PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!
oh my god. please please please update soon, i just finished :(:(
Very clever little twist. I can fully appreciate the magnitude of Siobhan's choice here. I really hope the next chapter comes out soon!
Absolutely love this story. One of the best I have ever read. Wish you would write more stories!:-)
Please. Please. update this... its been FAR too long!
omg is she running? haha, this is a really good book, love it! Im totally curious and I cant wait until the next book comes out!
Wow. This is such a great story. I've stayed up very late so that I could finish reading all the chapters you have written from beginning to finish for two nights. The story is truly mesmerizing, and although you've killed Ron and made me cryy :'(, I still adore this story.
Hopefully you update soon! Your idea is original and your story is well-written. Congratulations. :D
So the other day when I went to bookmark the stories I meant to review, I also went to bookmark the reviews that I had already completed. I came to bookmark Sins, and I got angry because I couldn’t find my review for Chapter 25 anywhere. It wasn’t until I realized that I reviewed A Sudden Movement and not Sins that I came back to my senses. *ahem* So, not only does your story cause mass hysteria and rejoicing in my soul every time there’s a new chapter posted, it causes senior moments as well. That’s wielding some mighty power there, dear. ;)
Alright, for the actual review, I’ll just start with the plot. Guh. You’re becoming notorious for these plot twists! First, in the last chapter, Siobhan gets the “offer” to be engaged to Draco, and now Siobhan gets this proposition to marry Draco for appearances’ sake and be Lucius’… erm, sex slave. And she says no! And she argues with her mother! And she takes off into the middle of the night towards Scandinavia to be a pig farmer or Lord knows what! This has been one of the best recent chapters in terms of plot development. The Lucius-Siobhan sparring is practically a staple high point now, but the sparring between Siobhan and her mother was a good change of pace, and it fleshed out not only Siobhan, but her mother as well. To see her plan to marry Siobhan off to Greer is unthinkable, yet her own mother would do it just because he was the best alternative. That heartless bitch! Siobhan was clearly hurt by her mother’s almost-actions as well. That’s one of your strong points, dear: emotion. It channels through your writing in such an impeccably clear manner that it’s almost impossible for the audience to ignore it. I say that it’s almost impossible because there are those out there who can’t appreciate a good moment of literature when they see it, but with the clarity of your writing, they should certainly be few and far between.
In a deadly silence, the door clicked shut behind Siobhan. This is one of my favorite lines out of the entire chapter. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because it frames the following scene incredibly well: Lucius, calm yet nervous, a deadly predator, wants Siobhan to agree to his plan, yet she remains an incredible adversary that won’t bow down to his will any longer. It’s powerful and elegant at the same time, much like Lucius. It’s not about Lucius any longer, though; it’s Siobhan and her future that’s at stake, and she’s the one who makes the silence deadly. It speaks absolute volumes.
'What exactly does your plan entail?' she asked slowly, making sure to communicate with her tone that her guard was not down yet. I adore Siobhan, not just for how much she’s grown as a character in recent chapters, but because she’s done it despite the assumptions of her character. She’s a true Slytherin, one who can be cold, self-preservative, and (shown in this bit) calculating, and despite all of those factors that many allow to block growth for Slytherin characters, she grows with these traits because you’ve allowed her to. She’s not allowing Lucius full control anymore, and she, for one of the first times, has grabbed the reigns of her life. I also want to mention, pertaining to the self-preservativeness of her character, that she’s running away to save herself. It’s either being married to Draco or Greer, and she can’t choose; neither option is one she finds desirable (or really, any decent person would), and she’d rather run away from her fears rather than face them, a true self-preservative instinct that Slytherins are known for. I think the instinct is called fight or flight, and it’s been hinted all along that she’s capable of both. However, when the situation called for an either/or instead of another way out, she dives into her first instinct, giving us a greater look into her character. Brilliant, Jenna. :)
'If you wish to refuse my offer, I will personally withdraw the proposal from Shannon. But, before you make a decision, discover your mother's true intentions for you. I don't believe you're fully aware of what she had planned before I presented her with a more desirable alternative." To take a quick nitpick, you usually use a single quotation mark to… well, mark dialogue. Here, though, you’ve got a double one at the end. *goes into further tirade about the essence of the quotation mark and the debate on using one mark or two, and how that it’s necessary to use only one or the other to form consistency*
I do want to talk about that bit of dialogue from Lucius, though, because it is another look into the mind of his character. It’s rather… conflicting, if you will. On one hand, I agree with Siobhan that Lucius would never intend to hurt her, and that he’s doing this out of her best interest, in a sort of “I’m-saving-you-from-a-worse-alternative” sort of way. However, on the other hand, I must admit that it seems a little selfish for him to mention this, in maybe the hopes that after having her (rather exciting and saddening) conversation with her mother, she’ll flock to him to avoid having to marry Greer. It’s just another example of how you consistently make him both yin and yang; he’s looking out for himself and for her. I think it’ll take an act of completely selfless love for Siobhan to finally believe in him (and for everyone reading, as well).
I love the conversation with Siobhan and her mother, but I think I especially love the fact that it enforces Sibohan’s decision to choose flight over fight. Genius!
To close this review, I’ll end with my second favorite line from this chapter: She looked around her room again. It no longer seemed empty. Now it seemed to teem with naivety and innocence. Despite its elegance, it seemed like a child's room, full of a child's playthings. It was a place that needed to be left behind. I think what’s so striking about this moment in the chapter is, for one, your lines are never lines but that they’re moments which is incredible in and of itself, but for two that it also reinforces my idea that Siobhan has grown up and that she’s ready to look out for herself, and not just for her and Lucius’ relationship.
And yes, this was written extraordinarily well, but I tell you that every single time I leave you a review, and I think you’ve heard it enough. :P
I’m trying to make up for that crappy review I left you for A Sudden Movement last night . . .
Ugh. This is so fantastic and awesome, I almost don’t know what to say. But, luckily enough I think I can manage something. ;)
First, I just want to comment on how masterful you are with language and using it to capture the reader and draw them into your story. I’m not really into affairs or relationships where one person could be the other’s child. And yet . . . it doesn’t matter. I’m already cheering for Siobhan and excited to see what her plan involving pretending to be interested in Draco is and how it goes . . .
The first paragraph is very intriguing. I like how it’s ambiguous, but obvious at the same time. And I like how extremely attractive the man sounds . . . It’s so general that it could be anyone, except the descriptions are so particular and so exact that we know who you’re talking immediately. It could very easily been written in away that repulsed the reader more than drawing them in, but you do not have that problem. At all.
It’s brilliant the way you didn’t include his age in any of the description until the third paragraph. It’s a subtle and simple way of showing us that the fact that he’s older doesn’t bother Siobhan. Then later you bluntly tell us that she’s okay with the fact that he’d a bit older than her and that she actually prefers it. It’s like you’re preparing us readers for what will happen and weeding out the ones who can’t take it. It works, though, actually adding to the intrigue, by being slightly scandalous and sinful.
The idea of forbidden love and the temptation and guilt that go along with it, as weird as this might seem, are extremely appealing to me. Not to experience in real life . . . though, it would be quite thrilling . . . But, anyway, to read about. Maybe I’m just a horrible person who takes delight in hearing about the latest escapade, but I find it fascinating and really interesting. I’m really excited to keep reading this and finding out what happens. ^_^
Can we talk more about how you are amazing with words and can convince your readers of anything? In the beginning you’ve got us convinced that it’s perfectly natural to be lusting after a man whose almost three times your age and now Draco seems like an annoying, stupid little kid, instead of the dark, mysterious, sexy man that we normal think of him.
You really know how to get in your characters head. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s almost like you don’t exist. Like the fact that I’m reading something you’ve written has been buried and lost in the story. It feels more like I’m there with Siobhan and she’s telling me her thoughts. No, that’s not right. It’s more like I’m a camera, for lack of a better word, in her mind. But it’s that I don’t feel like this is a story, it feels so much more real and tangible than that is what I’m trying to get at.
I really like how you introduce characters by their appearance. Like when Harry, Neville, Luna, and Ginny come, you don’t say Harry Potter asked Siobhan blah blah blah. The way you’ve written is much more real and how it’d actually happen. We’re seeing it exactly through Siobhan’s eyes—back to that camera in her head thing.
Hmm. I’m interested to know what part those six are going to play in this story. Obviously, you wouldn’t have brought them into play if they weren’t important . . . And, they were kind of like a reminder that the war was going on. WHICH WAS UTTERLY BRILLIANT. The subtleness and naturalness about everything—just guh! I can’t get over it.
I like how she’s not perfect and we’re already finding that out. I mean, we can guess that she’s attractive and intelligent and ambitious, which I suppose can be both a fault and a virtue, but we also find out that she’s a bit of a loner, too, and doesn’t have many, well, apparently any friends. Which makes her so much more relatable and real.
Also, the general idea of wanting what you can’t have makes her more relatable, too. Except she’s actually going after what she can’t have, and that’s what sets her apart. Well, I guess, the formulating a somewhat elaborate scheme that may or may not work to get what you want is a real thing, too.
The characterization of the Trio & Co. is perfect. I liked Luna’s line about the fairy. :) Harry was appropriately polite; they were all somber and faking okay-ness just like I’d imagine them to. And of course it was Ginny who broke the fakeness.
Everything about this story is love. Epic love, even, because you’re a genius. I do have one small issue with it though, and that’s Draco. He’s just . . . off. I don’t know, he seems too stupid and clueless, y’know? I think that he should be more distant and cool and intelligent. But, it’s the first chapter, so I’m trusting you to build him more and better as they story progresses. ;)
But, yeah. It’s just amazing. I’m so looking forward to the next chapter. You have no idea.
Very well written. I've enjoyed reading it and hope the next chapter comes out soon.
hey this is really good i hope you keep writing im looking forward to reading the rest
Oh, please update soon...
I MUST know what happens next!
Oh wow. I loved it. =) Was very excited you had updated again. Very powerful.
Yay, a new chapter! I'm so excited that you've been writing. Thank you. xxx
'What exactly does your plan entail?' she asked slowly, making sure to communicate with her tone that her guard was not down yet.
I love this. She's so careful and guarded, and your recognition of that is a powerful addition.
A marriage to satisfy your mother and secure your future, without having to pay with your body.
He knows exactly what she needs - this is such proof of his respect.
Surely a plan this elaborate was about more than keeping his mistress close by?
I like this train of thought. She's daring to hope that he wants her for herself, but can't quite get there, in her head.
...Gracious. And Lucius, all along, was trying to save her! You've done well to introduce Greer into the situation, as Siobhan would never hurt her brother, and Lucius would know she had no choice. Very well done plot-wise, my dear.
And Siobhan, at the end, so sad and empty and numb, broke my heart for her again. At least in the end she will have Lucius to go to. I love it, and thank you for another brilliant chapter.
Wow, didn't expect that! Can't wait for the next chapter.
Jenna, this was fantastic. Utterly delicious. It was like eating tiramisu before choking on a bite and wondering why this is so difficult to swallow. Your chapters really do end at horrible places, dear. They keep me wanting more when I know it may be years until I get them. Fantastic, well written, and beautifully mapped out as always.
For some strange reason, I forget (and I know this has happened before, too) that I actually do like this story quite a lot. I was a few chapters behind in updates, even. That’s kind of remarkable since you don’t update this story very often. When I got the update notification, I determined that this would be the month I caught up on this story.
But why would I continue reading a story that I forget that I like? I think I forget that I like it because I’m neither here nor there for Lucius.
That’s where your skill, power, and prowess as a writer comes into play. Even though I’m not fond of Lucius, I become completely enraptured in the story of the girl who is. The richness with which you write has me completely consumed in what is going on in Siobhan’s life. Siobhan herself is not predictable. You have done such a good job of giving her so many layers that she’s as real as any living human being, and is absolutely one of the best literary characters I’ve read. Period. Just in the past few chapters that I’ve read over the weekend, there are many aspects of Siobhan on display to the readers. There is the Siobhan who is rather numb over her separation from Lucius because that’s how she has to be to cope with it. There’s the forward Siobhan who comes straight up to Hermione and Ron when she wants to find out where Harry is. Perhaps my favorite moment of Siobhan’s characterization today was when she went to greet Liam as she heard him coming closer. In that moment, she was so happy, it just spread through to me as I read, and I felt the joy and contentment she must have upon being reunited with her brother.
Also, over this most recent chapter and chapter twenty-three, I found particularly interesting and very human the way you described Siobhan’s thought process about Lucius. She already knows she’s made up her mind, but she is going to hold out as long as her logic can hang on because of pride. I’m inclined to think it’s also a little bit out of caution for her heart again.
It seems almost silly to review anything besides Siobhan’s masterful characterization, but there is a plethora of other things that you just do so well in this story. First, any character you bring into your story has that feeling of reality from the pimply-faced would-be suitor at the party to Greer and Liam. Neither of the Connolly men are given much face time in the story (thus far, anyway), and yet I feel as if I really know who they are because you showcase them so well in the small amount of time they’re there in the narrative. I appreciate that Siobhan brought up Liam/Kelly, and it was interesting to find out that what I read once in a one-shot by you is something that has continued for two years now between them. I love the way your storytelling is so wonderfully woven and complex. You’ve thought of just everything, and it’s evident as you tell the story that you’ve covered all your bases. There are never any holes, which is wonderful. I suppose this is a residual benefit from spending such a long time writing the story, but I think that’s a benefit to the readers, even though we crave updates.
I am eager to see how the scene you’ve just kept us from between Siobhan and Lucius will play out. I cannot say with any certainty that I know how the two will behave, or misbehave, and I love that about this story. I suppose I could make some fair guesses and probably be close with one or two of them, but I don’t feel when I read your stories that they’re formulaic or predictable. Thank you for that. I look forward to the next update – even though I always forget that I’m eager for it. (But maybe that also has to do with me being given enough time to forget. >> Kidding.)
Wow. I really wonder what Lucius is up to. I really can't wait for your next chapter. I was wondering when you were going to add that next chapter and then you did. I was really happy when you add that nect chapter. Update really soon with the next chapter.
Good gracious, I was not expecting this. Can I just say that I have never in my life seen a chapter title so fitting?
Right, that out of the way, I really enjoyed this chapter, because it was a slice of Siobhan's real life, the one she doesn't have to share with anyone. Though she generally seems resigned to having to marry a stranger, it seems as though she's optimistic about finding her own sense of self - maybe because she gets to see Liam?
Oh, that reminds me: Liam took Siobhan horse-riding
No, there isn't anything particularly fascinating about that phrase except for my jealousy. Can Liam take me horse-riding? Oh, and he's my age at this point, which I didn't realise.
Right, moving on. Yes, Siobhan's inner conflict. You wrote it so smoothly, evident in everything she does, in her thoughts and, most particularly, her quick temper. She gets defensive with Liam and excessively upset with Lucius at the end simply because she can't reconcile her heart and her mind. It's sad, isn't it?
And Draco! It seems to me that Lucius simply wants Siobhan closer, but it also seems very Slytherin of him to essentially go behind Siobhan's back to get his way. I hope that he can explain himself, and that Siobhan won't let the sound of her fast-pounding heart drown out his apology, or explanation, or whatever it is.
Wow. Thank you, Jenna, for this brilliant chapter. I am actually excited about the proposal!
What is Lucius up to now? I'm really excited for the next chapter!