this is a good story thus far; i have a few comments to make on it, however.
i really like what you've done with this particular chapter. i like the way you describe what's gone on inside of her clearly and in a very clean manner. it's organized and precise, which is refreshing. another thing i admire about the piece is that after being very clean-cut and polished, her thoughts on paper aren't as clear and aren't as exact. they seem more flustered and timid, and not as narrative, which is just as well for a letter. the two extremes are well-balanced. i also like the character developments in the underlying tones--like the fact that she belittles herself is a fault that many people have but i haven't seen much of in writing, or how she's considerate in the sense that she doesn't talk just about herself in the letters. one thing on your writing aspect that could use some work is showing and not telling. you do a marvelous job describing through the sense of vision. i can picture this, and it's good. but i feel as if you're missing other things, like noises and creaks and smells and aromas and textures... things that could be described through other senses. i think your writing would become much more sound if you used the talent that i can clearly see that you have in those other areas.
nice job with it and keep up the good work.
OMG i absolutley loved this. u are such an intreeging writer. im serious...are u sure u arent "the" J K Rowling. You are an absolutley (its so hard to put into words) terrific writer. I was so into the chapters. please please please write more. You mortified me by your excellance in capturing the audience. Absolutley astounding. I couldn't bear to end the last chapter. Thank you for making my day. I really really really liked your story. One in a million. GREAT STUFF! 99999999 out of 10
I usually never read Harry/Cho stories, but I'm incrediably glad I've decided to read this. I think you portrayed the Chang family extremely accurately. Also, you really made me feel empathy to Cho when she came home after Cedric's death. The fact that Mr. and Mrs. Chang didn't know of Cedric's death until after Cho came home really showed how closed up Hogwarts was from the rest of the world, and almost was a hidden foreshadowing of the tyranny in the wizarding world to come. I think this story is really intriguing. I really don't read or ship Harry/Cho, and I still don't know why I clicked on this fic in the beggining, but I'm really glad I did. You get a 10/10 from me.
I like this chapter, and whole story very much. It reflects some of my own feelings. I hope for more chapters!
Not often is it that I read a Cho/Harry fic, let alone enjoy one! I think the way you opened with that short prophecy was well done; I think that by starting with a prophecy you are immediately hinting to the reader what into happen later in the story. And then the use of Dumbledore’s quote at the end of the prophecy really compounds what and whom you are referring to.
You put a unique perspective on the chapter by telling it from the perspective of Cho’s mother. This lets the reader see quite clearly the family dynamic of a secondary character. We have, of course seen much of the Weasley, Potter, Black and Granger families, and I am extremely happy that we can, at last, see a story through the eyes of someone we have never before met.
The way that Mrs. Chang is wondering about the rumours surrounding the death of Cedric is well written. It is obvious that she knew about the romance between Cedric and Cho. The way that she comforts the broken Cho as she returns home allows the reader to see what happened to Cho during her initial grief over Cedric and not her secondary grief as we saw in OotP.
I really like the way that you write. And I sincerely hope that you do not stop writing this story as I feel that it has a large amount of potential.
I love your story sooo much! I'm amazed at the way how it's so emotional and so well written. Please update soon!! Pleasepleaseplease! xxx
cho cho cho cho cho cho cho.... its really cool seeing cho's emotions and thoughts...hopefully there would be less letters in the next chapter.
Ok sorry about that last part of my review that was totally random...
I like the way you write, and I think you need to write another chapter soon. missy! :)
I must admit, I was only reading this b/c I am attempting to read as many fics as I can before school starts and starting w/ the harry/chos b/c there are only five...I didn't expect to like any of them, but I do like this one. Not one of my favorites, but it's cool to see it all from how Cho would see it. I never thought she was horrrible like some people after the whole issue w/ her in OotP, neway, I'm really looking forward to what happpens when Harry reads the notebook...or does he? It doesn't seem like he will, but he does, right? Wow, this is a long review and most of it is me babbling, oh well. `~7~
Critism: I think you need to add alittle bit more story to it instead of letters just because I think you write the story better then the letters ! Comments: It was overall very very very good you let Cho express her feelings without telling anyone but herself then having Harry just 'find' her feelings on the ground when she drop the notebook gives the right touch to keep the reader wanting to read more to find out what happens to her book of her thoughts !!! I love it keep writing
Author's Response: Oh there's more to the story than the letters. I just haven't gotten around to posting more yet. In fact, this chapter is pretty much the last that you'll be able to read any of Cho's letters to Harry. Anyway, thanks for reviewing and for the CC. I have to ask, though; you said that I write the story better than the letters-- which part of the letters do I need to improve on? Less formality, perhaps? I confess, I wrote the first few chapters of this story a while back, and the letters are the one part that I had the most difficulty with back then.
It's rare to find a fanfic so emotional and well thought out. 10
Author's Response: Thank you. :-)
It is really good, could you keep it goin so that we could find out what happens ....PLEEEEEEEEEEEASSSSSE
Author's Response: Will do. :-)
THis is a neat story! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks!
Ok i have to say that ur story has gripped me from the very beggining. your writing is fantastic! you are an excellent writer. i will try to patiently wait for the next chapter to your story. which i hope will be added very soon. please read and review my story Collision. that is when u get the time. thank u.
Author's Response: Thank you, and I'll try my best to find time to read your fic. I've been extremely busy for... a long time, hence the lack of updates.
this story is so good! I love it! I don't say that about many fanfics.
Author's Response: Well, thanks! I feel honored.
*bows down* This is AMAZING!
Author's Response: *blushes* Aw, shucks... ;-)
i dont want to spoil it or anything but j.k.rowling herself said that there will be nothing between cho and harry,i mean dont get me wrong he is better of with cho than ginny
Author's Response: I know. I just write C/H because I want to. And I don't really agree with you on the H/G thing, but let's just leave it at that.
That was amazing!!! Your romance writing is awesome!!! Please continue that story into later chapters, this should becoma a future hit.
Author's Response: Thanks, I really hope so!
this is really good..there arent many harry/cho fics, but this is definately the best one here. keep going!
Author's Response: Aw... thanks.