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Reviews For Canis Majoris

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/17/05 14:25 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Although this is a fairly short, tranquil chapter, I think it is definitely necessary for the story. There has been so much action leading up to this chapter that I was afraid the poor Marauders and everyone would never get a break. Besides, I think it is very important that you showed the consequences of Sirius' outburst, both in regards to punishment and Jocelyn's break-up with Hector. I still feel sorry for Hector because we all knew this was going to happen, you even write it so that he was pretty sure it was going to happen. Alright, now that the moment of tranquility is over, I am anxious to see what is going to happen next. So far, your story has never failed in going from very calm to very stormy and I can't wait to find out what the next 'storm' is going to be.

Author's Response: Thank you, I have thoroughly enjoyed all of your wonderful reviews (I am still going back and editing the trouble spots you pointed out to me)....

This chapter was very necessary, but I am glad it was over, it was torturous to write!

I can guarantee you it will be quite stormy!

Name: Zubz2004 (Signed) · Date: 11/17/05 10:23 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
FINALLY! I've been waiting for ages for this and it's finally here! What a dreadfully long wait. Quite good, not really up to your usual standard I think but I suppose you needed a calm chapter like that after the shocking but brilliant charms lesson. So Hector turned out to be an ok guy in the end and doesn't Lily seem A LOT like Hermione? I'm glad the Marauders are back together and maybe readers will lay off Hector now. Hurry up with the next chapter please, I can't wait already! Overall 8-9/10

Author's Response: I completely agree with you, this chapter is, quite frankly, horrible, and I dislike it greatly. Unfortunately, if I had skipped it (as I was sorely tempted to) and gone straight to the next chapter the flow of the story would have gone terrible awry, so it was a necessary evil....

Yes, Lily does seem A LOT like Hermione, but I have always thought of her as being quite like Hermione. *shrugs* I think she's probably one of the hardest characters to get a handle on....

I highly doubt anyone will lay off Hector, even after this chapter and my explanation from the last, when they read about him in the future *grins evilly*....

I will get up the next chapter as soon as I can....

thank you, 8/10 is a far higher rating than this deserves (I myself give it 5)...

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/16/05 22:37 · For: Enough
Sirius, you’re purple,” she added, catching sight of his face. “That can’t be healthy.” That was a bright tint to a dark moment! Finally, Jocelyn and Sirius have Their Moment! I don't want to know what would have happened to Professor Flitwick's classroom if it hadn't been for dear Joce!

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/16/05 22:25 · For: I Didn’t
She cares what Sirius thinks! *jumps up and down* That means he just needs to tell her what he feels! I, once again, jealously admire your character development.

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/16/05 22:14 · For: A Shattered Struggle
I can barely hope to contest with some of the reviews you've been getting... honestly, it's hard to ramble about the little perfections of a story for that long. Anyway... I like how you added Lily's sadness and frustration to the end there. It makes her character more rounded. I think that Jocelyn needs to be more receptive, just like Sirius does. If only they could exchange their thoughts! Great job!

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/16/05 21:50 · For: Complications
It's sad that James has to endure worry about Sirius. Can't wait to read more!

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/16/05 21:22 · For: Christmas is {Not} a Time of Romance
It was the perfect solution to James's effort to convince Sirius that Lily walked in right then. I love her... you've written her very well. I also like it when Jocelyn thinks about how she feels about Lily's change. yay...

Name: truth or dare diva (Signed) · Date: 11/15/05 21:14 · For: Enough
I love how you still keep your sense of humor throughout the hard times. The club names were hilarious, as was many other moments. Emotions were written beautfully, especially in the end. But what did our dear Hector do? I think that should be included in the near future ;-) And I think you made your point wonderfully about it being Sirius's fault, not anyone elses, but Sirius's. I got that impression as I read the chapters, so clearly your writing is suberb (hehe, always wanted to use that word). So anyway, great chapter, here is my fave quote (other than what Joce said to Sirius before they kissed): Sirius, you’re purple,” she added, catching sight of his face. “That can’t be healthy.”

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/15/05 11:27 · For: Enough
Wow. This chapter was wonderful to read. However, there is one question that is nagging me about it: What does Hector do when Jocelyn gets up and goes across the room to Sirius? Her appearance is a little sudden since she was across the classroom from Sirius but is suddenly just standing right in front of him holding onto his face. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved that part of the story, but I couldn't help but wonder if Hector tried to keep her from going, or if he even noticed she had left until he saw her holding on to Sirius. It might have been nice to have a little break from the yelling between Sirius and Remus to give a tiny little peak at Jocelyn getting up because of the intensity of the yelling, which had already become the focus of the class anyway. Other than that, though, you have written a brilliant little scene. I love the way Sirius starts yelling at Remus but by the time Jocelyn intervenes can't remember who he's yelling at. You do a lovely job of describing his inner turmoil and how it just doesn't matter who he's yelling at as long as he's able to yell and get everything out. As for the ending, it is absolutely genius to have Jocelyn run out of the room with Sirius following on her heels. I hope the next chapter will let us all know what happens after they leave the room and Sirius catches up to her.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/15/05 10:41 · For: I Didn’t
Ah, a Hector free chapter, even if he is mentioned. I really liked this chapter because of the way you really focused on the interactions between your main characters. The little conversation between Remus and James at the beginning highlights the fact that they, Peter, and Lily are all caught between the argument going on between Sirius and Jocelyn. I think it's time the four of them just haul off and lock Sirius and Jocelyn in a broom closet together until they work out their differences and stop fighting. Oh well, maybe something will happen that will make Sirius and Jocelyn make up with each other in the same way Sirius and James made up. I did notice a missing comma close to the beginning in the line : "Pass me that rune dictionary, would you Remus?” There should be comma after 'you' since Lily is addressing Remus. But other than that everything was fantastic. My absolute favorite part of this chapter, though, is Jocelyn's parting comments about not forgetting Sirius. You are building the tension between these two beautifully. I can't wait to see what happens when the tension becomes too much for everyone. Marvelous!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/14/05 16:52 · For: A Shattered Struggle
I can't help but feel sorry for both Sirius and Jocelyn after reading this chapter. They are two very stubborn people who are having a hard time dealing with the situation they are in. You do a fabulous job of showing how hard everything has become for them starting with the opening scene of this chapter and ending with Joceyln's fight with Lily. Throughout this chapter, you really paint their inner turmoil through your descriptions of their actions around everyone else, especially Jocelyn since Sirius is not in this chapter very much. There were two places where I noticed missing commas while I was reading. The first one happens just after the chess match when you switch over to focusing on Jocelyn and write, 'Before Christmas Jocelyn was always with the Marauders...' There should be a comma after 'Before.' Also, during the argument between Lily and Jocelyn, Lily says, ' “No Jocelyn, it’s not the same thing..." ' There should be a comma after 'No.' Those were the only two spots where I noticed anything that can be fixed. Other than that, I was totally captivated by what was going on in your story. I feel really bad for Jocelyn because she seems to be isolating herself from her friends because she doesn't want to have any interaction with Sirius, or so it seems. I also feel a little bad for Hector because Jocelyn is only using him to avoid facing everything else in her life, even if she won't acknowledge that is what she is doing. I hope he doesn't get too hurt when she eventually gets rid of him and decides she can face her reality. It will be fun reading to find out!

Name: alex_the_man704 (Signed) · Date: 11/13/05 23:51 · For: Enough
WOW!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! POST ASAP! 100000000000000000000000000/10

Name: electronicquillster (Signed) · Date: 11/13/05 21:40 · For: Jocelyn's Predicament
Pretend like this is for chapter 25. I fully enjoyed Lily's bored tone with the Jocelyn/Hector thing, particularly when she says, "Sirius, you're purple." I'm also fully for joining the I'm Failing Potions Club or the club Remus suggested. You had a great tension with Sirius through this whole chapter. The argument between Sirius and Remus was particularly good. I audibly gasped many times through this chapter. And then, obviously, FINALLY WITH JOCELYN AND SIRIUS! Oh man. FINALLY!!! They almost got together so many times. I definitely must say that I felt it was a terrible shame that Jocelyn seemed to not care about any of her friends in chapter 24. And then it absolutely KILLED me when Sirius said, "I can't do this." You're invited to my funeral. But still, he followed her...so there's hope? Oh man oh man oh man. You get the emotions of the readers really well. My roommate and I were totally screaming when we read the kiss. It was a long time coming.

Name: Roommate of the Quillster (Signed) · Date: 11/13/05 20:57 · For: Enough
Can I just say... wow... amazing suspense... you had me frustrated, grinning like mad--"How about the I Tutor My Girlfriend in Transfiguration Club?" :-) --very upset, and then squealing with delight... excellent story, but even better style... I love reading your chapters, you say it in just the right way... congrats!!!

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 18:49 · For: Complications
Marvelous chapter. The whole bit with Sirius making up a name for a girl is hilarious, especially when Jocelyn calls him on it right away. Also, putting the humor at the beginning of the story really made the solemn bit at the end seem more saddening than it would have otherwise. The closing scene with Lily and James is wonderful. It really shows how far they have come in such a little time and helps put their relationship into perspectiv. I'm interested to see how they deal with what's going on between Sirius and Jocelyn.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 17:44 · For: Christmas is {Not} a Time of Romance
Ah, Christmas, what a lovely time of year to enjoy your friends and family. Unfortunately for Sirius, he doesn't seem to be enjoying much of anything at the moment, which is something you do a wonderful job of describing, especially at the end of this chapter. I was a little surprised that Lily wasn't at all shocked that James would just walk into her bedroom in the morning and that she didn't say anything to him about it. Of course, I think it's really funny that Lily is so focused on one of the gifts James disregards that she completely ignores James. I really like the way you bring Jocelyn and Sirius into this chapter for dinner and end up with both of them having one-on-one conversations with James and Lily. The two couples are great contrasts in this scene, especially with the little twist you add of Hector sending Jocelyn the necklace. As much as I loved this chapter, I did notice two spots in the conversation between James and Sirius where you are missing a comma in their dialogue. 1. When James says, ' "If she’s the girl for you it shouldn’t matter!” ' there should be a comma after 'you' since it is the last word of an introductory clause. 2. When Sirius says to James, ' "What are you a Seer now..." ' you might want to consider adding a comma after 'What' so there is no confusion about what is actually being said. I had to re-read that line a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly. All in all, though, I found this chapter to be positively brilliant with the way it moves the plot while dealing with the intricacies of the personal relationships. I can't wait to see how the whole Sirius/Jocelyn/Hector situation works itself out. I know it will be well worth reading.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 16:55 · For: About Time
You do a really good job of portraying Sirius' melancholy at the beginning of this chapter in regards to the end of an era where the Marauders ruled. I'm sure part of the melancholy has to do with the fact that he knew it was probably going to end at the end of the year anyway, since they will be done at Hogwarts, but the fact that James and Lily are finally together rushed it up a little. However, I have a hard time with how easily James acquiesced to going to the Slug Club's Christmas Party. I always envisioned him having the same sort of reluctance Sirius had, or at least making sure Sirius wouldn't be mad at him for going and hanging out with all those Slytherins that were their enemies. You do a great job of switching the focus back to Sirius and Jocelyn though by giving them that little conversation where Jocelyn is able to understand Sirius' melancholy. Of course, that leads quite nicely into their usual bickering, which has been the constant in their relationship when it is going well. Maybe her father's death will push both Jocelyn and Sirius into some realizations about their lives that could lead to some interesting circumstances later on. I look forward to finding out.

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 16:29 · For: Charmed and Charmed Again
Another captivating chapter! I think I've beat my whole take on Lily seeming a little dumb with her forgetfulness about Sirius' family to death, so I won't mention it any more. Besides that part where she's defending Regulus to Sirius, I absolutely love this chapter. It's great the way you have everyone getting back to normal, well as normal as it can be for them anyway. My favorite part is during the argument in Charms where James ends up soaking wet because of the downpour he conjures above himself, that was an absolute riot! Also, the way you finally get James and Lily together is brilliant. She just sort of slips up and says something without thinking about it and James is finally quick enough to pick up on it. I think it's great the way you have him kissing her before he actually says anything, it's a great moment. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.

Name: Crookshanks_Kneazle (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 16:02 · For: Enough
I am practically squeling. *deep breath* OK, you're right. It was Sirius's fault (well, duh, you're right, you're the author after all), but not anymore!!!!!!! *sings* I was so happy, I would have been jumping up and down except that would've freaked my cat out (she hates sudden movements). Wow. GR! I hate when I find stories,fan fics, etc when I can only say 'wow'. I loved the Sirius/Remus fight, it needed to happen, I think, for Jocelyn to kind of...understand? Or something. 10/10 (go you)

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/11/05 14:17 · For: Grave Danger
You have written yet another great chapter that moves your story right along while containing a story itself. I love the way Dumbledore actually points out to Sirius that the Dark Lord has singled him out as the one who wants to replace him. Sirius seems to be a little too focused on his anger to be processing things as quickly as he usually does. You really highlight that fact when you have Jocelyn point out to him that Bella was probably the person who gave Voldemort the idea that Sirius wants to replace him. My only issue with this chapter was the way you have the howl break up the conversation between Jocelyn and the Marauders. When I started reading that scene and you stated that Jocelyn was with the Marauders, I assumed you meant all of them. So, I was confused when the howl broke up their conversation and Sirius and James suddenly remembered it was the full moon. Wouldn't they have noticed that Remus was absent from the conversation and be a little curious about it? Anyway, I think it was an altogether fascinating chapter and am anxious to read more.

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