Right, here I am, take that logout bug! Right, down to business:
1)The first thing I notice about this poem is that it "feels right" you can imagine the maurauders writing something in this style.
2)I have to agree with Vader on the flow though, it does get a bit jerky and though you don't need to re-read it to understand it, you do lose some of the pleasure in reading it.
3)Small point, in the UK it's Maurauder, not marauder.
Overall, I really enjoyed it, it's unashamedly amusing and insulting. Fun to read (and I'd guess to write) Well Done.
Perhaps the thing that struck Vader the most about this poem is how well it captured the true feelings the Marauders had for Snape. You really had some very good lines in there that were both powerful and/or funny. Here are Vader’s favorite bits:
”Cherish our hate for you.” -- Vader really loved that line.
O Snivellus, slimy Snivellus This is an ode to you For all the things you've done for us, And all that we have put you through Vader thought your entire first stanza was really good. It seemed to be the smoothest of them all.
The main constructive criticism Vader can offer is that this poem could have used some work on its meter/flow. It has some other very nice poetic elements, such as good imagery and alliteration. But, in a couple places, the meter just doesn’t stay the same and it has the affect of making the poem a little hard to read. Vader, when he writes a poem like this, always tries to stick as closely to the flow and meter of his first stanza as he possibly can. It sets the table for the reader and gets him or her in a certain groove. By following the same pattern he sets in the first stanza, the reader stays locked in and doesn’t find that he or she needs to reread part or parts to stay in rhythm.
Despite all that, Vader wants you to know that this poem is still very good, and very enjoyable. So what if the meter is not perfect! Truth is, you can spend hours, even days trying to perfect meter and still not get it 100%. The important thing here is how well you’ve captured the true emotions and the fact that your work brings a smile to the face of the reader. Very good job!
LOL, not bad! I write poetry too, so I know how hard it is to get a good rythem (sp?) going. Keep it up! P.S. since I reviewed yours, it would be a nice thing to do if you reviewed mine. Just click on my name to get to my stories!
Author's Response: I agree, getting a good rythem (sp?) going is very hard. And I am going to review your stories as we speak...
Well I thought it was absolutely darling (okay, it's a weird word choice...). I can see the Marauders singing it too poor little Snivellus in the halls. Or under their breath during classes just to to mess up his concentration. I really do think you captured the essence of the Maurauders in that ode. I believe my favorite line was the one with "Knock you off your chair" though it seemed to be elongated just a little to rhyme. But I've done that as well. Good luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thanks! And good luck to you to!
Hard though it was for me to read, being as I adore old Snivellus, this was a great and amusing poem. You had some wonderful lines in there and you really got the feel of the animosity between the Marauders and Snape. And for all the humour that was in there I found this stanza very powerful. "Your dark and dreary eyes Are as blank and dark as coal, Leading us down into Your ever-deceitful soul. " And though I'd quibble about ever-deceitful (have to defend the poor chap! LOL) it fits perfectly within that stanza. And this line "Cherish our hate for you." is just amazing, because I think that's what they all do and did, they cherish this hatred, it gives them something to focus on. Great ending!
I enjoyed that, v. entertaining. Also, first thing I've read under poetry. Thanks for making me laugh!
Author's Response: I am glad to here it was entertaining, that was what I was aiming for!
lol, SO funny, bless old snivellus
Author's Response: Glad you liked it sillysoraya! I thought it was quite funny too...