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Reviews For Feathers

Name: megan_lupin (Signed) · Date: 02/03/07 0:11 · For: Feathers

First off, I want to say that I liked this story. It was quite short, in my opinion, and I would have liked to see more, but it was fine as it is.

There was one statement in the beginning, though, that I found a bit awkward in its wording.

He then, with a flick of his wand, disposed of the ashes.

The statement in and of itself -- the idea and action it's presenting -- is fine, but the wording is just a bit awkward with how it's broken up. Personally, I think it would sound better written like this -- "With a flick of his wand, he disposed of the ashes." You don't really need the 'then' in the sentence, and I think if flows better this way.

Also, I personally think the story would have been nicer if you had perhaps put the memory in italics as a means of distinguishing it from the rest of the story, rather than breaking up the one-shot by saying "Dumbledore's memories" and then "End memories." You had a nice transition that Dumbledore was going to go back and remember something before you started the memory sequence, and then you came back clearly enough; the reader could have made his/her own connection to the beginning and ending of the memory.

I did, however, like your portrayal of Dumbledore's connection with Fawkes and how he came to him. It was nice, but I think the best part was the very end. The best line in the entire story was the final one -- A tear trickled down his face as he watched it disappear into the bowl’s gray mist. Perfect!


Name: Polaris (Signed) · Date: 01/19/07 19:24 · For: Feathers
Interesting. I've never read anything about this before. :)
I really like how you show the phoenix/owner bond here. It is very strong and Fawkes and Dumbledore were like best friends in a way. You could, however, elaborate more on this bond between them. Show more memories maybe. And also, add more of Dumbledore's thoughts on Fawkes' death.
In the beginning there you wrote, 'Dumbledore reached his head' I think 'Dumbledore leaned his head' would fit better there.
Also, it's penseive, not pensieve. I'm pretty sure.
Wonderfully written, I enjoyed reading this! :)
~ Polaris (Vardy)

Name: HStarRunner23 (Signed) · Date: 05/20/06 20:15 · For: Feathers
Oh gosh I'm going to cry now. That is so sad and I need to go cry. Very well written and I would be devestated if a pet like Fawkes died. Good one-shot, I loved it. ~HStarRunner23

Author's Response: Thanks! Isn't Fawkes brilliant?

Name: Dean Thomas (Signed) · Date: 07/05/05 19:59 · For: Feathers
You're right, things have been really slow on here...especially over at my fic!!

Author's Response: I know... It's slow for all of us. Hang in there!

Name: Buckbeak22 (Signed) · Date: 06/28/05 20:29 · For: Feathers
The Phoenix is a very gentle creature, so I am not sure why Dumbledore wanted to stun it. He could have ducked! Otherwise this was an original and sympathetic story.

Author's Response: Yes... I suppose he could have... Thanks for all of your reviews!

Name: slipstick (Signed) · Date: 06/27/05 22:24 · For: Feathers
A good story, but I'm sure Fawks live for centuries before dieing for good. I doubt Dumbledore is over 200. Very touching tale.

Author's Response: Yes, but Fawkes might have been older than first presented... Who knows... he may have once been Godric's pet! P.S. That gives me an idea... I claim that plot! ; )

Name: Dean Thomas (Signed) · Date: 06/10/05 17:24 · For: Feathers
This is really nice. It follows closely with the compassionate Dumbledore that we know from the books. I've never read a "one-shot" fic before, but this is good... I like it

Author's Response: Thakns for reviewing! Things have been so awfully slow on here, haven't they?

Name: phoenix_trills (Signed) · Date: 06/05/05 22:18 · For: Feathers
Wow, I'm impressed. I enjoy one-shots, and yours was very original. I really liked it!

Author's Response: Thanks! I enjoy one-shots, too.

Name: HPotter7 (Signed) · Date: 05/22/05 15:06 · For: Feathers
Clever.... It was quite unusual and something that most people wouldn't be pulled into at first. After I was finished reading it I was like wow, it was so fresh and unique. I've been looking for an original story like this one for quite some time. Anyways, I really did like it. It was cleverly wriiten and it sticks out like a sore thumb compared to some of the cliches I've read. Well done! 10/10 -HPotter7

Author's Response: Thanks; that review was loaded wth compliments! I agree, there are a lot of unoriginal stories. I for one am sick of all the Lily/James and Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione, etc. I enjoy it in the books, and firmly support them (most of them), but I would rather read something more original. It's a bit of a shame, however, that I can't get more people interested in stories like mine. It gets me a bit aggrevated when a Lily/James that was submitted at the same time as mine has 3 times as more reviews. Oh, well. Perhaps some people are - er... I don't no... afraid of something new? Traditional? I can't think of the best term but you can catch my drift. I am different from that in that I really enjoy reading and writing original stories with new ideas. I'm sure you can tell from all of my stories! Thanks for reviewing. Oh, and thanks for the 10/10!

Name: HermoneRULEZ (Signed) · Date: 05/21/05 11:40 · For: Feathers
That was very good. I do wonder how Dumbledore and Fawkes met. I suppose Fawkes would have to die eventually. Anyway, wonderful writing, though I'd think he'd live longer than Dumbledore.....then again, I don't really know.....

Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments and review.

Name: muggleborn resentfully (Signed) · Date: 05/20/05 13:21 · For: Feathers
Sorry, but I'm not that taken aback by your story. It's a great idea to have Fawkes die and Dumbledore relive some memories concerning him. I really liked the opening as well. But that Dumbledore and Fawkes just meet and immediatly got it in for each other is not really that literary. I always imagened them to live through some trouble or losses or saving each others lifes to develope a bond to last a life-time. Don't count on my opinion to much though, 'cause I never managed to write anything worth reading yet. Meant no offence.

Author's Response: That is your opinion; I am not offended. I actually enjoy receiving reviews like yours a bit more than OMG!!!!!! YOUR STORY ROCKZZZ!! TOTALLY!!! because, as you can see, you gave me a bit more to think about when it comes to writing future stories. Thanks, I really appreciate you reviewing even though it wasn't your cup of tea.

Name: CraftySlytherin (Signed) · Date: 05/20/05 11:15 · For: Feathers
Very well written.....and clever how you came up with Dumbledore aqcuiring Fawkes! It's too bad he had to die though....very sad.

Author's Response: Thanks! I have been enjoying writing one-shots emmensely... P.S. I read the rest of your fic: I like it very much!

Name: prongs123 (Signed) · Date: 05/18/05 21:19 · For: Feathers
aww i feel soo sorry for dumbledore!!!! i really like fawes. it's soo sad that he dies. this is a great story though!!

Author's Response: Thanks! It's been ages since I've gotten a review like yours!

Name: MoralMonster (Signed) · Date: 05/18/05 5:28 · For: Feathers
Phoenixes are immortal. But good writing.

Author's Response: "Its most startling feature is its ability to regenerate itself: it bursts into flame when its body becomes old and rises from the ashes as a new-born chick. This allows these birds to grow to a great age." I do believe that if you read Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them you will have found yourself corrected by J.K. Rowling herself. Thanks fore the review and compliment.

Name: Jenn_Weasley (Signed) · Date: 05/17/05 19:15 · For: Feathers
That's so sweet! I like your idea of how Dumbledore got Fawkes. Very nice one-shot. Well done!

Author's Response: First review! Thanks so much!

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