Shouldn’t you be inside, schmoosing your way to the third tier. I think this should have a ?. *shifty eyes* But I'm off to read the next chapter. It's really not fair how addicted you've made me. And I'm like, a third of the way there. Oh. And the golden serpents *grin* giddy!Dark Mark. And I thought I'd mention that this isn't on Word, either, and that I appreciate the "stuffing his face" comment about Ron. That's what I love about this. The setting is AU, but the characters? Their old lovable selves :).
Author's Response: It should have a question mark. I should fix that. :D Thanks!
It was Dumbeldore's Is it a bird? A plane? NO! It’s Dumbeldore, champion strongman of Hogwarts! *giggles*
She just listened to the children and offered those who were simpatico a connection to the fringe they were looking for. Spanish. Impressive. *nods* And I feel for Minnie here. And it’s quite sad how she remembers something like that so vividly.
Um. Highly embarrassing. I just hit myself on the mouth at the mention of Tom Riddle. Too bloody evil. And how ironic that Harry picked AK, and Tom’s like ‘Yes, well, I’d bee a good little boy if I killed someone mercilessly that could easily have been put into an institution, pummeled full of drugs and then come back and kicked my ass.’ That made no sense to anyone except in my mind.
We need to win this year's intercontinental match because we lost to the Australians last year. Of course they did. We pwn, even at sport that technically doesn’t exist anywhere else but in our mind.
Oh. And he’s still The Evil. Obviously. A bird can’t change his feathers, just because a highly awesome/trained author wants him to appear to have done so.
Author's Response: *nod* Minnie is a sad character. And yes, you Aussies are to be feared. Riddle? Riddle is so the hero. What are you talking about?
A fundamental truth of existence: all races, sexes, species, and religions are equal. The only true division can be made based on power, Oh, Bridget. Why, thank you for opening such a chapter with a lovely, leveling statement of obvious truths. And now that I’ve slandered the minds of all common and unfortunately present males, I can review the rest of the chapter.
Charlie was guaranteed to send his Mum into a fit of tears and terror and mother-hen protectiveness that could last a month or more. This is particulary reminiscent of the Percy/Molly relationship. So even though he’s not there, there’s still the outlaw of the family to make Molly a lovely little original character without the bustling cookie making OOCness she would adapt without the frequent outbursts of angry tears. Squee for inserting canonishness into AU!
"Now you blondie, touch the stone." I can’t quite describe what I did when I read this. I think ‘cackle’ would describe it nicely, I think. Like,a true cackle at my computer screen. Again, you have been cause of my insanity.
Oh! I had copied and pasted something else onto the Word.doc. But I forgot. OH! Yes, the Ginny/Harry pairing. I want to you to randomly include Luna, because H/G? Pppssh. What’s the use in having a cute little AU without having a non-canon ship? And if you put Ginny into another family, then she and Ronnie could get together. Um. Ewww. And, what happened to Ollivander baby? *copies and pastes the greeting, this time*
The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves.
Author's Response: YES, Harry and Luna forever! But I don't think it will happen in this fic.
I’m about to facepalm. Said it wouldn’t be about errors. Scrolling back up I found this beauty: Their deficiency, separates them from their superiors, Ooops a daisy, spare comma. *ducks the rotten fruit* Oh well. I succumbed to the spell checking powers of Word, so now we’re even :).
Eegad! Albus Dumbledore, second tier wizard? Oh, you’re evil. But then I thought to myself ‘No, I’m not deluded about Albus Dumbledore’s great powers – no. No, the Third Tier has decided he’s too much of a threat to Turpin’… and then I was like. Dude. That guy has a no body with the Turpin name at Hogwarts in canon. This Turpin guy has lots of little kitties that he’s patting and stroking the wrong was on the head. And he’s not paying these kitties enough. And sooner or later, these kitties are going to get themselves veteo’d and be all ‘Fine!’ and they’re going to stamp their feet and run to Dumbledore.
So, no, I’m not deluded about Albus’ powers at all. Not one little bit. He’s pacing himself, hee. And might I add I love the fact Sirius is free, alive, but still a rebel? Because I totally love that about him in this. Sirius's utilitarian soldier's black robes only hinted at the athletic build they covered. You’re mean..
Hee. Lucius is a law abiding cop. And it’s so belittling, because he’s really not that important. He just thinks he is. This chapter is just making me giddy with all the stabs at people!
"Did you say leave, Captain? I could use some liberty" Shelia said. She rose out of her cat crouch and into a sinuous stretch. Could I buy a comma, please? Maybe we should move the one from above down here. Sly bugger, going walk-abouts. And while I’m unwillingly being nitpicky, you’ve said that both James’ and Harry’s hair is/was brown. I suppose you could attribute this to AU, and then you wouldn’t have to shoot daggers at me for being mean :). And maaaaate these chapters are long But you’ve sucked me in. So now I’ll be here until YOU wake up and my sun comes up. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Author's Response: hehehe, my chapters aren't long. Jan's chapters are long. Thanks for the lovely review dear.
im speechless. this is one of the best stories ive read here so far. its gripping, and not only that, it has something... please updaaaate
Author's Response: Thanks! And I'm on it.
please update!!!! please? I've been patient...
Author's Response: Update done :D And the next chapter is at beta.
Great, but please update soon!!! Is your fic posted anywhere else? Would you mind if I told my friends about it???? I think other readers will agree with me when I say that this fic should be featured!!! :-)
Author's Response: Thanks dear. MNFF has all current chapters. And feel free to refer your friends :D I love readers! Peace!
It doens't matter if you've strayed from the outline, it's still an excellent chapter. :) This is such a great AU story, it's definitely the best plot I've ever read. Please keep writing, I'd like to know how Lily and James react.
Author's Response: Thanks! Chapter 20 <.<
Eeeep! Bridget! How could I have never read this before now?! This was so great! Ahh, I'm just so excited with it.
So, I'm not normally one to fan over AU's, but this is really one that I know I can believe. You seem to know exactly what you're doing here, something that is obviously necessary to write a good AU fic.
There was only one little bit that I noticed, where Tina is speaking to James:
"Does it matter what we riled up? We got the goods, Commander. I told you I was the woman for this mission, Sir,"
The only thing that got me here was that she is refering to him twice both as 'Commander' and 'Sir'. This is just my preferance, but it seems to sound a bit off. I'm not sure you really need the 'Sir' in there, but it's definitely fine to keep it.
The only grammatical error I caught was this:
Turning the young man nodded quickly.
I think there should be a comma between 'Turning' and 'the'.
I love the way you show Lily here as she thinks that her children may be dead. She's got that real mother aspect that any woman with children would have in that sort of situation.
Great work, Bridget! This is an awesome story so far.
Author's Response: My beta is a comma minimalist and I'm a comma maniac. I shouldn't put commas in. I can't stop. *giggles*
Thanks for the fabulous, kind review.
Author's Response: Done.
Although you might not want to hear this, I would agree with you that there is something missing in this chapter that is there in the other ones. Yes, we do get a lot of crucial points, and the plot is advanced. Also, there is the suspense of Cedric and Isobel, and I don't think there is anything missing. Actually, it might be what is in the chapter. It just feels like a 'filler' chapter, although, as I stated, you do help advance the plot and provide information. However, I think it just lacks some of the overall suspense and sparkle, and maybe you wrapped up too many plot lines at once, actually. I know, I'm being picky, and I still enjoy this story quite a lot.
Author's Response: No, I like to hear genuine opinions. And my odd style of rotating plotlines and perspectives can cause a schizophrenic disconnected feel if I don't do it right. Thanks dear.
I don't care if you don't like this chapter. I like it. I really, really can't wait for more; this fic has caught my imagination and I enjoy every minute. there is genuine danger and hope for a better future, unlike most dystopia fics.
could you write more about the seer, spero?
Author's Response: Spero will have more story, worry not. But she creeps up later.
Thanks for the kind reviews! I;m so glad you're enjoying the story.
finally! an explanation of why the ceiling is clear and shows the weather! why did I never think of disillusionment charms before?
this chapter is great.
chilling sequence about Merope. no other word for that. it reminds me of a story my high school teacher wrote and shared with us that gave me shivers.
Author's Response: Yeah, Riddle is not a nice guy at all. And :D Glad you're still reading.
hey i love the story and cant wait for you to update. is harry going to be riddles aprentantices i hope so and also who is going to be the 7 reaper?
Author's Response: Questions I can't answer :D Thanks for the review!
I just have one question- why didn't you make this into a normal fantasy story, sell it for a million dollars, and eventually have a Reapers movie? Brilliant story once again... keep updating!
Author's Response: *whispers* Because I'm not that good at writing.
This chapter was excellent. It did not feel the least bit hollow to me, in fact I was rather surprised when I saw your comment at the end. I thought you outdid yourself this time around. It is very hard to transition from one part of the story to another. Bravo.
I don't want to lose sight of George and Fred. That is my only personal comment over all.
I eagerly await the next update. Thank you for this latest long one!
Author's Response: Well, I hope you enjoyed the check in with Fred and George in the latest chapter. Many thanks for the review! :)
How could I be so blind...! this will turn out to be remus/tonks, won't it...
Author's Response: You see it now though :D
the short passage at the start of this chapter reminds me of Marx, and how the bourgeoisie change the laws of nature to suit themselves. this is what happens when you take government class...
and "no child left behind"...ugh.
Author's Response: You're referencing things I know little about. But cool!
so faith in dumbledore is starting to run out...
this story is really exciting; it's also completely engaging. kinda problematic since I have an essay due tomorrow.
Author's Response: Awww, well I hope your essay goes well. Thanks for the review!
It really is a good chapter. I think it might seem a bit hollow because it's more transitional, but there's really a lot of good stuff here, setting up for when things really get moving.
Trust yourself when you stray from your outline. I find that sometimes you discover something new that's even better than what you originally wrote. Take Harry's friendship with Lisa and Draco, for instance. You wrote that Harry and Draco weren't supposed to become friends, and look at what it's done. It's brought out characteristics of the two that were probably not going to be expounded on in the canon that further exlemplifies Harry's Slytherin qualities and shows that Draco's actually capable of a real friendship. Basically, I wouldn't worry too much; you'll write what you need to, and it'll be a wonderful story. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks for the comments, advice, and encouragement. Your reviews are always such a pleasant surprise.