Reviewer: Dragonology
Date: 11/06/05 10:16
Chapter: Chapter 2: James Potter

Much better! I like this one much more than the first chapter since there's no more huge grammmar problems. I also think there's more detail in this one, which I like. You kept James pretty well in character, if a bit serious. The only part that seemed OC was when started saying Snape deserved to die and the line about "... Your miserable life" That just seemed a bit cruel to me. I like the reasoning behind why Snape hates Christmas; it fits the story and Snape's personality quite well. Great job, keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I thought the reasoning of why Snape hates christmas was a bit shallow. I never thought it was that good. Thanks. I should really trust myself more, shouldn't I?

It might sound cruel, but it is just like James to show complete hatred towards Snape. He should say miserable life. Besides, Snape, even though he is my favorite teacher, is nosy git.

Reviewer: Dragonology
Date: 11/06/05 10:10
Chapter: Chapter 3: Colin Creevey

Fear me! I am the first reviewer! Mwahaha! Okay, I liked this chapter more than the first, but I didn't like this one quite as much as the second because I found a couple parts confusing. Isn't the ghost of Christmas Present supposed to show the present? I got the feeling at the end that Dennis hadn't really died yet, so that would be the future, wouldn't it? Or did he really die? I got confused there. Other than that, I found the characters a little more IC (in character), which I liked more, personally. I didn't notice any major grammar problems, so that's good. Did you get the moderator you wanted? Great job, and a 10/10.

Author's Response: Dennis did die. HA HA HA. HE'S DEAD. HE'S GONE. HE'S FINISHED. HA HA HA. You'd better hope Snape comes clean. (If you know Christmas Carol, you'll know how it ends. The next chapter will be the last.

Author's Response: Dennis did die. HA HA HA. HE'S DEAD. HE'S GONE. HE'S FINISHED. HA HA HA. You'd better hope Snape comes clean. (If you know Christmas Carol, you'll know how it ends. The next chapter will be the last.

Reviewer: Dragonology
Date: 11/06/05 9:58
Chapter: Chapter 1: Twas the Night Before Christmas

I think the story is very original, especially with using only a half-curse. I agree with Stormy, however, in the sense you had some small errors. "Vein" is the blood vessel that returns blood to your heart and "Vain" means unsuccessful. "Vain" also means very proud, but I don't think you intended it to mean that. I really liked the idea of the semi-curse, it is very unique. You kept the characters a little OOC, but I think that works well with your story. Overall, I really liked it.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I never knew someone loved this story. I guess I did make a small mistake, but I am getting better, hopefully. Have you read my other story, Wizard War III? If not, read it and tell me what you think of that. I like WWIII a lot better than this one, lol. Thanks for the review.

Reviewer: Stormy
Date: 08/28/05 5:19
Chapter: Chapter 2: James Potter

Good chapter, especially with the reasoning behind why Snape hated christmas. I thought it was still a little OOC at different points and the story could be improved with a little extra detail. I'll definitely check out the next chapter - you've certainly got some great ideas, just pad them out with a little bit more detail.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. They do go a bit OOC don't they? Still, there is slow submission at this time, I don't when the next chapter will come up.

Reviewer: Youth
Date: 07/11/05 23:40
Chapter: Chapter 2: James Potter

Hmm...well this is pretty original, that's all I can say. But I like the way you used Colin in the story- he's one of my favorite characters and no one ever seems to use him in their fanfics!

Author's Response: Yes, I know this story is original. It's supposed to be a kind of...well...crossover of Christmas Carol, since it is a public domain, it's allowed.

Colin is my favorite chracter, period. If you like Colin so much, you should read my story, Wizard War III, it has both Colin and Dennis.

Reviewer: Stormy
Date: 06/19/05 13:37
Chapter: Chapter 1: Twas the Night Before Christmas

OOC means 'Out of Character'. And I'm not a huge Creevy brothers fan but you might change that :) I hope chapter 2 is up soon!

Author's Response: I resubmitted chapter 2. Hopefully, it will be up by tomorrow or the day after if there are no errors. Sometimes, even in my other story, there might be OOC.

Reviewer: Stormy
Date: 06/19/05 6:07
Chapter: Chapter 1: Twas the Night Before Christmas

I like the way you've started this fic, the story itself is very original and certainly could get interesting. Well done! But I have to say there were a few errors in the chapter. You said in your last review you wanted to be told what they were so...

"All they could do is Nurse Dennis, but their efforts were in vein." should be "All they could do was nurse Dennis, but their efforts were in vain."

I also noticed that Snape and Dumbledore particularly seemed OOC. I can't really see Dumbledore saying 'stuff' and I've always seen Snape as the quieter, more threatening type - he's not really likely to start yelling for no real reason. He's more likely to sneer, or threaten quietly...

As a suggestion, you could possibly get a BETA? Anyway, well done so far and I like the story itself so far but it could be improved if the charachters became a little less OOC. You've done well with the Creevy brothers though.

Author's Response: Ah the present tense mistake. Snape might not yell but when it comes to christmas...he can yell, he can scream, he can threaten to kill Dumbledore for all I care. And...oh...another Creevey lover I see? Me too. I dont have much time for BETA but I will if I can and remember. Pardon me for asking, but what does OOC mean. As for the story being original, yeah, its supposed to be like that. Sorry chapter 2 is taking so long, having a bit of trouble getting it through.

Reviewer: Tia Blu
Date: 06/15/05 8:42
Chapter: Chapter 1: Twas the Night Before Christmas

I must say it was very OOC and a bit strange for me. Well written, but I'd go through some more editing if I were you.

Author's Response: All you have to do is tell me what to fix and I'll get onto it if I can. :) I'm glad you liked it anyway, have you read my other story, Wizard War III?

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Severus's Prince by DestinyMoonStar Professors
What does Severus Snape do when a one night stand turns into a baby boy? ...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES