MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 02/06/07 16:59 · For: A Lesson Learned
Not bad, not bad at all!

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 02/06/07 16:32 · For: Divided Loyalties
Snape needs to cool his heels and bite his tounge this year or he'll just be asking for trouble.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 02/06/07 16:06 · For: The Truth Will Out
I think Harry would be fainting right about now, but it's not my story and Harry's not that weak.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/31/07 13:57 · For: Wizards about Town.
That last bit was funny! I'm still laughing at it!

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/30/07 15:15 · For: Moony Matters
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, that's so sweet! But I sense a problem between Maeve and Snape with concern about Remus.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/29/07 21:23 · For: Doubts and Devotion
Very good, I like it.

Author's Response: And thank you once again. ;-)

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/29/07 21:03 · For: A Discordant Note
Wow, Snape can really hold a grudge for a long time. I think he needs to let his softer side show.

Author's Response: Snape makes holding grudges look like an Olympic sport. ;-) I'm not sure he has a softer side. Glad you're still reading.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/29/07 19:59 · For: A Stormy Passage
Not bad.

Author's Response: Thank you.

Name: DracosBaby_232 (Signed) · Date: 01/26/07 22:13 · For: Flight.
Very good.

Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you like it.

Name: Terab (Signed) · Date: 12/20/06 22:38 · For: Afterword
I thought this was a great story and you are a very good writer. Love the Mauve & Snape stories.

Keep up the great work!!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm so glad you enjoy the stories.

Name: Jennifer M (Signed) · Date: 08/31/06 21:46 · For: Epilogue III
Maeve, I have throughly enjoyed your story. Most of us were hoping there was something redeeming about Snape. You write extremely well. You would do well to pursue it. Jennifer

Author's Response: Thanks, Jennifer. I hope there is something redeeming about Snape in the end too.

Name: Jennifer M (Signed) · Date: 08/28/06 19:22 · For: The Truth Will Out
I'm enjoying your story very much. I think it's the best I've read on this site.. JM

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you so much.

Name: Jennifer M (Signed) · Date: 08/27/06 16:58 · For: Flight.
Nice start. I'm looking forward to seeing that happens. I've always been intrigued with Snape, creepy thought he is and wanted to find out more about him.

Author's Response: Well, I hope this fic answers some questions, albeit in a non canon way. ;-)

Name: PpJt (Signed) · Date: 08/25/06 12:33 · For: Afterword
Great story... It's a monster to try and read in one sitting. =) Well worth a read

Author's Response: Thank you so much.

Name: undrtkr (Signed) · Date: 08/24/06 23:27 · For: Afterword
excrllant reading cant wait for more
keep up the good work

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm working hard on the sequel!

Name: indypops (Signed) · Date: 08/20/06 17:48 · For: A Stormy Passage
my only issue is if these are wizards and witches why not use more magic for the mundane things in packing and travell????

Author's Response: Maeve's reluctance to use magic is explained in the story. Also, it's not unusual for wizards to use cars. We have seen Ministry cars used in travel in canon.

Name: lisadawnelle (Signed) · Date: 07/12/06 23:46 · For: An Auror of Mystery
yes yes!!!!!! about time :)

Author's Response: Hee hee!

Name: rgfawkes (Signed) · Date: 07/10/06 23:44 · For: Flight.

Oh the imagery was lovely. I especially loved the opening bit. The horse and rider moved slowly across the landscape. They were clearly in no hurry to get anywhere, giving the impression of having all the time in the world. Gave me chills and I knew I was in for a good read. The image of Dumbledore and Snape in a car though is just too funny to me. They are just so...gah! I don't have a word for it but honestly just the image of them in a car is just histarically odd. I'm putting this on my favs list.

Name: Insecurity (Signed) · Date: 06/25/06 9:36 · For: Moony Matters
One year later…

…and this is meant to be a quick review. *frowns at her utter lack of conciseness*

Oh, and I’m up to chapter 6!

The first thing that struck me was that DoL clearly isn’t written for younger teenagers. It’s written in the same style, maturity and depth as any of the novels that come from your smoky attic (with the exception of Dan Brown, of course; he’s far more a sophisticated and talented writer than you! Lol!). DoL stands out against the many other chaptered fics on MNff as one that competes with the quality of JKR’s writing and, yes, I am going to say it, does indeed exceed JKR. Instead of copying JKR’s characters, you take their key features and develop them into your own, and weave a very interesting plot around them.

The opening descriptions of chapters one and three are magnificent. Not only your attention to detail but the way you lace metaphors and personification into the imagery. In both cases, you were not describing a magical place but the descriptions enhanced the place to the point where it was magical, and I was yearning to step into the story and visit it. You successfully breathe life into Abbeylara with the same eloquence as I have seen in novels by the Bronte sisters and Dickens. It’s this type of beauty that keeps a place in someone’s mind forever. You are extremely talented.

Something I have grown to expect from you, and something I really love, is the way you manage to put snippets of humour into the narrative. These are often very subtle and show a glimpse of your own lively and funny personality. It successfully helps to break up a very lengthy description and so lightens the mood of what at the beginning is a very dark fic. One example in chapter 3 (I think) is how Muggles would see “an ageing Ford Mondeo car with a slightly bent bumper and a broken wing mirror.”

Maeve is a very unique character insofar as she is fiery and highly attractive, but she’s been suppressed to the point where this is only a flickering flame. For seventeen years Maeve has been unable to make a proper decision, perhaps not only because of her father but her own fear of independence. You manage to evoke a great amount of pity for her without Maeve herself being self-piteous – a very difficult thing to achieve. All her apprehensions and fears are handled sensitively making her a very realistic character. One thing I would say, however, is that she might need to be slightly more uptight and slightly less trusting of Dumbledore, Severus and Remus to begin with, due to her lack of social interaction. Perhaps have her dialogue more clipped and sharp and make her a little more on edge during her journey to Hogwarts.

Both Severus and Remus are very much in canon. I love how you draw contrasts between the loving, caring and open Remus and the cold, reserved Severus who lurks in doorways. The jealousy that Severus feels already is marvellous, and it makes me giggle because he is behaving exactly how I expected he would. The history behind Maeve and Severus’ relationship makes it all the more interesting. It is clear Maeve still has feelings for him – I like how she described her fantasy of a ‘picture of Severus’ and I can imagine her longing for him for years after they parted! How disappointed she must have been, bless her! I also like how Severus’ hatred of Remus is growing, and I believe he feels threatened by Remus because he is isn’t scared of his feelings. Severus keeps returning to the issue of him being a werewolf in order to demean him and his security around his own feelings, which is something that Severus does in canon, to some degree. Remus, on the other hand, is the same gentlemen who gives unconditionally and blames himself too much. I often find him a boring character but you give him a lot of life.

There were times when I did feel you became a little too descriptive and it broke the flow of your chapter. There are the odd occasions when I felt you needed to push it along a little. Firstly, in chapter one your description of Malachy Meany’s visit is too complex – you dwell on detail’s that happened a long time before and I did begin to get a little confused. Perhaps simplify it; state that he has a connection to Maeve’s father but uphold more mystery around him. I did, however, like how you conveyed Maeve’s insecurity around him. Secondly, in chapter 3 you describe a lot of detail about Maeve’s bedroom. It’s all beautifully described but does become slightly verbose. By the end of the description, I was forgetting what had been said at the beginning. Condensing it and breaking it into smaller paragraphs might help.

Also, you sometimes have a long piece of dialogue that you follow on with a narrative of the events. This isn’t incorrect, but I think it would be clearer if you separate out the narrative from the dialogue so to make it easier for your reader to follow.

And finally, in chapter 5 I think Snape is a tad too angsty when he visits Maeve at the cottage. I understand why he visited her and that he was irritated by the situation but he lost his self-control very easily. I would have liked to have seen him uphold it for longer and then lose it gradually as the conversation progresses. The caps lock didn’t help ;-)

Okay, the end. Was that short enough? I think I have some kind of syndrome where I can’t write a short review. It’s just impossible. And I understand that you wrote this beginning some two years ago, and so I feel like the biggest pain in the ass with my concrit. Lol. But I really do love your writing and I am going to keep bugging you with these reviews all summer. So get used to it!

Name: Cassandra Black (Signed) · Date: 06/07/06 14:26 · For: Alice
Oh no! That sounds sinister! What's happened to Maeve, I wonder? Poor Remus . . .

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