No, Jenna. Not Molly, but can see how it fits in this story line.
Watching uncle kill aunt when you are 6 could indeed have some lasting effects.
On to next chapter
Ahhh...and so it begins
Ahhh...and so it begins
Aww, Harry's so sweet, a bit dim (oh, alright ALOT dim) but he's still so nice! So sad, why is Siobhan so afraid of the unknown? Is it true that she really does not love Lucius? You did a beautiful job, keep up the good work, and congratulations on finally starting to give Harry some life. So it begins: Siobhan's only true friend must be the one to murder her lover who must be the one to save her from the 'sociopath with a snake fetish' (That is my single most favorite line in this entire story, and you should write a fic and give it that title..."Life as a Sociopath With a Snake Fetish"...it would be worth millions...)
Author's Response: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying. As for your suggestions -- well, I have a loooong way to go, and I do have the ENTIRE story planned. [Honestly, I could tell you how the story ends, as well as what happens in the next two decades of the characters life]. So, everything is going somewhere, and characters that are in the shadows, or aren't developed yet, usually will be. I still appreciate the feedback, of course, but yes -- I'm writing it as a whole, so I'm not in an awful hurry to develop everyone in the first few chapters ;) I hope you continue to read and enjoy!
Excellent! You've delicatly displayed the true emotions of your characters towards eachother (Pooter and Siobhan's friendship, Lucius's love, Siobhan's nobel heart, and even given Tessie more than just a role to fill as she takes on her own unique though rather muffled personality). Beautiful, breath-taking descriptions. Keep it Up!
~The Tainted One
Ahhh, the hard headed, sharp tounged Slytherin warrior Siobhan is afraid of war...troubled by a dark past, perhaps? Please expand on her emotions dealing with "...these kinds of situations" and "every other thought" that she needs distraction from.
Your gift for detail and description has not gone unoticed, you leave a magnificent picture painted for the reader that is not overly done yet satisfies the hunger of the imagination. Have you ever thought of doing a short piece just describing Diagon Alley and Hogsmenad? I'm positive your views on Weasley's Wizard Wheezs, Zonko's, Olivander's (dark past, obscure personality, sharp wit...Mr. Ollivander and Mr. Burke seem your type of characters) Borgin and Burkes, and most especially Honeydukes would be a chance to show off your skills and test your abilities of carrying an interesting plot throgh even the mundane trials of daily character life. as for unshrouding Siobhan's past, WOW!!! Job well done, this was obviously thought through, continue to expand on that, as well as Draco's resentment towards his parents and his past. Your story is well rounded, but you are not even close to being done, my friend....keep up the good work! By the way, the Death Eater scence, brilliant, it demonstrates Lucius's true feelings, Draco's true cowardice (there might be a story behind that, you may want to expand, or just leave it be as some comidic 'roll your eyes and snort' relief.
Yet, you STILL choose to leave Harry, and Katie, completly one dimensional and (dare I say it?) slightly OoC. I know that niether are particularlly significant, yet, if you choose to use a character or location, etc. by another (or yourself for that matter) take the time and respect to use them well. (Don't you dare give me 'the look') I may be young, and a novice writter at that, but you know that I know that you know (what the heck was that?!?) that you can do an amazing job at details like that if you ever decide to take a breather from the whole 'Lucius/Siobhan heat of the moment' thingy and actually focus on important details that could be used in the future to support you're plot and twists. (if that makes any sense at all, sorry for being so rude, but sometimes it's the littlest things that need the most clousure, especially when handling little known characters/relationships that seldom, if ever, appear in the original books. Unless your planning this big charade twords the end as a form of explanation, which I wouldn't be at all suprised about).
Also, a chapter or so ago, you displayed a lovely allusion to the Greecian muggle work Antigone by the philosopher and playwright Sophecles. Siobhan's sense of rightousness, family loyalty (despite cruel circumstance), sharp tounge, and vivacious personality is clarly reflected in the princess Antigone. Similarities, such as arranged marriage and murder/affairs/love, may also be drawn between the two in thier pureblooded bonds and restraints. I wonder, thoug, are you perhaps forshadowing the dark fates of Antigone and her lover Haimon? Is Liam being parrlled with Ismene? I also see many a tie between Antigone's troubled past/family (what with the whole Oedipus thing, and what not) and Siobhan's own life (the uncle marrying a sister, to have an affair with another, interesting twist on an ancient theme). your work far surpasses terms such as amazing ans exuberant, *bows low* congratulations.
~The Tainted One
Beautifully written, congratulations on a job well done! I must say, it's these scenes that have the most luxerious flow of words, they say that papaer and ink can never really convey the writter's thought...you must come pretty damn close!
Potter and Bell, though? Quite intriuging, and not entirly out of character either. Though with Harry's noble heart, I find it hard to believe that he would take the chance of being close to anybody openly, with the risks he would be putting them at. By the way, I would lovd it if you were to indulge yourself by writting a few one-shots on the Potter/Bell relationship, as well as the murders mentioned at the begining of this fic (specifically Petunia, but a Granny Longbottem, Dr. Granger, and Molly Weasly would be equally appreciated). Back on the topic of Harry, you choose to leave him as a rather one-dimensional character in your story. It is obvious that it is expected of the reader to have read the books inorder to have picked up on the pot, but you've done a delectible job on your charcter development so far, so why hold back? Though we have all read the series, a little well incoorperated background and brief recollection never hurt, especially with the Malfoy family as they are so key to your story. Delve into thier personal lives, thier emotions...seek out places and new hieghts that J. K. Rowling has so cleverly skirtted or left untouched, it appers she has done so for writters such as yourself) to play with and elaborate.
As for Siobhan and Lucius, well, thier relationship makes perfect sense. I do believe that now would be the perfect time for a chapter dedicated to Lucius's point of view...I'm rather stunned as to how he's been able to keep his little...secret...so carfully hidden from his lover, (especially with the Trio/Siobhan friendship) as well as to how deep his actuall love is, it seems rather out of character for Lucius to fell pure emotion (a one-shot explanation of why this is would make a fascinating read). Also, it's rather ify on how Siobhan is not already aware of Lucius's...connections...She is not easily precieved as a nieve girl, but none the less, she is still a girl not yet a woman, even coupled with her loss of virginity.
Anyhow, these next chapters are crucial, and must be played with the utmost certinty and elequence...choose your course wisley my friend...
As for this elusive Liam, he is only mentioned in passing, though he appears to have a startling affect on your main character, yet you choose to leave him relativly clear of the main plot, if I am not mistaken, Siobhan is to be writting back to her dear brother, time draws near to bring Liam into the light!
Another suggestion, having Draco discover his father's relationship while finally taking advatage of having Siobhan in his home would make an excellent read, as it would be Draco to drop the bomb of Lucius's loyalties to the Dark Lord. Another interesting, though quit possibly problematic/irrelevant, topic: You have not once metioned the use of a contraceptive spell. Though Lucius seems quite...experienced...in the matter, it would make an interesting twist to have this brought up, a pureblood scandal if ever! Any how, your work of drawing tantilizing bits of Siobhan's mysterious past has given your main multiple dimensions and kept readers intrigued, *curtsies and inclines head with a smirk* my sincere extolments.
Keep up the good work!
~The Tainted One
I only have a single fic up, a short poem, and i was hoping that you would so kindly grace it with a review (no one ever reviews poetry, what's up with that?!?) I would also like to appologize for my rather atrocious spelling, how did I ever pass the 2nd Grade...? By the way, I would like to comend you on your excellent interpritation of Siobhan's loss of virginity; strikingly done, I must say...Siobhan is a well developt character, and she will sing your praises in the land of fanfics for many years after youve moved on.
Siobhan...interesting name. How is it pronounced? It seems quit pretty, does it have any specia meaning? Same goes for Miss. Murphy's tabby.
Author's Response: It's Irish, it's pronounced "Shuh-Vawn". It's meaning has no bearing on her character [though it's meaning is generally considered "God is Gracious"]. And her cat, Mian, is Irish Gaelic for Desire ;) Which, yes, is a little purposeful.
I would just like to take a moment to say how wonderfull this is... and how wonderfully written it is. Having said that, please, asap, I need to know what happens next. I'd addicted!
Keep up the great work!
yaaaaaay *smacks lips* addictions =D
Thanks for saving the review ... here's the repost ...
Hmmm ... interesting development ...
I've always thought of her as a watchful girl ... it seems I was wrong. It never occured to me to think of Lucius's Dark Mark ... that shows how captivating your writing skills are. Co-incidentally, I was intrigued by the chapter title, and, of course, I forgot all about it when I was pulled into the chapter.
There's not much constructive criticism to give, but I did notice that there are minute details (that could have been left out, perhaps). For a few moments, I nearly thought the story was going to be NC-17 or something like that ... but it's definitely borderline. I know it's rated Professors, but I think it would have been a lot better if the sex scene was a little less detailed. Okay, I think my comments have stopped making sense ...
There are lots of questions in my mind though. The main one is: "What will be the fate of HMS Tiramisu?" Of course, I'll have to wait and watch ...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
[…and now I’m messing up your review page even more, since my shifty eyes deleted half of the review. *crosses fingers for it to work this time* Please delete the review I posted first, my love.]
*mutters* When I go to review, the chapter is not there. And when I come back - twelve people have beaten me to it! -_-
Okay. I’m thinking a bit about Snape. I read in your response to Kasey’s review that you weren’t entirely pleased with some of the dialogue, but I’m in awe of the whole scene. I have read this chapter about seven times or so, but it wasn’t until now that the resemblance to Snape’s acting in Philosopher’s Stone struck me. We know that he has been a Death Eater, but I’m also under the impression that you and I share a view that he is loyal to Dumbledore, and that he is, if not exactly “good”, then at least a complex character who has learned to choose the right one of two equally horrible options. Hence, it makes sense that he acts the way he does – Snape has repeatedly tried to protect Harry, so why not Siobhan? He even displays similar attitudes to the both of them. Well done, min älskling.
He very well might have been avoiding her presence purposely but it was hard to tell, as she did nothing all morning to give him any reason to look in her direction.
- that sentence makes me feel as though there’s something wrong with my grasp of English. It’s one of those cases where I think that ‘He might well have been –’ sounds better than ‘He very well might have been –’, but where I also think that this is just because I’m Swedish and not just getting a fancy English sentence structure. Just ignore me if I’m being ignorant. >.>
“I do not care to hear the details of your relationships or the insane reasoning behind your foolish choices — I simply feel the need to warn you to tread very carefully around your ‘lover’.”
- can I just say that I love that line? I need to tell you how wonderfully it chimes in my head. And also, how Snape uses the word ‘choices’, as if knowing fully well that Siobhan hasn’t just been randomly seduced by Lucius, but was in fact the one who made sure they’d end up together.
Lucius did not quite fit that image, and to imagine that there might be another side to him that dark… it was simply impossible for her to comprehend.
- even if I would have assumed it was so, it is nice to have some of Siobhan’s reasoning typed out to read. It is interesting and enlightening to see that she doesn’t think that Lucius fits the stereotype of a Death Eater, as Harry and the others were suspicious of this as soon as they found out there were Death Eaters. Of course, some might argue that Siobhan’s perception of him is… ehm, slightly coloured by their relationship, but I like to think that it’s more because of her background. Being raised in the pure-blood upper class she will know some things about the foulness of it, but it might also be more difficult for her to imagine that the well-known and well-polished types of this society can also be ruthless Death Eaters. And, why am I saying ‘might be’? I know that it is. *cough*Blind!Siobhan*cough*
And so she decided the best thing to do, for now, was to just ask Lucius, himself. She really didn’t care how he managed relieve her anxiety, just as long as he forced it from her mind.
- oh, EVIL AUTHOR! And oh, dearest Siobhan… Did she just say to herself that she knows that Lucius will relieve her anxiety? And did she just say to herself that she doesn’t care if he lies, as long as he does it well enough? O.o
“Do you know,” Lucius rasped, “how incredible you are?”
- ahem. *DIES* AWWW! Lucius is just… is just… And you, EVIL AUTHOR, letting him say it NOW!
And I don’t know what you meant in your reply to Mini’s review, that some of the readers you “know” force you to write smut? Whoever could you be referring to then? *perplexed*
“You’re the one who’s incredible, you know,” Siobhan said softly, feeling enraptured by the man that lay beside her.
- *cries!* Stop making them so… so… you know! It is NOT FAIR!
“Any excuse to have you lick me, my love,” Lucius said with a devilish smirk.
- *sigh* And I had just revived since the last time I *DIED*, just to have you KEEL me with THAT line. *dead*
“He’s not the first,” Siobhan said quietly, staring ahead. She could feel Lucius’ hot breath on the side of her face, and she wondered if he could feel the pounding of her heart against him.
- *sighs again* Oh, Jenna… for being an EBIL AUTHOR, you’re writing all of this so incredibly, extremely, unbelievably well. If it wasn’t all so sad, I’d be squeeing at the sheer quality of your writing. Never once do you bluntly tell us that Siobhan is nervous about the conversation, or of how she must feel when she summons the courage to initiate it… but oh, I can feel the pounding of her heart in my chest, and I can feel how her eyes would stare at some point of nothingness; all not to focus on Lucius.
“I didn’t know you were friends with Harry Potter,” he stated finally, tonelessly.
- >.> A little inconvenient, isn’t it, Lucius? What are you going to do about this? Surely, you… *shuts up*
“And can you imagine ever possibly regretting a life with me?”
- if Lucius is going to be smooth-talking like he does in this scene, I can’t see how anyone would regret a life with him!
He did not look at her face, but tried to softly guide her off him so he could stand up from the bed.
- I know I’m quoting like mad and probably annoying the wits out of you (if you’ve even made it this far), but… this makes me genuinely sad. Reading it brings tears to my eyes. The way he tries to ‘softly guide her off him’ is just heart-breaking… I know that Lucius is an itty bit evil and all that, and that he most certainly became a Death Eater by his own choice… but here you make me feel that he is trapped; caught in his service to Voldemort, and that, if he only could, he would leave his ranks at once. But he can’t. He knows that he can’t, and he probably knows that he’s going to have to talk to Siobhan sooner or later, and… *SIGHS* He’s trying to be gentle! He’s only trying to protect her!! He loves her, for crying out loud!
So, yes, of course he won’t, and shouldn’t, tolerate Siobhan speaking of herself like that. End of discussion.
Hatred for his sins and her own; for his wicked deeds and beliefs, and her stubborn ignorance of them. Her heart ached with the pain of disappointment, and her thoughts suffered from the icy chill of fear as it crept through her.
- *hugs Siobhan* Don’t hate. You can’t help who you’re attracted to, and even less who you fall in love with. You’re just not supposed to. And Jenna, the way you describe it – with both Siobhan’s heart aching and her thoughts suffering – makes the pain appear so harsh, real and complete. =(
This is probably the best and most complicated chapter of Sins you’ve written so far… and I wish I could give it the squeeing it’s worthy of, but for one it wouldn’t be at all appropriate and also, I simply don’t feel like it. I’ll just go and cry in a corner somewhere, and you’ll simply have to believe me when I say that it is great praise indeed.
(PS: Your review page is quite the strikethrough mess, min älskling. Scourgify!)
Alright, I'm finally reviewing. I'm admitting I'm addicted to this fic.
Hello, my name is jtc, and I've been addicted for... *counts* six months. Hehe. Anyway, this chapter was so amazing, while I was reading I just thought, OMG, OMG. I love the way Lucius and Siobhan converse, it's so entertaining to read and you do it so well. My favourite line in this chapter has to be:
“Never speak about yourself in such a manner,” he commanded fiercely, as though she had insulted something in his possession.
Because Siobhan is insulting Lucius, but he takes no notice and only registers than she's insulting herself and get angry at that. ( I think Lucius is in loooooove.) I also love that it says, 'something in his possesion' and that Siobhan picks up on that.
I was waiting for her to finally find out that he was a Death Eater, and the way you did it was so perfect, with the contrast and all that. The last paragraph is also amazing - I love the line where you mention his sins. I thought of the title.
I lovedit soooo much!!! it's amazing. you have kept me addicted!!
Wha... What?! **rereads passage**
Nooooo you can't do that to them! I mean sure he's a Death Eater but c'mon it's Lucius and Siobhan...*glares* This needs to be resolved missy! It was written very well but this situation isn't acceptable....**can't hold mean face**
Ahhhhhhh! So amazing...I knew she was going to find out. Keep up the fantabulous writing!
Having gotten that exclamation out of the way, I have to say that I was sure this was coming sooner or later. Siobhan was always in for this situation. I'm now more curious than ever if she forgives him and follows, or turns instead to the friend she has in Harry...or does something completely unexpected and therefore Siobhan-like.
I could blather on about how wonderful you are at this, but you've heard it all before - not that it isn't nice to hear, but I'm sure you don't want gushing reviews...
Which brings me to this: Make your own mistakes — in time, when childish infatuation has died, you will realise how very foolish you are and how very mistaken you have been about the man you’ve been lying on your back for. It struck me as a bit polite for Snape to use that phrase. I'd see him more as a 'spreading your legs for' as opposed to 'lying on your back', but to each his own, I suppose.
Teh smut was, as always, very well done, and I adore your characterisation of everyone you've written so far. I will gush over Siobhan - she's just a great character.
I am a bit concerned about Harry and Company and where they might be off to, and especially, why Lucius was so interested in that, and how much Siobhan gave away without intending to by letting him know that Potter wasn't in the castle. Of course, if Harry's been captured, that makes no nevermind, but if he is off of his own free will, then she could have let the cat out of the bag.
What I truly adore is while you very clearly have Siobhan front and center, you manage to weave in a bit of mystery with Harry and Company, which manages to make this story far more realistic than any other I've read that doesn't focus on the Trio itself...
Author's Response: I just happened to be logged in to this account and can respond. yay. And, GAH, Snape gave me so much trouble. I spent about 20 minutes on that line. Because, I came up with a really good line and... I was at work or something, and so I totally forgot what he actually says. I did consider using 'spreading your legs for', but, Snape and Siobhan have never had anything but a teacher/student relationship, and I don't know if he would really cross that line and just be blatantly vulgar with her. But, I'll keep your comment in mind. I really am not happy with that delivery :-/
On all your Harry et al comments, and the bit about Lucius knowing and stuff... *no comment*. *cough*
Thanks for reading and reviewing, dear! *HUG*
awwww.... poor siobhan......
so what will become of the twisted lovers?PLEASE update so we can find out...
Loved it. Very emotional, this one. I loved the character development of Siobhan, finally she opens her eyes, heheh. Shall be interesting to see what happens next!