who did the weasleys,harry,nevil,and luna parent or gardian die?
sinfully decadent and satisfying, but that is to be expected from your writing. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Let me first say you're welcome and my pleasure for reading this earlier; I loved doing it, you know that. Anyway, to the chapter.
It really is wonderful. And much better now, incidentally. There are several bits I didn't really see before, and lots that's new and adds a lot to the heart of the chapter.
She shifted uncomfortably in the armchair that sheíd drifted off in and tried to repress the urges that the dream had awoken within her. This is a very reasonable reaction, to be sure. Hee.
Only a fool, she thought, would seek immortality. This is a lovely bit of philosophy. Hmm.
None of the Weasleys looked like theyíd suffered news that a family member had been killed and replaced by a Death Eater. The nonchalance of this line is evident behind Siobhan's tone.
I love that you validated Siobhan's curiosity about the trio, in her own eyes, as a welcome distraction. Her concern is very sweet.
Yay for Ginny's infamous hexing. That was a good detail to add, and I love Ginny, so hooray for that too.
ďSome people have even been eyeing me warily like they still believe Iím Bellatrix Lestrange in a red wig.Ē This is a very Ron-esque line, and goes with the intensity of the situation with a kind of easy irony, if you know what I mean. It's a lovely line, and a good reaction to Siobhan's query.
Siobhan's guilty feelings are a valid reaction to her discovery that Harry's okay for the present. Poor girl... it's not her fault if some random Death Eater she's never met finishes Harry off, but it seems right that she would feel that way. It's interesting that it works the other way, too. That Harry could be Siobhan's hero as well as everyone else's. It wouldn't seem like Siobhan to do that, unless she had some sort of personal stake in the results of the fight like she does.
Her senses about her again, she began to wonder what the reason for his presence in the castle could be. A very good thing to wonder, and sensible of Siobhan to wonder it, as well.
she didnít regret her lack of ability to be able to think like a group of Dark wizards with a thirst for world domination It's sad that JK sometimes makes all Slytherins this way, but it's also happy that Siobhan isn't that way. This chapter almost accentuates her normalcy, as brilliant as she is, showing she's just the ordinary girl she's capable of being... but in a good, interesting-person sort of way.
Goodness. Their encounter was completely breathtaking, just as Siobhan felt! It must have been terrible for her to endure his presence, but dreamlike, too. You've captured their reactions very well. The moment where Lucius lets down his guard is priceless, and so desperate. I melted a little, then.
Siobhan's little smile at Pansy is so her, it seems. Poor Pansy, so easily thwarted.
And Lucius's cunning, in letting Siobhan know just what he'd done without actually saying anything! That's all I can say. !. It's perfect. As is the way you've added so much to this chapter - I adore it, and you. Brilliant job.
Author's Response: Not much to say, except thank you, dear. :) And, I left in the "speculation" bit because I felt it was sort of important to how Siobhan sees things, and Kasey said it wasn't confusing
and it was much easier than taking it out. Thanks for your help, again, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I am so glad that you have updated... It feels like it has been very long. I am very much enjoying your story. Siobhan's is realistic. I hope you update again soon!
Oh, things are heating up agian rather quickly!
It was great to see this updated!! It was also good to see Siobhan move her feelings past pure depression and her genuine worry for Harry. It will be interesting to see what Lucius will do next. Cyns
Well, well, well, the manipulative snake is back ... And I'm still feeling a little sorry for Siobhan. She knows what kind of a man he is, but just cannot let go. Does Narcissa know about her husband's affairs? And if she does, does she even care?
Lucius, Siobhan and their 'relationship' is still intriguing. And Lucius is as slippery as ever ... almost perfect. Getting into the Great Hall without arousing suspicion or attracting unwanted attention? Hard to do, without possessing an Invisibility Cloak of course.
I'm waiting for a Lucius-centric chapter to resolve many things and shed some light on him. In any case, I'm looking forward to the next chapter, now that my HP fan fic obsession has returned.
Wonderful, simply wonderful...
Wowow! LOVE this chapter. The part with Blaise was written beautifully...I almost felt like crying for her for a moment! Powerful writing. I look forward to more. :)
*nods and keeps going*
Or, two. Yay.
Just a small brief review. Thatís the thing with chaptered fan fiction; I never seem to be able to tear myself away, and itís so much easier to write reviews in the review box when just passing by with an appreciative squee, and then on to the next chapter.
But I found a small nitpicky flaw, so I thought I should mention it - ďIím sure Narcissa would abhor the idea of hosting a dinner in your favour in celebration of your eighteenth birthdayĒ Lucius mused aloud, - very small, as you see. Itís just something that you pick up after reading for a few hours. Cough.
I do like Lucius in this, and occasionally I see a lot of Jenna in the script. I know itís just for fun, but every so often it lapses into the Ö I donít know? Informative tone? I like it though, the little details. Almost as if she pauses to observe.
Siobhanís developing quite a bit, and I do see a lot of resemblance to you in her character, which isnít surprising. We all seem to put a little bit of ourselves into a character, which is understandable, itís our OC. Duh. I love seeing how, though, we give the character itís own personality separate to ours. I like the books & robes/bathrobes details.
Oh, the eyebrow ;). This has been my favourite chapter so far, by miles.
Leaping into it, I quite liked that they have new house-elves. Poor pampered Narcissa surely does no cleaning. From what Siobhan said earlier, I have to wonder what she occupies herself with during the day, if not housework. Insert shifty looking eyes here.
ďWell, that wasnít part of the original agenda. But, if I see a wardrobe, Iíll be sure to give it a thought.Ē Siobhan promised.
With the authorís note at the top, I actually wasnít expecting to find any errors, but this small one popped up. Obviously you know what Iím referring to.
The main issue (even though itís not a huge thing, as itís only fan fiction) is Siobhan. I know Iím singing her praises and all, but I do think the whole Draco & Harry thing is a little off. Not clichťd, because this whole thing is certainly original enough, and that Harryís infatuation with Katie is obviously an inside joke (mainly from own knowledge, and extreme satisfaction with HBP & DH ♥) but thereís something about the whole Malfoy thing I canít shake. Itís not necessarily something awful; itís just something that seems a little strange. Almost as if Draco and Harry arenít interacting properly, as if perhaps Dracoís not being nearly daft enough (although, your notes on his intentions are clear enough). Hmm. Maybe in a few chapters itíll be apparent.
I love the flow of Lucius, though. Even since Iíve met you, Iíve been watching Jason Isaacs, and have been reading canon!Lucius and have been picturing the long hair and cane. So thatís something to congratulate my brain on, other than the whole in-head-pronunciation of Siobhanís name.
I did think you included parentheses well, though.
Öwishing her a good holiday (Ďor as good as you can manage, holed up with that gití),
It annoys me how some people just insert them as an odd thought (likeÖ me) in writing. It disrupts flow the majority of the time (Because I canít possibly think of how to explain this description in any less amount of commas, so letís mess it up and put some brackets in hereÖ lovely) but yours are good. Gooooood.
ďIf you spent less time gossiping and more time seeing to your duties as my wife... Well there you go!
So, Iím a huge fan on very distinctly canon!style writing. Probably because my own attempts are so far removed from JKRís particular style. I do think you have your own style, but itís a good change from the usual, ďSo this is the random protagonist Iím inserting for the love of it. And by the way sheís cool míkayĒ. So huzzuh for believable characters.
"Sorry," Siobhan shrugged uncaringly before sitting down.
McGonagall stared at her.
Iím always hesitant to criticise when Iím not perfect myself, but maybe the second sentence should be attached to the first, instead of being a new paragraph. I think that works better than before the dialogue, because to me, thereís something about reprimanding!McGonagall that always requires a new line for dialogue.
"What are you all chatting about?" Ö Draco had in store for her that evening.
And again, there needs to be paragraphing. I deleted the guts of it for space purposes, but itís right before the break before the paragraph on Dracoís inexpertness. Because I know you probably took great delight in writing that and would know where it is >.>.
Speaking of which, I love your not so casual hints about his lack of skill. This - and she felt his already open mouth collide with the bottom half of her face. - would have to be the best one, though.
Lucius sure as hell better be worth this. Interesting. Leaves me wondering whether or not she means in her dreams, while with Draco, or whether sheís actually going to be with Lucius. And now I have to reboot my computer to continue enjoying this!
And by enjoying, I mean, deleting the other review, submitting this one, and saving your page :).
I have to say I really like the way you belittle Draco. That said, I like Siobhan more for thinking that way. And now, with less (and less) of an introduction as the time goes by, I have some questions.
Maybe itís the cold thatís making me slow, but Iím a little confused by this - All other students, fifth year and above, only ó must have owls sent to their parents concerning the matter. - Arenít third-year and above allowed into Hogsmede? Probably just my misunderstanding.
With the death of Petunia, Iím not sure whether it was made clear in Ootp or HBP that by protecting Harry, they themselves were protected. I know it was definitely made certain in DH (no spoilers, I promise) but I was just wondering, because if the murder was on the 30th, they would have had to have angered Harry, right? Or maybe Iím reading it wrong, and she was murdered on the 31st. I do expect to find small inconsistencies, because of the pre-book status, but you knowÖ was just wondering :)
And I am interested in Siobhanís life. And I started thinking about what Malfoy had murdered whomÖ and then I realised that any relationship with either of the Mister Malfoys would then be incestuous. Which wouldnít means much to DracoÖ but I thought Siobhan was smarter than that. And then I realised Iím not. Go figure :D.
Alright, I finally got around to it. And, I know I wonít be stopping anytime soon. Only parents or something equally as persistant will keep me away. (it turned out to be two days of cold, btw)
Can I just say first that Siobhan has amusing thoughts? Not only because of the way she thinks about him, but because of the way she sees Narcissa through her eyes. And this, undoubtedly, is a Pre-HBP Lucius. Which is always preferred, in my mind, in light of the new book. But yes, I definitely like Siobhan already (Iím getting used to pronouncing her name correctly in my head) and can already sense the type of relationship theyíre out for. Which has nothing to do with the other Magnificent story Iíve read on a certain community. Not at all.
I do find it interesting that she refers to herself as a girl, though. I think sheís a lot older than 17, the fact sheís considering herself to be old enough to go after a man 25 her elder goes without saying. And, the mind games she plays with Draco arenít that of a silly 17 year old girlÖ somehow, even if not physically, sheís very experienced.
ďWell, Miss. Murphy ó each of us had a parent or guardian murdered last week, do you mind us having a little chat about it?Ē
That line was probably the only thing that really stuck out for me. The rest of it was pretty smooth, but the line is a little harsh. I know Ginny has a bristly side that comes out as a shield, but I would expect her to be a little more subtle about it.
And thatís about it. Huzzuh for finally starting to read this!
You still haven't updated?!?
I'm about to fall over here. I want to know what's going to happen now. I love your story. You wit is halarious and entertaining. There are very few writers of fanfiction that can capture attention like you have. Keep writing!
brilliant. that was great. you're excellent. [:
this wait is torture!
you've got me hooked!
I can't stop reading...