MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Canis Majoris

Name: a_muggle_mystery (Signed) · Date: 11/22/05 14:34 · For: Restless Abandon
not bad, a bit angsty, though...*sob* plot building up with every chapter! update please? pretty pretty please? would ya mind reviewing my story at www.harrypotterfanfiction.com ...under muggle_music????please????? i'd love feedback from one of my fav. fanfiction writers!! (i know: suck up :)

Name: songbook99 (Signed) · Date: 11/22/05 12:05 · For: Restless Abandon

Poor Sirius and Jocelyn. They just don't seem to be able to figure out how to make it work, but at least this time it appears more amicable than the last time. The two scenes you wrote in this chapter really highlight the ways in which Sirius' increasingly bad mood has affected everyone around him, and I can't help but think that Jocelyn's letting him go might improve the whole atmosphere.

As well written as this chapter is, I did notice a few spots that seemed a little odd when I read them. During the opening scene where everyone is studying for their N.E.W.T.s, you wrote, 'for all six were now advising very hard for their N.E.W.T.s.' I'm not sure 'advising' is the right word in this sentence. I think 'studying' would work better here since that is what I picture them doing. Next, on their way to Hogsmeade, you wrote, ' “Don’t beg me for sweets because you were too busy studying to make into Honeydukes,” Sirius retorted.' I think the word 'it' is missing between 'make' and 'into' in Sirius' dialogue. Then, when Sirius and Jocelyn are walking back to Hogwarts, there were two sentences I had a hard time reading because they didn't make much sense. I was slightly confused when you wrote, 'He stared down at his shoe, which was the scuffing the ground....' I think you should take out the word 'the' between 'was' and 'scuffing' so that it becomes 'He stared down at his shoe, which was scuffing the ground....' The second sentence that I noticed during their walk back is: 'In bounced down the path and landed with a soft thud on the grass.' What I noticed with this is that 'In' should probably be 'It' instead. So, it was probably just a simple typo, but I thought I would let you know anyway.

Aside from the minor details I just noted, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter, even though it is pretty sad. You do a very good job writing the scene between Sirius and Jocelyn and infusing it with all the confused emotions the two of them are feeling. Their despondency at parting is really palpable. I am anxious to read the rest of the story in the hopes that something will go right for Sirius at some point.

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 11/22/05 7:14 · For: Restless Abandon
This was definitely a much better chapter than the last one. Right back up to your usual standard, I think. After all, this does make me want to hunt you down, but then again I do want more of the story and like you said, if you're gone then we can't have more...poo

So anyway, this was a wonderful chapter. The beginning with the studying and Sirius being a smartass was great. I had to stop myself from laughing because I'm in class right now... the end was great as well, I guess it was inevitable that something like this had to happen. Ah well, you've written this wonderfully and I am impatiently waiting for the next one. Update soon!! 10/10

Name: as_the_7thmonth_dies (Signed) · Date: 11/21/05 23:18 · For: Restless Abandon
noooooooooooo!!!! grr. sirius geez can't he just get over the revenge thing?! well, seeing as he's sirius, i guess not. update soon!

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 11/21/05 18:18 · For: Restless Abandon
Jeez, sometimes you want to strangle Sirius, and then others you want to hug him...well, right now, I want strangle him while I am hugging him! *grr* THough I applaud Jocelyn for being so understanding! Love this story!

Name: Fawkes17 (Anonymous) · Date: 11/21/05 16:04 · For: Restless Abandon
Aw! When you said something terrible was going to happen, I didn't expect that! It was very deep, I guess. It had to happen. Don't worry, I'm not planning to kill you, I'd like to know how this finishes. Thank you for updating. Please do so again soon!

Name: Crookshanks_Kneazle (Signed) · Date: 11/21/05 11:42 · For: Restless Abandon
NO NO NO NO NO!!! When I said something terrible was going to happen I meant someone's death! Not this!!!!!!!!!! Ok, Ok, I'm calming down......

It had to happen, didn't it? I guess they could've stayed happen for ever...and even though I am SO still sulking, I shall say this: it was excelent. Much better than the last chapter and more real-ish and stuff. The beginning was awesome because the humer was very, um, well timed (if you can say that with writing) and the ending was terrible. Well, what happened was terrible anyway. Actually, it so very Jocelyn to do that, isn't it? *sigh* I'm incredibly upset (well, a little upset anyway) but I have to give you a 10/10 anyway. (! I hate when terrible things are written but you have to keep reading because the writing is so good. It's like a train wreck.)

Name: SiriuslyInLuvWithSirius (Signed) · Date: 11/21/05 11:32 · For: Restless Abandon
NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't do this to us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, they had just gotten over the fight and then they just break up like that????????? Lunatics!!!!!!!! As you can tell I'm very upset with this new development, but I won't kill you because, like you said, I do want to see the end of the story!!! It was great how you got this chapter up so fast, and even though it was dissapointing (story wise), the writing was excellent, especially when they were studying for their NEWTs. Please update!!!

Name: hpbookworm06 (Signed) · Date: 11/21/05 8:51 · For: Restless Abandon
Ugggh! Sirius!!! I know its in him to fight and everything, but Ugggh. They were only together for like two chapters!!!!

Author's Response: I apologize, but the chapter when they were together was universally acknowledged as the worst chapter I have ever written, so splitting them up worked best for the storyline... sorry...

Name: Crookshanks_Kneazle (Signed) · Date: 11/20/05 12:14 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
I see what you meant. It was kind of 'fluffy' but it makes sense because it would've been strange if it had jumped from Sirius and Jocelyn being happy to another trauma just like that. I am though, freaking out about what will happen next. Because as we all know, you're not going to keep it fluffy forever....

Name: Fawkes17 (Anonymous) · Date: 11/20/05 0:41 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Finally, they're all back together. Unfortunately, I'm not settling down to rest that easily. Something tells me you have something up your sleeve, as you always do and that this is just the calm before the storm. Ah well, I'm sure I can enjoy the calm while it lasts. This chapter provided your characters with some much needed rest and relaxation and — dare I say it? — fluf. [What an amusing word.] I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve as I can forsee another plot-warp coming our way. Hopefully you have it done soon though I'm sure it's worth the wait. Cheers, Fawkes17

Name: SiriuslyInLuvWithSirius (Signed) · Date: 11/19/05 12:52 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
This chapter didn't have much, but it shows how everything turned out after that big scene. Does Hector still expect Jocelyn to like him? That part was kind of unclear to me. I wasn't sure if he was saying that he still had feelings for her and always would or if he was saying that he still wanted to be friends. Anyways, it's great, continue please! 12/10 ;)

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 11/19/05 6:41 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Awww. :-). Next one please!

Name: callmehermione (Signed) · Date: 11/18/05 19:14 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
I personally thought this chappie worked just fine. There wasn't much substance, but it was a brilliant break from angst. I'm also curious to see what comes next, though.

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 11/18/05 16:05 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
While I don't think this chapter is as good as the others, I do think it is necessary. Sometimes you have to write chapters that you don't particularly like. I did like the bit about the girl (forgive me, I don't remember her name) being upset because Sirius didn't kiss her. I am excited for more so hopefully you will update soon! 7-8/10

Name: hpbookworm06 (Signed) · Date: 11/18/05 14:57 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Excellent work! I really liked this chapter, because it kind of closes the cover on the angsty stuff for awhile (note:I didn't say there won't be more).Keep it up and please update quickly! P.S. I loved the part about Lily and James being sickeningly sweet

Name: hpbookworm06 (Signed) · Date: 11/18/05 14:53 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Excellent work! I really liked this chapter, because it kind of closes the cover on the angsty stuff for awhile (note:I didn't say there won't be more).Keep it up and please update quickly! P.S. I loved the part about Lily and James being sickeningly sweet

Name: beth1191 (Signed) · Date: 11/18/05 14:49 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
i like hector now.he seems really sweet,i hated him befor.you've had better chapters.8/10

Name: as_the_7thmonth_dies (Signed) · Date: 11/17/05 20:37 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
k so i love hector now. he handled that like such a gentleman, saying he'd always be there. that's awesome. but i am quite curious as to what happened when jocelyn and sirius were in the hallway. i hope that's in the next chapter. keep updating!

Name: LaneTechFreshie (Signed) · Date: 11/17/05 16:40 · For: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Well, it was slightly disappointing, for I had figured that this chapter would be about what happened betweem Sirius and Joce' but, it is just fine the way it is! And I do feel kinda sorry for Hector, but.... Keep it up, and keep making it superb!

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