Very intriguing first chapter! I'll certainly read more!
Okay, Jenna, I promised you a review and here it is.
First off, Siobhan is quite possibly the best character I have ever read in the fanfiction world. Her name is so different and very pretty, just thought I would get that out of the way first. ;) Anywho, the way that she can hold her own against Lucius is amazingly done. She can match his wit and cleverness, which I really like. She is smart, and ambitious as any Slytherin would be, and goes after what she wants- Lucius.
The fact that she used Draco to get the object of her desire was perfect characterization- it’s so very Slytherin of her to do. Yet, she is not the typical Slytherin at all. She is rebellious against the things that the pure-blood society holds so dear- her views on the treatment of Muggles and house-elves, her being friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione- and yet she is still human in that she does not go against everything and believes that she will succumb to her mother and be put into an arranged marriage. I do hope that made sense as I had trouble getting my thought into functional words.
She is also human in that she doesn’t want to believe that she has grown to love Lucius. Her emotion’s after finding out he was a Death Eater were written so very well.
Your characterization of Lucius is spectacular as well. I love the way you write his dialogue, and I think it is really fitting of his character. Of course we now know that the Malfoys love each other with DH and all, but that knowledge doesn’t hinder this fic at all. Nor does it’s being non-canon compliant. You’ve written this so very well that it seems that this should all be canon. Well done.
The brilliance with which you write the romance in this story is so real that it truly draws the reader right in so that they are pulling for Siobhan and Lucius, at least this reader anyway. The playfulness of their romance in the beginning, to the tenderness with which Lucius grows to say ‘my love’ with, to the heartbreak that Siobhan feels… it’s all perfectly written.
I must say that I am so looking forward to see more of Liam in this. His character seems so sweet and I am anxious to see how he will take his sister’s affair with Lucius.
Now, I must touch on Chapter 21: Everything Changes.
Wow. This was just an emotion packed chapter. Your ending made me cry. First, because of the way that Ron died and the way that you wrote that whole scene, and then, because Lucius saved both Siobhan and Hermione.
This line in particular stood out to me as a moment of change in Lucius, whether for sake of his redemption in Siobhan’s eyes or not.
‘Don’t you think it’s time to give up the crusade, Bella?’
It was so icy, cold, and true. It’s a memorable line in the chapter and I truly think it fits both Lucius and the scene beautifully.
Siobhan kneeled next to her and took her hand and squeezed it. They didn’t look at one another, they didn’t say anything. They had already forged their bond, nothing else needed to pass between them. The world had changed.
This was also extremely moving and memorable. It really speaks to the reader the devastation in the chapter. It is simple and pure; everything it should be and nothing more.
Okay, moving on to your characterization of Hermione. I think this best states it.
”But I also want you to know, that whatever the circumstances, you can trust me. For whatever reason, Lucius was against Bellatrix, and he saved my life. I believe he would have saved Ron, too, if only perhaps he’d gotten there sooner. Whatever he may have done, I’ve only witnessed the good, and I would never repay what he’s given me by saying anything against him. Especially if that might harm you in any way.”
You have her perfectly in character here and I can find no nitpick on her; I truly think this is very in her character to say because it is much like Harry attests to the Malfoy’s change of heart after the Battle of Hogwarts. Hermione could attest to some kind of change, and for that, she would never cause him intentional harm, no matter his past sins.
One last passage to comment on:
“I have made mistakes, yes,” he said, his voice once again composed, “but those mistakes are in the past. I have done my best to make amends, and I will continue to do so if you desire it. I’m not asking you to forgive my actions, but that you forgive me for having committed them.”
This was great. I especially loved that last line as it is along the lines of what Siobhan is thinking in the chapter. The wording is brilliant and perfect.
Oh, this is the most wonderful story, Jenna. Your characterization, description, plot… everything is stunning, brilliant, and extremely well written. I could go on for a few more days, so, in short, I applaud you. And I look forward to the next chapters. Amazing story and fantastic work.
I've got to say, I really love your story! Keep updating, I hope to read more soon!
I don’t know if any chapter of Sins has ever left me with such mixed feelings. If that’s the right way to put it; it’s not really conflicting feelings, as two opposed events – one good and one bad – might have given me, but rather different feelings sprung from the same thing.
I had expected to be relieved when Lucius and Siobhan were finally rejoined, and I am. But it’s not a complete reunion, I’m still hoping for a conversation where they might… I don’t know, not express their love with exact words, obviously, but maybe share a smile and some optimism for the future, somehow. And also… I think I’ve mentioned this in an IM conversation, Lucius and Siobhan’s relationship makes me sad, because I have an idea of the struggles still ahead of them, and even without them things wouldn’t be easy; you haven’t even written it yet, still my heart aches for them and the fact that life can’t give them a break and just let them… be all that they could be. Though, at the same time, I guess it wouldn’t really be Lucius and Siobhan if all was rosy, would it?
Their dialogue is stunning as ever in this chapter; I can just hear their voices, with every intonation. It would be difficult to watch Sins as a movie and accept the actors’ interpretation of their words, because it’s all so clear in my mind. And the dialogue itself, ah, it’s exactly that… I don’t want to say ‘battle’, but maybe ‘dance’ of words that I will always connect with this pairing. It’s beautifully layered with so many meanings, and you use your narration perfectly to show us that.
The chessboard analogy made me a little sad, both because it made me think of Ron, and because of what I mentioned above – I wish their life wouldn’t have to be that kind of game, that they could just act without considering the circumstances and future moves.
I’m a little curious of what Lucius had in mind when he showed up in Siobhan’s room. The way things proceeded, one might have guess that he had intended to seduce her. Yet, part of me thinks that his intentions were to talk (not that he would say no to anything else), but that once he was there, he simply couldn’t resist her, just like she couldn’t resist him. I feel a little foolish quoting this to you, since I’m fairly sure that it was graciously excerpted to me, but I will still do so:
He was like a man who had just reacquired a long-lost, most cherished possession, relishing in its perfection and carefully searching for damages it may have suffered in the time it had evaded his yearning.
That is just… Jenna, I don’t really have words to describe how I feel about that; I’m just awed. The same goes for the whole lovemaking scene (by the way, my congratulations on such excellent MNFFable smut). I wish I had something eloquent and suitably appreciative to say about it, but I simply can’t think how to put my thoughts into words.
When Aisee appeared, and I recalled how you told me more about Shannon’s abusiveness, I suddenly thought of how Liam must disapprove of that. And then, I thought of what Hermione might have to say if she knew. I wonder what would occur if she ever came over and witnessed something like that… not that I think that Shannon might be terribly obvious about it, but Hermione pays attention. Ah yes, sidetrack, sorry.
JENNA! *DIES* Riding?! That’s just… just… You’re so NAUGHTY! *shakes head*
Speaking of which, I can’t help but quote this:
“Liam is strong-willed. Badgering him will do nothing to change his mind.”
- don’t I know it. *badger pout*
Ah, Greer! There’s something about his character that really piques my interest – my personal interest, not just my interest as a reader. He’s just… so civilised and polite, just kind and decent, through and through. Little as I know about him, I feel terribly sorry for him; he must have suffered a great deal in his life, and yet he’s so… likeable. And I don’t know if it’s just something I’ve made up in my mind, but the line I quoted above seems to agree, that he’s very patient with Liam as well, although a lesser man might have been very unforgiving about a child of such parentage. Yes, I wouldn’t mind seeing you write some fanfic from Greer’s point of view – I think it could be extremely interesting. And also… I’m feeling very fond of him. Darn you and your captivating male characters.
I like that Lucius is so straightforward when Siobhan returns to her room, and the mood of the following conversation. There’s so much in there, such powerful words and phrasings, and I can only repeat myself: no one writes dialogue like you, and Lucius/Siobhan dialogue is, to me, the best conversations you write. Serious as the subjects were, reading is still a treat.
And part of her knew that this time she was taking for her decision was merely part of her own plan. If she took the time to deliberate, nobody could say she rushed back into his arms, his bed, without thinking it through. It was all a validation of the choice she knew she’d already made.
And so you show us that Siobhan is quite an accomplished player, and a ‘most worthy competitor’. How could Lucius and her possibly not be intended for one another? *sigh*
At last, at the edge of these shores, our Fellowship has settled down to review. >.>
Ahem. Yes. Let me share with you some of the thoughts I’ve had during my multiple readings of this stunning chapters.
First, I’d like to talk about your subtle yet amazing ability to build relationships between characters. And I’m not just talking about romantic connections; this thought actually struck me when I read the snippet of conversation between Siobhan and Harry, and it became clearer during the scene with Siobhan and Hermione. See, since you’ve been so kind to share many details of this story with me, I’ve always had a fairly comprehensive idea of what will happen, and thus I haven’t ever had a reason to question any of the dynamics you’ve woven between characters – not that I would have anyway, which is my point. If I hadn’t known anything about this story, and someone had described Siobhan to me – well enough to give me the same understanding of her that you’ve provided me with – and then told me that she would be involved with Lucius, and also befriend Hermione and Harry, I would have been intrigued for sure, but also sceptical. Now, fanfiction is full of imperfection, and writers often cheat – letting characters bump into each other under the most random circumstances, and then just focus on the emotions that follow. I tend to be forgiving of this – I think most readers are – because we like what we see after the relationship is set up. Well, when I read your writing, there’s nothing to forgive; there’s nothing random about the bonds you forge between fictional people. Yes, Siobhan and Hermione’s friendship took a long time to happen, and it was at a great cost too, but that’s what makes it so extraordinary and true.. I don’t know if I can put it any more comprehensively than that; there are no short-cuts in your stories, and I feel very safe as a reader, being able to trust your abilities fully.
Alright, what’s next may sound similar to what I just droned on about, but it’s slightly different, I promise. Often when I read your chapters I find myself at a loss on what to comment on, concerning your style. I’d like to say that your narration is very complex, but it’s more than that. It is… somehow well-balanced. When you and I discuss things, I can see a very clear, straightforward and confident side of your personality, and I think that plays a significant part in your writing. Again I’m very comfortable when reading, because there’s always the feeling that you have things under control.
Let’s get chapter specific, shall we? Siobhan’s observation of Hermione on the train completely broke my heart, much more than the sight of a sobbing Hermione would have. We discussed that, didn’t we, about possible concerns people might have about Hermione carrying out a “normal” conversation so soon after Ron’s death? *rolls eyes* I can’t stop admiring the Hermione you’ve written here, because she’s perfect, just what she ought to be at a time like this. She’s calm, she’s herself, but through the whole scene I can just sense, through your writing, how she’s grieving. It’s difficult to tell exactly how you do that, but you do; it works, heartbreakingly beautiful.
I don’t really know how much more we’ll see of Hermione in Sins or Acts, but I’m greatly anticipating every little bit of the Hermione and Siobhan friendship that you will share with us. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to accept the events that led to what they have at this point, but nonetheless I so enjoy reading them together; they’re so open with each other.
Which, entirely randomly I assure you, leads me to my next note which deals with a certain Liam. Even though I was already well aware of the deep affection between them, it becomes very clear in this chapter how much he really means to Siobhan. I find myself aching for the moment when they’ll meet again, and not only to see him, but to see them, together. And, as I mused about Liam and his time at Gaillimh, I randomly realised how similarly passionate these half-siblings are about… well, you know. Is it a hereditary trait, I wonder, or just a coincidence? Maybe it’s the Irish blood? ;)
Ah, yes. Just a quick line to say that I have complete envy of Siobhan’s room, and that your description of it is delicious.
Only one last note in my Word document now, which is simply made up of two words and excessive use of exclamation marks: “THE ENDING!!!!!” I think this is the fourth time I’ve read this chapter, and AH! It still knocks me down, breathless and with my hands covering my face. I wouldn’t call it a cliff-hanger, not really – it’s much more wonderful and cruel than what I comprehend in the idea of that word.
And, alas, here comes the end of this review, and all I have left to tell you is that the chapter was wonderful, you’re amazingly talented, and I’m one unworthy reader.
What a wonderfully written reunion! Not only that but the intruding dinner speaks volumes to the talent of your writing because instead of being annoyed that it interrupted the Lucius/Siobhan moments I was entranced by the examination of Siobhan’s relationship to her mother and the rest of the family. I felt fully apart of that scene and wasn’t even as anxious as Siobhan for the dinner to end because it was an interesting look at her home life away from Lucius and school. You really have created a brilliant character that stands out on her own, and despite many people’s attempts to set her aside with Lucius for ever and ever (like I used to) she is so much more than him and that makes her brilliant, or you brilliant, or both.
I’m sorry I don’t have more constructive criticism or even gushing remarks but it’s so hard of me to make note of things when I’m so fully enraptured by your writing, here are a few dumb things I did make note of though.
I enjoyed the chess/game allusion at the beginning of the chapter, it was cleverly played out without being cheesy or over-obvious.
Unrelated, there was a line where you note that Lucius’ blonde hair spills over the forest green pillow. I just felt that it was so right that it was forest green…I mean I guess it’s slytherin and all but it just was so perfect, I can’t explain it, maybe it’s just my undying love for forest green. I just thought that line was perfect.
Okay this is definitely not stupid gushing…maybe just incomplete:
The banter between Lucius and Siobhan about killing and murder was beautiful.I love Siobhan/Lucius not because of the sex or the scandal but because of the way you write their dialogue together, it is so smart and sexy and never cliché or dull, I really don’t know how you make Lucius so appealing ,why his arguments are so suave and sure yet you really want to second guess him but (maybe it’s just me) aren’t clever enough to think of a good rebuttal. You say at one point he argues somewhat like a lawyer…and all I have to say to that is, I wish all lawyer were as clever as him, the bar on the legal system would be significantly raised.
I hope you keep the updates coming, you’re like a machine over there :)
Author's Response: Thank you, Ashley dear :D Yes. I'm not sure how I write Lucius-Siobhan dialogue. It never ceases to amaze me how two contradicting forces can come out of my brain, and how I write it at a greater rate than the rest of my chapters. I should see a psychiatrist about that, maybe. >.>
Wow! I have always loved the way you write Lucius. You do a wonderful job with him. I never thought that I could like any part of him, but seeing him through Siobhan's eyes makes that possible. LOL I really like the way you have Hermione and Siobhan becoming good friends. (I haven't reviewed for a few chapters, so I'm putting them all into one.) I wonder why Harry is hiding so much, but I do understand it to an extent. I would never expect him to hide at Ron's Funeral, but that is just me. I look forward to seeing where this story is going. Cyns
Author's Response: Thank you! My logic on Harry at Ron's funeral was that the last thing he wanted would be reporters lining up, trying to interview and photograph him. Especially given how many times Ron was pushed to the side by others over Harry, to have it at his funeral would be terrible. He just wanted to go to his best friend's funeral and mourn in peace. I might include a bit more about it when Harry appears next, because I can see why it might seem wrong to some people. But, yes, thank you very much for the review :D
YES!!!! Fianlly an update!!! *So happy* Thank you!!! And I like how Siobhan is not forgiving him easily, he deserves it and she should make him work for it. lol
Author's Response: Hee, Glad you're happy, and thanks for reviewing. :D
I'm so happy you updated that fast! And I was also pretty happy to see him Apparate on her balcony, as I said in my previous review. That was a partial reconciliation, but a good one I say! Me is happy! :)
Aside from the lack of silky evasion in his voice that might usually reveal he was skilfully crafting truths to his advantage, this was hardly something he could afford to lie about. Partly regretful, partly relieved, Siobhan accepted his answer.
It's always hard to tell if Lucius is telling the truth or manipulating it so he can have what he wants. Though this time I'm with Siobhan on this one, I don't think he could afford to lie about those murders... No wonder why her heart is playing yo-yo with her emotions. It's confusing enough to be in love in the first place without having to forgive someone for their actions. I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in her shoes...
Again, Jenna, what a lovely chapter! Can I say that Shannon Murphy is an annoying woman? :P You really got me hooked to your story, you know. I'm almost sad that I have to wait again for another chapter. But I'll be patient, don't worry! The more the wait is, the better the chapter will be!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing - again :) And yes, Shannon Murphy is annoying, I honestly can't stand her myself. Ah, sorry for you being hooked. >.> I'll try to write the next chapter in a timely manner. Once again, thank you very much :D
Author's Response: Thank you :)
Um, I just had a total excitement attack in anticipation of this chapter. It was kind of ridiculous. *cough*
Now. The story. GUH. I'm just so delighted you're so inspired, because tiramisu is just life. Right? Anyway.
The moment was too surreal to feel truly connected to it. That's totally how I felt about the moment until I talked to you about it! It's still a little hard to take in, but I'm so happy Siobhan gets this chance.
The way you presented Lucius just made me whimper for the gorgeous calmness he presents in the face of his true love. He's restrained because he's secretly afraid of how she'll react to him, it seems, but he wants her so much that he's forthcoming, as well. The subtleties in your outlining of his character here are breathtaking.
There was nothing that seemed to matter other than his presence, his warmth, his touch – his hands as they slowly pulled her robes from her shoulders and his lips as they graced her freshly-exposed skin. I love the way you do this, the way you get the reader to feel what Siobhan is feeling.
liberating her from beneath her laces, buttons and frustration Aahhh it hurts how amazing this is.
Just gratification? I hope Siobhan doesn't tell herself that for long, because she's going to be surprised when she discovers she's still every bit as vulnerable to him as before. In any case, poor Siobhan sets herself up for failure with her little insistences, and, while it's frustrating for me as the reader, it's wonderfully literary of you.
Siobhan was unable to restrain her desire any longer and she could perceive that Lucius was equally impatient for satisfaction *dies * That is, indeed, one way of putting it.
She was riding. Hee. I enjoy that quite a lot.
I love their banter - how she backs him into a corner, and he gets out of it, over and over, each of them always with a response for everything. That's a perfect thing about this pairing.
Also, delight to Siobhan's choice.
Sorry the 'review' (or stream of consciousness, or whatever) was a bit choppy and fangirly. Really I am. I'm just so, so happy you've done this, gotten them back to where they were... *happy sigh* ...and even farther.
Author's Response: Thank you, Delaney, love. I will politely not respond to any of the smut bits. Ahem. >.> (Though, I must say - if I really do get readers to feel what Siobhan is feeling, I must have some very satisfied readers. *cough*) But, yes, as to gratification. I think she tells herself that because it's a moral compromise. The only way she can let herself fall again is to tell herself that she's not. (Or, not "I think". I mean, I am the author. @.@ But, I really can't tell with Siobhan, at times.) Yes, yes, thank you thank you for reviewing. I don't mind if it's choppy or fangirly; because instant review gratification is wonderful. :D
Oh my God!! I can't believe he just showed up on her balcony like that! There's really no limits to what he can do. He must really want her though... Ah, can I hope for a reconciliation?? Please, please!! *is almost begging* Sorry, that's just my romantic side taking control.
I must say you're very good with dialogues. Each time I'm like "Wow, if only I could write like that!" You don't say too much, just what's needed for it to be effective. Great scene with Hermione, the connivence between them didn't surprised me so much, after what they went through.
“I…” Hermione averted her eyes to the blur of green outside the window. “I thought maybe he was… your father. And that you’d made up that bit about finding him attractive to hide the truth.”
God! Now, she has me wondering if it really is just a weird theory from her way too active brain or a hint to what's coming next... The problem is that Hermione is rarely wrong when she theorizes. *is now officially scared*
I'm so glad I finally made it to your last updated chapter! Can't wait for the next one, this story is so intense, my heart starts pounding just when I click on the title! :D
Author's Response: Oh, no! Lucius is NOT Siobhan's father, or related to her in any way, I promise. It was really just Hermione's... innocence, thinking "Siobhan has a close connection to Lucius Malfoy - what is the nature of the relationship?" I assure you, I don't do incest. Phew. But, other than that, glad you're enjoying the story. The next chapter should be up soon :D
Ok! I wanted to wait until chapter 22 before leaving you a review, but I just can't hold it! Jenna!! *screams like a fangirl* Oh your story is so good! I started to read it a while ago, but never got the time to finish all the chapters that were up. Now, I'm back again and I notice that I missed Siobhan. What a great character you have created here. She's smart, cunning, got great lines, I mean, we all love the independant woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. And I want her curls! :P
I have to admit that I wasn't sure how her friendship with Harry would turned out, but I find that they have more in common than we may think. The same stubborness, the boiling temper. It's refreshing to see them argue, I couldn't help but smiling at many places when they were talking. Two little kids arguying over a chocolate bar!
It amazes me to see how you seem to know Lucius' personality so well. I've always thought he was a very interesting character, even though in the books we only tend to see his "bad" side. You portray him justly, showing his usual coldness and condescendance, but adding more to him, a soft side maybe, or his weaknesses...
Even if we know he's the bad guy, I kind of wish that Siobhan didn't leave him like that. There's such a good chemistry between them that makes it so much pleasant to read scenes where they're together. So I'll go read chapter 18 right away! Good job!
I'm glad I gave this story a chance despite the alarming amount and combination of warnings. It has been another nice deviation from my usual fluffy reads. My review for now sums up what I read in one long but happy sitting.
I'm a stranger to Siobhan's way of thinking. It fascinated me, getting to know her. 'There's more to her, there's more to her', each chapter chants. She's by turns misanthropic, but to people who deserve it. The slack in her morals is barely noticeable; what is on spotlight is a formidable young woman who gives her everything to what she sets herself to do.And of course, there's her extraneous past which rivals Harry's own. Siobhan is so intriguing. So multi-faceted. The thrill in reading Sins is watching her, reading her thoughts, her agenda, and her relentlessness. She's very vivid. Very charismatic despite being wily in her schemes to get to Lucius. I can't help but grin and cheer her on as she got there step by devious step and barb after subtle or blunt barb.
'Trysts' could be an alternative title to the story, as most chapters are dominated by these sinful lovers' rendezvousing-- which is the larger sinful pleasure of reading this aside from the vixen that is Siobhan.Chapter 20's ending took my breath away. That was so heart-stoppingly debonair and devoted of Lucius. Gods. And then Chapter 21 and 22: his apathy to his elves' comfort notwithstanding, even if he has condoned murder and torture and may have participated in them himself, what he did is quite an impressive bound toward atonement. And all for Siobhan?
I'm buying Lucius/Siobhan now. I see what Anna and Kasey are talking about.Siobhan appears to me to be having issues about deviousness and nefariousness. She, involved with a married man, stands in one side; Lucius being a Death Eater stands on the other. Something niggles at the back of my mind about hypocrisy in this, but it's a soft niggling. Siobhan's conflict is somehow as charismatic as its possessor. I'm not of a mind to shake her at all. I shake my head in sympathy and in confusion myself.
To quote Amy Tan, I love this story's intelligence of voice. With bated breath and impatience I await the updates. Up to Chapter 16, while Siobhan plotted, pleasured and plagued herself from planning to seduce Lucius, to keeping him seduced and then to growing wary about their mutual seduction, it has been slow, with hardly any nudges plotwise aside from getting the pairing together, but I only noticed this after the dizzying turns the succeeding batch of chapters twisted with. You must already know this, but your writing is superior, Jenna. This is a masterpiece you have here, surpassing Barbara Cartland's rather tawdry and simple dashing-devil-may-care-duke&feisty-country-lass romances.I won't comment on the cliffhanger, it makes me want to Apparate to Sweden, Full Body-Bind Anna and the dogs, shove you off your laptop, and have a look.
Part of her wanted to forgive Lucius, part of her was willing to invent reasons to warn herself against it, and the rest of her struggled, questioning and arguing with both sides, to no apparent end other than to be contrary. Siobhan's ability to feel so deeply these contradictions makes her much more respectable as a character, and as a person. She understands that Lucius has done this amazing thing, but still she holds herself back because she knows that that's not the end of it. Her dilemma shows a depth that can only come from the sort of experiences she has had, and your inclusion of that sort of thought process is naturally brilliant.
And, naturally, I can't wait for the reunion omg.
Well hello there, älskling. Better late than never, I hope?
Sigh. How do I make this review even remotely helpful, when all I want to do is glare at you and Bellatrix for killing Ron?
*takes deep breath* Well, I’d better start somewhere.
Not just his touch, but his cold eyes and his silky mannerisms, his egotism and his infallibility, his arguments and his retorts.
Siobhan always was a very original OC, and you never fail to show us, or cleverly remind us, of this. Of all the many reasons a woman might miss a man, the things she misses about Lucius are… well, not strange, because when I read this I can relate to it easily enough, but they are not stereotypical in any way. It makes me think that we, people, are not only defined by what we say and do, but also by who we are attracted to.
Oh, and Liam. By the way - he uses green ink? As if I needed another reason to love him. *sigh* But, that wasn’t what I wanted to say. Rather, I want you to know how much I enjoyed that glimpse of him in this chapter; a very well-placed glimpse, both because of Siobhan herself, but because of other events and the role he will play in the future. Also, I’m very much looking forward to an actual conversation between the half-siblings, whether it’s going to be uncomfortable or not.
The beginning of Siobhan’s and Draco’s conversation amuses me greatly, I must admit. I have a hard time sorting out my feelings on Sins!Draco, but that is probably due to the information you have so generously shared with me. But, all things considered, you make him very interesting – which is saying something, as I have never been particularly interested in canon!Draco.
Also, you’ve got my mind spinning around the matter of arranged marriages. It’s one thing to have the knowledge of their existence in the back of your mind, but a whole other to discuss it in broad daylight and face the reality of it - ‘And, they were pretty anxious to make sure Pansy was set, right out of school –’ To the traditional pure-blood youngsters, it must be such a pressure, and such a strange thing to walk around and think about when at school, that you must one day marry someone suitable out of a rather limited selection. Hmm. I’m fairly sure that you’re going to write more on the subject, if not directly… and I’m looking forward to that, too.
Sigh. Now, let me just take a moment to tell you how upset I am with you for making Ron so extra loveable, right before…
If I remember correctly (which we can never count on), you weren’t entirely happy with the school -> Forbidden Forest transition? Well, I paid extra attention to it again, and I think that it works very well. And it so makes sense for Hermione to be the Confunded one; I trust that she would have noticed it earlier, had it been Ron, and I doubt that the two of them had followed Siobhan without a question, had it been her.
It just struck me that, even though it wasn’t her fault in any way, Ron died as a result of Hermione being Confunded. Is this something she will berate herself for? I know that Hermione is intelligent enough to know that she’s not to blame, but will that knowledge help her from feeling that she should, somehow, have resisted it? Also, part of me is crying – loudly – for a small Harry & Hermione piece, dealing with the loss of Ron in Sins. I think it could be… well, emotional. Important. But most of all it’s just a fangirl craving. We get those, you know.
You mentioned something about Siobhan’s magic being ‘temperamental’, and I was intrigued. I would have to go back and read to make sure, but, really, we haven’t seen her do that much magic. This isn’t necessarily something good or something bad, but it makes me curious. I would love to see some ‘temperamental magic’ in action… perhaps in response to Lucius, somehow?
It was interesting, I thought, to hear Bellatrix refer to Siobhan as ‘Shannon Murphy’s daughter’, but I suppose that’s what she would be recognised as, in those crowds. Ah, and I just wanted to shout at Bellatrix to shut up, to stop spoiling things when Lucius is trying to… well, when he’s trying.
Hermione. Jenna, you write The Best Hermione – the one who makes up for all of the fandom Hermiones I cannot stand. She’s so brave, so strong, so intelligent and so worthy. It’s not much of a consolation, but I’m glad what this chapter meant for her and Siobhan’s friendship, at least.
And… the stolen moments in the forest. I’ve read it before, and I read it three times today. It’s magical, and perfect. It pains me so much, that they are so entirely right for each other, but that this world is so wrong for them to be together in. Foolish as that thought was, I just wanted them to disappear into the depths of the woods together, far, far, from that evil world. Though, sigh, I suppose there is some amends-making to be done, first. I’m very curious, I admit it, how that will come about – will she forgive him because he will somehow deserve it, or will she do so because she simply can’t not? Or… will she not forgive him at all, but be with him still? Oh, älskling, so many questions.
Brilliant, as always. But you knew that already, didn’t you?
Oh, why must you torture me!!! that was a nasty ending to a chapter. Now, I'll have to wait for god knows how long for the next.
OMG!!!! OMG-OMG-OMG!!!! So....much....suspense...crushing..me... jk lol Wow...that was....unexpected...So gald you updated *dances happily* Please update again soon though *puppy dog look* ...please? Very good :D
ohh my goodness! that was a great ending, even though it really leaves me hanging...
can't wait for the next chapter!
So, I’m going to do this right this time and put it in a word document so the evil MNFF log-in system won’t vanquish my mediocre review.
First off, I did enjoy it, of course I did.
I’m going to take a moment to talk about the last chapter really quickly because you never got my review. First of all, it was really very very good. I am so envious of your ability to write action sequences I was totally enthralled by the fast pace of the end of the chapter. Second, Bellatrix was perfect, I could totally picture Helena Bonham Carter in my mind being all crazy like (in a completely calculated sane way) and then making the grave mistake that all villains make, taunting/talking to their soon to be victims for too long allowing just enough time for the calvary to ruin their well laid plans. Anyway, I really enjoyed her dialogue/characterization (especially her dialogue with Lucius in the Forbidden Forest). (*will not mention how she felt bad for Snape*). Lastly, and most importantly, killing off Ron? Wow, that was a huge and brave risk and I thought it was handled flawlessly and wonderfully. As you know Ron isn’t my favorite character, and that isn’t why I am so impressed. I’m more impressed by you just doing it, I don’t think I’ve ever read a story where Ron has been killed off (you would think that’d be a bigger H/Hr cliché) , everyone loves him and for you to do what you needed to do to further the story and Siobhan/Hermione’s friendship was just really awesome and I commend you.
That took longer than I was thinking…*cough* now to this chapter…I don’t have a whole lot to comment on generally except that initially I thought it would be really strange that Siobhan and Hermione would be friends and still it kind of weirds me out for no apparent reason. I’ve been trying to figure it out and nothing comes to me, but I am glad they are friends. Oh, and like Siobhan I really want to see Liam.
Now I will do what I do everything I review and comment specific lines that struck me:
“Is that the truth?” Potter asked suspiciously.
I really liked this because I felt like Harry was playing the whole big brother card and I adore that. I guess, I just really like the way you portray the friendship between Harry and Siobhan, they way they look out for each other is really touching and yet (at least in my eyes, I know others disagree) completely platonic, it’s just lovely. This friendship makes me happy. I love their interactions together no matter how brief.
“Oh, but it was all very elaborate and scandalous in my mind. Especially with Draco’s marriage proposal.”
This line made me laugh. If Hermione doesn’t make the cut the wizarding world, perhaps she can write soap operas. It would be pretty scandalous.
She sat, kneeling on the ground, realising she didn’t have time to sleep with dinner so soon and thinking about what she could do to past*** the time
I hate making grammatical corrections on a story where I’ve never seen a grammatical error so maybe I’m wrong but isn’t the phrase “…to pass* the time”? If I’m wrong, just disregard.
“Hello, my love.”
So I had just gotten used to the whole being mad at Lucius and not forgiving him like Siobhan when you have to go and do something like end your chapter there. I can just picture him silhouetted in the fading sunlight on her balcony and hear his voice with the same silky tone that make Siobhan want to both shove him off the balcony and on her bed at the same time. It really was quite dashing and made me inwardly swoon (well that coupled with his seemingly heroic display in the last chapter). I’m afraid I’ve been sold again…thank God I don’t know anyone like him in real life, I’d be doomed to believe him whether I wanted to or not, knowing full well I shouldn’t.
Wonderful work dear, I am so looking forward to the next chapter and I hope it comes as easily as this one did.