Reviews For Rivalry
Reviewer: LalyW
Date: 07/15/06 15:51
Chapter: One-shot

Nice and original analysis.A miracle is needed tu unify the Houses--and than again, nothing is impossible!

Reviewer: Demons_quill
Date: 06/23/06 2:25
Chapter: One-shot

this is great!!!! extremely insightful and well thought out!! the way you put together the different points of view and personalities is good. definitely a unique and worth-while fic.

Reviewer: Ennalee
Date: 02/20/06 1:01
Chapter: One-shot

One of the things that always rankled with me about the first book was the end of term feast. It always bothered me that Dumbledore gave Gryffindor exactly enough points to win, as if he had planned it out to make sure that his favorite house got the cup. And it did seem hard on the Slytherins, that they had it snatched away from the them at the very end, when they thought they had it won. I found myself sympathizing very much as you described Pansy’s reactions, and her decision to turn against the Gryffindors makes perfect sense. She raises a lot of valid points, including the one that the reason the Slytherins have to be so aggressively ambitious is because everyone else, assuming that they are out to get the others, never give them anything. You had some memorable lines in there, too: The day the Gryffindors had their goodness handed to them on a silver platter was the day I stopped caring, probably was my favorite.

You did a very good job of characterizing Pansy, getting her point across without making her out to be a perfect person shoved into an unforgiving world. She’s a Slytherin, and it shows – she tells her own version of the story, as it befits her. But even though she’s only giving one part of the story, neglecting all the times the Gryffindors are picked on by Snape, she still makes valid points. Gryffindors have no sense of subtlety… Stay low and you may not get hurt. What a realistic thing for a Slytherin to say, and at the same time, very revealing, as is Pansy’s admission that she and Draco will probably get married and spend the rest of their lives ignoring each other. She’s blunt, and concrete, and takes the facts of life and deals with them.

One thing that threw me off a bit was Pansy’s firm resolution not to be pitied, even to die rather than being pitied. While I know that she is an individual, not the characterization of the traits of Slytherin house, it seems to me that pity can be a valuable tool that an ambitious person can put to use, as does Draco. I can picture her disliking pity, and resenting the idea that people might pity her – but I imagine that she’d be willing to undergo pity if it would serve her purposes. Then again, she might be somewhat of an atypical Slytherin, for all she seems to think that she’s not.

Life’s lonely when everyone hates you. This, coming at the very end, surprised me – especially after Pansy’s hatred of pity. It made her seem suddenly vulnerable and alone. Though it seemed a bit out of character, I can understand her feeling it – it makes a nice touch, even if I think she would never even allow herself to think it aloud. Perhaps it’s the summation of all her feelings, only she can’t admit it.

Lavender’s perspective, following Pansy’s, came as an interesting change. You could see the self-righteousness that Pansy loathes coming out in the way Lavender describes the same events. (I was a bit confused about exactly what year you describing, since you seem to be talking about the End of Term feast at the beginning of the first book, but you also refer to the Heir of Slytherin, to an incident which occurred during Divination in the third book, and to the Triwizard Tournament. I’m not entirely certain, and my copies of the books are several states away, so I can’t check, but I believe the feast you’re talking about happens at the end of the first year, not the second; towards the end, you begin making definite references to it as having happened in the second year.) You also show very well the way Lavender views the Slytherins, which just goes to substantiate Pansy’s feelings. It was interesting, though, that you showed both Pansy and Lavender as finding comfort and security in anonymity. Ironically, you follow this with Susan’s admission that she admires the Gryffindors and Slytherins because they have the courage to be seen. You’ve done a very nice job of showing the way perceptions change from different perspectives: though Lavender and Pansy may think that they’re unobtrusive, Susan thinks otherwise.

To be a good reviewer and say something constructive, the one thing I’d really like to see more of in this story would be a change in narrative style between the different sections. Apart from the subject matter, the person speaking in each of the sections could really be the same person. They have the same vocabulary and the same tone. You’re headed in the right direction, showing Lavender’s pride, Susan’s humility, Cho’s resentment, and Pansy’s bitterness, but I think you could do more by varying the actual style to show that they are four very different girls with different upbringings. You could do wonders by looking at their backgrounds as you decide what words they should use; for example, Pansy’s presumed pureblood heritage might mean that she’d use certain phrases and analogies that a Muggleborn might not use. Of course, we don’t know for certain the heritage of any of these characters, but that’s where you can take artistic license.

For all their differences and animosity, you show an awful lot of similarities between the houses, especially the way you end each section with a profession of loneliness. Each house thinks all the others are out to get them. Though I’m not sure I got this impression from the book, it’s definitely an interesting idea, and you make a good point. You have a very thought provoking one-shot; congratulations!

Reviewer: izythere
Date: 01/23/06 5:34
Chapter: One-shot

Ranting is good :) You seemed to actually potray how the different people from each houses feel. I've always been a Ravenclaw, they tend to get overlooked more so than Hufflepuff. 10 for you.

Author's Response: Thank you! Ranting keeps me at a healthy level of insanity, that's for sure. I was hoping that the different feelings were communicated all right. Truly, I think it would be hard to be in ANY of the houses, yeah? (I've been told I would be in Ravenclaw, too.) Thanks for the nice review!

Reviewer: Andromeda Black
Date: 11/07/05 23:46
Chapter: One-shot

I really liked it, I thought it had a nice underlying theme. I really liked Hannah from Hufflepuff I thought it was pretty observant Pansy's was the coolest though. Hogwarts always struck me as being full of a lot of petty rivalry, I'm glad that someone made a fic about it!

Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to sort of show that everyone feels marginalized and discriminated against. I really enjoyed writing Pansy's. I think that being a student at Hogwarts would be hard-- all that tradition to live up to, all the little loyalties, all the people to vie against. I just thought it needed telling! Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: Buckbeak22
Date: 07/11/05 9:03
Chapter: One-shot

Excellent! I love your rants. Especially Pansy's and Cho's. It always struck me as unfair to be a Hufflepuff - you were doomed from the start to be in the house nobody wanted to be in! And there is no way Voldemort could surround himself with just Slytherins - if ambition is the Slytherin creed, he would be constantly in danger himself. What he actually needs is brave but foolhardy Gryffindors!

Author's Response: Oh, I do love writing a good rant. I feel the same way about people's impression of Hufflepuff! And I totally agree with that "vying for power" thing, if Voldemort were smart, he'd try to find more people like Peter... Ah, Peter... Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it so much!

Reviewer: rgreen
Date: 06/20/05 20:52
Chapter: One-shot

That was very well done. I liked the impressions you gave from background characters rather than the main ones. All in all, very witty.

Author's Response: Thank you! I hoped people would like that it was background characters, and I'm glad you thought it was witty.

Reviewer: JaxX
Date: 05/27/05 20:59
Chapter: One-shot

way cool. i like the whole 'every one hates us' thing-it works

Author's Response: Thanks. It seemed to me like something that could really happen. We really only get the POV of Harry, and everyone can't be so lucky... I'm glad you liked it! Thanks :)

Reviewer: Louisa Chocolatecake
Date: 05/27/05 17:41
Chapter: One-shot

Serious, and sardonic. What one could call "biting wit." Very interesting. They feel the same way, poor things, no one bothers to understand them. Nice and long! A million tens for you.

Author's Response: This one was a bit more difficult than the others. I loved the idea, but had a little trouble getting it on the page. I just kept thinking that there isn't only one way to look at right and wrong... right? And I had no idea who to sympathize with, so I just wrote about everyone! :) I'm glad you liked it.

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