nice poem :)
The Knight Bus is my favorite scene in the books. ^^ Good luck, you are a great poet!
I'm a judge for the contest...I'm late I know, but it's better late than never! Anyway, I liked your poem. It made me laugh. I agree with Orlaith over the whole Stan Shunpike thing. It wasn't necessary, because, well, the poem just didn't seem to fit his personality as well, but then again, it made me laugh, so how could it not? I have to say that was: VERY WELL DONE. :)
The Log-in issue is driving me mad. I'm here to judge and review. I liked the poem its free style leaves little room for critism as such, but it did leave me feeling a little disorientated - it struck me by the end that it was supposed to, matching the furiously jerky movement of the bus itself (I laughed myself silly then). My favourite stanza was: " A few more bumps and a close collision with an old dear and you can get off to have your much-needed butter beer." I think if I'd travelled on the bus that I could relate to that need...
I'm going to be a bit picky here - feel free to give me a virtual slap - but you call it "Ode of the Knight Bus, By Stan Shunpike, I don't think that was necessary, particularly as it doesn't really use a great deal of Stan's vocabulary... I did how ever like the rhymes, and the structure very much. A well written poem throughout!
ok, here I am, reviewing, judging, battling logout bugs etc. Hmm, free style, so I can't really criticise on meter, punctuation etc, ah well I'm sure we can both live without that, (but I have to say that I agree with Vader, it mostly worked all right, except for a couple of places).
This is a great example, of the structure of the poem fitting the subject matter, the knight bus is haphazard and the poem really gives a good sense of that. As do some the rhymes, they almost fit, but don't quite, and with the meter moving around occasionally, the reader almost gets a sense of being hurled all over the country almost at random.
The thing that Vader was the most impressed with was how well in communicated the same “wild and crazy ride” sensation that one would get if he or she went for a ride on the Knight Bus. Several of your stanzas begin with a phrase the create a sensation of not only motion, but the same “all over the place” motion associated with the night bus. You did a really nice job capturing that here, and it made your poem a very fun read.
Some of your rhymes were really good. As Magical Maeve pointed out, lurch and birch was a nice one. Vader also liked some of your near rhymes, like squelch and Welsh, passenger and wager, bump and swamp, and rust and bust. Sometimes, people forget about using these when writing poetry, and resort to using a much more limited range of simple words to complete their rhymes. You have avoided this pitfall very well. In fact, you didn’t use the same pair once. Vader thinks you did very well with your rhyme schemes.
Perhaps the one thing that could have been worked on here was flow. Vader knows this is a free-style poem and those don’t really follow any rules or patterns when it comes to meter. Nevertheless, you have a couple stanzas in there that are long and others that just zip right by. For example, the first two stanzas are both much longer than third. It just seems like the varying length of the stanzas makes your poem’s flow a little rough in spots. This is just a personal opinion. Looking at this is another light, the varied length of your stanzas could, from a certain point of view, contribute to your matching the feeling of the Knight Bus. Hmmm. It’s tough to say on that one. Just some thoughts to consider, Vader supposes. He’s really no expert.
Overall, this is very nice work. You have done so well in capturing the Knight Bus and the character of Stan and Ern. After one reads this, he or she will know what’s its like to go for ride on it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review Vader! Yeah, the flow is a bit wonky, one of the reasons I placed it in free verse I guess...
That was great! It really captured the speeding, hair-rasing essence of the Knight Bus. It was free verse but it still had some loose structure and lots of interesting play on words. Loved this "Make sure you collect you galleons in a rush, because the speed of those Goblin carts has nothing on the speedy Knight bus." and I thought you managed a great rhyme with lurch and Birch. This next was the best stanza for me though, "Me and Ern keep the conversation flowing as smoothly as gravy even though Ern’s driving skills appear to be a little bit hazy." I loved the comparison with gravy, although I would have been tempted to use smooth instead of smoothly. And we all know that Ernie is a little bit hazy at the best of times so that was perfect! And that was a great emphatic finish to the whole poem... really, very good!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it a lot. Hmm, I guess "smooth" would work better...oh well, it's the Knight Bus! (Something tells me I can't keep using that as an excuse. :-D).
You decribed the knight bus perfectly. Those little details on its destinations. Even if you did say that this is a free verse, I did catch the rhymes. Great Job.
Author's Response: Hah, yeah, I put free verse even though I did work on making it rhyme, in one or two places it didn't really click. Besides, it's the Knight Bus, they are only that organized by luck! Thank you for your review!