Oh, this is interesting! I love how dark you've made it. I realize at this point that it's AU, but I do hope you finish!
Ićm not yet sure what's happening, but this chapter was indeed strong. I really feel for Theo- he's a mess and he's dangerous both to himself and the others.
Just wanted to say that I'm still waiting for an update, even after DH. Actually the lack of Nott in DH kind of dissapointed me. (was expecting either Theo or Zabini to stay and fight). So anyways, yeah, looking forward to more!
You do realize you have a few days more before DH? *pokes to do another chapter* And this thoroughly fixed Nott for me, by the way. The making birds scene, the new understanding between him and Clearwater -- both of those moments just made him shine in my eyes.
I've come to realize - with your help, of course - that Nott cares about a few people but entirely and totally. Sarah is one, I think. I'm still hoping for that romance if he lefts ou write it! :)
I suppose he had to get happier at some point, but I am missing the self-hating, acerbic boy from Chapter 1 a bit. I hope you bring the darkness back into the story -- we see it a bit when he's bitter (I'm allowed out now) and again with the the tears (someday, they'll stop)...but I want to see the grief resolved and the only way to do that is to bring the darkness back for a while. Perhaps Sarah can help him?
So guh, this chapter was awesome. I love Nott. I love you. Darling Mask, you are the writer I dream to be and the beta I could never do without.
very dark. i like it.
very interesting ,sparked my interest keep it up
That was great! i cant wait to read the next chapter!
i love it
It is the best one so far
better than the frist one
it is very describive I like it alot
Whoot! An update! And it's nice to hear that you'll be updating more frequently, seems we're all doing that to get finished before the HBP release.
Anyway, excellent chapter. I just love Sarah. She's really awesome in this chapter, she knows, but doesn't blame Theo...she helps him alot in her own way.
And the part where Clearwater tells him he's like Snape was awesome.
"She snubbed Weasley. Such spirit needs be rewarded.”
I also really liked the way you didn't mention his tears directly until the very end of the chapter, but the reader always knew they were there. That was a good bit of characterization there.
I have one nitpick, you ended "Somebody, they'll stop."... I'm pretty sure you meant "Someday".
Thanks for another awesome chapter of this fic and I'm looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Ooo, squee, a review!! Yes, I'll fix the 'somebody' at the end - that had to be word's autocorrect. Sarah really does help Theodore - and he her, in his way.
I love the last line. I really do. Redemption (even a bit) is lovely. I'm STILL not sure if he deserves it, however.
I really like your characterization of Clearwater - I'm really starting to like her. She's very Hufflepuff - practical, trusting, kind.
I can't wait to see why Sarah dislikes the Ministry. I hate how Theodore can lie, even to her. But he's protecting her innocence in a way as well...
The jury's out on Nott. He may be saved yet. But I'm in love with Clearwater and Sarah - they could be my favorite characters in this thing. :)
Author's Response: I'm very interested in the way you see Nott - he's a character that speaks through me, rather than being written. I'm really only telling this story, not making it up. But Nott is... well, I think he's a good person. I love him.
Hmm. Yet another facet of Nott revealed. He knows his own proclivity for mental breakdowns. I’m not strong enough to handle her impending meltdown.
This chapter wasn't as...dramatic or intriguing as the last few. It seemed sort of filler-like. There were a few things I'd like to point out.
I really like how Nott says he's weak over and over, but he ends up being stronger than Clearwater.
I'm confused as to why Percy is treated coldly by Clearwater, who would be his girlfriend, at this point.
I'm beginning to form an odd sort of love for Sarah Grey. She reminds me of Luna Lovegood. Luna would have been good for Theodore, I think. :)
Author's Response: It hates me! It logged me out again. This chapter was intended to be a bit of a breather. They're waiting, catching their breath, and it's holding Nott at the right level of tension to show his stronger side. The story couldn't run on as it has been the last few chapters. Percy and Clearwater dated between CoS and PoA - I don't believe we hear from them after. This is set two years later - they've left school, and Percy is working for the Ministry. A lot of things could have happened. I'm glad you like Sarah - she's my favorite OC. And she is much better for Nott than Luna, in her way. But... you'll see.
Oh my God. *pardon my French* This absolutely destroyed Nott for me. The picture I was forming of him did not include him becoming a killer.
I could understand if his uncontrolled magic reached out and killed the Healer. But I couldn't see this cold, cynical, young man killing. *shudders*
Hate twists people. Now, that I'm done ranting about Theodore, I must move on. Let me see...
First of all, your imagery really is your signature. The dragon, the blood hazing...it's all wonderfully worded.
Second, I am not quite sure how I feel about this new character - the whimpering girl. I don't know if I like her or not. Regardless of whether she is a minor character, I would think someone older and in an orphanage (undoubtedly a tough place) would be a bit stronger. I would love for this girl to be younger. Just a random little thing I picked up on.
Finally, the self-hatred. Again, strongly reminiscent of Catcher in the Rye
I just can't believe the character I'm seeing as Theodore would be able to kill. His thoughts show no sign of irrationality; he's utterly calm. I just can't see this OC doing that...
*sigh* Definitely intriguing. Definitely intense. But a killer? *is torn* He is your character, after all. If you say he can do it, he must be able to.
*shrugs* Hopefully, I'll be able to come to terms with this after another chapter or two. :)
But there's no doubt the writing was lovely.
Author's Response: It keeps logging me out! I'm glad the imagry worked for you, even though the story got unexpectedly dark. This is the darkest point in the story, I think. Flashbacks excluded. Please keep in mind that Nott's father is a Death Eater, and that something horrible has happened to his mother. He can think of no authority to turn to to deal with the problem, and he knows it will continue. So he strikes out for revenge and justice. I think you'll see that my good guys are never that good, and my bad guys usually have motived that they think are good. Honestly, I think the puppy in Freedom had more right to live than the Healer, though...and Nott agrees. Clearwater panics a bit. The older girl talks. All the whimpering and crying is done by children between the ages of two and five. Maybe I need to clear that up? Thank you for the review :)
Wow. This chapter was powerful. A few of the mysteries were cleared up. I would like to see the time when his uncontrollable magic begins (before his Mum died).
I'm a bit shocked that he's as concerned with the smell as he is. He's so torn up inside with pain, that I'm surprised he cares.
However, the numbers like 27 bowls, 9 days - that creates a character habit that I hope you'll hold on to. It's also something we tend to do in times of pain. Reduce our focus to small things. :)
My ceiling. Here you pull back a theme from the first chapter, and show something new. This, believe it or not, struck me as one of the most powerful lines in this chapter. Strange how small things make a huge difference in mood and tone.
To end: I liked the "She works for them" section. This casts a lot of light on why Nott is so cynical and untrusting.
Great work, Mask. This was better than the first, and the first chapter was already very good. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I can't remember exactly where the jump starts, but I wrote the first chapter before HBP, took the summer off, and came back to write the rest. I hope the quality continues to improve. The smell bothers him because it's something to focus on that can be improved.
"The magic will take you back." Has he charmed his diary like Tom Riddle did with a Horcrux? This line made me double take.
I love the idea of uncontrolled magic. However, it raises a technical question. How can he attend Hogwarts, then? I hope you'll answer this in later chapters...
Is Clearwater the surname for Penelope, Percy's girlfriend, perhaps?
I love the mystery you've put in this chapter. It truly pulls the reader to the next part.
I also like the character you've created. He reminds me of the main character from Catcher in the Rye - delightfully, terribly cynical. Utterly losing control.
Theodore, though...I would like to see some strengths. He calls himself weak. But what is there that makes him strong?
Now, for the nitpicks.
I think you meant breathe, love. ;)
But at least the spiders are safe now. I moved them.
And I fall asleep…
First of all, the spiders took me by surprise. I had to think for a moment to recall them. It’s a jarring transition. And the second line “fall asleep”…it’s boring. It’s a transition, but it’s starkly non-imagery inspiring, unlike all the lines around it.
Tons of love,
Author's Response: He has charmed the diary. More about that will be explained at the end of the story, assuming I ever get that far. His magic is out of control because of his emotional turmoil. He regains control before Hogwarts starts up again, and didn't have a control problem until his mother was killed. I'll keep an eye on the transitions.
The characterisation is amazing. Its different to the average son of a death eater story, and not so cliched. Its really good, although it was a bit confusing at first. Update soon.
Wow! *lets out breath I've been holding*
That was entirely too short, but I'm not exactly complaining as it was very very well-written. Theo's characterizations is, as usual, awesome. Sarah is also developing quite nicely in the fic and I loved the last part very much. When she asked him that question, that just sent a chill up my spine. And the last line was an excellent way to end.
I also loved the ligillimency. You've done something there that I don't see often. You showed how he prtects his memories etc by bringing other emotions and thoughts to the forefront of his mind rather than just saying, "And he raised the magical shields in his mind" like most authors do. So that part was awesome.
Thanks for an amazing read, Mask, I can't wait for more! *goes to re-read it*