happen if Draco sees his father in Hogsmeade and tells his mother?
Don't tell him about Honeydukes! Aaahhhh! Great update. ;)
Oh my good golly gosh! This is quite possibly the naughest, most seductive, awesomest(Yes I am making up adjectives it is that good!) story I've ever read. I have a new found love for Lucius.
It makes me think of warm, cozy velvet in the way in drapes you, pulls you in, and makes you want more. This is just so yummy scrumboes and fabbity fab fab I feel stupid for review in such a love filled heap but it has to be done.
The characterization is beautiful and I absolutely love Siobhan! She is the creation of a beautiful mind.
Don't leave your readers hanging here too long waiting for chapter fifteen. ;)
I love it!!! It was perfect and i can't wait for another one!!!
First off, I feel like I shouldn't even be giving you a review because you stole Anna. *cries* ME LOVES ANNA. HOW DARE YOU. Yes. *cough* But then again, you write Sins of the Father, so I am obliged to forgive you. Sort of. Yes, well, enough talk about that. Time to review, which will mainly consist of "GUH"s and "OMGLOVE"s. You, my dear, are either a very lucky person, or you just might have brilliance written down here. ;) Either way, it works, doesn't it? Yes, I believe it does, and now I shall stop my rambling and continue foward with this review. Unless you like the ramblings, which I believe you don't, so ONWARD!
I think this might be the most humourous chapter of the fic so far. I love the dialogue bit between Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Siobhan. I also loved this line, as it let's me feed on Tiramisu. How I missed the freshly made Tiramisu. *gobbles it down* :) Great job Jenna! Not one of my SPEW!worthy reviews, but... I just had to express how much I enjoyed it. :)
What a chapter!!! You've certainly built things up again. The tension between Siobhan and Potter's gang at school is just priceless. I relished it all. I've also noticed that you're extremely good with callbacks. References to past lines and past chapters always manage to add even more to your incredible story... they make the reader feel very “in” with the story and characters. Wheeeee! And... Siobhan was at her best in this chapter. How do you manage to make me love her even when I should be annoyed with her? Hmmm? Also... your combination of humour, drama, and suspense has always been good, but it's very impressive in this chapter (well not so much suspense.. but you know what I mean). You make such a seamless transition... very JKRish, but you definitely have your own style. Definitely.
But that was what he had provided, and Siobhan was pleased that her friendship with him was proving to be so beneficial. - *snorts* That line is so totally Siobhan. I heart it completely.
“Maybe you can get an affiliation with ‘spew’…” Ron chimed in with a snigger. - OH yes! Any “spew” reference gets me giggling every time. And this was just so perfect.
“Eh,” Ginny said with a shrug. “I never considered him, owing to the fact he’s a cruel and arrogant bastard. Not to mention his son is a swotty, whingy, pointy-nosed git.” - I love your Ginny. She makes me happy. Lines like this just make me snort.
Friday lessons seemed to drag onward with all the speed of a dying Flobberworm. - You know what I love? When fanfic writers can use analogies that fit into the wizarding world. This is a perfect example. Witty, fitting, and just... snickerworthy.
“My, my, you are a clever woman,” Lucius said silkily - Something I can just picture and hear... and melt to. Yum.
I love you Jenna. You make me happy every time.
This was a very.... soothing chapter. With “Confrontation..” being so entirely traumatic and heated, this was a lovely footbridge to whatever you have coming next. But believe me, I cannot wait for whatever that is. Yum.
Your characters are so incredibly developed now. I mean, they have been for a while now... but it's finally hit me at how much I seem to know these characters – how I can predict their actions and feelings. But don't take that the wrong way, as at the same time, they never cease to surprise me. For example, Lucius's proposal came totally unexpected (and thrilling) to me, as it did to Siobhan. But looking back in hindsight, I realize how much a part of his character the whole thing was.
Her simple plan brought a smirk of satisfaction to her freckled face. - “smirk of satisfaction” and “freckled face”. Yum. Just teeming with alliteration here... loves it.
“Say it.” ... “I want you to use me.” Well, of course I'd love this... but I did have to address it. I love your little short, conviction filled lines like this. They always make me wriggle.
Okay. Next chapter time!
Oh Jenna, you are a goddess. How is that you made an original character that I've fallen in love with wherever she is? And she is nothing like me at all and is so smart...I cannot tell you how impressive it is, honestly.
I was so worried when winter break was over that the story wouldn't be the same back at school but it was so silly of me to think so. You are a great writer, Siobhan belongs wherever you put her. I absolutely love the ineraction between Harry and even Ron and Ginny and Hermione.
I feel bad for just gushing and not being constructive, but really it would be foolish to even try to find something wrong because your skill with the plot and you dear Siobhan just seems so over my head. I envy you and your beautiful story very much.
Don't make me wait so long for chapter fifteen dear, I'm dying away over here.
my god that has to be the most deliciously naughty story i have ever read (and be assured i will re-read it) greatest job EVER
Yay!! Another great chapter! I'm so excited that you've decided to continue the story past Christmas vacation. I'm looking forward to seeing where the plot and characters go, and will (as usual) be anxiously checking for updates. Thanks for another great read!
Wow... The dialogue is sharp and the chemistry sizzles... love the way it has depth.
Um... Harry??.. Is he only in the context of a friend or something else?..( please don't let it be).
I really admire Siobhan's poise, just hope it's not a cliche ending...
I normally just read completed stories but with Sins I am totally hooked.
Second only to In the Eyes of Others. Maybe even surpassing it. LOL
Disjointed thoughts of an enthralled reader...Update! UPdate!..
You just enjoy leaving us all hanging out there in the wide open, don't you? ^-^ I love your story! You must hurry and update soon. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't get online nearly every day to see if you've updated. Have you written any other stories?