How terribly sad. My highest compliments on capturing the relationship of grandmother-to-son. I have found myself wondering why she tries to force Neville into becoming his father; this explains it very nicely. It's also a cute view of Neville from another side.
You've already gotten about a dozen compliments on her voice, so I'll stick to saying that I agree with them and that I understand her much better now. Very well done. 10/10
Loved it! She is just like my granny. I like the way Neville is following in his great great grandfather's footsteps and she can't see it!
That was a fun story, since it was so different from what is written a lot. I like that you really made Gran feel more human, but gave a good reason why she would seem so distant from Neville. The rambling really made it seem like an old lady talking. It was touching when she saw Alice and Frank for the first time. Letting Neville sleep the night through was very generous of her. It seemed to be part for his sake, and part for her sake, but it totally made sense.
Mrs. Longbottom is wonderful! So worried about what is proper, so determined to hold on to her dignity, and so generally absentminded in her story-telling. I really liked the way she refuses to show emotion, and how stern she is. It fits perfectly with what we know of her from the books; similarly, it’s ironic that she mentions giving Neville love at the end. I’ve always got the feeling that she has a hard time showing that to Neville, though I’ve never doubted her love for him.
Choosing to use the older china, because her hands are shaking and she doesn’t want to break the new, really made it apparent how upset she was when her words and other actions didn’t. It was so touching.
The poor lady: she wonders what she did wrong to make Frank become an Auror, and then she wants Frank back so she pushes Neville down the same route. And why can’t she see that Neville is following in the footsteps of the ancestor that made them so very rich. She’s caught up in such a maze of emotions there, and she can’t work herself free!
There were a few sentences that seemed off, so here they are with suggested corrections:
He informed me of Frank and Alice’s capture, and tried to evade telling me exactly what happened but I fixed him with my steely gaze and told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t tell me immediately what had happened to my son I was going to get very angry. The previous sentence is quite unwieldy. Perhaps you want to split it up a bit?
They both nodded sympathetically and I could see they thought I was an unfeeling old harridan but one should never let one’s feelings show in situations such as this. This is a bit ambiguous. I know that Mrs. Longbottom is the one who doesn’t let her feelings show, but the sentence runs that together with their opinion of her as an ‘unfeeling old harridan.’
I still take his photographs out and look at them fondly, such a nice boy he was. This sounds off. ‘Such a nice boy he was,’ doesn’t fit with the rest of the sentence. I think you need to put a period in, like this: …look at them fondly. He was such a nice boy.
Perhaps then Neville wouldn’t have been quite so hopeless as he is. I think there’s a tense error there. “Perhaps then Neville wouldn’t be quite so hopeless as he is,” might be more correct.
I put the broken pieces of Frank’s wand in the little box I have with all his personal things in it although I do wish it were still in use. This confused me a bit when I read it. It needs some punctuation—maybe a comma?—or something.
Those lines aside, this is a very insightful look into Mrs. Longbottom’s life. You’ve filled it to the top with little details that make it come alive, and you’ve brought my sympathies to a woman who I’ve always thought was cruel and cold. Thanks!
:) Neville is one of my favorite characters, and I find these days, there isn't enough Neville love. Wonderful characterization for Mrs Longbottom, showing that she's not just a stern, emotionless grandmother, but a loving woman who keeps her dignity and feelings in check. Wonderful job!
What an interesting perspective. I love Neville Longbottom, and his grandmother has always reminded me of my own a little. The first paragraph is particularly charming. I love how she looks down on the W.I., while at the same time is doing exactly what members of the W.I. do!
I'm wondering a bit about Micklefield and Clinker. I can see why they wouldn't want to break their news, but it seemed odd to me that they would sit down for tea and biscuits first. Especially since they don't seem to know Mrs Longbottom.
"I put down my cup and saucer carefully to avoid spilling anything on the new Axminster carpet and faced them with as much dignity as I could muster in the circumstances." I thought the mundane details were lovely. It's interesting how in crisis we notice and remember the oddest things. Your description of Alice and Frank is poignant and heart-breaking. I was especially moved by your description of Frank: "Frank had turned into my little boy again. He was sleeping soundly with his arms flung wide just as he used to. A dribble of saliva had escaped from his mouth and I pulled out my clean handkerchief to wipe it away."
*The reviewer pauses to wipe away another tear.*
One last thing caught my eye. In the last paragraph Mrs Longbottom waits to pick up Neville. My first impulse was that you'd made a mistake, but upon reflection it's a debatable point. It seems to me that a woman who has just lost her son into insane limbo, but found that her grandson is unharmed, would immediately pick that baby up and cuddle him. I can see that you're working to set up the distance that develops between Neville and his grandmother, but it seems to me that even the vulture-hat-lady could show one moment of emotion before she closes back up again.
Thank you for an enjoyable read!
Wow. This was a very excellent one shot. Being the big Neville fan I am, I really enjoyed seeing the perspective of other members of the Longbottom family. I really love how you wrote Gran. It is nothing how I have imagined her before, but it works perfectly once the fic is put together. Your writing style, also, makes it very believable; I can imagine Gran sitting in some would be elegant arm chair trying to tell this story to somebody. This was a very refreshing one shot after all of these angsty fics I've been reading lately. This fic has a perfect blend of light heartedness and seriousness. Great job! ~Eponine
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Eponine! I really enjoyed writing this. It was nice to have a different take on the HP world from someone we have only seen briefly.
I dont know what happened to my review it cut a load of it out - hmm annoying anyway I guess I shall just have to write it again! I loved this fic, I love all of your fics, I am a dedicated reader of the Daughter of Light and it was the first fic I ever read on fanfiction ever; if you hadnt been a brilliant writer then I would not have continued to read fanfic with a passion - so thanks! Now about this fic, brilliant loved the original perspective that you portrayed, I loved the way you conveyed her emotions - she was very resolved which suited her down to a t. I can imagine JKR portraying her as you did - so I have to say there is no higher accolade! I am glad to see you are able to write fics which are more direct as well with less description, you have the ability to see when your ability at description is required and when it is more distracting from the real message of the fic - this is really good for you since it is very rare, I often read fics with too much description! Very Well Done! :)
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. With one-shots like this I think description is not always necessary. this was more about an old lady telling her tale and as such didn't need a lot of background imagery.
I loved this story, I am a dedicated reader of your fic
This is the first I've read of a point of view from Neville's grandmother, and I must say, I liked it. From what we have from Neville, she is portrayed as a strict, uncaring sort of person, blunt and not sensitive. Your portrayal, however, makes her much more real. I wouldn't be surprised if JKR described Mrs Longbottom like that.My first comment is on the vocabulary. Since I follow HPDL, I'm more familiar with your writing style, but I was pleased with the more old-fashioned style you wrote. From the first paragraph on, I could hear an old lady really talking to me. And the way she gets off of the topic is so typical of elderly woman! The way she says she has to "disgress" reminds me of someone elderly I know. Nice job.
Mentioning her family's loss of former fortune was nicely done, too. She always seemed to carry that hint of old money long gone - and struggling to overcome the fact that she is much poorer. And I love the fact that Neville practically inherited his fondness of plants, because his great-great-grandfather owned herb farms.And oh, I could see Alice and Frank. Alice "once lovely" and looking only asleep on her hospital bed, Frank "turned into [my] little boy again." And Mrs Longbottom pulling out a clean handkerchief to obsessively wipe his drool away...! Once again, typical elderly woman.
In the very last part of your one-shot, you could have explored what Neville's life was going to be like now that his parents are unable to raise him. This boy's life has changed, radically. In essence, he is an orphan, being left to be raised by relatives. Also, she doesn't seem to care about him much. Was that intentional? It's evident in OotP that she isn't too affectionate, but she could at least care more about his current state.I liked it! I'm so used to anticipating the next chapter with Harry Potter and the Daughter of Light. For such a good writer at long-term fics, you're great on short-terms fics too. Excellent job! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Caren! Having spent a lot of my childhood in Lancashire it wasn't too hard for me to find material for Gran Longbottom. She's a trypical Lancastrian matriarch with a fded past, clinging to her genteel life. What she hadn't expected was to have to take care of her young grandson and I plan on coming back to explore her years with Neville. I'm pleased that you thought I had captured her voice well. As a young child I was often forced to sit and listen to aging female relatives and Gran became an amalgamation of them all.
I always pictured Neville's grandmother as some sort of dragon lady since Neville is somewhat afraid of her. You managed to depict her so well as a old lady so reserved yet she loved so much.
Author's Response: I still think she is a bot of a dragon for Neville, but then Neville is afraid of his own shadow. :-) Thanks for the review!
Very good. I enjoyed the references to the WVS , details about cake baking etc. I think I can picture exactly the sort of woman you were describing In Gran Longbottom. Loved the little reference/explanation re Neville's inherited love of herbology. Gran Longbottom was suitably dour and down to earth but you still managed to convey her love for her boy and the sorrow that she felt.
Author's Response: You know, I put that herb farm in without even thinking about Neville's love of herbology and then when I read it through I went 'Ohm of course'! I love it when that happens, it makes my job so much easier :-) Thanks for the review.
It was a very good character description and i think it pictured Mrs Longbottom perfectly.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Glad you liked her.
Lovely story. I really enjoyed your interpretation of Gran Longbottom. It really seems like her.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
OMG this brought me to tears. Neville has always been a favorite of mine.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, glad you liked it. I have a soft spot for Neville too.
Oh Maeve, this is quite amazing. It is not so difficult to read about Harry and Neville's parents when they are older, but to go back in time to the events that led to either of their current situations? It is sad beyond belief because we know what Alice and Frank (or Lily and James for that matter) are going to miss out on. You've done a beautiful job of capturing Neville's Gran, she has just the right amount of reserve tempered by love. Very well done.
I'll list things as I noticed them, a few crits with a couple of comments ;)
The sharp knock on the door make me jump make should be made
they finally left this sentence is missing a period.
I always felt that Frank was still around with his wand in the hands of his son. What a beautiful line! It explains her motivation in passing on her son's wand to her grandson without making it seem as though Neville is unworthy...
and not just his vegetation? I think this sentence should end in a period, not a question mark.
I love your little detour on Floo Powder! Too funny, and just the sort of thing that would cause an organised mind like hers to wander!
were non the wiser non should be none
a lonely vigil by a bad I think you meant bed
So that's all I noticed... and there is so much code in this review... hopefully it doesn't get moochieed! An excellent fic, Maeve, I'm very impressed!
Author's Response: That'll teach me to submit an unbeta'd chapter! Thanks for the review, MJ.
That was different from the other stuff you've written but i really liked it.its good to see a character in a way you never have before and i felt quite sorry for Nevilles gran.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Well, it´s sad, but it gives Nevilles story a nice background and it´s a good portrait of his gran!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I felt Neville needed a bit more background. :-)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I felt Neville needed a bit more background. :-)
This was great! I'd actually like to see more about how Gran feels about raising Neville. Interesting idea!
Author's Response: Thanks, Hermione! i may write more about her because I think she has such potential to be a great character!
Yes it's very sad, but very well-written. I never found Neville's granny to be a particularly appealing character but you make me really feel for her. Good job.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Hesperia! I also found her to be a very unappealing character in the story and I thought there was more to her than just a haughty old lady.