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Reviews For Wasted Years

Name: Jellybeanclub (Signed) · Date: 07/09/11 15:28 · For: Wasted Years
This was a sad but wonderful memoir of sirius's life in Azkaban

Name: Hermoine Jean Granger (Signed) · Date: 01/31/09 7:27 · For: Wasted Years
Hello there!

May I first commend you on your choice of the song? It suits this fic almost perfectly. I really liked the way the lyrics are interspersed evenly throughout the story. They do not seem to abruptly jut in between paragraphs; rather, they seem to blend in with the plot really well, and that's something which is very appreciable. In songfics, this part plays a crucial role, and I think you've done a brilliant job on that count.

This story is very poignant, and very true to what we have seen in Sirius' life so far. His life in Azkaban, which we have seen only a glimpse of in the books, leaves a lot to be described. I think you've really done a great job in filling up some holes there.

Description is your forte, most definitely. It's vivid, and you're able to paint a picture in my mind with your words. The beginning was something that pulled me to the story; it was powerful, and it made me want to read further.

Sirius Black sat in his cell, his home of twelve years, on his uncomfortable bed as he gazed out of his tiny window that showed no more than a malevolent ocean and a monotonous grey sky.

The situation is clearly described in the first line itself, and it also alludes to the tone and style in the story. The monotony which he is subjected to every day is also shown. Very strong beginning, in my opinion.

The characterisation was the first thing which struck me when I read this. It is spot-on, and I think that his condition in that lonely cell is depicted well in these lines:
Sitting motionless, he looked like a statue. His eyes held no proof of a soul in which distinguishes man from stone.
In the same line, however, I don't think the 'in' is necessary.

Anyone else refused to believe it
I think that should be 'everyone', as all people in the wizarding world refused to believe him.

Azkaban had that effect. It could make anyone look like a criminal, even an innocent child. Sirius was lucky and unlucky all at the same time. Even though his eyes belied the presence of a soul he still had one.

It is really wonderful to see how you brought about the stigma that the word 'Azkaban' has, in the wizarding world. We can see in the books that even after Sirius' death, most of the wizarding world never accepted the fact that Sirius was, in fact, innocent.

Another thing that I liked about the lines is how you brought about how Sirius was lucky since he had a soul. That's the sort of optimism that led him to live out those twelve years, I'd say. It's very hard to imagine how he'd have done so without the optimism.

Living in Azkaban isn’t just a normal existence that holds day, night, dusk, and dawn; it’s more or less states of depression. There is only day and night here for the sky is never graced with the bright colors of a sunrise or the dark hues of a sunset. The day brings depression and loneliness and the night brings numbness and cold. The nights are dark and eerie. There are screams of other prisoners every night as they wake up from the grip of a terrible nightmare. Sirius has had a few of them himself. Never dreams. Dreams are pleasant.

Description. Just superb description here. It's astounding to see the power that the simple words carry within them here.

Lack of punctuation in some sentences was the only thing that bothered me a little. Like this one here:

He would have smiled but somewhere throughout the last twelve years here he had forgotten how.

This line is very good, but it lacks punctuation. I think it would be nice if this were re-written as:
"He would have smiled, but sometime during the last twelve years here, he had forgotten how to."

And this one:

He didn’t know why he was laughing at the time but after spending years in prison to dwell on that day made him realize why he did.

I think there should be a few more commas in this sentence too. Something like this:
" He didn’t know why he was laughing at the time, but after spending years in prison dwelling on that day, he realized why he did."

A newspaper dropped suddenly into his cell. He lunged for it. He combed it every day to look for news on Peter or Harry.
Here, there is a contradiction. I'm pretty sure that it was Cornelius Fudge who had given that newspaper to Sirius, when he'd asked for it. That, too, bothered me a little. If you were planning to stick with canon, it'd have been nice if you'd added that fact here.

Another small contradiction that I noticed was the fact that you mention Sirius running away from home at the age of thirteen; whereas he actually did so at the age of sixteen, as per the OotP.

The ending was very good. That, again, moved me a lot. The use of lyrics, especially, in those lines made that effect even more powerful.

Then at the third page his eyes widened at a large article and then squinted to small slits.

It’s not hard to fail.

He spotted something familiar, something that made his blood boil. Peter Pettigrew.

It’s not easy to win.

“He’s at Hogwarts,” he whispered to the silent and empty cell.

Beautiful story, overall. Keep up the good work!

Name: lmcayton (Signed) · Date: 11/20/07 23:05 · For: Wasted Years
That was awsome!!!!! Although I will admit a little creepy.

Name: Moonyschick25 (Signed) · Date: 09/08/07 19:54 · For: Wasted Years
I love this story!

Name: guiding ray of sunlight (Signed) · Date: 03/12/07 6:53 · For: Wasted Years
Wow! That was really powerful. Poor Sirius :( he deserves better...You shouldn't get punished for having a good heart *tears apart room Sirius-like*

Tears leaked down Siriusí cheeks as he sat perched still on his bed. The sadness was creeping upon him again. There was no way of stopping it. He tried desperately to become angry but it wasnít working. I loved that part.

You used the lyrics really well! Great Job!


Name: pheonixflame (Signed) · Date: 09/20/06 20:31 · For: Wasted Years
wow really good story. i love how you placed the song in, it fit very well. only thing is that sirius ran away at 16 years old, not 13. but otherwise it was flawless. you put the reader in sirius' shoes so well and your description is amazing. :]

Name: pheonixflame (Signed) · Date: 09/20/06 20:31 · For: Wasted Years
wow really good story. i love how you placed the song in, it fit very well. only thing is that sirius ran away at 16 years old, not 13. but otherwise it was flawless. you put the reader in sirius' shoes so well and your description is amazing. :]

Name: SiriuslyPadfoot12 (Signed) · Date: 05/07/05 22:42 · For: Wasted Years
Amazing! Completely amazing! I loved it! A ten! A ten! You made Sirius and his thoughts seem real, and the ending made me shiver. Two thumbs up! ~*~Mischief Managed~*~

Author's Response: Thank you very much. Are you familiar with the song because if you know it, it makes it sound so much better. Thanx again. :)

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