Oooh! That was excitting! Very deep and well thought out, I must say. Also, I'd like to thank you for that explination at the begining. I think we sometimes forget that who we hate and who's fault it is are two diffrent things. Well, that was all together a wonderful chapter. I do hope we can expect more soon.
This chapter builds very nicely on what was written in chapter one. Once again, you don't try to do too much in one chapter while at the same time giving enough different scenes to keep the story moving along. I think you do a very good job with Sirius and James hinting at Sirius' thing for Jocelyn. However, during that little speech, you have James say to Sirius, 'ďAt least she talks to you! At she doesnít despise you! At least Ė!Ē' You should probably have the word 'least' between the second 'At' and 'she.' It was probably just a typo that it is not there, but I thought I should let you know about it since I ended up re-reading that line a few times to make sure I was understanding it correctly. I think it was a brilliant touch to have parallel scenes with both the boys and girls going to bed. It's the only time we get to see them talking to each other separate of the opposite sex, which definitely gives some insight into the characters by showing the way their behavior differs in the differing situations. However, my favorite part of this chapter has to be the bit during Transfiguration class. I love the little interactions between all of the characters. The only thing is that when you wrote, 'For a moment Sirius thought he had gone to far.' the 'to' should be 'too' instead. Anyway, the story is very engaging and I'm excited to read the next chapter.
I actually think this is a very good beginning. You do a really good job of giving the background on Jocelyn and how she fits in with the Marauders and Lily. The whole chapter flows very nicely and I like the way you don't try to do too much in just this first chapter. There was only one spot I had a hard time reading which was 'Just like she going to find herself in now.' I'm not exactly sure what this sentence is supposed to be saying. I think you just forgot to put the work 'was' between 'she' and 'going,' but I'm not completely sure. Anyway, the storyline itself works really well. I'm off to read the next chapter.
Maybe a bit overdone with the whole screaming in the middle of class, but very good. I like Lily's reaction. I think Remus may be a bit OOC too, but then he's under a lot of stress, so that's explicable. Very enjoyable, update soon please!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!she admitted that she liked sirius(finally) very good chapter
o and i love how it was in CHARMS class. I dont know if there was a pun intended but it made the moment even better. maybe i just notice these things but it works. awesome again!
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! finally!!! goodness and to think i was about to give up on them! thank you! that made my day! lol. keep it up. Awesomeness times 10!
I Love it! *bounces up and down waiting, itching for more* I was hoping they would kiss...ahhh. Lovely! It's an amazing story thanks sooo much for the read!
I loved it it was sooooooo great please update.you are a great writer keep it up this chapter was sooo supsenful to me anyways!!!!i love it sooo much and as for your o.c. thing i never ever thought that california would be like that but i had a freind that vistited alot so that might help. ~~Snuffles~~
Just one word for it...Beautiful... The chapter was written brilliantly. My heart was booming so loud with excitement and when Joce came in, and screamed out his name and he didn't pay attention I knew she'd have to touch him before he'd shut up. When he says that he can't do it, is he referring to giving up the search? Anyways, simply splendid. Can you try to update sooner? I took every chance I could to come online to see if there was an update and I can tell you, my sister ahtes your guts now :p She was tryingto do her coursework on Philosophy and I kept interrupting her and asking her if I could check something. After the first few goes she jst left the screen open. I can really say it was worth the wait. 10/10
Shouting and Kissing in the Charm class??? wow...I love it... So please update soon ... I need more..
OMG! I loved this chapter! I was starting to give up and request that this was made an Angst Fic (just kidding) but this chapter was awesome!!!! I can't wait to see how it finishes. Thank you for clarifying that bit in the beginning as well. I do feel slightly bad for Hector though, even though I once hated him. He must be pretty upset. ANYways, I officially give this 100/10 :):):):) !!!!
Dude, this has been my fav story for a while......I thought it was starting to slip, but this last chapter has left me so eager for more! I thought Sirius was going to out my poor Moony!!
Wow... again... wow... I knew Jocelyn was still in love with Sirius... thank you for confirming it as well as leaving me in emotional turmoil over the current situation. What can I say, I love the whole situation--all the characters together, very distinct and real personalities and very real conflicts. What can I say, I'm amazed and you've left me hanging--craving for more... you have a talent for that!!! :-) Can't wait for the rest of the story...
Wow... I keep thinking it's the best chapter and then you outdo yourself in a different way. Jocelyn's emotions are amazingly portrayed--I love the subtleties you throw in--with Peter and Sirius and all of them... I pretty much died through the whole break-up scene... very well-written--not too much or too little... keep it up!
*sigh* I absolutely loved the James/Lily conversation at the end... so completely in character for both of them--you're amazing! I also really like the inner conflict that's becoming more and more prominent with Sirius... it's very, VERY good as well as intriguing... I also am interested to see how the whole Jocelyn thing plays out... I like your comment on how you're not sure if ANYONE is good for her--I can see that portrayed in the way you write about her... interesting... but very good! :-)
Excellent turn of event... I like how you're playing with the emotions over the break, but are still driving the plot forward--you definitely have a talent for that... I'm ready for what comes next!
Aaaahh... Can I just say that I found your story and I love it. You have a great story line going on--not as emotional as some, but that's okay--I like the style very much. But this chapter just killed me (in a good way). I like the way you brought James & Lily together... And I re-read that last section five times before I decided to tell you how much I loved it... yay!!! :-) Keep it up!
Hi, just read all 24 chapters in one sitting 'cos I just couldn't stop reading! You have such a sophisticated yet hilarious style of writing, plus incorporating all the backstories and twists, and it all adds up to one of the best fics I've read for ages! Keep it up, this story stands way out from the rest, please please please update soon!